4.

Lately singto has been experiencing a weird dream over and over, in his dream he was back at his university. That place has kind of nostalgic atmosphere, every corners  bring back old story about his younger self, the singto who full of spirits and dreams, his younger self was always eager to learn new things and also so full of love. This place sure have a special place in his heart, because in here Singto finally find his first love, he finally understand why people went crazy every time they fall in love, because he did the same, this place hold a million memory about his love story, there a lot of things written all over  this place, every feelings, every secrets, every little kiss they shared, everything. So walking back to this old building make his heart beat faster and the pain he try his best to hide keep crawling back, he can feel it bleeding again, why its still hurt? Its been sooo long, it supposed to be heal already, but why its still hurt so much?

Singto let his feet walking around the place that he knew by heart, its like watching a movie, because everywhere he look he can see a shadow of him and that person, Singto almost forget how happy he was at that time, he barely see him self smiling like that now days, but in here he can see a better version of himself, so young, so free and so in love. Ooh, how he wish he could just turn back time and get back here, if only he can, he would pray every night, wishing to get once opportunity to feel those feeling again.

In his dream Singto always stop in in front of certain room, the door was always close but Singto knew that there was someone in there, but he always hesitate to open the door, its like something is holding him, it’s a voice in his head telling him to open it, but his heart was afraid, its beat so fast that Singto think it will burst. So he end up standing there, do nothing just staring at that door knowing very well who was the person inside.

But today his heart feel much more lighter, it wasn’t beating that fast, it beats normal in fact the sound of his beating heart calming him, so Singto take a deep breath before he step forward and push the door open. He remember it was one of his class room, he remember the chair he used to sit, and beside it, there he was, sitting on the chair with his head on the table, he was sleeping like he used to do every time they had morning classes. Singto can remember everything clearly, like it was just happen yesterday. He remember the voice calling his, or the smile that always greet him every time they met, and those eyes, how it always make Singto feel warm and save and make he feels like he was home, so comforting. Its funny right, how a simple stare can make him feel whole, like he doesn’t need anything anymore.

Singto walk forward to the man, his hand was hesitate but once again the sound of his beating heart calm him, as if telling him that’s its okay, nothing has change, you’re okay. So singto reach out his hand and when he touch the other man hair the feeing come back to him like a falling rain, its been so long, Singto think and he miss it so much. The man finally awake, he grunt and look up when their eyes meet singto know that he once again falling in love.

“Phi…” the man look shock and then the tears rolling down his cheeks. Singto was struck, he was confused and he didn’t know what to do.

“Why?” the man was still crying as he get up from his chair “Why are you here? What are you doing here?”

“I…..” Singto is confused, he doeant know what to say, to see the man crying is hurting him too, and to knwing that he might be the reason make it even worst.

“If you come just to hurt me again phi, you better leave! I’m happy now, im happy without you so don’t you dare coming back and make me suffer again”

What? No! I would never do that, how can I hurt you? I would never hurt you, I wont hurt you, I cant do that. The tought of you suffering hurt me even more, please let me explain… I can explain everything, just give he chance, once again… pleaseee…

But none of that were said, Singto tried to force the words but it didn’t come out, he just standing there looking at the love of his live crying his eyes out, telling Singto how much he hust him, and Singto can his legs as shaking, what happen?

“Phi sing… phi… phi are you okay?”

Singto finally open his eyes, he was sweating and his out of breath, he can feel his hands trembling. What was that dream? Why its feel so real?

“Phi are you okay?” the voice pulling him from his thought, and Singto try his best to smile as he look at his fiancé. She still wearing her night gown and the look of concert was plastered on her face. “Do you have a nightmare?”

“No… it just a weird dream” Singto smile again, he take his fiancée hand and kiss it, he know that Tamtarn must be worry, so he have to act normal, even though his heart still beat faster than usual. “I just tired” he add.

