A/N: I'm always reading your comments and I have to say some of you guys make me laugh, like that one person who keeps asking for Yermseul (I mentioned Yeri ONCE). Anyway, here's something I have always wanted to say when I wrote this story: You are not alone even if it feels like you are. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  

I remember when I saw you read this. The score was 3-2 and our school was winning, but instead of cheering, you were on the top row of the bleachers with an ice cream in your hand and a book in the other. I wondered how you managed to focus, but I realized after reading it, it was just that good. 

Seulgi slipped the love letter inside the cover of The Lies of Locke Lamora and set it down on the table. Waiting for either Hyoyeon or Sooyoung to come, she decided that she should go ahead and write some more.

The room was eerily silent. No soccer team outside practicing, no birds chirping. It was just her and her only. She hadn’t felt this sort of quiet in a long, long time, and for a moment, she wished it would stay this way for just a second longer. Ever since the start of this situation, she hadn’t had a day to breathe, and it was starting to make her exhausted.

It was like the world heard her. Because in an instant, the door opened, and Sooyoung came in with a box of VHS tapes that she dropped with a loud thud on the table. 

“What’s that?” Seulgi asked. 

“Speeches,” Sooyoung said. “Famous ones like…” she picked up one of the tapes. “...I Have a Dream by Martin Luther King or…” she picked up another one. “...Churchill’s ‘We shall fight on the beaches’.”

“What does she want us to do with them?” Seulgi peered into the box, determining there had to be at least forty tapes in there. 

“Watch them of course,” Sooyoung answered with a sure tone. “She wants us to get a feel for the pacing, the volume management, the language, that sort of stuff.”

“And write notes about it?” 

“Bingo,” Sooyoung quipped as she reached inside the box and procured a blue notebook. “So, my house or yours?”

“I don’t have a VCR at home.”

Sooyoung laughed. “Don’t worry about that. I stole one from the AV club. It’s in the bottom of the box.”

Seulgi peeked inside the box again, finding Sooyoung really did steal a VCR from the AV club. 

“My house then,” Seulgi determined. “My mom won’t be home so…” 

“But it’s so late,” Sooyoung said perplexed.

Seulgi looked away and played with the hem of her shirt. “Yeah, well...it’s normal. She’s never home,” she mumbled. 

Sooyoung put a hand to Seulgi’s shoulder, which caused her to look up. “I’m sure she has her reasons. What about Dad?”

Seulgi shrugged. “Halfway across the world probably. He left when I was twelve.”

“Oh…” Sooyoung didn’t say anything for a moment. “...well I’m here?”

Seulgi smiled slightly. “Yeah, I know. Thanks.”

“So, your car?” 

Seulgi wanted to sew shut. She didn’t own a car. When her mom took a day off and drove her to get her license, she panicked and almost ran into a stop sign. She should’ve been excited to get her license, having the ability to go wherever she wanted and explore the world, and she was excited, that was until they threw her mortality rates and videos of car crashes and DUIs during Driver’s Ed. Then they gave her her permit and expected her to become an expert right away, keeping in mind she was one step away from becoming a splat on the road if she made a mistake, and even if she didn’t make a mistake, she had to rely on other people to not make mistakes too. Then when she went out there, knuckles white as she gripped tight the wheel, it was utter anarchy. 

Cops that waited like snakes for her around corners, those loud ambulances that made her jump whenever she heard their sirens, that Subaru behind her that blared their horn for ten seconds straight, or even those drivers with earphones on or the ones on their phones. It was a miracle no one made a mistake, and Seulgi felt like a mistake was incoming. 

So as of this moment, she was license free. 

“Your car,” Seulgi said right back as she forced the memories of her quest for a license back down. 

“Well you’ll have to take the back seat. Haetnim threw up on the passenger seat.”

“Haetnim?”

“My dog,” Sooyoung said as a matter of fact. “Anyway, these tapes aren’t going to watch themselves, and we don’t have much time.” 

“Wait why didn’t you just go to your car first?” Seulgi asked.

“Because I was running away from the AV club duh,” Sooyoung answered as if it was obvious (it wasn’t). “I didn’t steal that VCR stealthily, you know, I ripped it out while they were watching old tapes of Star Trek and ran. Before we watch our speeches, we can watch Captain Kirk kill a few aliens if you’d like?”

Seulgi face palmed and groaned. “So that’s why…”

“I’ll be running from them so be a dear and carry the box to the car.”

