The next day, I urgently packed up and bought a ticket. One way ticket. Thailand. The country that Hendery praised to me so much during our telephone conversation. I began to talk to him more often, he is such a versatile person.

But then I decided to get rid of my phone. I just left it in Korea, and then I bought myself a cheap one just for calls and slow Internet.

I left behind everything: friends, work, family, future husband... To get my thoughts together. Will I stay here forever? I don't know, but I want to forget everything, even who I am.

Old and small room, but quiet neighbourhood. Downtown of Bangkok. Every night I can hear every rustle and scream of the neighbors, but.. it's kind of relaxing?

The balcony has become my favorite place. Fresh air (as far as it's possible in an industrial city), light breeze and.. an attractive guy.

No, it wasn't even that he was handsome that attracted me (Although that attracted me too). What attracted me in him was that at the same time of the evening the same ritual happened: his balcony doors were wide open, pleasant music was pouring from his apartment, and he himself, feeling every beat, succumbing to every note, danced. Although, can such an art be called a dance?

I have seen many times how people danced, but the way he does it... it's inexplicably beautiful, sensual.

This is how he dances every day, at the same time. First, the balcony doors swing open, after the guy walks around the room, the same pleasant music turns on, he warms-up, and a wonderful performance begins.

I began to sit on the balcony with a glass of cheap wine every day, trying to catch his slightest movements. Every time I tried to find music he was dancing at, but I couldn't. And every time I thought I would meet this guy in the common hall, but didn't.

Balcony, uncomfortable closeness of the opposite house, a handsome guy. For me it became a kind of relaxation session. And I watched him, listened, admired, not even knowing who he was.

On one of these evenings, I once again looked at this art, as the song ended, it meant now this guy will once again come to the balcony and close it. But this time his routine changed, as he pulled off his sweat-soaked shirt, revealing his toned body, with a tattoo under his ribs. I was so carried away by the pattern of the tattoo that I didn't even notice how I began to reach closer and closer, almost rolling over the fence.

The guy at the same time went out onto the balcony, leaned on the fence and looked directly at me. And smiled with a fox smile. Time froze still for me. He noticed me.

“ทะลึ่ง (Thalụ̀ng)” he said something in Thai rather playfully, which made me look at him in surprise. He continued. "ทำไม จ้อง มอง มา ที่ ฉัน? (Thảmị ĉxng mxng mā thī̀ c̄hạn)"

I still looked at him in complete incomprehension, as he laughed softly, and then spoke.

"Hey, you’re not from around here, right?" I finally realized what he was talking about all this time, and nodded happily. He just shook his head as he continued. "So you understand English?"

I nodded again with delight, praising myself for the diligent cramming of this language while I was studying at the university. The guy chuckled, and also leaned slightly over the railing, moving closer to me.

"Why're you staring at me, ert?" my jaw definitely met the floor and this guy burst out laughing.

Ten. That was the name of the guy who drove me crazy with his dancing alone. Well, more precisely, his name was not Ten, but his Thai name is so complicated that he told me to call him just Ten.

After our short dialogue on the balcony, the guy invited me to his place, saying “at least you won’t fall off the railing because of me”.

And I visited him, and realized that there's a huge difference between seeing his dancing up close, without hiding, and seeing it from the balcony. Ten was unbelievably flexible, he clearly could feel every rhythm, as if his heart was beating in unison.

For several hours he danced just for me, and I couldn't stop myself from enjoying the whole performance, modestly sitting on the edge of the dark sofa. After Ten finished, he went to take a shower, again playfully saying “hope you won't peek, ”.

Of course, I didn't look, but I looked around his living room, which, according to the plan of the room, was exactly like mine, but still Ten's was completely different. It was almost alive, the walls were painted with fictitious pictures, the ceiling was strewn with stars glowing in the dark, and the room itself was almost empty, because the whole center was a dance floor, and on the wall was a large mirror. Even his music player looked like it was from the nineties.

"Didn’t look through my underwear yet, y girl?" he came out already refreshed, his hair was wet after a shower, but his eyes still shone with some hidden secret.

"Hey, I’m not a ert!"

