Your relationship started to change after that day. A little more intimate. A little more touchy. These were waters that you never thought you would tread but you obviously were wrong. Instead of sticking your toes into the water you were waist deep and slowly rising.

On that day, both of you didn’t say anything. Opting to talk through your actions than your words. Needless to say, it was quite the eventful night and the both of you ended up sleeping in each other’s arms. (And no you didn’t sleep sleep with her)

You still think of yourself as a coward, you still didn’t tell her that you liked her. Even after the amount of kissing you did last night. The words just seemed to be stuck in the back of your throat, unable to escape. Whether that be because you were too scared to say it or because your lips were occupied with her’s were for you to decide later when you lay in your bed thinking about it.

But right now your relationship was in the murky area between girlfriends and friends with benefits. You didn’t dare cross that line though. You loved the girl for sakes, you would never take it that far for the sake of your greed. She was still the girl you loved and you wouldn’t take anything too far if she wasn’t yours. You know you would surely regret your decision if you ever did.

Blurry. You couldn’t make out anything anymore. When the both of you were in public, you did what you normally do. Hang out around the city, laughing and acting as if the both of you weren’t aware of the unspoken feelings the both of you have for each other. But behind closed doors, away from the public eye, you would have your lips do the talking and your mind trying to convince itself that she wasn’t yours.

Like right now for example, her labored breath was fanning over your neck as you held back a moan, afraid that a teacher or a student would be passing by at that moment. She sent you a text asking you to come to the empty art room at the end of the hall. What other reason would she ask you to come if not to do things that were left unfinished. Your suspicions were true when you had entered and closed the door.

The entire room was dark. Why the art room didn’t have any windows you never would know the answer, but it just made your senses overly sensitive. Without your eyes, you had to rely on other things. The way she smelled like vanilla, the feeling of her wet kisses on your neck, the urgency in her touches as she pushes you further into the desk you were up against.

You would like to have a nice conversation with her about your confused feelings but whenever you were alone with her things would end up like this. With her lips somewhere on your body and your mind a mushy mess. You would constantly hate yourself for involving her with you, with every passing day there would be another cloud of doubt. But being with her felt so good, so right.

It didn’t help that she was the one that would initiate everything. Always the one to call you away from the crowd to sneak a kiss or two onto your lips. The one to start the many make out sessions that you would end up having behind closed doors. The one that takes it a step further by attacking your neck or jaw without warning.

All these actions you would like to believe were because she liked you too. But all it was doing was confusing you even more, making the maze in your mind even more complicated. Adding another obstacle in the way, another distraction from the end goal. When were you ever going to tell her, it seemed to be getting further away the more you spend time with her.

“M-Minju-”

You feel her nip at your collarbone and you are not about to explain where that came from to your teacher, or even worse, your friends. They knew that you had a complicated way of dealing with your emotions, always having these small flings with other people. But they didn’t have to know it was with Minju, the girl that was causing all of this confusion in the first place.

You lightly push her back. You notice the way she tried to resist, trying to get at your collarbone again. Blurry. Instead your hand traces her neck up to her cheek, caressing it lightly before you bring her closer to you. You start kissing her, the intoxicating addiction you have for kissing her was unhealthy. Like a poisonous flower that would kill you with a single touch yet it’s beauty draws you in more. You couldn’t stop yourself from wanting her despite the amount of pain you would feel afterwards. 

It was soft at first, small little pecks that would turn into something more. They would become much slower, much deeper. You could feel the desperation from her with every new kiss, was this her way of telling you she wants to be with you too? You didn’t know, it was all too blurry.

You feel her tongue swipe against your lips, her hands pulling your loose polo out of your skirt for her hands to lay on your bare skin. Damn, why did she have to be so needy. It was making it hard for you to ignore the growing feelings in your heart.

“Chae…” she whined against your lips. You couldn’t see the look she was giving you but you were sure that it was one of lust and pent up frustration. You sigh into one of the kisses, allowing her the access she so desperately wanted. If you were trying to ignore these feelings you had a terrible way of doing it. Her hands leave your stomach and make their way to your short hair. Threading her fingers through your brown locks, trying to pull you closer which was probably impossible seeing that the two of you were as close as could be.

