A/N: MiShu cuddles in these trying times. I couldn't sleep the other night, so I thought I'd write a fic for the meantime.

(Song referenced at the end: "I Ain't Perfect" by IV of Spades.)

᠁

I can’t sleep
So tell me
I stay awake again tonight
Maybe tomorrow night, too
So tell me now, I’ll find a way
Tomorrow night too, there is no other way
I can’t sleep

— 불면증 (Insomnia)

by Stray Kids

12:33 AM, the clock reads, and Shuhua can’t sleep.

Most nights, she had trouble with it. Always struggling to fall asleep, but it never comes easily. Sleep takes a lot more than simply putting one’s head down, and she would realize this after hours spent staring into nothingness. Waiting for the fatigue to overwhelm her and maybe, just maybe, it’ll knock her out for good.

She thinks about having it checked out. Because lately, it’s been happening more often. Her own body is getting weighed down from the lack of sleep, and she’s been getting too tired to do anything. She slacked during practices, hasn’t really done what she wanted to do in and outside of the dorm, and the worse part…

The worse part is how concerned Miyeon looks whenever she glances at her.

Shuhua isn’t dumb, she can see it. The emotion that plays on her face, in her eyes, for a brief moment, before Miyeon tries to cover it up by turning her head away.

She knows that the older girl is well-aware of her insomnia. She doesn’t know why, it’s just been this way for over a month now—but she hates it when Miyeon worries about her. She feels too much of a burden when any of her unnies are distressed about her childish problems.

Yuqi, who already has trouble falling asleep herself and isn’t as energetic as she used to be.

Soyeon, who works too much and is stressed out over projects. The diligent leader who deserves a break, and to be doted on more than the restless maknae.

But even then, it doesn’t stop the members from caring about her. Miyeon especially.

Ah, she hates being too much of an issue for the group. And Shuhua doesn’t ever, ever, want to load any emotional or mental baggage she might have on them.

Sometimes, she wonders why Miyeon sticks around. Why she’s willing to keep up with Shuhua whenever the younger girl is being difficult—rejecting her affections, mocking her often, pushing her away when all Miyeon wanted was a hug. Sure, she’s grown up a little and changed over the years. But Shuhua knows that she can be too much. Too much of a handful, even for someone as patient as Soojin. Or as kind as Minnie.

And so, she tries, really tries, to be better in her relationship with the eldest. Just because they’ve been friends for a few years doesn’t mean that their bond is concrete enough to keep them together. For Shuhua, their relationship is fragile. Much more delicate, as the wrong move would completely shatter it and rock the very foundation it was built upon.

She’s determined to make this work, because she loves Miyeon too much to let her go. But even after four years of being together since pre-debut, it’s still hard for Shuhua to convey her feelings through words and actions.

(She hopes that Miyeon gets it. The older girl probably sees and reads her a lot better than she knows.)

Realizing how late it is, Shuhua shakes herself out of her thoughts and glances at the wall clock.

12:46 AM.

The maknae doesn’t understand why she can’t sleep. It would be so easy to just close her eyes and try, but she doesn’t. Or, at least, she can’t. No matter how badly she wants to.

Even though her eyelids are heavy, and her body is exhausted under the thick blanket enveloping her—all warm and cozy—she doesn’t fall asleep. Her mind is on overdrive, thinking about nothing and everything, and Shuhua wonders if there’s still sleeping pills inside their medicine cabinet.

But she doesn’t get up to check because she doesn’t want to move. Not from the heat of her bed, and certainly not from the soft snoring that drifts into her ear. She doesn’t want to disturb her girlfriend’s slumber.

Although Shuhua is unable to sleep, Miyeon can and she needs it.

The youngest sighed, nuzzling her nose in the ebony hair just below her face, as she takes a whiff of the floral scent mixed with incense and warm spices. Listening to the gentle breaths and feeling the small puffs of air that brush over the slope of her collarbone. Miyeon is tucked against her, body close to Shuhua’s as far as it can go, with their legs tangled together and her head resting on the girl’s shoulder.

They always sleep like this, even though Miyeon is slightly taller by a few centimeters. It ends up with the eldest draped onto her, clinging to Shuhua in a way that she can’t complain about when they’re this close. She feels the lump of Haku curled up at the end of her bed, nestled by their feet and snoozing faintly. Mata isn’t with them tonight, since the pup wanted to sleep with Soojin.

Shuhua strains her eyes against the darkness of her room. With the only source of light being the moon’s glow as it streamed through the dusty blinds, she watches the sight of Miyeon’s form rising and falling with each breath.

The way she looks so calm and at peace makes Shuhua jealous. Unlike her, Miyeon doesn’t seem frustrated or tense about something—such as insomnia keeping her awake at night.

Shuhua has to swallow back the lump that’s lodged in —from too much late-night thinking, from observing how Miyeon sleeps—and presses the side of her thumb to the older girl’s cheek, the skin there like it’s made of glass. She sees the way Miyeon shifts in her sleep before snuggling against her, settling back into the mattress as she exhales loudly.

The maknae smiles at this and weaves her fingers through Miyeon’s black hair, threading them along the healthy strands and scratching lightly at her scalp.