"Oh, yeah? Then why did you watch me every evening for almost a month, drooling all over the place?" he smirked, still mocking me, making me blush. Did I really drool?

"I was just… It just felt like you were ethereal."

He looked surprised, but only for a split second, after which the fox smiled appeared again, and he replied with a short "well, thanks."

I talked to him all night. Ten was sharp-tongued, quick-witted and cheerful. It turned out that he was a dancer in some famous company and couldn't wait to be on the stage, under shining lights. He also wrote his own music, and I immediately asked him to share it with me. He joked about copyright, but he shared his music anyway.

Ten was imbued with art - his paintings were also beautiful, he painted all the walls in his house himself. Just a typhoon of thoughts is born in his head, and he constantly expresses it either through dance or pictures.

He tried to ask about me, but I avoided any questions, and he simply understood and didn't ask anything if I didn't want to, for which I was very grateful.

Ten learned too late that I was from Korea and after that he spoke to me in perfect Korean, which made my jaw nearly drop. Again. He promised to show me the city, everything there was and even more, and I just smiled. It's been such a long time since I felt so... happy.

Ten fulfilled his promise. We walked all over Bangkok every evening. He showed me every nook and cranny, street or building of which there were a great many. I looked at Bangkok from a perspective that I never expected to see.

I didn't expect that it could be so fun to walk on railroad tracks, guessing from their vibration how soon the train will arrive and jumping off at the last minute.

I didn't expect that it could be so fun to walk through a street bazaar, looking at any strange product, doubting their reliability and authenticity. Ten bought about ten (how ironic) strange bracelets that I tried to dissuade him from doing it, but he tied these bracelets together and put them on my arm, and they suddenly became very beautiful.

I didn't expect that it would be so fun to eat fatty and tasty street food, and after that to suffer from heartburn and stomach pains together.

I didn't expect to find someone with whom I would feel comfortable to just lay on the dusty, sagging floor, look at the cracked ceiling with artificial stars, firmly hold someone's hand, and just smile silently, while listening to the noise of the street and thinking about what tomorrow will bring.

With Ten, any event turned into something special. He seemed to feel when I was tormented by restless thoughts and pulled me out of them, distracting me with such reckless nonsense that I unconsciously forgot about everything.

With him I felt like I was fifteen again, I could freely do utter nonsense, talk about nothing and everything at the same time, dream of the stars and... fall in love. As if for the first time, naively, childishly. Only this time I fell in love not with the prince, but with... the same lost in life child as me.

Days, weeks, months flew by, before I even realized it. Ten finally had his first performance, in front of a huge audience, under beautiful spotlights. All eyes were on him, and he was just beautiful. He was born to be a star.

His fans grew in numbers, as did his popularity. Now we had to hide everything that was between us. But what exactly was between us? I don't know myself, but something special. I knew it. I saw it in his eyes.

“You are my muse,” he said unexpectedly, even sharply, as he usually does with a sudden idea. His eyes were shining and he was looking directly at me, sitting covered in paint, next to the canvas. I smiled as I sat down next to him.

"And why is it all of a sudden?"

"Eh, I thought you were smart enough to understand right away," I lightly hit him, which made him smile wider, teasing me. "Because no matter what I paint, you appear in my thoughts, and my hands begin to create by themselves. I... feel you. This has never happened to me before."

I was silent for a while and looked into his eyes, understanding him through his eyes more than through his words, as if reading his mind.

"Do you love me?"

"Love?" he smirked with denial, and my heart skipped a beat, but I understood what he meant. "This word doesn't explain it. It doesn't explain everything I feel."

"I feel it too" for some time we just looked at each other, reading our minds just with a glances. "But I still can't forgive you for calling me a 'ert'."

And I smear red paint over his face, which makes him instinctively fall on his back. I sit down on him with a warlike cry and finish my work, now smearing his face in green, he laughs loudly and doesn't stop me.

"Now you learned your lesson, alien," I laughed, examining his greenish alien face. He laughed too, pulling me closer to him. The laughter slowly fades between us, and we are just smiling at each other.

“You are like a part of me, that I once lost,” he whispered more seriously, hugging me.