Namtarn smile and place a small kiss on Singto forehead, “ I know you tired, but we still have an apoitment whit Gun’s boyfriend, remember?” she said

“Yeah, I remember, you better get ready then. Its almost the time” they’re been together for 4 years now and Singto know how long it takes for his fiancé to get ready. Namtarn laught and wakl to the bath room

As he wait for his fiancé to get ready, singto walk to the kithen to make a cup of coffee for him self, he need cafein to calm his nerf, one cup would never enough he thinks. But as he open the cabinet Singto find a bottle of wine, he remember one of his patien give it to him the other day, is it too early to get drunk? But his head was so full he cant think and its not good, he need distraction, so without any hesitation he open the bottle and pout the alcholoe to the glass, he drink it in one go and pour it again, one again he drink it all.

“Aaaah…” Singto sigh and shake his head, he really need to get the image of him out of his head, he doesn’t need it now, not if the person was crying like that, no he never want to see him like that. He’s aboy do drink his forth glass when Namtarn enter the kitchen.

“You drink this early?” he ask, looking at Singto with confused, its not like his fiancée to drink this early, to be honest, Singto doesn’t like to get drung, he always avoided alchohol as best as he can.

“Yeah… I just found this wine so…. It just one sip” Singto smile and walm to the bathroom. Namtarn look at the half empty bottle on the table, there must be something bothering him, she tought.

It’s so Singto to keep everything to himself, he’s such a closed person, never share anything to anyone, even to his fiancé. Having been together for 4 years, Namtarn know his fiancé well, he might look like a nice guy, always smiling and friendly to everyone, but all those smile feels like a mask, even for her because even after all this years, after all the things they’re go through together, he still doesn’t open his heart for her. Namtarn still remembers clearly their frisr met, it was winter in Newyork, the hardest time for her. It was the first time for her to be so far away from home, alone, she didn’t know that Hollywood was such a scary place, but to got the opportunity to work in here was a lifetime achievement for her so she keep telling herself that tis was the dream she’s been dreaming of, so bear with it, everything will be fine.

But being a model especially in new York was so different from Thailand, people was so mean and they really show it to your face when they didn’t like you, her management keep pushing to work and didn’t give her enough time to rest, Namtarn think that she at her limit, she cant keep up with the busy schedule anymore. It was right after the photo shoot Namtarn finally give up, she was so tired and hungry, her manager told him she need to lose another weight so she was, once again, skipping breakfast, the last meal she eat was very late lance the other day, so yeah, she faint. She cant remember what happen after she faint, all he knew was she woke up alone in the hospital. Her manager text her that he cant wait for her because he has to be somewhere else, he said she got a day off tomorrow, well even thought it just for a day, it mean so much for her, she finally have a to sleep and rest. Namtarn was about to get up leave the hospital when someone entering the room, you can call it was love at the first sight, because as cheesy as sound, but when she saw him, she feel something her stomach, it feels like a thousand butterfly was flying around in there, his heart beat faster and suddenly the room feels so much warm, she doesn’t feels sick anymore.

“Oh you awake?” the doctor smile, the warmest smile that she ever seen, its like a charging because suddenly she feel better, like every pain and tiredness was lifted. Namtarn sure she can spend all day just to watch those smile.

“Yeah… I feel batter” she said, she must be blushing, she canfeel his face getting redder in every second she saw those smile.

“Okay, I’m gonna to come check up before you can leave, place lay down for a bit” the doctor walk to bed and put on his stethoscope, Namtarn sure that the doctor can heat her heart beat without that thing, because she herself can hear it clearly, and it was so embarrassing.

“Your name is Namtarn right?” the doctor ask, as he put out his stethoscope and write down something on the clipboard.

“Yes” Namtarn answer.

“You sure look more beautiful in real live than on the television” the doctor smile again. Namtarn was smiling from ear to ear when she heard that.

“You know me?” was the only thing she can said, despite the fact that a thousand words was lingering in his head.

“Of course, my sister is your biggest fans” those smile again “My name is Singto Prachaya, im Thai too”

Namtarn feels like jumping in happiness when she know that the doctor was indeed a fellow thaland, what a small word! Just when she really miss her homeland, here it was standing right in front of her something that remind him about her home, and the fact that the man was so cute was a bonus for her.

