Lyin' isn't better than silence
Floatin', but I feel like I'm dyin'

Still, no matter where I go
At the end of every road
You were good to me

-You were good to me, Jeremy Zucker

I guess you can say that I got a new chance in life. Memories are what make people—their experiences, their traumas are what shapes them into who they are. I remember that it was like waking up from a dream and I heard the bustle of people moving around me with a weird beeping in my ear. It was like I woke up from the darkness and my eyes fluttered softly, something on my finger when I began to shift.

“She’s awake. She’s awake—” A female voice said and suddenly I felt whatever I was laying on move slightly. A voice asked me if I was okay and hands grabbed my shoulders, another voice spitting out my vitals. “Doctor Zhang, she’s awake.”

“Go and inform the guardian.” A calm voice said and suddenly the light was shone into my eyes and I squinted, trying to regain full consciousness when my vision began to sharpen and I saw a doctor looking down at me.

Who was he? Why was I there? What happened?

“Can you hear me?” he asked and I slowly nodded my head, my eyes strained on the white walls of the hospital. “She’s fine, her vitals are fine. Your head might hurt and you may experience flashes of light, you were just in a coma.”

He said it so factually, I simply blinked. My throat was dry and I found myself gripping the side of the bed, trying to push myself up when finally, everything became clear and I saw a very handsome dimpled doctor smiling at me.

“What happened?” I managed to say, the words rolling out of my tongue as I gripped the blanket. The doctor frowned at my question, asking me if I remembered anything. I shook my head, the doctor lowering the flashlight before speaking.

“Do you know your name?”

I paused, my mind running as I struggled to remember. It must have taken a while, the doctor finally concluding to himself as he spoke out loud.

“You must have lost your memory,” he said, softly before calling the nurse. “The boy who left his number, contact him.”

“Yes, doctor,” she had replied and I wondered what he was talking about when the doctor pushed me down onto the bed and told me to rest.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It had been a few days and most of the time I was sleeping, the world moving around me. I was a blank slate and it seemed like the world did not stop just because I was on pause. I, however, wasn’t struggling because I didn’t have an identity and I sat there, thinking that my memories would come back so I decided to just wait.

Until someone came.

I saw him from afar and I remember thinking that he was very blessed—the way his face was shaped, the intensity behind his eyes but his smile was soft. He had blonde hair, a little bit unkempt and long and I thought he would walk past me as I sat in the wheelchair in the garden but he stopped right by where I was.

“I got her,” he said to my caretaker and my eyebrows furrowed, my caretaker nodding and taking two steps back before leaving. The male smiled at me, a hand going to me and I found myself drawn to him, taking his hand in confusion as he shook it. “Charm.”

“Charm?” I frowned at what he said, tilting my head. “What’s that?”

And at that time, he bent down in front of the wheelchair, his hand gripping mine.

“My name is Taeyong,” he introduced himself and I nodded. “I was your best friend and we called you Charm.”

“Charm,” I said the name. I had given up on trying to remember my life because I believed that I would remember it one day—I just needed to get better. “Why Charm?”

I knew what my real name was. The doctors and the nurses called me by that so “Charm” was something new. Taeyong squeezed my fingers and I felt how warm they were, the male standing up before speaking.

“Because you were very lucky,” he told me and for some reason, his statement made me smile. My eyes lit up and he smoothed my fingers against his. “Let’s go for a walk?”

And with that, Taeyong grabbed the wheelchair and we began to walk through the gardens of the hospital.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The hospital was small and Taeyong told me everything. How I grew up here, how I was happy and how I had everything in my hands. He told me how we were close and that everyone in this small town knew each other. He told me that I was someone who was strong, resilient and I stood up for what I believed in and I found myself smiling at the thought that I was that kind of person.

The hospital was near a cemetery and the white flowers on the trail were aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. I found myself asking Taeyong questions about myself, Taeyong patiently answering them when we stopped by a bench for him to sit down.

“What did I do? What were my dreams?”

“You were a proofreader,” he began. “You wanted to write but you ended up editing and proofreading for other people.”

“Why?”

“You told me that the industry was hard to break into,” he said and I frowned.

“I don’t think I’m the type to give up on my dreams like that,” I said and he chuckled, shaking his head. “How about my family?”

Taeyong paused and I could see that he was thinking of what to say. “You were a strong and independent woman. You left our town to go to Seoul to reach for the stars.”

“How did that work out?” I asked and Taeyong’s face fell, but he seemed to mask it with confidence.

“Like I said, Charm. You were a very strong woman.”

And with that he stood up, a hand going to the wheelchair to guide me down the path. Flowers scattered on the trail as the wind blew and I reached up to catch them between my fingers. I looked up to see Taeyong smile and I smiled back at him.

I trusted him and even if I didn’t have a reason to, he seemed like he knew everything about me.

We moved down the path and Taeyong began to speak.

