Kyungsoo thinks he's getting somewhere, but suddenly he's not and it jeopardizes his relationship with Chanyeol.

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WARNING: THIS WILL BE THE ANGSTIEST CHAPTER FOR A WHILE, it only can go up from here.

Enjoy, find your tissues.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D-95

Chanyeol was washing the dishes. 

Kyungsoo didn't have to hear the water running to know it, the pop song playing loudly from the radio in the kitchen was indication enough that Chanyeol was in there. 

Kyungsoo was standing on their balcony, staring at the night sky with the door left slightly ajar to let Chanyeol's background music provide him with some ambient noise. 

The therapist had been pleasant to interact with, not really forcing Kyungsoo into something he wasn't comfortable with. She had promised him that the events in their sessions would remain private, even from Chanyeol, so when asked about his past, Kyungsoo was comfortable sharing the bits that had Jongin in it. 

The music from the kitchen had transitioned into a slower song. 

The slow steady introduction percussion, the light melody that slowly made its way into Kyungsoo's ear. He knows this song, he knows it by heart.

From the time he fell in love with Jongin. 

~~

The difference between Kyungsoo's love story with Jongin and Chanyeol that only he would know is that unlike Chanyeol, he fell in love with Jongin at first sight.

It was a chance encounter, literally. 

The university's music program's final project every semester was a performance with a randomly selected person for the year end concert. 

Since he had only taken it as a minor for singing, Kyungsoo wasn't surprised when he saw the name 'Kim Jongin' pasted beside his on the bulletin board and didn't know who he was. 

Retrieving the other's contact information from the bulletin board, he had found out through texts that Jongin was taking a minor in dancing and the duo agreed that Kyungsoo would play and sing something on the piano whilst Jongin danced, something more emotional for the audience. 

They planned to meet the following week. 

Kyungsoo was drawn to a slow song playing somewhere down the hall, with a steady percussion and light melody, accompanied by the light scuffing of shoes from someone dancing. 

Kyungsoo peeked his head in and was overwhelmed with emotion at the figure dancing in the mirror. Bronze skin, sharp features, and entrancing eyes prodded Kyungsoo;s heart as he poked his head further in. 

Suddenly, the dancer tripped and fell to the floor. Kyungsoo was by his side in a flash. 

"Are you okay?" The dancer looked up again with wide eyes, surprised that someone saw his fall. His handsome features suddenly morphed into a soft, cute smile that gave off 'giant teddy bear vibes'. 

"I'm fine, I'm Kim Jongin." Kyungsoo held out his hand as an introduction and as a way to help the guy up. 

"Do Kyungsoo." Jongin smirked and pulled Kyungsoo down as well, placing them in quite an intimate position considering that they had just met. 

"You're really cute." Jongin said and Kyungsoo blushed. 

"Well, I think you're cute too." And to Kyungsoo's surprised, Jongin's cheeks also turned pink and they both started bursting into laughter.

And in that fateful room, the third room on the right side on the third floor of the music building, they had fallen in love.

~~

Kyungsoo smiled bittersweetly to himself, reveling in his past.

"I see you're enjoying the night sky." Chanyeol commented. He had somehow snuck up on Kyungsoo, he was probably too deep in thought. 

"Yeah, helps with thinking." Chanyeol leaned a little more on the guardrail. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Chanyeol asked. 

"No....." Chanyeol didn't look offended at the response and made no moves to get closer to Kyungsoo. 

"That's okay. I have to coordinate a few things with the office heads so I'll be in the guest room if you need anything. Other then that, goodnight Kyungsoo." Chanyeol smiled warmly at Kyungsoo and left the balcony. 

Kyungsoo stayed the balcony for a while, thinking. 

He looked down at his cellphone in his hand, his phone was destroyed in the car crash and Chanyeol got him a new one, but the contacts were tragically lost. And even though Kyungsoo could remember Jongin and Minseok's number by heart, they both appeared to be numbers no longer in use when Kyungsoo tried calling both of them.

But he just wanted answers, he needed someone from the past he remembers to confirm the past he doesn't remember. Trying to scroll through his options, Kyungsoo lit up when another option came to mind.

