Jiyoung woke up Sunday morning groggy. Her eyes were swollen from the tears silently spilt the night before. With heavy steps, she stumbled to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. When that didn’t work, she the shower head, keeping the water cold, and jumped in. That jolted her awake. She concentrated on her breathing, forcing herself not to think about the night before. She was fine. It was no big deal. Today was a new day and tomorrow would be as well. 

That, however, didn’t stop her from spending the day on the couch in front of the TV with a cup of her favorite tea and the rom com marathon she was denied the night before. Some Kind of Wonderful and He’s Just Not That Into You kept her company for most of the day. Probably not the best idea since they dealt heavily with the idea of unrequited love. Somehow, though, watching that type of story made her feel a little better, as if there was still a chance in her future. Like Gigi, Jiyoung tended to live in her head with a small sense of hope, however misguided. While the person who haunted her might never come around to seeing her as anything other than his neighbor and the friend of his ex-girlfriend, she could still be somebody’s exception. 

Right?

After the fourth movie, Jiyoung called time. Her limbs were stiff from sitting for so long and her eyes were tired from the constant blue light emanating from the screen. Deciding to take a walk, she changed out of her pajamas and into a pair of shorts and a band t-shirt. She plugged in her headphones and headed down the sidewalk. 

It was nice to get out. The sun was shining but not overwhelmingly so. People took their dogs for walks, children rode their bicycles or played catch. A wayward squirrel would run across the street in hopes of avoiding any oncoming cars. Jiyoung's favorite songs drowned out all the noise. It made it easier to disconnect. Daydreams danced in her head. 

The tree by the pond on campus shimmered into view. But it wasn’t Junmyeon under it this time. It was Kyungsoo. And Jiyoung. Kyungsoo cradled her in his arms while Jiyoung's back rested against his chest. He smiled and rested his chin on her shoulder while she read aloud from a book. It was a beautiful sight, novel-level perfection. It was so clear in Jiyoung's mind. What would she have to do to be able to live this fantasy out? 

Jiyoung continued to live in that scene as her eyes were focused up on the blue sky. So, naturally, she didn’t see anyone else stopped on the sidewalk until it was too late. She smacked right into another body. Her earbuds fell out. She barely caught them before they fell to the concrete. 

“I am so sorry!” Jiyoung fumbled with the headphones before looking at whoever she'd bumped into. Then she gulped. 

“Oh, hey, Jiyoung!”

Kim Jongdae was beaming. Letter number six. A.K.A. Hero Syndrome. 

Captain of the high school swim team, Jiyoung had known Jongdae since freshman year but the two of them never really interacted. It was that awkward, knew-each-other-but-didn’t-interact type of relationship. Senior year, that slightly changed. Yeonhee had left her bag in the pool area and had asked Jiyoung to go get it for her since she was in the middle of… something. Jiyoung didn’t remember what. Being a good friend, she went quickly, knowing that the swim team would arrive any minute. Naturally, they walked in right as her fingers curled around the bag’s strap. Jiyoung hurried to get out of there, careful to keep her eyes anywhere but on the swimmers who were clothed only from the waist down. Fatal mistake. She slipped on the edge of the pool and couldn’t regain her balance before falling sideways into the pool. Yeonhee’s bag was heavy, bogged down with textbooks. She kicked her legs to try and keep afloat, but she continued to be pulled under. Seeing the struggle, Jongdae jumped in and brought Jiyoung to the side of the pool, helping her out of the water. 

He seemed genuinely concerned when he asked, “Are you okay?”

Jiyoung blinked the water out of her eyes. A strange golden light illuminated behind him. Was… was he always this cute? “Uh-huh.” Jiyoung's voice came out high-pitched, like a whimper. There might have been little hearts floating around him in the lights. She couldn’t be entirely sure. She might have hit her head. 

Despite all her books now being water damaged, Yeonhee said that she was glad that Jiyoung was alright. She also mentioned how sweet it was that Jongdae jumped in so quickly. And it was all you Jiyoung could think about. That night at home, she wrote a letter. About a week later, she was over it. Turns out, it was kind of hard to maintain a crush when you didn’t interact with them very much. Jiyoung still saw Jongdae occasionally, but the little hearts never came back around. Another short-lived distraction. 

