“How many nights do I have to spend in pain for me to stop being scared of love?”

Love is such an odd emotion. It's blessing and bright but can crush you in barely a second. Compare it to the aftermath of a storm: branches broken from trees, leaves dripping with water while the sun shines bright as if nothing happened. To Yuna, using storms was a weird analogy but she never realized how much it could occur (in her mind). She found it difficult to express herself hence the random storm analogy. That was part of the reason why she wrote songs — to express her emotions better. The biggest problem was that no one ever seemed to understand her or her songs.

Yuna threw herself on her bed with her eyes begging her body to sleep. From Sojung’s ranting about a girl, claiming she’s in love with her to Yerin thinking her dream as a chef will go down hill — Yuna had enough with her friends' antics that she couldn't even care anymore. She sighed as her eyelids weighed down, exhausted from class and her run earlier today. Though, she still had a few assignments to finish but that would be for later.

Actually, she might fail her accounting course.

Moving from her bed to desk, Yuna ignored the pain in her lower back and hunched over to pull her laptop closer. She crossed her legs in her seat whilst grabbing her notebook. A few notes were already writtten in her book but Yuna couldn't help but think the wording of her past sentences weren't right. She tapped a pencil against her chin before erasing it.

Wood shrieked against the paper, leaving behind a light skid of dark blue. Yuna stopped for a moment then resumed to erasing the paper like there was no tomorrow. Before she could realize that the pencil in question had no eraser, she already scratched a hole through the page.

“How the is there a mark on it?!” The girl bellowed. Throwing her arms in the air, Yuna wasn't aware of the fact that the pencil slipped out of her grip – zipping through the air and smashed into the wall. Yuna snapped her head towards the sound. Little did she know, the pencil also snapped.

“Oh my god, I forgot I don’t have any other pencil...” She stood to pick up the splintered pencil. “...and it’s not even mine.”

Worrying was out of the question in terms of returning the pencil — plus Yuna was more concerned about the pencil being broken in half and the fact she couldn't write with it anymore.

Still... her stomach was unsteady as she stared at the broken tool. What were the chances the stranger attended the same university as her? If she did see her, the least Yuna could do was return a fully functional pencil. Not being able to decide whether to use glue or tape to fix the pencil, Yuna squeezed the sticky substance on one split side and pressed it together. With that, she also put tape over the crack. Just for safety measures.

Proud of her hard work, Yuna gently tossed the pencil on her desk. Her eyes wandered to her bedside clock. A rhythmic beat pounded in her chest, adrenaline rushing through Yuna's veins as she hurried to put on clothes. She slipped into a black jacket and fixed her hair up into a loose ponytail. Yuna clicked her tongue, checking for the spot she was supposed to meet them at. As she read the text over (again), her eyebrows scrunched together but she eventually sighed and went out the door.

“Alright… the usual spot... I know where that is.”

Where was it again?

Yuna's sense of direction — no, she had no sense of direction at all. She stood outside, scratching her head with her phone in her left hand to read the girl's description of what the way to the "usual spot" and where it is; just in case Yuna got lost and, oh look she did! However, the girl didn't note about the fork in the path. Yuna frowned. Her gut told her to go left... all she could hope that she wasn't wrong. If she was wrong, Yuna might be just a little late. Lucky for her, the scenery started to match the faint memory in her head. The fluttering tree on the right of the sidewalk, the impossibly busy parking lot, and the chatter of students entering the building. Yuna looked up to the sign and nodded her head. It was definitely this place.

The pounding in her chest became more apparent to her, now aware of the fact that she was too excited for comfort. By the time Yuna realized she had the urge to leave and get rid of her excitement, she was already seated in one of the booths. She heaved a sigh. There was no way she'd be able to stay away. Yuna checked the time, mostly to distract herself, and gaped at what she saw. She spent 30 minutes finding this place? She really was directionless. Her fingernails dug into the wooden tables. Yuna tapped a light beat to keep herself occupied.

In the distance, a soft laughter could be heard. Yuna looked up and she never felt more glad but disappointed at the same time. She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, out of habit, and smiled strickenedly. No matter how hard she resisted the smile, her lips still found a way to turn lovesick. A flame ignited in her heart. It crackled, the fire burning slow and charring pieces of Yuna's heart. Next thing she knew: a blush formed no less than a second when she saw her.

