A/N: I thought I'd preface this chapter by saying once again that I love your comments and read all of them. Some of you have taken to twitter and it's been real fun interacting with all of you. I also have a new story into the works. It's not published yet, but I must say I like it much better than this one. It's almost done too. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

There was trouble in the air, Seulgi could smell it, trouble where even angels feared to tread. 

Her phone didn’t ring, and she busied herself with writing that speech for the assembly on Friday. She kept glancing at the black screen from time to time, breath held as the seconds passed, but then hours went by and there was still nothing. 

If only Joohyun said yes, if only she gave her a chance, Seulgi wanted to show Joohyun that she could love her, letters or no letters. She wanted Joohyun to see that even through the ink of those ever important letters, there was a girl that loved her more than some measly words on a page ever will. 

To love someone through mere pages was not the love she wanted.

Seulgi wanted something real, something true. She wanted Joohyun to love her for who she was, not what she had done. So the truth of letters will be untold for the time being. Only when the time was right, only when all was said and done, would she be willing to tell Joohyun. 

She looked down at her page, finding one measly paragraph of the speech of hers, not of Joohyun any longer, but of the subject Hyoyeon wanted her to write in the first place. 

She glanced at her phone again, and as the hour struck to the next day, that was when she folded her hand. She had played several rounds of this game, and she finally went all in on this chance, but the river gave her the wrong card and she was outta luck.

She turned off her lamp and set down her pen. She rubbed her face in her hands roughly, groaning a bit as she did so. She rose from her seat, leaving her phone at her table, and trudged her way back to her bed, plopping down over the covers and burying her face into her pillow once more.

As her thoughts invaded her, she lulled into a deep sleep, and the worries of today would wait until the next. 

Only when she finally did go to sleep did her phone buzz on her desk. 

What would greet Seulgi the following morning would be one meager word. 

//

There were some things in this life that couldn’t be expressed by words on a page, that even the greatest writers would fail to capture. Seulgi herself had toiled with this very exact issue, the hand holding the pen frozen as words were useless in its attempt to capture the feeling that she felt. 

Dear Bae Joohyun

It was those three words that started every letter, and now that she got her date, it was those three words that would forever be in the back of her mind. Letters, those goddamn letters. She wanted to tell Joohyun about them. God, the urge to tell her about them made her heart ache. 

Seulgi woke to the dulcet tones of Day by Day, a song her mother played in the kitchen when she was younger. She stared at her ceiling, and in tune from who she was before, she had a dilemma if she should even rise from her bed, maybe skip school and find something that makes her happy for once. 

She gave a look to her phone on the desk, a bit curious but she knew what would greet her. A picture of a cherry blossom tree, the same tree that Joohyun would always enjoy lounging under, reading whatever book caught her eye that day. The tree had just blossomed and nothing would beat the beauty of both the girl under it and the color of the scene. 

Eventually, she groaned and with the crack of her bones, she heaved herself up from her bed. This was step one of the day: just getting up from bed. Seulgi wondered how she was able to do it for so long without quitting. 

Heavy steps made its way to her desk and when she picked up her phone and the screen lit up, her face stalled as she looked at the message. It was a simple message. It was a simple answer. 

Yes. 

“Oh…” Seulgi muttered, her face still expressionless, like an engine that couldn’t start up. In the end, it came.

“Holy !” She held her phone up to her face, staring at the message with great focus, in complete disbelief. That one word was heaven incarnate.

She threw up a fist into the air, and with the loudest voice she could muster, she yelled, “I have a date with Bae Joohyun!”

//

I am Kang Seulgi. 

At the start of the school year, she would’ve been ashamed of that name. That name had a terrible label with it: the Nobody. Now it was Kang Seulgi, the girl that had a date with Bae Joohyun, and if Bae Joohyun said yes, then there must’ve been something there, right? Well, all she had to do now was figure out what exactly that something was, and it was hard to find to say the least. 

Bae Joohyun had a pencil tucked in her ear while she read her book. She had that twinkle in her eyes and she would silently squeal whenever she found something liked. Seulgi watched her from afar, curious of what world Joohyun found herself in this time. She peered over, catching the name on the cover, and found a title familiar to her. 

