Little do you know
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time

-Little do you know, Alex &Seirra

Being brought up in a small town, my family was known to be a bit weird. My first memories growing up were filled with my mother and my aunties telling me that I was doomed—that my life would be devastating and they would make me wear bracelets to fend off the evil. My family looking at fortunes for a living did not help. I didn’t have friends and people spoke of me as the witches’ child.

I was lonely and paranoid until I met Taeyong and Daisy.

It was us against the world, three of us as we ventured through the fields, running after loose pollen and trying to catch frogs on a rainy day. Some days were harder than the rest and more often than not, I was a victim of bullying.

“Charm! They are here, hide! Hide!” Taeyong would yell and I would duck behind a tree as a group of boys would come walking towards us. Daisy would straighten her back and glare at them and I remembered watching the boys take out rocks from their small backpacks and throw them at us.

Taeyong would wince but my friend would stand his ground, closing his eyes as he took the rocks for me while Daisy would give out a shrill scream, her voice echoing through the fields. She would grab the rocks and throw them back.

“Stone her! She’s a witch!” they would say and I would see Daisy barreling towards them, snarling with anger as Taeyong protected me from getting hurt. I would cry and Taeyong would assure me that it was fine while Daisy would curse at the skies. She would say that karma would go to them and that I didn’t have to worry—that good things were coming soon.

I would hug them, Taeyong and Daisy and I would sit under a tree, talking about the kind of dreams we had.

“I want to become a musician,” he would say. “I want to make music and spend my life making it.”

“I want to become a writer.” I would reply. I had dreams and I would write books about prejudice, about the symbolism of cultures, and about how our surroundings shaped who we were. As we spoke, Daisy would remain silent and I wondered what her dreams were.

She was a tough kid and we guessed that she didn’t have dreams just yet—in the end, we were still young. We were discovering parts of ourselves.

Little did I know that the only reason why she didn’t say anything was that she knew she wouldn’t make it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Daisy disappeared, we wondered if she went to Seoul.

When her parents told us that she had gone to a place called heaven, we knew that Seoul was the last place she went.

It came as a shock to us and I remember thinking… if this was karma, why was it her? She didn’t deserve it; she was good and she was strong. Maybe it was me, maybe my bad luck rubbed off on her.

Taeyong closed up like a clam and even if he was trying to be strong for the both of us, I could tell that it was the last thing he wanted to do.

We were broken and we were acting like we weren’t.

The turning point was when her parents called us to tell us that she had written letters to us and we went there, not knowing what to expect. We sat in her bedroom, shifting through her diary entries of her writing about us and we realized how much she really did care.

Dear Taeyong, she had written.

There is no one in this world who is as brave as you are and your selflessness is what keeps me up at night. Thank you for the friendship. Because of what you have given me and Charm, I am able to leave without any regrets. I want to ask for one thing and that is to check on my parents from time to time. My mother… she may say she’s fine but she’s not. She sees you as a son and I would appreciate it if you give her some emotional support. Taeyong, my father isn’t very vocal so he won’t be much help because he will be sad too. 

Taeyong, I am not gone. I am always… always going to be the daisy in a field of roses and if you feel like life gets a bit too hard, look for the good in everything. Go to Seoul and become a musician, write about me, spread awareness of the hate and the love that goes around.

Do what you want to do and I will be looking down on you.

Know that I am always going to be proud of you.

Always here,

Daisy.

I watched Taeyong hold the letter against his chest, his bottom lip trembling. I have never seen Taeyong cry before but there was a first time for everything. I found myself reading my letter, Daisy’s loopy handwriting forming her last words to me.

Dear Charm,

Darling, why can’t you see how lucky you are?

I laughed to myself despite my tears. Only Daisy would say that.

You are a bottle of genuine emotions and I wake up every day wishing you would learn to love yourself as much as I love you. When I’m gone, do not cry. When I’m gone, take the love I have for you and give it to other people—protect your identity, go down a path of self-discovery and promise me you’ll reach for the stars.

The stars have your name is written on them, Charm, but it is up to you on how you’re going to make it.

Smile, okay? Even when you are reading this, smile because I was once there to protect you. Hold on to my memories and promise me you won’t forget me, because that’s all I ever want. Think of me when things get hard and I assure you that it will pass.

There is such a thing called bad luck, Charm.

But there is no such thing as a bad life.

Right beside you,

Daisy.

Always here. Right beside you. Daisy’s words were meant for comfort but it made her absence even more empty.

That night, we spent time with her parents and they told us how much she loved us.

And before we went home, we put all her letters in a box and labeled it ‘Letters from Daisy’.