Before you knew it the both of you had been going at it for the rest of the class period. Barely any words exchanged with only the sounds of pleasure and the occasional name called in heavy whispers. You were definitely going to get questioned by your friends when you saw them at lunch. The decision was between eating with them or eating with Minju. Which one was worse, an interrogation, or having to taste that sweet poison for a second time that day? You knew for a fact that the both of you would be alone which meant that if you were to eat with Minju you would be too busy eating her lips to be eating your food. With your friends it was, you didn’t want to consume anymore of her, you were already beginning to get addicted.

While you were fixing your messed up uniform, you felt her arms snake around your waist, her head resting on your shoulder. Afraid to spare her a glance at the expense of your weak heart, you continue to button up your blazer in silence.

“Chaewon…” her voice was soft and it almost made you melt into her arms. But you maintain your composure and hummed, prompting her to continue. You try to ignore the smell of her vanilla perfume and the way her nose brushes against your neck.

“Can you come over today?”

Ah… She wants to continue. You guess less than an hour wasn’t enough for her, she must have her own greed that she wants to satisfy. You agree because you’re unable to say no and she lightly squeezes you in her arms, of affection or not you don’t know.

She removes her arms from your waist so you turn to face her. The small amount of light coming from the hallway illuminated her features beautifully and you wish she was yours. You wish you weren’t a coward.

“I’ll see you later Chae,” she walks closer to you, kissing you ever so softly that it almost felt real. You push those feelings down. You don’t want to get your hopes up. You don’t want to keep getting hurt because you started hoping that she felt that same way again. Suppress. Ignore. Hide it all away.

-

You’re making your way towards Minju’s place after being pulled out of class by the teachers. They scolded you again for skipping your classes. You did it every now and then, it wasn’t anything new and the both of you knew it. It was pointless calling you out to scold you at this point. What, do they think they’ll be able to change you in a single day? They’ve been trying for a few years now and nothing has changed, they should be happy that you even attend class in the first place.

When you were excused, Yena had dragged you to her car to interrogate you on why you weren’t in class. Guess the explanation you gave them during lunch just didn’t cut it for her. You told her you were with someone but she wouldn’t stop pressing further. It was a miracle that Yuri showed up when she did or else Yena would have been next week's dinner.

Now you were almost at Minju’s house. It always felt like you didn’t belong with the expensive neighborhood that you were currently walking in. Even more of a reason to believe that you weren’t worth Minju’s time. She was just better in every way yet she was wasting her precious time with a lowlife like you.

When you make it to her house, you see her room lights on. You didn’t notice the sun had already almost set over the horizon. Yena must have kept you for longer than you expected, that damn duck. With a final glance at the sunset, you knock on the door loudly, signalling that you had arrived.

Moments later you see her open the door, a big smile on her face when she realizes that it’s you. She gently grabs your wrist and pulls you inside, closing the door behind you. You’ve been to her house many times before but you were always blown away at the actual size of it. Pure white walls that had various family pictures on them, a large living room that was as big as your own house alone. The dining table that had a very expensive looking chandelier hanging above it. Something you find a bit excessive but that’s how the rich live supposedly.

“Let’s go to my room, my parents aren’t home today.” She gently tugs on your arm as she takes you up the stairs. Of course her parents weren’t home, why would she invite you otherwise? Just like you, she wouldn’t want them hearing the both of you doing -- well, what you do together.

When you enter her room, you notice the study lamp was on with her homework neatly organized under it. Minju was always the studious type, if she wasn’t with you she was studying. How she did it amazes you seeing as you rarely study at all. She must have been waiting for a long time to start doing her homework today.

When you sit on the bed you look at her expectantly, waiting for her to make the first move like she always does. But instead she locks eyes with you harboring the same look, seemingly waiting for you.

You pout your lips a little in thought, was she waiting for you to initiate first? Maybe she wanted a change of pace, a switch in the dynamic. You stand up, approaching her slowly. She looks at you with unreadable eyes, were you doing what she wanted from you? Reading her was harder than any book you’ve ever read.

Using one arm you pull her from the waist, the other under her chin to pull it down slightly. Curse her and your height difference, why did she have to be the taller one? Out of all the things you just had to be shorter than her.