My fingers his hair, gently disentangling it and drawing closer to him. Out of habit, I looked into his eyes and saw the whole range of feelings... directed at me. I smiled tenderly, and he reached out and kissed me.

I lived with Ten. Or rather, I couldn't live without Ten? We understood each other perfectly. He was perfect for me. In everything. But today he left for several hours to shoot some kind of advertisement, which made the house immediately cold and unwelcoming.

I was preparing dinner and repeating the words that he taught me in Thai, as someone knocked on the door. It seemed strange to me, because Ten had the keys, and we paid for the rent a couple of days ago.

A couple of my steps, a handle, a door. And before me is my mother. It seems like a nightmare. Here she gives me a slap in the face and hugs me after that, either scolding me or crying, I couldn't understand. What's happening? Is this a dream?

But no, I see Chenle, who looks at me guiltily, they take me somewhere, put me in a car. As soon as the car door slammed shut, I came back to my feelings. It's not a dream. I understood everything.

Tears streamed down from my eyes.

"No!" I tried to open the car door, but it was already closed, and we drove off to the main road. I tried to jump out, fight off people, who held me, get away. I needed to talk to Ten.

"Jisoo, what are you doing?!"

I wanted to calmly answer, I wanted to explain that I was leaving a part of myself here, but I couldn't. Tears stopped all the rational words, and my mind was clouded with hysteria. And then darkness.

I woke up already in the plane. After a couple of hours I landed back in Korea. Friends met me, some cried, hugged me tightly, said they missed me, and I... I was empty. I left myself far behind, in distant Bangkok. In lively streets, noisy nights, a cozy but old and shabby apartment, in which all the walls were painted. I left him. And without him.. is there me?

A month has passed. I didn't notice anything. I didn't hear anyone. And nobody understood what was happening to me. The only thing I knew was..

"I need to go back to Bangkok," my mother looks at me dumbfounded, because for the first time this month I spoke to her.

"To Bangkok?"

"Yes. Right now," there is emptiness in my eyes.

"Is it because of that Thai boy?" she intensely stared at me, and my feelings betrayed me; my eyes sparkled. "Are you crazy, Jisoo? Your husband is sitting in the next room, worried about you, and you want to run away to some guy? Do you know how long we've been looking for you?"

"I will not marry him," for the first time I tell her directly about my feelings. Usually I always ran away without explaining anything.

“That's it,” the coldness in her voice pierced me to the bones, but I won’t run away. Not this time. “Jisoo, you'll still marry Zhong Chenle."

"I... let me see him. Once, please," I'm so pathetic. Why can't I stand up for something, but just plead?

"Then I propose you a deal. You said yourself, we are adults, so let's act like responsible adults.” I tensed up, but nodded. "You will marry Chenle, we will make a beautiful ceremony, you will smile and look happy, and on your honeymoon, so be it, you will go to Thailand. This is my first and last proposal."

"And what if I don't agree?"

“You will still marry Chenle. It's just a matter of whether you will see your Thai boy or not."

Again, I just have no choice.

Wedding. I should be happy, right? Outwardly, yes, I am absolutely happy. A snow-white smile, a snow-white dress, a dazzling diadem. A princess. And next to me is a handsome, rich prince. One problem: I don't want to be a princess. And I don't want a prince. I just want one guy from Thailand, who could replace any one of those princes.

Camera flashes, smiles and congratulations from friends, relatives, receiving gorgeous gifts. Maybe I should have agreed to Jae's engagement proposal that day? Or agreed when Yuta drunkenly proposed to me? Or maybe it was worth giving Lucas a chance? Or revive the relationship with Taeil? Give Mark a chance? So many ifs and so few answers.

"I declare you husband and wife!"

Applause, whistles, camera flashes. My fake smile and sincere smile from my fiance. Oh, now he's my husband. A kiss that makes me feel absolutely nothing. Mom's happy face.

Already evening. Gourmet restaurant. Influential guests. Tasty food. Dance.

"You dance well," my fiance made a sincere compliment, smiling.

"He taught me that."

"What?" Chenle didn't hear my whisper. 

He didn't even need me to say anything to understand me.

“I said thank you,” and he smiled charmingly again. And I smiled back.