“Shuhua…”

She stiffens at the sleepy mumble of her name, soft and low in the still air of the room, as Miyeon lifts her head up slightly to gaze at her.

At least, she attempts to. Because her head falls back down on Shuhua’s shoulder, far too drowsy to keep it up any longer than she can. Miyeon struggles to keep her eyes open, yawning loud and wide, before tilting her head back for a better look at her girlfriend.

“You’re still awake…?” Her speech is slurred, tired eyes drooping shut as Shuhua reaches over to brush aside the loose hair strands falling over her face.

She lets out a small noise in reply, hoping that the eldest doesn’t keep herself awake when she should really be resting.

There’s a moment of silence between them, and Miyeon’s breathing slows down by a tad. Shuhua thinks that she might have fallen back asleep, so she closes her eyes while sighing in relief.

“Are you okay, Shu-Shu?” A worried voice breaks through the quiet air again, a lot clearer and not as languid as before, and Shuhua makes the same noise in affirmation. It’s cracked a bit this time, because she can hear the stupid concern in Miyeon’s tone. Just like always.

Why must you care so much?

Her bottom lip trembles as she takes in a shaky breath. Feeling the older girl’s arm tightening over her waist, as if trying to pull Shuhua closer. Eventually, they end up in a much different position from earlier. The youngest is cradled in Miyeon’s embrace, with her head tucked under her chin and their knees touching beneath the blanket.

She clutches onto the sleeve of Miyeon’s shirt, burying her face into her clavicle, as she desperately tries to hold herself together when Miyeon starts caressing her back. The action is sluggish and careful, since she’s not quite awake to focus properly.

Shuhua doesn’t blame her. Sleep sounds pretty good right now.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t seem like it.” Her girlfriend asked, murmuring low into the maknae’s ear, and all she can do is nod weakly. Shuhua knew that Miyeon didn’t believe her, but she doesn’t say anything. What is there to say, without making it seem like she’s pushing or forcing Shuhua to talk about her problems?

Sometimes, Miyeon is too considerate for her own good.

“Can’t fall asleep again?”

Another nod to the question, and the girl hums into her hair. She shifts a little, then pulls away gently to look at Shuhua’s face. Miyeon can vaguely see her outline in the dark, and so she squints to have a slightly better view of her.

“U-Unnie…”

Shuhua lets out a tiny whimper. Closing her eyes when Miyeon presses a light, fond kiss on her lips, and sighing softly through her nose. Her fingers curl into the fabric of Miyeon’s shirt as she rests their foreheads together, peeking up at Shuhua before she plants another kiss on the tip of her nose.

Miyeon has always been affectionate to her dongsaeng, more so when she’s sleepy like this. Blame her mind for not functioning as it should during the very early hours of the day (Or night. Bah! Who cares?)

“Would you like me to sing for you?”

She offered, a yawn slipping past her lips as she tries to close it off. But it happens anyway, and Miyeon doesn’t stop it.

Shuhua felt a pang in her heart at this. The eldest is fighting to stay awake, just because she couldn’t sleep. Why does her insomnia have to be such an inconvenience around her girlfriend?

“… I’m not a kid, unnie.”

Miyeon snorts out a laugh, sweet and mirthful against Shuhua’s chest, and she can feel how her body shakes a little. “You say that, but you still let me do it anyway.”

That’s… true. Shuhua likes hearing her angelic vocals whenever she sings. It was a nice sound, like listening to a lullaby before going to bed. One that is pleasant, and soothing to the ears.

She thinks about it for a moment, then hides her face in the crook of Miyeon’s neck as she mumbles “W-Will you? Please?”

“Of course. What song do you want?” The older girl yawned again, and Shuhua cringed. She hates the way her exhaustion flows through the pitch of her voice, and how limp Miyeon feels against her.

“Whatever’s on your mind, I guess…” Shuhua whispered, nosing the junction of her neck and shoulder as Miyeon adjusts to wind her arm comfortably around the maknae’s waist. She can feel her body’s warmth, the feather-like gentleness of her breath, and the dimpled smile that Miyeon tries to hide in her hair.

“Alright.”

Again, there’s that brief moment of silence as they laid there. Just before Miyeon starts rubbing small circles on the back of Shuhua's neck with her thumb, knowing that this made her extra drowsy, and begins to sing. Soft-spoken and muffled over her head, but clear and distinct to its sole audience.

“There you are beautiful, quietly.

Sleepin' on the bed we made right next to me.

Feels like a dream.

Only a dream…”

Shuhua closes her eyes, allowing herself to sink down into the mattress as she relaxed at once. Listening to Miyeon’s lovely voice rolling over her and floating into her ears, while the hand on her neck moves up to slowly comb through her long hair.

She’s about to drift off when a pair of lips kissed her tenderly on the head, cutting the song mid-way before it resumes again.

“… Here I am beautiful, as you see.

Standing on the pedestal you made for me.

Feels like a dream.

Only a dream…”

It’s 1:27 in the morning. And with Miyeon’s fingers still running through her hair, Shuhua finally falls asleep.