“Okay, Jesus, I can't believe this,” Seulgi grunted before she took the book containing the letter and put it inside her backpack. When she was ready, she took the box of VHS tapes in her arms and went forth. 

“I’ll catch up with you later.” Sooyoung took the back stairs while Seulgi took the main stairs down. While she was walking, she saw one of the AV club members patrolling the hallway, and with her heart stopping, she managed to pass by them without even a glance in her direction. After going down two flights of stairs, she was winded, but she still managed to get to the parking lot. There she spotted Sooyoung’s car, a black Honda Civic, its wheels missing their hubcaps. (stolen?)

She spotted Joohyun and Seungwan talking right next to their cars. They seemed to be in a heated argument, judging by the way Seungwan used her hands. Seungwan never used her hands unless she was trying to make a point. Joohyun’s eyes looked concerned, as if she was thinking hard on something, but then Joohyun locked eyes with her for just a moment, and Seulgi swore they turned a bit softer. (Maybe she was seeing things, she didn’t know)

Suddenly, Sooyoung’s car perked up and unlocked. Seulgi turned around and saw Sooyoung running from some nerdy looking AV club members. “Give us our VCR back!” Seulgi heard them yell.

“Get in the car!” Sooyoung shouted as her long legs bridged a gap between her and the others. 

Seulgi immediately opened the back seat and went inside, watching through the window as Sooyoung outran the AV club. For a moment there, she thought Sooyoung wouldn’t be able to run fast enough, but her thoughts were proven wrong as Sooyoung managed to get in the car and turn it on in no less than three seconds. 

“Haha! You ers! Captain Kirk is mine!” Sooyoung screeched as she backed away from the parking spot.

“Teacher er!” One of the kids yelled before Sooyoung gave them the middle finger in response. 

They managed to leave the parking lot with no casualties, which, considering Seulgi’s driving experience, was an achievement. If it were her behind the wheel, she would no doubt have had several panic attacks and a shattered windshield. 

It didn’t take them long to calm down and have a normal conversation again as they cruised down the road.

“Hey, I’ve got to ask something,” Seulgi prodded. 

“Shoot.”

“Why did she kiss me?” 

Sooyoung laughed. “It was a kissing booth? Seulgi come on. There was a sign and all!”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I told her that I liked you and she got all emotional about it and that she would help us get together. Then comes the carnival and she kisses me! Tongue, Sooyoung, she used tongue. I never thought my first kiss would involve tongue!”

“Wait, she used tongue on you?”

“Yeah, she…” Seulgi blushed just thinking about it. “...she did.”

“Now that’s my sister,” Sooyoung said proudly. “She’s always been a prude.”

“Sooyoung!” 

Sooyoung chuckled. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve known her for years and even I don’t know what she’s thinking. She’s a closed book.”

“It’s just...it’s making me confused.” Seulgi hung her head.

Sooyoung nudged Seulgi, causing her to look up. “What’d I say?”

Don’t doubt. Don’t think. Just do.

“Fine. I’ll just go along with it,” Seulgi huffed. “I have the letter in the book. Are you taking it to her?”

“Yeah, just leave it in the glove compartment. I’ll get to it later,” Sooyoung instructed. “Also, what’s with that bandana you keep wearing around your neck?”

Seulgi took out the book from her backpack, leaned from the backseat to the glove compartment, and slotted it in. “It’s from a snake.”

“A snake?” Sooyoung said, puzzled.

Seulgi leaned back into her seat and looked out the window. “I just...I worked as an apprentice animal keeper over the summer. While I was feeding them, o-one of the snakes, a boa constrictor, attacked me. The marks are still on my neck.”

Sooyoung stayed silent after Seulgi told her about the incident. When Seulgi went to check what was going on, she found Sooyoung staring at her through the mirror with eyes like a hawk. Sooyoung looked away a split second later, but Seulgi couldn’t miss how Sooyoung stared at her.

“That , I guess,” was all Sooyoung said about the subject.

The car ride was silent. No music. No talking. It was just the sound of the engine and the world outside.

Suddenly, Sooyoung laughed and said, “You know we’ve been driving for twenty minutes and I don’t know where your house is.”

Seulgi darted her head to Sooyoung, who was sporting the biggest eating grin of the century.

“Sooyoung!”