Night. Modern house with city views. Our parents tried their best. He awkwardly tries to touch me, and I pretend to be asleep. He gives up.

Finally. We're on a plane. We're almost there. I'm almost with him. Hours go on like days, I can't sit still. And here we are in the car, I name the address, which is scribbled in my mind like a permanent tattoo. The car drives too slowly, I rush the driver, but we find ourselves in a traffic jam.

Come on, I've waited for too long. And here we are approaching such a native dilapidated building. Old apartments, but a safe neighbourhood. I press the elevator button, it approaches our floor too slowly and I'm already running up the stairs. Tenth floor.

"Do you know why I chose the tenth floor?"

"Because you're Ten?"

"No, because I don't like all the other numbers."

"What? Has anyone told you that you are a weirdo?"

"Yes, and has anyone told you that you are a ert?"

"Yes"

A familiar door with a broken lock. With impatience I knock on the door, because the bell is broken. I breathe heavily, trying to catch my breath. The door opens.

"คุณ คือ ใคร? (Khuṇ khụ̄x khır?)" a short middle-aged woman with a child in her arms appeared before me. She looked inquiringly at me, but no matter how Ten taught me, I never learned Thai. "อะไร ที่ คุณ ต้องการ? (Xarị thī̀ khuṇ t̂xngkār?)"

I took out my phone trying to catch the signal. Chenle, who was waiting for the elevator, finally caught up with me. I the translator, trying to bring up what I wanted to ask.

"What are you doing?" I didn't even pay attention to the guy's questions. I was already trying to read Thai characters.

"เจ้าของ คน ก่อน อยู่ ที่ไหน? (Cêāk̄hxng khn k̀xn xyū̀ thī̀h̄ịn?)"

"เขา ย้าย ออก ไม่ กี่ เดือน ที่ ผ่าน มา (K̄heā ŷāy xxk mị̀ kī̀ deụ̄xn thī̀ p̄h̀ān mā)" she again quickly mumbled something in Thai, which I really couldn't understand, looking at her in bewilderment. She tried to remember something to herself quietly mumbling. "Move. He, Gone, Move."

And I finally understood the meaning of her words. And the floor under me seemed to spin and I fell on my knees, unable to hide my disappointment any longer.

"Are you okay? Jisoo?" he sat down next to me, but nothing mattered. Chenle looked at the woman, trying to talk to her. "Do you have a contact info? Contact? Number? Address?" 

He talked with this woman for a while, even tried the translator as well, but she just said a short 'no' and closed the door.

It's already.. wait, and how much time has passed since that moment? Year? Two or three already? I no longer count the days, I live for the moment of now.

I still work at my company, which I was taken back to, thanks to Renjun's help. I am also joking and chatting with my friends. It turns out that Jeno is about to get married, and Yuta is again dating another, also a very good girl. Jaemin has already traveled half the world. Mark is completely immersed in work, and Jaehyun helps his father with his company. I haven't seen either Lucas or Taeil in a long time.

I still travel, mostly with Jaemin, there are more people who join from time to time. I learned Thai. I don't know why. I wanted to. And I signed up for dancing. They say I'm good at it. I am still in touch with Hendery and promised to visit his next exhibition in Seoul.

Nothing changed. Except for a couple of things. Now I have a ring on my ring finger that I will never take off. And I'm not returning to my old rented apartment, but rather living in a chic mansion overlooking the entire city. Sometimes I have dinners with Chenle, and sometimes we even sleep in the same bed. Nothing else has changed.

Oh, yes. And I never saw him again. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know if he became a famous star, because I can't find information about him. I don't remember his full Thai name, I didn't even know how old he was. It didn't matter at that time. And he didn't ask anything about me, because I didn't want to talk about myself. He always knew when to stop. As Ten once said, he was also my lost other half. I always feel not right without him. I'm always empty. Dragging this body from one spot to another, soulless, because he left and took my whole heart and soul with him. Before that, I didn't realize that I was missing something, but as soon as I got it, it hurts so much to lose it and live without it.

I love you, Ten.

And I always will wait for you.

You are a star, which I was lucky enough to encounter.

My star.