“She was a daisy in a field of roses,” Taeyong murmured to himself and I nodded as I leaned against his embrace. “She was everything I wanted to be.”

“Me too.”

And when we went home, we decided to write letters to her in return.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2020

It was safe to say that we finally went on with our own lives and we both ended up at SM University.

I left my small town right after Taeyong did; doing odd jobs such as proofreading, copywriting, and editing for extra cash as I tried to pay my way through college. I was in my last year now and at this moment, I went on my yearly fortune-telling appointment to see how my luck would be like.

I saw a couple in front of me and I recognized them as Kim Doyoung’s sister and Lee Jeno. I have seen them around before and I smiled, seeing Jeno speak to her softly and I wondered if I would ever get something like that. When they left, it was my turn and it didn’t take long until the cards showed me… yet another year of devastation and pain.

But I was used to it and Taeyong always said ignorance is bliss but I was one to always want to be ready. Right, when I left the fortune teller’s place, the bracelet on my wrists jingled when my phone rang and Taeyong greeted me from the other side. His voice had always been a sense of comfort and even if I hardly ever seen him around, he would always check-up from time to time.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” I answered, Taeyong asking me where I was. “The fortune-tellers.”

“Why do you even go to those kinds of things, Charm?” Taeyong grumbled. “You should come and spend time with me instead. Anyway, remember when you said you wanted some extra cash? There is someone who I want you to meet.”

“Mhm. As long as he pays well, I’m a day behind on rent.” I hummed and Taeyong asked me if I wanted to borrow any money but I declined. “No, all is good. I got my paycheck from the convenience store today.”

“Well, don’t hesitate to ask if you need it,” Taeyong replied. “His name is Nakamoto Yuta. He’s leaving for Japan in two weeks or so, so it’s a job with a deadline.”

“Nakamoto Yuta?” I tried to remember where I heard that name when I realized that he too, was the talk of the town. I didn’t know how he looked like but I knew his name. “Isn’t he the one who goes on three dates? He went out with Jung Jaehyun’s sister, didn’t he?”

“Well, yeah,” Taeyong replied.

“Isn’t he a business student?”

“No, he’s in literature but he takes Business English as an elective.” Taeyong said. “He has a piece he wants translated from Korean to Japanese and your Japanese is pretty good so I recommended you. You up for it?”

“Sure, I need the money anyway,” I answered and Taeyong hummed. “Is there a number I should call or?”

“I’ll set it up, he still uses his number from Japan so it’s quite a hassle to contact him.” Taeyong said. “I’ll text you the details.”

“Alright, Taeyong,” I concluded and he reminded me to eat dinner. I smiled at the concern in his voice. “You too, Taeyong. Have a great night.”

That night, Taeyong texted me that I had to be at the Dream café at 127 Mall by 9 am in the morning and noted it in my notebook. I fiddled with my bracelets hoping that the next day would go smoothly.

And like every night, I prayed to Daisy before bed.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remember when I said I was unlucky?

Well, I hope you didn’t forget.

I remember putting the alarm at 7:30 the night before to get ready for my 9 am appointment with Nakamoto Yuta at the Dream Café at the 127 Mall but for some reason, my phone had slid down the side of the bed and I didn’t hear it.

By the time I woke up, it was already 8:20 and I was hungry, rushing and already kind of behind schedule. I found myself running towards the bus stop, my eyes on the clock to see that it was already 8:50. I tied my long hair up into a bun and hopped off the bus, running to the nearest convenience store at the 127 Mall to get myself some coffee. The coffee at the Dream café was a bit too expensive and I was used to trying not to spend much.

I tapped my finger against the table, chewing on my lip when the coffee finished. I reached for the coffee and grabbed it, turning right at that moment just to slam against a taller male. I gasped, hot coffee spilling all over his hands and a packet of papers. The papers turned a deep brown and my eyes widened.

my luck—really! my luck.

I cursed in my head and the guy froze as I hastily began to dab his white polo shirt.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry!”

I was late and I just ruined his work. Today wasn’t going very well.

“I-It’s…” He cleared his throat.

“Is that a manuscript? It’s an original, isn’t it?” I rambled on when I saw that his papers were soaked. “I’m actually a copywriter and proofreader. Here is my card—”

“Miss—”

“I’m very very late. I need to meet a Nakamoto Yuta and…” I groaned, trying to dry his pack of papers. I saw him point at himself but I was panicking too much. “And so, if you need someone to retype your manuscript, I would be happy to do it.”

And with that, I shoved my card to him and bowed another 90-degree bow before telling him to call me.