“Jongdae! Hi! Wow, this is random.”

“I’ll say!” He was still as cheerful and bouncy as ever. It was good to know that life hadn’t dulled his shine. “How are you?”

“Good! I’m good! Just, you know, getting through life. How are you?”

“Same.” His laugh put Jiyoung at ease. His phone dinged. When he checked the notification, he gave an apologetic look. “Sorry, I got to go. It was good see you, though.”

“Yeah, you, too.” Jiyoung waved goodbye as he continued down the sidewalk. 

She took another thirty minutes, walking around the different blocks until she ended up back at home. Dinner was cooking in the kitchen with both of her parents working equally to finish it up. As soon as she stepped inside, she was asked to set the table, which she did happily. Mealtimes with the family were enjoyable… mostly. 

“It’s good to see you out and exercising,” her dad commented. “Your heart will thank you when you’re older.”

“Not to mention, you can only watch those movies so much,” her mother added. If Jiyoung wanted to read books all day, she didn’t complain. TV on the other hand, opposition existed. 

“You do tend to watch the same ones over and over,” Dad chimed in. 

“I like those movies,” Jiyoung told them. “They’re cute.”

“If that’s what you want to do you then go right on ahead.” Jiyoung's dad was a lot like the dads in teen movies - a bit eccentric and tried to be cool, but always willing to listen. The relationship with Jiyoung had with her parents was an odd one. She was close to both of them but in different areas. Her dad was the one she could connect with on a nerd-level while her mother was the go-to for relational advice, especially with her friends. “Movies are a good form of expression. They help us find what we like and what we don’t like.”

Jiyoung snorted. “I thought you were a medical doctor, not a psychologist.”

“I took a few classes back in my college days for fun.”

“You took a lot of classes for fun,” Mom pointed out. 

Dad wiggled his eyebrows. “If I remember correctly, that’s how I met you. Feminist Literature with Professor Crowley?”

“I don’t remember a lot of reading being done during that time.”

“And on that note, I’m out.” Jiyoung jumped out of her chair and took her empty plate to the kitchen while her parents laughed at her embarrassment. Jiyoung was sure they did it on purpose. 

Up in her room, Jiyoung curled in the corner chair. She should have taken this time to do homework that was due later in the week, but she couldn’t resist the urge to pick up one of her favorite books. She was still feeling a little romance starved, so sbe read about an American woman traveling to Italy to uncover family secrets and learn that she just might be the reincarnation of Juliet. Sure, it was a stretch, but it was an adventure. And the main male character was swoon worthy. Jiyoung had read it a hundred times and could probably rattle off the series of events in perfect order, but that didn’t matter. She was still pulled in every time. It wasn’t long before she was lost between the pages.

**

Wednesday. Hump Day. Middle of the week. So close to the weekend yet so far. 

Yeonhee shook her head. “If you keep living for the weekend, then time is going to fly right by you and the next thing you know, you’re forty and haven’t lived.”

“I wouldn’t mind skipping a few years,” Jiyoung joked. 

“You say that now.”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Hey, Jiyoung!”

Jiyoung looked over her shoulder and then her eyes went wide. “J-Jongin?”

The boy from her childhood ballet class came running up. It had been a few years since she’d seen him but he hadn’t changed too much, making him easily recognizable. After high school he went on to a prestigious dance school in one of the neighboring bigger cities. What was he doing here?

Jongin cleared his throat as he came to a stop. “Can I talk to you?” His eyes flickered to Yeonhee. “Alone.”

Yeonhee sent Jiyoung a weirded out look before stepping backwards. “I’ll see you later.”

Once she was out of earshot, Jiyoung turned back to Jongin, “What’s up?”

“I, um….” He scratched the side of his face nervously and then pulled on his earlobe. It was a nervous tick. Jiyoung remembered he would do it all the time while waiting for the teacher’s evaluation. “I think this got mailed to me by accident.” He held up a very familiar looking envelope. 

