I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason

There goes my hand shaking
And you are the reason
My heart keeps bleeding
I need you now

-You are the reason, Callum Scott

2022

The thing about being in a relationship with Lee Haechan was that everyone knew about it. It was all over the newspapers, the media, the magazines. I often found my face and my name pasted on gossip articles and being a private person, I hated it. More often than not, I ended up reading the headlines, telling readers that maybe I was just a front—a cover because Haechan had to take over Lee Enterprises soon.

It was another one of those days and I sat in my apartment, eyeing the newspapers that come in the mail every morning. The thing is, the mail also came with a lot of subscribed magazines that I subscribed to years ago. I just didn’t unsubscribe to them because as much as many things had changed—I was still a creature of habit and did read them every week.

I sighed, nodding to myself before I reached out to grab the magazine first. It was always good to choose the one that was hard to handle first and right when I opened up to the first page, my heart gave a pang.

“Lee Haechan dating? Summer fling spotted!” the headlines said and it showed a blurred-out photo of me and Haechan in a restaurant in Jeju. I closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself to read the rest of the article, the words painted out a story of how Haechan was to be married soon and he would go around dating “commoners”.

Commoners.

I wasn’t one to get hurt by malicious comments and Haechan brushed them off. My boyfriend was always very mentally strong and I admired him for that—Haechan telling me that people had nothing else better to do than talk. But it was natural to feel hurt, knowing everyone thought that he deserved better. The next article was about who Haechan was compatible with, my boyfriend being treated like one of those rich celebrities.

I decided to stop reading since it was bad for my mental health and I sat up, my phone ringing. I didn’t have to answer it to know it was Haechan and I cleared my throat to try to sound as normal as possible, answering it just to hear him greet me.

“Sunshine,” he said so endearingly that I smiled. It was a transition, Haechan calling me 102 to saying I was the light of his life and I always for his theatrics. “I’m home from a meeting. Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” I answered, knowing I forgot to eat. It has only been a little bit over a year of me being with Haechan but even then, he picked up on the tiniest bit of details. He gave a disapproving grunt and I chuckled. “What?”

“You just remembered to eat when I asked you, didn’t you? Is that why you’re walking to the fridge?” he asked and I froze mid-way. “Oh, don’t freeze. At least go and get some dinner.”

I laughed, following my boyfriend’s orders as I heard a shuffle from the other side of the phone when it was the sound of Haechan opening his bedroom door.

“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” Haechan said conversationally. “You know how stupid the board of directors are? They are like these old men who prey on profit. I can’t believe I have to go head to head with them.”

“Are they that bad?” I asked, taking out a piece of bread and chewing on it. “I mean, you own most of the shares with your parents… you’ll call the shots, right?”

“Sunshine, it’s not about calling the shots. It’s about feeling like I want to die every time I have to talk to them,” he said and I rolled my eyes at how dramatic he was being. “I mean, most of our marketing strategies should be done online, no? They still think we should go for banners and bulletin boards.”

“Bulletin boards?” I asked, frowning. “Bulletin boards catch my eyes, though. Actually those screens, not the physical ones.”

“Oh…” Haechan’s voice trailed. “Well then, bulletin boards will be the only thing I use as a marketing strategy.” I laughed, Haechan switching the topic. “What are you eating?”

“Bread. I’m lazy to order in.” I told him and he sighed. I already knew what he was going to say. “And no—”

“I’m saying, Sunshine,” he began. “You wouldn’t be having this problem of you forgetting to eat if I live with you. What’s stopping you from moving in with me?”

“Haechan, I don’t want to live your parents—”

“Not my parents… I mean, an apartment for us. Jesus Christ, of course, we won’t live with my parents. My mother adores you too much,” he droned on before heaving a sigh. “And we’ve been in a relationship for a little bit over a year, Sunshine. Or are you thinking of not marrying me?”

Haechan, always to the point.

Always so… blunt.

“Of course not!”

“Of course, not going to marry me or of course not you’re not thinking of not marrying me?” he asked and I blinked, trying to comprehend his question. He too, seemed confused. “Wait, what did I say?”

“I have no idea. Look, I just…. I don’t know.” I chewed on my bottom lip, not knowing how to tell him that maybe he did deserve better. That maybe with the company on his shoulders, he needed some rich girl. I know I had to find my own inner peace and I wasn’t going to drag Haechan into my turmoil. “I don’t know.”

“Mhmm…” Haechan paused. “You know what, 102. Maybe I’m the one feeling it all in this relationship.”

The change of nickname made it obvious that Haechan was quite flustered with my reaction. I sighed, shaking my head.

“102?” I asked. “You mad at me?”

“Not mad, just disappointed. You can’t even say outright that you think you have a future with me,” he told me and I sighed, leaning against the refrigerator. “I mean, after—”

“I do, Haechan. I really do and I love you,” I assured him and I could hear his voice brighten up at my reassurance.

“Say that again.”

“I love you,” I said and he laughed.

“So, you’ll marry me?” he asked and I paused. “Oh, come on! Don’t ruin the moment!”

“Haechan, I just have a few things to take care of,” I said to him. “It’s just me and I really hope you understand. Why don’t you come over tomorrow? Let’s spend some time together.”

Haechan sighed and it was like he knew he wouldn’t get anything from me even if he asked.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sunshine. I love you, okay?” he asked and I gave a hum, telling him I loved him too. He told me to hang up and I finally hung up, holding the phone against my chest as my eyes dragged over to the magazines on the table.

I had to stop taking them to heart, I told myself, not when he keeps telling me that he loves me.

But some things are easier said than done.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, I woke up to the knock on my apartment door and I stood up to go open it up. Haechan stood there with a bag of groceries, walking in to kiss m