You use your fingers and outline her jawline, setting your eyes on her lips. She was biting them, probably because you were teasing her so much that it was making her go crazy. You start with her jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down to her neck. You weren’t at school this time and you wanted some payback. So you bite and in all the places you want, enjoying the whimpers that escaped her lips. You avoided kissing her because you didn’t want to get addicted just yet but you didn’t account that she tasted sweet regardless of the area and you were already addicted the moment you started falling.

“Chae… stop teasing.” It’s all so blurry. An overdose of pure emotion. You refuse to take it too far, but you would surely push those limits as much as you could just to get enough of her, to satisfy your endlessly growing greed.

You push her against her closest door, your hand coming under her shirt to feel the soft skin under it. Blurry. It’s all just so, so blurry. You feel her heavy breath on your neck, the building condensation on her neck making it even harder for you to resist as it shines under the lamps glow.

Why did she have to be so beautiful? Why couldn’t she just be yours. You’re frustrated at yourself, it would be so simple to just speak the words you were holding in and let her know how you feel. You don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to express these feelings to her. Was it your status difference? The fact that she’s way out of your league that you wouldn’t be able to believe it if she told you she liked you back. You don’t understand yourself, why can’t you just say it. Say that you love her.

“What?”

You blink. What? You look up at her and you’re confused. She was looking at you like you said something out of turn. Did you say something?

“What did you just say…?”

“What did I say?”

“You said that you loved me.”

You freeze, your eyes growing bigger. You said what? Did you say that out loud? Your mind was in a frenzy, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to learn that you loved her. This wasn’t the confession that you wanted to give her. Everything was just --wrong, and you were about to lose your mind.

You pull away from her, afraid of the outcome to follow. Spews of apologies leave your lips in a jumble of words, too hard for you to decipher even though you were the one to say them. You were beginning to panic, you just ruined your relationship with the girl that you held closest to your heart. This was the end of it all, she was going to resent you.

You close your eyes, afraid of seeing the reaction she would give you. Both your heart and your mind were a mess, a storm of emotions was building inside of you. It was bound to consume you whole and you wouldn’t be able to escape the chaos that was to fall upon you. 

You smell vanilla, it engulfs you in it’s scent. You feel warm, comfortable in its embrace as you allow it to sooth your broken mind. Did the storm take you and you’ve finally escaped the pain?

You open your eyes and see her body wrapped around yours. What does it mean? You want to ask her. You’ve already laid your heart bare to her, you should be able to do it again.

“Chaewon…”

You wait

“Do you mean it?”

You let the words sink in, do you mean it? When you think about the events that occurred to get you this far, you sure as hell believe that you mean it. To sum it up, she was your everything and you tell her just that.

But you also tell her of your insecurities, the misfortune you believe you would bring upon her. Your worlds were like the two sides of the moon, the complete opposite of each other. You were afraid that one day you wouldn’t have the power to be selfish and keep her to yourself. Just this once, you wear your heart on your sleeve for her. And she listens.

You feel her pull away, tears streaming down your cheeks as she stares into your eyes. Her hands cupping your face gently as her words were carried through the air like a soft lullaby.

“Don’t cry Chae… no matter what anyone says, I would choose you over everyone else every single time.”

Your sobs get stronger. You feel like your chest is about to burst. If this was a dream you would rather stay asleep forever than to wake up. But it’s real, so real that you can reach out and hold her. So real, that your next words aren’t just a figment of your dreams.

“I’ve loved you since a long time ago… I was so afraid that you didn’t feel the same way I-” you choke on your words, it was harder than you thought to lay out your raw emotions for the person you loved. “I don’t deserve you, but if you’re willing to accept me…”

You look into her eyes, the tears threatening to fall from her dark brown eyes to match your already stained cheeks. “I would do anything just to be with you.”

You see the first tear trickle down her cheek and you hastily brush it away. Bringing your heads together like the night of your first shared kiss. You can’t help but cry along with her, this was really happening. You still didn’t deserve her, you never thought so highly of yourself like that before. But her words erased your doubt, the once blurry mind for once was clear of all confusion.

“I love you too Chaewon, ever since the day I met you. And I’ll continue to love you forever”

Since someone asked for a part 2, I wrote it!

Anyways~ That's it for today, I hope you enjoyed it.

Suggest your prompts and I would love to write them.

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