//

Seulgi got into the habit of writing when she was thirteen, the year after her dad left. Her mom was on daily visits to Dr. Kim and Seulgi found writing stories therapeutic, since real life was so bleak and a happy ending was just what she needed. But when she wrote those stories, it didn’t feel right. Because for the whole story, the main character kept losing, tragedy struck, all hope was lost, and then in an instant, everything was all right. 

That was when she realized her whole life had been one bad ending and she didn’t know how to write a happy one. 

Somehow she believed Joohyun could be her happy ending, the Cinderella, the princess she always longed for. Day by day, she dreamed of a life that wasn’t her own, that she was someone that didn’t wake up in the morning and felt the urge to cry that she did. 

For once in her life, she wanted to write a story that made sense with an ending that made sense, and that ending was happy.

//

Dear Joohyun,

Cherry blossoms on a Sunday morning. Remember those? I was reading Cinder by Marissa Meyer on a bench and I saw you dancing under one. You had earphones on and you danced as if the world was yours for the taking. Once again, you find new ways to make me fall in love with you. 

Sincerely, Me

Seulgi kept the letter in Cinder by Marissa Meyer, the book nearing its final stages of life with the way the bindings were falling apart. She had found it in the basement of her house under boxes of winter clothes stowed away, right after she spotted Joohyun reading it under a cherry blossom in Trinity Park. 

She stashed the book into her backpack, meaning to give it to Sooyoung when they meet up for the public speaking project. 

Walking to her class, she spotted Joohyun with several of her friends and by her side was Seungwan, a hand on Joohyun’s hip like she owned her. Seulgi kept her head low, like she was used to, and passed by them without so much as a glance.

“Seulgi?” . It was Joohyun.

Seulgi fixed herself and looked up, as if she just noticed Joohyun passing by. “Oh, Joohyun.” She took a quick glance to Seungwan. “Seungwan,” she acknowledged.

“I was wondering if you’d like to come to a party on Friday?” Joohyun asked, much to the dismay of Seungwan who looked like she just missed recording her favorite tv show for later. This must’ve been what their argument was about yesterday.

it, Seungwan. “Sure,” Seulgi replied with a smile, although it was really meant for Seungwan in a sarcastically annoying sort of way. Jesus, Sooyoung was rubbing off on her. 

“Great! I’ll text you the details. See you on Friday!” Joohyun said before she pulled the reluctant Seungwan along with her. 

Seulgi stood still at her spot, feeling like she was in a dream she didn’t want to leave. 

//

“Soo Soo Soo Soo Soo Soo Soo Soo Soo Soo!” Seulgi yelled as she rushed through the door of their meeting room.

“Jeez, okay I get it! You sound like a damn sprinkler!” Sooyoung scolded as she took the book away from her face and put her legs down on the ground. She was taking a nap again it seemed. 

“Guess what?”

“Party,” Sooyoung only said with a bored look on her face. 

That broke Seulgi out of her excitement. “What? How’d you know?”

“I’m her damn step sister you dunce. We live in the same house. The moment I heard our parents were leaving for Vegas, I knew she’d pounce on the opportunity.”

Seulgi squealed. (which was totally unlike her by the way)

“My first party,” she said dreamily, looking up at nowhere. 

Sooyoung followed where Seulgi was looking and she was looking at a damn picture of John Travolta on the calendar. Seulgi was out of it. 

“Ugh, okay here’s—Wait, did you just say your first party?”

“Not counting family ones,” Seulgi informed.

“Holy .” Sooyoung laughed as if she couldn’t believe it. “You’re losing your party ity and what better way to lose it than one of my sister’s parties.”

“Huh?” Parties were where people had fun, right? Where you dance and drink some cheap beer and talk...

Oh I have to talk to people. 

“If there’s anything I’d like to say about Joohyun, it’s that she knows how to throw a party. Imagine a funhouse, a club DJ, fireworks, and if she’s feeling it, she would hire a ing clown. A clown! Ha!” Sooyoung laughed at the thought.

“That’s...wow.” Seulgi knew Joohyun’s family was rich, but not that rich. 

Her hands were sweating. STOP IT. Just the mere thought of going to an event like that broke her into shambles. The people, the noise, the talking. She started breathing hard and she closed her eyes as if the thoughts would disappear if she did. (Newsflash: it didn’t)

Even though Seulgi felt she was changing for the better, there were just some things she was not ready for. Like getting her license, she didn’t think she was ready for her first party. 

