it's time to carry the joy and leave the pain behind. goodbye, b.

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dear Jjin-ah,


writing this letter has been really difficult, maybe because it finally feels like i’m saying goodbye. i'm not ready to let go of you yet. i want to still keep my memories of you. i want to keep reliving them until they begin to fade. they already have, but i fiercely hold them close and run through them because i don't want to lose how you looked the night we kissed, the way your hands touched my face, the countless number of smiles you gave me. perhaps holding on is counterproductive, but why would i want to forget memories that made me so happy?

when i look back at our pictures, sometimes i feel angry for all the promises that have been broken. many times i feel sad, for all the memories that will never be. but mostly i feel happiness, an indescribably sweet nostalgia, and the glimmerings of a timid hope that perhaps one day, maybe even soon, we’ll talk again.

no matter what, if you regret me, if you hate me, i will always carry these memories fondly in my heart. thank you for giving me the opportunity to be loved for who i am. thank you for showing me that i am someone who can be worth the world to another. 

you told me that you believed sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for certain seasons. i'm glad i've been able to give you encouragement and advice when you've