“We used to walk down this path when we were children. Charm, I say this with confidence that we went through thick and thin together,” he said and I looked up at the sky, the fluffy clouds parting slightly. “I used to sit with you under that tree and you would tell me that those who leave would go to heaven if they were good.”

“Thick and thin?” I asked back, Taeyong wheeling me past the gravestones. “What was the thick?”

Taeyong stopped walking and I looked up to see him frown, our eyes meeting for a moment when he sighed.

“I guess this is the hard part,” he muttered more to himself than to me. I turned to look where we stopped and I saw that he was standing in front of a gravestone, a name engraved on it.

“Daisy,” it said, under the Korean name and I smiled, pointing to it.

“Taeyong. I know I don’t remember but I think that daisies are my favorite flower,” I told him and he chuckled but I could tell how his eyes clouded over that something was bothering him. He shuffled, a hand going to press against my shoulder.

“How lucky you are,” he murmured. “To forget the things that have hurt you.”

I didn’t say anything, focusing on the name and how it brought me feelings I didn’t understand.

“I guess I have to mourn on my own now,” he said and I looked up to him, wondering what he was talking about. “It’s my burden to bear. Anyway, Charm, you seem like you have a lot of questions—but I need to bring you back. You know, hospital rules.”

I nodded, suddenly feeling sad that he was leaving so soon. I chewed on my bottom lip, Taeyong bringing me down the path when a question popped up in my head.

“Taeyong,” I said and he froze. It seemed like he already read my mind and I wondered if it was because he had emphasized how close we were.

“Yes?” he asked.

“Did I have a boyfriend?” I asked and I looked up to see him stand there, unable to move. He wasn’t even smiling at this point and I frowned at his reaction. “I guess I didn’t—”

“You did,” he said and I blinked. “You do, I mean. Right now.”

“I do? Well, where is he?”

It was weird for me to have a boyfriend but for him to not be around. Taeyong blinked rapidly, a hand going to his pocket where he kept his phone and I wondered why he was so flustered over a simple question.

“He’s… He’s your husband,” he said and my eyes flew open. “He… He’s coming soon. It was a long-distance relationship.”

“What?” I asked, still trying to process the new information. “What’s his name?”

Taeyong his lips nervously when his phone dinged and he grabbed it, the male finally squinting at the screen.

“Yuta,” he said. “Nakamoto Yuta… That being said, he’s here.”

“He’s here?”

“Yes. He just arrived.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I first saw Nakamoto Yuta, I remember thinking that he was too out of my league. He smiled brightly when he saw me but he also looked very nervous, the male dropping down to talk to me. A hand went up to brush against my cheek lovingly and I tilted my head at him, wondering why someone like him would be with someone like me.

“Charm,” he said, and the way he said my name was indeed different. It made my heart swell and his hands intertwined with mine. “How’re you feeling?”

Better, now that you’re here, was the first thought on my mind.

It’s funny how everything felt different around him. It was like my body, mind, and soul was attracted to him in ways I didn’t feel with anyone else—considering I lost my memories. I smiled, Yuta telling me that he’d be with me every step of the way, his voice soothing as they brought me back to the hospital.

The next two days were filled with Yuta and Taeyong being with me. Both of them making sure I ate, making sure I was feeling fine and even if my memories didn’t seem like they would come back any time soon, it seemed like nothing was actually wrong with my brain. It’s psychological, the doctor said, maybe she has something she doesn’t want to remember—and Yuta left it at that.

“Where did we stay?” I asked Yuta, the male bringing me to the car and helping me enter it.

“Seoul,” he answered. “You stayed in Seoul. I was based in Japan, I’m a writer,” he told me and he told me that our relationship was stable at best. I was tired so I ended up falling asleep in the car, Taeyong sitting in the back seat. Yuta drove the car and then we reached an apartment, Yuta and Taeyong exchanging looks when both of them began to whisper outside the car while I waited for them inside the car.

I strained my ears.

“Did you do it?” Taeyong asked and Yuta nodded. Their words were muffled but it wasn’t hard to make the words out. “Kept everything?”

“I did my best,” Yuta answered and I wondered what that meant. Maybe I liked the place clean, maybe that’s what they were talking about. Suddenly, the door opened and Yuta helped me out of the car. We went to the seventh floor of the apartment and we finally went inside.

It was a normal apartment and I walked around, eyeing everything carefully when I frowned.

“It looks like an apartment of a single lady,” I said and Yuta cleared his throat awkwardly. “Oh right, it was a long-distance relationship. But didn’t you ever come to see me?”

“You would come to see me,” Yuta said and I blinked, nodding. I was still tired and I sat down on the couch, Taeyong going to get me a glass of water. Even he looked more comfortable in my own apartment than Yuta was. “Uh—”

The glass was placed in front of me and Taeyong sat beside Yuta, bot