Hmmm, tomorrow's Saturday. Kyungsoo pulled up the phone app, he didn't want to ask Chanyeol about it, he didn't want to seem rude. 

He dialed a number and held it to his ear. 

"Hello?"

"Hi Junmyeon hyung." 

~~

Chanyeol hadn't actually done any office work that night, he was figuring out how to meet Dr. Zhang again. 

But the receptionist was really not giving him a chance. 

"He has no free spots for the next 2 months you'll have to wait that long if you want to meet with him."

"Calling again will not change the fact that his next 2 months are booked." 

"Sir if you call again I am going to have your number blocked."

Chanyeol grumbled and kept scrolling through websites, trying to figure out how to dodge the long wait time. It seemed impossible to get through to a doctor who was so renowned and even if Chanyeol could probably use his money to somehow get to him, he didn't want to impede on dozens of people who actually would need his help. 

"Just one more website.............."

*

Chanyeol woke up the next morning fairly late, his phone read 10:30 am and his dead laptop on his lap showed that he had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of the night. 

He lazily freshened up and went to the kitchen, only to spot a single plate of blueberry waffles and bacon on the table.

The bacon was arranged into a smiley face on the top pancake and Chanyeol laughed a little at it. He saw a note placed beside the plate. 

Sorry that I left, I went out with Junmyeon for a bit, I'll be back before dinner 🙂

~~ 

Around 10 am, Kyungsoo had made his way into Junmyeon's car. He was humming a happy little tune that made Junmyeon smile at him. 

"Looks like you're in a good mood." He said. 

"I just have a good feeling about today, thanks so much for driving since I can't drive for now because of this." Kyungsoo pointed at his head. 

"Anything for my favorite junior in university, where did you want to go?" Junmyeon asked. 

Kyungsoo grabbed the GPS off of Junmyeon's dash and typed in an address. When he put it back, Junmyeon saw the destination was a couple hours away, away from the city. He turned to Kyungsoo with a questioning look but didn't say anything. Kyungsoo smiled guiltily and Junmyeon shrugged, he wasn't going to ask questions. 

It probably had something to do with Kyungsoo's memory and if it would help him, then he'll do it for Kyungsoo and Chanyeol's sake. 

Junmyeon put on a soft driving playlist and then they were on their way. Kyungsoo couldn't help but smile to himself as the car drove through the city, thinking about his past. 

~~

"Kyungsoo?" Kyungsoo looked up from his spot on the stool where he was cleaning the fences for the cattle field. His mother was standing behind him.

"Yeah Umma?" His mother handed him an envelope. 

"I know you haven't been happy lately, not just after your father died Kyungsoo." She sat on the fence. "And I always hear you sing at night, I know you're trying out dishes in the kitchen. I know you want to go out there into the world." 

Kyungsoo frowned, "No I don't, I want to stay and help you on the ranch." 

"You're lying," Before Kyungsoo could protest she smiled, "I know best." 

She pulled out some papers from behind her, "Also, I know you've been looking at universities in Seoul." 

"No I haven't, those must have ended up in my bag from one of my classmates." Kyungsoo said. 

"Don't be so stubborn, you graduate high school in a year Kyungsoo, you should go chase your dreams." She pointed at the envelope. 

"Take it, it's your early graduation present." Kyungsoo carefully opened the envelope, his vision blurring as dozens of 100$ bills came into his view. (Way too lazy for won conversion)

"You better save that for university."

"But Umma, you're going to be alone." Kyungsoo stuttered out. 

"Don't worry about me, we're not stranded we have neighbors," She laughed at her own comment, "And I could always hire helpers if I needed it." She gestured for Kyungsoo to stand and she pulled him into a hug. 

"Now stop crying, I don't like seeing you cry." But Kyungsoo could only cry harder into his mom's shoulder.

"Thank you."

~~

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon stopped over for lunch for a while at some random Italian restaurant before they would continue on their trip. Kyungsoo having Junmyeon fill him in on randomly new tidbits of information around the world. 