Seulgi straightened herself and walked over to Joohyun with a swagger, something she learned from Yeri at the zoo. There was this aura of confidence around her, but at the same time, the same dorkiness that she wielded so prominently before. It was a mix of her old and new self and it felt right.

Joohyun paid her no attention when she went close, but when Seulgi spoke, the girl instantly perked up.

“Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves,” Seulgi recited the quote as she looked at the page Joohyun was reading. 

“You’ve read this?” Joohyun asked, raising her book in emphasis. 

Seulgi nodded. “Kafka on the Shore. One of my favorites, actually. I read it during a snowstorm that lasted for five days.”

“Ah, the famous five day snowstorm.” Joohyun bobbed her head, remembering the snowstorm a few years ago. “And should I assume that’s your favorite quote from the book?”

Seulgi shook her head and said, “No.” Looking straight into Joohyun’s eyes, she said, “If you remember me, then I don’t care if anyone forgets.” For some reason, the way Seulgi said it made the words have this heft to them, as if they meant more than just a simple quote she was reciting. Joohyun gaped for a moment, for just one moment, but Seulgi caught it and made a mental note that such things made Joohyun flustered. 

Joohyun coughed to break the tension and buried her face in her book. “You...You’re...I mean that’s a good quote.”

Seulgi smirked. “You look cute when you’re blushing.”
 

Joohyun turned even redder at Seulgi’s flattering. “Tha…Ahem thank you for the compliment.”

Under Seulgi’s confident nature, there was still that same jittery girl and she was screaming at the new Seulgi how she could say such things. 

“So you said yes.”

“I did.” Joohyun dared not look her in the eye. 

But Seulgi bent forward and leveled with Joohyun’s face and said, “Meet me tomorrow after school. I’ll take you out for dinner.” 

Seulgi watched as Joohyun merely nodded, but she could clearly see a tiny smile that appeared on her face. 

“I’ll see you later Joohyun.” Seulgi gave her a pat on the shoulder before making her way back to her seat, internally screaming at her courageousness. 

This was apparently now step two of her day: do something crazy.

//

“Learning things on the fly, are you?” Sooyoung asked as she leaned against the door frame. Seulgi looked up from her notebook, slowly setting her pen down.

“What do you mean by that?”

“There’s talk in school, little murmurs and muttering going around. You and Joohyun?”

Seulgi gave a sheepish smile. “She said yes.”

“To a date. That means more work to do.”

“I…” Seulgi sighed. “I don’t like calling it that.”

“What? Work?”

“Yes, work. I like it when things are natural. Something like bumping into each other in some unexpected place or returning her lost book to her and forming a relationship there.”

“Or writing her love letters and faking that it’s your best friend’s. That doesn’t sound very natural to me,” Sooyoung retorted.

Seulgi grunted. “I know,” she said with a disappointed tone. “But let me tell you those letters were never meant to be seen.”

“And yet she saw them anyway.”

“And she was happy! That’s why I kept writing them, tucked them inside a book she liked too.”

“That's an awful lot of work for someone that says it’s not work. Look Seulgi, I know you’re a romantic and all, but things just don’t happen like fairy tales. You don’t ease into love, or maybe even experience love at first sight. The world we live in isn’t like that. It’s dark. It’s messy. It’ll beat you down till you’re crying to your momma.” Sooyoung went forward and put a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. “And that little phrase, the best things in life come free? It’s bull. It’s all hard work. Raising a family is hard work. Being happy is hard work. And you know what? Love the life outta you with the amount of work you have to do to make it happen.”

Sooyoung crouched in front of Seulgi’s chair. “But you’ll break your back for Joohyun, right?”

Seulgi smiled. “I won’t even sleep a wink with the amount of hours I’m clocking in.”

“Attagirl,” Sooyoung prided before she ruffled Seulgi’s hair. She then looked at Seulgi’s body, her brow wrinkling in deep focus.

“What? What is it?” Seulgi asked when she noticed.

“Well first things first. We’ve got to work on your fashion sense. It’s absolutely horrid.”

That was step three of the day: somehow get insulted by Park Sooyoung.