“Look, I’ll be there if you need me, but one thing you’re not going to be doing is finding a snug little corner you can tuck yourself into,” Sooyoung sternly warned. 

“I do...don’t…I err I uhh…” It was back and she didn’t know what to say. 

Don’t think. Don’t doubt. Just do. Come on, Seulgi. You can do it!

But the words in her head merely fizzled out and she breathed even harder in a panic. 

“,” she said in between her breaths. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do you know anybody that you can hang around with? I'm running the party with Joohyun and I can't be there for you the whole time. The party will be fun I promise, but you just got to put yourself out there."

Absolutely ing not. Not one suitable name came to mind. Seungwan came for a split second, but she knew that she was completely out of the question. Three years of high school, three years of middle school, six years of elementary school, and Seulgi couldn’t say she had more than one friend. 

“I don’t...I don’t know…” Seulgi looked pleadingly at Sooyoung, who merely shrugged in response.

“All I’m going to say is that it would be dumb to refuse an invitation for one of Bae Joohyun’s legendary parties. Maybe you could introduce yourself to someone?”

Yeah, right. “Sure, I’ll do that,” she lied. “It’ll be fun.” She tried to keep the best straight face as she can, considering Sooyoung had this uncanny ability to tell when she was lying.

Fortunately, Sooyoung nodded and said, “Good. I’ll see you at my house on Friday.”

//

Seulgi wasn’t going to go. There was just no question about it. There was so much Sooyoung had done to help her, but there was no way Sooyoung could ever help her to the point that she could go to a party where the number of people she knew equaled the total number of girlfriends she had, which was a resounding ZERO. (not counting the two sisters and Seungwan of course)

So here Seulgi was on a Friday night, sitting on her couch with A Visit from the Goon Squad in her hands and a coffee on the side table. As she lost herself in the world that Jennifer Egan made, she made sure to turn off her phone so that nobody would be able to distract her. 

Drink. Turn page. Read. Drink. Turn page. Read. Drink.

An hour passed and Seulgi looked at the time. 8 P.M, two hours after the party started, and the sunset turned into night. If anything, the party started now. 

Again, she went for the usual routine. 

Drink. Turn page. Read. Drink. Turn page. Read. Dri—

The doorbell rang mid-drink, and Seulgi felt her heart dip. For a moment, she thought she would have another peaceful Friday night, but here she was again, in a situation she didn’t ask for, living fast and furious. Ugh, Sooyoung and her antics again.

Seulgi closed her book and set down her coffee on the table. She dragged her legs to the front door, reluctantly to be embroiled in another social mess. The last mess gave her a fiery make out session, but it also lost her a friend, so she wasn’t too sure the pros outweigh the cons.

She swung the door open and said, “Sooyoung, I’m sorry but—”

STOP. Seulgi’s mind screamed at her. It was Joohyun. 

Seulgi felt self-conscious about what she was wearing, pink pajama bottoms with a Mickey Mouse shirt. Her hair was done up in a messy bun with split ends sticking out and her face looked like the pits of despair. It was unlike Aphrodite herself in front of her, with the wavy hair and the black backless dress, the hoop earrings and the three inch heels. If Seulgi looked like trailer trash, Joohyun looked like . 

Joohyun oozed and dripped of it.

Seulgi couldn’t help but swallow the lump in .

“Oh, I…” Seulgi didn’t know what to say. Even if she wasn’t Seulgi, who would know what to say when presented with this brown-haired bombshell?

Before Seulgi knew it, Joohyun threw herself at her, hugging her so tightly she was afraid she would break something. 

Wha...What’s going on?

It didn’t occur to her that turning off her phone would actually set off some consequences. Sure, she expected a strong scolding from Sooyoung for not coming to the party but she didn’t expect…

“I thought you got hurt. You...I called you for two hours straight and I-I couldn’t take it anymore!”

Oh, . 

Seulgi hesitantly embraced Joohyun, carefully placing her hands on the soft, smooth back of her long time crush. Again, it felt like a dream come true and she didn’t want to wake up.

“I lost track of time reading that book I bought the other day. I wanted to talk about it with you and I completely forgot the party,” Seulgi lied. Not about the book part. She really did want to find something she can talk to Joohyun about. Just the forgetting the party sort of thing.

Joohyun looked up from Seulgi’s chest, looking so cute but pretty at the same time. Her voice trembled when she said, “Will you...will you come to the party now?”

It wasn’t like Seulgi had a choice anymore.