He decided he heard enough after hearing about some chaotic, orange skinned lunatic that was running the United States and the two got back into the car and kept driving. 

~~

"I'm going to miss you Umma," Kyungsoo said to his mom when they finished loading his dad's old pick up truck, he was going to head off to university in Seoul. 

"Now, you better visit often." She said.

"Why can't you at least get a landline so I can call the house?" Kyungsoo asked.

"Because I hate technology!" She declared, sending Kyungsoo into a fit of giggles. She was never against Kyungsoo having technology though, he got an affordable cell phone and laptop when he was in high school, she just hated it for herself. Especially after Kyungsoo's dad died, she didn't find a need for it.

"Okay I got it old lady, I'll make sure I visit you a-lot." Kyungsoo said. 

"That's my boy, now shoo, you're going to be late for orientation." She ushered him into the car. "I'll see you when I see you." Her voice was wavering. 

"I'll see you when I see you," Kyungsoo replied back. They both stared at each other for a few moments.

"Go! Don't make me hold you back!" Kyungsoo already knew that she didn't want him to see her cry so he closed his car door, waving at her. 

He could see her crying already in his side mirror, he turned back at her, gave her a tearful smile, and drove off.

~~

When they pulled up to the destination, confirmed by the GPS's announcement and Kyungsoo's restlessness. Junmyeon was sure he's never seen this place before.

The ranch was fairly large, home to a generous amount of cattle and sheep. There was a beautiful garden decorating the front lawn and Junmyeon could see a lake somewhere off behind the house.

He parked the car by one of the wooden fences "This place is nice, who's is it?" Kyungsoo unbuckled his seatbelt and smiled at Junmyeon. "It's my parents ranch, I'm gonna visit my mom." 

Junmyeon's eyes widened, he tried to reach out to stop Kyungsoo, "Wait..." Kyungsoo didn't seem to notice and kept rambling as he stepped out of the car with excitement.

"It's been so hectic the last while that I forgot to get in touch with her. She'll probably have the answers I'm looking for, and she'll be so excited to see me! I know living alone was tough for her after my dad died and when I was in university I didn't get to visit her often." Kyungsoo was waltzing up to the front door. Junmyeon desperately trying to get him to stop in a discrete fashion.

"Okay, Kyungsoo, you got this." Kyungsoo gave himself a pep talk before knocking on the door. 

"Wait, Kyungsoo," Kyungsoo turned back to Junmyeon. 

 "Didn't Chanyeol tell you?" Junmyeon said.

"Tell me what?" Kyungsoo asked?

There's something you should know..." But before Junmyeon could keep going, the door opened to reveal a middle aged woman. 

Kyungsoo and the woman shared a brief look of confusion before Kyungsoo spoke. 

"Are you one of my mom's friends? One of the neighbors?" Kyungsoo asked

"Your mom?" The confusion on the woman's face became more intense. "Are you looking for the previous owner? I only moved into this place a few months ago but I heard the previous owner died a few years ago." 

And there it was. Junmyeon internally winced at the statement and looked at Kyungsoo, trying to gauge his reaction. 

Kyungsoo looked like he had died on the spot, staring blankly into space, dead expression on his face.

"You're lying, she was strong and healthy the last time I saw her." Kyungsoo argued, the owner took sense of the situation and had pity for Kyungsoo.

"Come inside, I'll tell you about it." 

~ If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song~~

"She died on our lake." Kyungsoo muttered. "3 years ago....."

He and Junmyeon were sitting on the grass by the lake now after the talk with the owner. She said that from neighbor accounts, Mrs. Do was fishing in the middle of the lake when the old boat must've worn itself down and gave in, they had found her body 3 days later. 

The owner let them stay on the property and visit as often they'd like, understanding the situation even more after Junmyeon talked to her briefly in private.

They had been sitting on the lake for over an hour and Kyungsoo still looked like he was trying to digest everything.

"Chanyeol didn't even tell me...." Kyungsoo sounded lifeless. Junmyeon bit his lip, he's never experienced Kyungsoo dealing with something negative, he knew those cases used to go to Jongin, Minseok, or more recently before the acciden