Late August, 2017

S u n g j a e

It's already entering the change of seasons in Korea. It was still a little bit too early for Fall, but the weather is not fit for Summer anymore.

It keeps raining heavily these past few days and everytime it rains, Sungjae secretly hates it.

Normally, he'd be beyond grateful whenever it rains on Summer, even it is just a drizzle. Everyone knows how much he dislike hot weather.

But ever since his separation with Sooyoung, everything about rain becomes painful for him because it'd instantly remind him of her.

It was heavily pouring when they went out to harvest corns. They even had to take shelter twice to avoid getting wet. It was a perfect excuse to spending time alone, just the two of them goofing around and get intimate with each other. The raindrops sound and the pleasant petrichor smell also contributed to build the sentimental atmosphere between them.

It was raining at the moment they arrived at Jeju, so they shared one umbrella together.

It was raining during their photoshoot, so they made it as their concept instead and wore a cute matching-eyecatching yellow raincoat, imitating The Puss in Boots.

It was drizzling when they just had a not-so-romantic outdoor dinner, casually talking about their distant future and where'd be the best destination to go on a honeymoon.

They eventually come to an agreement that their honeymoon was the best even it was far from perfect and not how they imagined before.

It was raining, when they just wrapped up the shooting of their last episode.

It was drizzling when he went to do the last black room interview.

It was raining, when his feelings left unreciprocated without any explanation by a single apology message from her.

“When it rains

When it rains in my heart

I remember our last night together

When the rain stopped,

When the tears dried,

I thought I wouldn’t remember

anymore but still...”

Everytime the rain stops, he desperately prays so his despair will also come to an end.

But everytime he does, he always fails miserably.

He'd end up lost in the dark tunnel of agony which seems to have no end.

No matter how hard he tries to forget everything about her, he'll eventually remember more. Turns out his feelings for her was not as shallow as he thought.

It wears him out, he's burnt out. He's tired of deceiving his own feelings and force himself to forget someone he holds so dear to his heart.

Instead, just like how the rain pours its million drops of water to the ground, he decided to pours what's inside his heart out and let go of the heavy weight he carried on his shoulder.

Few months prior, BTOB members are each busily prepare for their own solo songs for "Piece of BTOB" which will be released separately one by one every month.

Sungjae was 6th on the line as he requested because his obsession for number 6 is ridiculously serious.

Starting from Changsub on April, Sungjae started to work on his song right away. He made a self-composed song and also write the lyrics himself. The title's "Paradise". He intentionally choose a fun and refreshing beat for his song. He wants to break free from Ballad for a moment.

With what's happening to him and all, singing ballad would be so depressing for him. Moreover, knowing what song BTOB gonna release for comeback once all the pieces completed leaves him stunned. It'd be about a man who still longs for his ex lover even a year after the break up.

It's so ironic to the point it gets funny. It's almost like he was the muse of the song.

So he tried to cheer himself up and made an upbeat song instead, avoiding those familiar sorrowful ballad tone.

Or so he thought.

His piece originally scheduled to be released on mid August. That's until he made appearance on a show called "Oppa Thinking" and received a surprise video message from the least person he had in mind would do that,

Park Sooyoung.

She appeared like her usual self, cheerful and bubbly. She giddily said that she'll always rooting for him and wish to stay close to him which made his heart instantly drop.

Was she making fun of me? Was she mocking me? How could she utter those words nonchalantly? How could she do that thoughtlessly after leaving him hanging with no definite answer?

But then it hits him,

Ah, after all she is doing so well without me.

It should be enough, right?

He was flabbergasted and flustered, but being the good actor that he is, he managed to control his expression and conceal his true feelings. He responded to it well when actually he can hears his heart breaking and shattered into pieces.

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