Singto turn out to be the nicest guy Namtarn ever met, that day he offer her a ride home, he even making her a dinner, and he also a good cook. Namtarn was literally cry in happiness when she finally eat Yam Talay, it s not that she cant eat Thailand food in New York, there are a lot of Thailand restaurants in here, but theres nothing taste like this Yam Talay Singto made, it really taste like the one her mom always made. That night Namtarn find ger self fall even deeper for this charming doctor, call it fate or just coincident, but love will find a way, it its meant to be then it will be.

They become close after that, Singto wasn’t just an ordinary nice guy, he also a really good listener, he literally listen to Namtarn nagging about how hard it was to live alone in NewYork, for almost an hours, she never criticized her or cut her up, he just sit there listening to all the words she said, smiling here and there, and after that everything feels so much lighter, just like something was lift up from her lungs and she finally can breath again. How much she love him? so much that it so hard to explain, but love doesn’t need to be explain right, just feel it and you’ll understand. It like finding an oasis in the middle of sahara. Namtarn learn that Singto has been living in NewYork for quite some time, he graduated his master degree in medical science in here, Singto said that he was really busy with his work that he barely has time visit his family in Thailand, and how much he miss them. Singto was the first child in his family, he has a younger sister that now happily married and about to has he first child, he really wish he could come to Bnagkok when the child is born, but with his schedule right now, it was impossible. He likes to cook, especially Thai food because it’s the only thing that remind him of his homeland, he doesn’t like spicy food, but he’s so good at making one, that was weird. Meting him was like a gift from God, because suddenly all the hectic works and busy schedules feels so easy for her, because she knew at the end of the day, there would besome one whos ready to comfort her.

After a few months of knowing each other, Namtarn got a really big project on his career, the agency offer him to be part of the infamous paris fashion weeks, and all the fanous brand wanting her to be their model. Namtarn was once again crying when she told Singto about this new, and Singto was beaming with happiness also, they spend almost 15 minutes, just smiling and lauginf while holding each others hands. But it will be longest business trip for namtarn, it wold take here a month or more, and she cant imagine living a day without seeing her charming doctor, no she don’t want to. But of course she cant said that out lound, she doesn’t sure if Singto feel the same, Singto was so nice to everyone, and Namtarn could be getting the wrong signal, but she didn’t care, she love him, and that’s it. It wasn’t like she wanted to be her girlfriend, well, she wanted to but if Singto didn’t feel the same she was fine, just being right beside him was enough.

And just like what she thought before, Paris Fashion Weeks was hell, it was hectic and busy that she just get an hour sleep everyday, she can barely eat and the schedules was beyond crazy. Everyone look so exhaustion but they knew that this show was their dreams, so no matter how tired they all they still giving the best and Namtarn was doing that too. It was her last show for the brand, actually it was his favorite brand, so to be part for their show was amazing, the fact that the designer asked her to be wearing the dress that he exclusively made was beyond her dream. She was so nervous when she get ready for her turn, she got the last turn and she knew that she has to make it perfect, everything have to be perfect because it was a rare opportunity. Namtarn closed her eyes and take a deep breath, she want to keep all the happiest memories in her head to get the nervousness out of his system, but suddenly all she can think about was Singto with his sweet smile and comforting words. She must be crazy, Namtarn think, yeah…. Crazy in love.

“Its your turn” the staff said and Namtarn was ready, this is her dream and she will prove the world that she was deserved to standing here, in this stage. And the walk was so scary at first, she can feel all eyes was on her, judging. But then something catching his attention, it was him. Singto, sitting there between the other audience, smiling, aah those smile, she never get tired of it, and once again suddenly everything feels so much easy and she finish the show beautifully, all the audience was giving her standing applause. But Namtarn was busy searching for Singto, but its hard to find his charming doctor in the middle of people who come an congratulate her. And after the show was end, Namtarn run to the back door as fast as her tired feet can bring her, and that’s him. Standing in bedside the light street, it was a chilly night, and singto was wearing a long black coat and he look so handsome. He was smiling when he see Namtarn, and she cant hold it anymore, her love was grew bigger now, there no more space in her heart and she cant hide it anymore, so here it is, she thought, ready or not, it’s the time.