She nearly fainted right then and there. 

“By the handwriting, I’d guess it was old. It sounded like it was from when we were kids.”

Jiyoung covered her face with her hands in devistation. She felt like dying. How? How could this have happened?

“It seemed kind of personal….”

And Jiyoung thought she knew what humiliation felt like before. “Jongin, I am so sorry. You were never meant to read that. If it made you feel awkward or uncomfortable, all I can do is apologize. It was from a long time ago. I was a kid and-”

To her relief, Jongin smiled. “It’s okay. I figured. I only came to give it back to you.”

Jiyoung's hands were trembling slightly as she took the envelope. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Jongin shrugged. “It was the least I could do. Besides…,” he smiled that same blinding grin, “it was good to see you, Jiyoung.”

As soon as he left, Jiyoung took off. Screw class for the rest of the day, she had to figure out what was going on. Her knees were killing her by the time she reached her house. She didn’t bother to put the bike up properly, leaving it in the front yard as she ran inside. She yanked the shirt off of her vanity-- 

No letters. 

How could they be gone?

Mom.

Jiyoung hurriedly called her, praying that she’d answer. “Please, please, please, please, please.”

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“Mom! Did you take the letters?”

“The letters?”

“Yes! The ones that were on my vanity! Under the shirt!”

“Oh! Those letters! Yes, I mailed them out for you. I saw Yixing’s name on top so I figured I’d save you the trouble. I had other letters that needed to go out and plenty of stamps.”

Jiyoung whimpered. She was dead. Witness protection, a new identity, that was the only way she was going to survive this. 

“Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s fine,” she lied. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll see you tonight then. Love you!”

“Love you, too.” Jiyoung collapsed at the vanity, her phone falling from her hand and landing on the wooden surface with a clatter. From the mirror, Yixing smiled down at her with his adorable dimple.  “At least I don’t have to face you in my humiliation.”

What was she supposed to do now? Was there anything she could do? The letters were already out there, processed by the post office. And a majority of them were to people right here in the city. If Jongin already had his, then the others surely did too. Jiyoung lied her head down. Then immediately snapped it back up. 

Baekhyun! Kyungsoo!

She whimpered again. Like a bouncy ball, her head dropped to the vanity. There was bound to be a red mark left behind. There was no way she could go back to class and properly focus. She needed her favorite chocolate shake. 

Outside, she almost got away. 

“Jiyoung!”

No, no, no!

Acting like she didn’t hear him, Jiyoung picked up her bike and hurried to the street. He blocked her path before you could escape. He grabbed the handles as Jiyoung jumped on. That didn’t stop her from trying to run him over. There was a struggle for a minute or so until Jiyoung finally gave in. 

Kyungsoo didn’t look angry. Once he was sure Jiyoung wasn't going to run away, he let go. Then he reached into his back pocket. The infamous envelope hung between them. 

“It’s flattering,” he said lowly, “but I can’t accept it. I’m not interested.”

“I’m sorry,” Jiyoung whispered. “It’s old. You weren’t supposed to know about that. Please don’t tell Yeonhee.”

“I won’t. She doesn’t talk to me, anyway.”

Another few awkward seconds went by. Finally, Jiyoung took the envelope and Kyungsoo walked away. Now she really needed that shake. Before she sat down there in the grass and cried for the world to see. 

Jiyoung managed to make it to the small café located near the library without incident. When she was younger, she would check out a few books and then come over here, reading for hours while munching on fries and down a rich, chocolate ice cream shake without the whipped cream. That same shake she now shoved a straw into and devoured at the counter while the older waitress gave an empathetic look. Not even the slight brain freeze could slow Jiyoung down. 

“I think she’ll need another one, Lisa.”

Oh. Freaking. Great. 

Baekhyun sat on the round stool next to her. Tapping against the counter was the envelope addressed to him. Here it comes. 

Actually listening to the punk, Lisa brought a second drink as soon as the first one emptied. 

“So… you going to talk to me?”