The flame in her heart extinguished; it was about time for the downpour to occur. Time seemed to lag as her languished smile fell from the girl's face. She waited for the sun to appear behind the clouds of her mind but nothing came... Yuna knew there was no sun to be looking forward to. It was a pathetic excuse to keep her heart hoping for something more than she could ever get because the storm that has lingered for so long has already dulled Yuna's heart to the point of no hope. Was it that she was never meant to be loved by her? Was it that she was stupid to even spare a glance at her?

She opened her eyes to the world in her mind. Yuna still wasn't sure what the place even was or even the location. What she did know was that this place made her feel worse. Curling into a ball on the surface of water, Yuna felt her heart empty out. It spilled of colors consisting of blues and greys, some even slate. The colors stained the sky as its usual blue disappated into a dark purple mixed with grey and dark clouds. She didn't want to be there anymore — her mind or where ever the she was. Rain fell from the sky, snapping Yuna back into reality.

"Choi Yuna."

The girl's heart rate increased by the second and her breathing sped up as she tried to remain calm. Physically, you couldn’t see the hidden dilemma she was in. A facade of joy was plastered lazily in an attempt to mask her distress. Yuna reminded herself that it wasn't that serious. It shouldn't be stressed over but she couldn't help the way her heart fell into a crater, a deep ravine that she can't reach in. The cold wall Yuna had put up went unnoticed, only receiving a warm smile. Her heart beat faster.

“Kim Yewon.” Her name slipped so effortlessly off her tongue, syllable by syllable.

Yuna still remembers the first time she felt her feelings for the girl; she also remembers the time when she realized Yewon will never like her back. Yuna smiled as Yewon and another sat across from her, speaking words she couldn't comprehend. She was too focused how the girl's smile made her heart flutter or her laugh instantly lit up her world. A bitter slap struck her against her face, reminding herself that Yuna could never be cared for the way she cares for her.

Her insides twisted and churned with her feelings coming back from the past. 

"Yuna?"

A weight laid in her chest as her heart beat went back to normal. Yuna's breathing fixated and the cold sweat practically disappeared just from Yewon saying her name. 

How pathetic she was. Lovelorn over a girl for almost a year now, pinned on someone who didn't even like the same gender. Yuna's fingertips were so close to touching Yewon's but she was always too far away. A furrow cratered between her eyebrows, smiling at the friend Yewon brought. She was so, so pathetic. So pathetic to the point where Yuna wrote a sob-story song about her.

"What is it?"

Yewon smiled. "You space out a lot, you know?" The girl's eyelashes batted, her hand going up to brush her bangs back. "I missed you."

At the sound of the rain, I’m closing the doors.
I wanna hide my heart so I don’t even know.

A storm thundered in the other world. She laid lifeless, begging for the ocean to take her away. Her heart thumped lazily and in sync with the crackles of thunder. The sky remained an ashy purple except lightning spidered across the clouds. Yuna squinted as rain dripped into her eyes and ran down her cheeks; no tears, just rain.

"I could say the same." Yuna smiled, moving her hand to touch Yewon's fingers but the girl moved away before she could do so.

"Oh, you haven't met Eunbi, have you?"

In the storm that her heart was caught up in, Yuna was petrified and stone cold. The sun was long gone. Her hope crushed between her fingers, squashed like a small berry in merely a span of a few minutes. Then again, Yuna learned not to care about things she couldn’t control. She wasn’t going to force her feelings on Yewon or even acknowledge them at all. This wouldn't affect her life any longer than it does now.

Why? Because love is an odd emotion. It's a bitter, an almost sweet fruit with a taste that's crushing. Love is a place Yuna will never be able to leave as she swam in the center of her heart endlessly. The emotion overwhelms her, causing euphoria and misery. It makes you feel things you wouldn't want to feel.

"Nice to meet you, Eunbi."

"You too, Yuna."

The storm finally stopped. Rain was frozen midair however not vanishing like it would usually do in her state of mind. Yuna looked at the sky as the clouds separated above her. Rays of sun shone through creating an angel's ladder with whispers drifting in the air. She peered at the clouds, a frown etching on her lips as the whispers screamed "hey listen." 

 

“You’ll see what it means to be in love in the future. I know it.”

a/n: sorry I feel like this chapter is kinda weird but basically the whole premise is learning what yuna feels and the way she thinks :)