It wasn’t her first kiss, but it was the most amazing kiss she ever had. And the fact that Singto was responding to her kiss was making it so much better. She hug him tighter, refusing to let go, she was afraid that it was just a dream or just her imagination, because its just impossible for Singto to be here, but here he was, responding to her kiss even hugging her back. When the kiss was end, Namtarn can hear Singto laugh, as he step back, still holding her hands.

“You know what? I’ve been spending all day, thinking how to tell you about my feeling, afraid that you might think I’m crazy or something… but seems like we have the same feeling here”

“What??!!” Namtarn was so happy that she forget about his tiredness “I’ve been waiting to do this since our first met”

Namtarn still remember that night clearly, and she knew that it will stay in her heart for a long time. right after that, life was so much easier rot Namtarn, for she know that she finally have a home to return to, and someone will be waiting for her no matter what. Everything was perfect until that phone in the middle on night, it was Singto’s sister, their dad got a heart attack and now unconscious in the hospital, Singto was so upset that night and he booked a flight to Thailand the next day. After a week Singto return and said that he and her sister has decided that Singto would take care for his father. Singto’s mom has already passed away right after she gave birth to Singto’s sister, so his father was everything for Singto and his sister. Singto decided to move permanently to Thailand and the new was so sudden for Namtarn, she was a little disappointed that Singto didn’t discussed it with her first, because no matter what its their life now, her too not just him. but Namtarn think that maybe Singto was just nervous about his dad, so he didn’t think about it thoroughly. And after a l long discussion with the agency Namtarn decided to move back too.

When she told Singto about her plan, the doctor was taken back, he never thought that Namtarn would follow him back to Thailand while his career in here was just begin, she finally got contract from some famous brands and Singto didn’t want her letting them go just because of him. and Namtarn was hurt hearing her own boyfriend said that, she thought that Singto would ask her to come with him,to finally introduce her to his family, to propose to her and get married. She thought their relationship was serious but seems like Singto didn’t think that way. It was their first fight, and deep down Namtarn feels sorry because she knew what all Singto need the most in time like this was someone to comfort him, but she cant help her self to be mad at her boyfriend. She was hurt because Singto didn’t think seriously about their relationship, while she was giving her all, but Singto was never doing that. Its not that Singto was a bad boyfriend, no he was great, but that it. He never really give his effort to prove how much he love Namtarn, or to make this relationship to take another step. That night they sleep in separate room, but when she woke up the next morning, she can smell his favorite food and found them ready on the dinning table. Singto was there, even thought he look so tired the smile on his face still gave that warming vibe, and Namtarn cant help to feel sorry for his boyfriend. But before she can say anything, Singto was apologizing to her, and than he get down on his knee, pulling a red leather box from his pocket, it was a ring, gold with a single diamond, simple but look classy and beautiful.

“Im sorry, I should do it earlier…” he said “Namtarn, will you marry me?”

All she can do was crying, she never felt this happy before, never felt so  lucky, it was all she ever wanted, it was more than she ever wanted.  Is she really deserving it? Her hand was trembling when Singto put on the ring on her finger, it fit her perfectly.

“Thank you” was she could say as her fiancé pull her into a hug.

A few months after that, they finally arrive in Bangkok. The place was different for Namtarn, been so long and she never feels like this before, she was nervous but excited at the same time. she already call some of her friend before she get back here, asking them to introduce her to an agency and all of them seem so excited to hear the news. She didn’t told them why about Singto, its not that they’ll getting married soon. Singto want to make sure that his dad was heal and 100 percent fit before they could discussed about the wedding. Namtarn was agree, she need to told this news to her family too, yeah they have all the time in this world, no need to worry. She smile as she looked at the ring on his fingers. If people said that being the top model was her big achievement, then they are wrong. This is her achievement, to finally get its ring on his finger, because Singto was the only reason she can do all those things back in US, because without him, she was sure that she already give up a long time ago.