Jiyoung sighed. “I’d rather not.”

“I think we should talk.”

“Listen,” Jiyoung swiveled the stool to face him fully. “It was a fleeting crush fueled by misguided feelings as I was hitting puberty. I haven’t thought of you in that way in years.” 

Baekhyun let out a rushed breath of relief. “Oh, thank god. I’d hate to break your heart. I mean, I’d definitely let you down easy, being my best friend and all, but let’s face it, these good looks are simply meant for someone else.” 

Jiyoung scoffed. “Because that’s all you have.”

“Ouch. Someone’s a little touchy.”

“You think? My mom accidentally mailed out nine confessionals to people who were never meant to read them. The first one went fine since I was a kid when I wrote it. But Kyungsoo got his and-”

“Kyungsoo got his?” Baekhyun exclaimed. He shook his head in sympathy. “How did he take it?”

“He told me he wasn’t interested. How else would it go? He’s still hung up on Yeonhee.” Jiyoung mumbled into the shake, “Not that anything could happen anyway.”

“Okay,” he leaned in closer. “Let’s evaluate it. How many letters went out again?”

Jiyoung avoided looking at him. “Nine.”

“Nine!” Lisa threw him a look to keep it down. Jiyoung still had a few secrets from him, but they were all coming out now. “Sorry. Anyway. Really? Nine letters? You’ve seriously had nine different crushes you felt that strongly about?” Jiyoung grew even more mortified by the second as she nodded. “Who are the other seven? Remind me of the ones I don’t remember?”

“Well, there first was Jongin-”

“From ballet class?”

“Yeah. But he’s fine. He was the reason I figured out the letters had gone out. He gave it back to me this morning. No harm, no foul.”

“Well, it should be. You were ten. Who else?”

Jiyoung thought back on the order of the letters. “Sehun.”

Baekhyun looked at her like she was crazy. “Really? Sehun?”

“Yes,” she said. “Now, are you going to comment on every one?”

He thought about it for a second. “Probably.”

“Whatever.” Jiyoung played with the straw, thinking of who to reveal next. “There was Yixing.”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all. Besides, I saw his. Would have loved to read it. Next?”

“Jongdae from the swim team.”

“Naturally. The hero. Next?”

“Park Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun frowned. “Your chemistry lab partner? The one who plays guitar?”

“Don’t be like that. You play an instrument, too.”

“Yeah, but… he doesn’t seem like your type.”

“I think we might be able to agree I don’t have one considering the wide range of crushes I’ve had.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll let you have that one. Back to the recipients. I already know about Junmyeon. So who’s the last one?”

Jiyoung turned back to the second milkshake to keep from answering. Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. “Jiyoung….”

When she still didn’t answer, he took the drink away. “Hey!”

“Jiyoung…. who was the last letter to?” 

She chewed on the inside of her cheek. This was one letter she wasn’t too keen on revealing. 

Baekhyun waved the glass like a hostage. “Tell me and I’ll give this back. And pay for both of them.”

The raspberry was impossible to hold back. “Minseok.”

He looked completely abashed. The shake nearly slipped from his fingers, but he composed himself in time. “Are you serious? Kim Minseok? But he’s… boring.”

Jiyoung shrugged, taking the shake back with no struggle. “He was nice to me. And he’s not boring just because the two of you don’t get each other’s humor.”

“So, that’s your standard, huh? They just have to be nice to you? Doesn’t explain Kyungsoo, though.”

“Don’t,” Jiyoung growled through clenched teeth. “For once, don’t be a jerk about this. I’m barely holding it together as it is.” Water pooled in her eyes. She couldn’t hide how much she was falling apart any more.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Baekhyun pulled Jiyoung into a hug. He rubbed his hand up and down her back. As much as she had been trying to avoid it, in that diner, she made a spectacle of herself. Jiyoung sobbed into Baekhyun’s shirt. Several of the patrons side eyed the two of them, but Baekhyun wouldn’t let Jiyoung look at them. He kept her tight against his chest, being as comforting as a best friend could be. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “We’ll figure this out. Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”