The guy had a pretty face and I found myself speeding towards the café, trying to make it before 9:10. I hated when people weren’t punctual and in turn, I hated it when I wasn’t on time. I walked into the café, frowning when my phone rang and Taeyong told me that Nakamoto Yuta was coming and to take a seat.

Turns out he wasn’t there yet.

So, I took a seat and chewed on my bottom lip when I saw the same man from the convenience store walk into the café. I turned away, covering my face with my hands, and hoped he wouldn’t sit anywhere near me when I heard someone clear their throat beside me.

I looked up and turned beet red when I saw that it was the man I spilled coffee on.

“Hey, I’m Nakamoto Yuta,” he said and I internally groaned.

My luck really did .

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So, I have nothing to show you today because someone spilled coffee on me,” he said, taking a seat in front of me and I turned bright red. He said it teasingly, a smile on his face. “But, it’s not a worry since she offered to retype everything down for me.”

“I’m so sorry—”

“I’m just kidding.” He chuckled, taking out his bag and bringing out his iPad. “It’s 2020, I have a digital copy.”

“Oh, thank god.” I breathed, Nakamoto Yuta chuckling. He flashed me a smile and I realized how big and bright his smile was and I smiled back. “Mr. Nakamoto—”

“Yuta. Just Yuta. Taeyong told me that we are the same age, it would be weird if you called me Mister,” he said and I nodded, saying ‘Yuta’ out loud. “Nice, you sound Japanese now.”

“I studied Japanese for a couple of years,” I said to him, shrugging.

“Taeyong calls you Charm,” he said suddenly. It was more of a statement than a question and I nodded. “Do I call you the same thing or do I—”

“Just Charm should be alright. I introduce myself as ‘Charm’ to everyone anyway.” I told him and he nodded. And that is how we ended leaning over the table, staring at his iPad screen, Yuta showing me the story he was working on.

“I’m going back to Japan after a few weeks and I was thinking of translating it here before I head back,” he told me and I nodded. “I was here only for an exchange so,” he shrugged. “Do you think you can work with the time frame?”

“Pretty sure I will be able to,” I said, scrolling through the screen. “I guess you can check in from time to time to see the progress. We can talk about the payment later. Translations really depend on the tone and voice of the language so you can check after I’m done with one chapter to see if it’s to your liking.”

“How professional,” he mused and I read the synopsis of the story. It was a rag to riches kind of story and Yuta told me that the story was inspired by one of his favorite manga artists. The artist was turned down multiple times, beat to the ground and left all alone when he decided to pick himself up and finally achieved success.

“Wow, he’s really unlucky,” I whispered to myself when I looked up to see Yuta studying me. “I mean, after all this—”

“I don’t believe in luck,” he said suddenly and I frowned. “I believe in consequences and hard work.”

“Sometimes we work hard and luck doesn’t allow us to have what we deserve,” I said softly. “But to each of their own.”

“Hmm…” he mused. “You must believe in luck, considering you wear those.”

He pointed to my bracelets and I looked down on them, the thick bands wrapped around my wrists.

“Not a very lucky person. That’s why Taeyong calls me Charm.” I said, fiddling with the bracelets. “Seems like whatever I put my sights to, the world has a different plan.”

Yuta blinked. He seemed like a rationalist like he believed in logic rather than horoscopes and the stars.

“How unlucky can someone be?” he asked and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at his words. “You live your life by simple means, no? Wake up, go to work, date here and there… when you get the chance—”

“Oh, I don’t even try dating. I tried it a couple of times. Every time I go on a date something goes wrong.” I raised my hands into the air to show defeat and Yuta threw his head back and laughed. “And when I say something goes wrong, it really is beyond my control.”

“How interesting,” Yuta said and I nodded. “So, you simply stopped challenging your luck then?”

“Challenging it? How can you challenge something you can’t see?” I asked, Yuta frowning at the thought.

“You try it again and again. Haven’t you heard “Third time’s a charm”?” he asked.

“Is this why you go for dates three times? Because if it fails the first two times, most likely it works the third time?”

He nodded. “And if it doesn’t work the third time, it’s not meant for you. Weirdly, none of my third dates ever work out.”

“I’m pretty sure if I try something three times, I’ll just fail three times,” I said more to myself than and he laughed, telling me that I should have confidence in myself. “Besides, not everyone stays after the first time.”

Yuta leaned back, his eyes on me before he nodded.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” he suddenly asked, catching me off guard.

“What?”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” he asked again and I tilted my head at him like he was crazy. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. I just want to see how unlucky you are since you’re so adamant that you’ll never get a good date as hard as you try.”

“Is this your version of you challenging my luck?” I asked and he flashed me a smile.

If only his smile could heal.

“It’s my version of showing yo