//

Seulgi met Seungwan that day with her friend stuffing a hot dog inside , the relish and ketchup and the mustard all haphazardly strewn across like some sort of Jackson Pollock painting. When Seulgi caught Seungwan’s eye, there was this awkward slow chewing of that hot dog, and Seulgi merely stared at her teasingly, as if to say that even through all these years, Seungwan didn’t rid herself of the habit of eating messily. 

“Trinity Park,” Seulgi said as she sat down right next to Seungwan, plopping her tray of that pot roast the kind lunch lady gave her down on the table. 

“What about it?” Seungwan inquired with a full mouth. “If I can guess, it’s about you and Joohyun.”

“You heard?”

“Rumors grow louder every second. One minute it’s in one mouth, the next it’s in one hundred. Funny, isn’t it?”

“More like terrifying,” Seulgi corrected as she took a sip of her soup. “Do people know who I am?”

Seungwan shrugged. “They do now. Joohyun lives in a different world than us. There’s a whole lot of pressure to be had once you’re in the forefront. You think you can handle it?”

Seulgi hesitated with her answer, recalling past memories of the bullying she endured all those years ago, the eyes staring, and finally the hushed whispers that followed it. For a moment, she let memories control her, but Joohyun’s face came into mind and they all crumbled away as quickly as they came.

“She’s worth every pascal unit.”

Seungwan scoffed with a shake of her head. “You big nerd. Pascal unit, Jesus. I thought you hated chemistry.”

“Chemistry is something me and Joohyun have, not just a subject.”

Seungwan guffawed as she struggled with eating her hot dog. “What’s up with you? You’re...You’re all confident and...and...weird.”

“What? You don’t like it?”

Seungwan shook her head. “No, it’s a...it’s a good look for you. You sound hot.”

“Are you flirting with me?” Seulgi teased with a sly smirk. 

“Of course not!” Seungwan said, flustered. “I am your best friend.”

“What? Best friends can’t get together? Is there some sort of rule?” Seulgi teased even further, and even further did Seungwan turn redder. 

“Yes it is! The Law of Son Seungwan. She doesn’t date her friends.”

“You didn’t deny that you like me.” 

“I-I...Ugh, I change my mind. The new you stinks! She learned how to talk back!”

Seulgi laughed at Seungwan’s flustered state before she said, “Okay okay, I’ll stop now, but you forgot the Law of Kang Seulgi: whatever happens, Kang Seulgi is always there. Count on it.”

Seungwan nudged Seulgi playfully. “Thanks Seul,” she said before taking a bite of her hot dog.

After a while, Seungwan said, “By the way, I didn’t tell her about the letters. That’s up to you”

“I thought you’d want the chance to.”

“I did, to be honest with you, but it’s not my place. It’s your letters.”

“Well I’m not telling her,” Seulgi said. “The me who didn’t tell her got a date already. If that date doesn’t work out then...well we just won’t work out in the end. What’s a love letter got on a lousy date?”

Seungwan shrugged as she just her lip out. “I guess you’re right about that. Pro tip about Joohyun: rub the back of her ear when you kiss. She’s a bit...rough and that calms her down.”

Seulgi sniggered. “Thanks. That’s strange but welcome advice.” 

“I’m just saying! That girl eats your face like it’s a five star meal.” 

“You just can’t keep up with her,” Seulgi teased. “I didn’t have trouble.”

“Har har don’t brag. It was a damn kissing booth. Imagine she kisses every girl in the line like that.”

“They’d be lining right back up!”

Seulgi laughed and Seungwan giggled through her mouthful of food, and for once, everything seemed all right.

//

And then it wasn’t.

Friday snuck up on her without so much as a warning. Her speech was undone and she had to speak in front of the whole student body at the end of the day, a student body that had eyes like hawks, waiting to pick at their prey for any mistake that was made. Kang Seulgi was a name now known to most and one misstep could cost her dearly. 

“You ready?” Sooyoung asked as she put a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder, looking out at the crowd filling in their seats in the auditorium. 

“Do you think I’d ever be ready for something like this?” Seulgi hissed, watching as Sooyoung did with a nervous bite of her lip. 

“Whoa Kang Seulgi, no need to be so hostile. I’m just trying to get the jitters off you. Besides, what’s a speech to asking out the love of your life?”

“Well for one, I wasn’t in my right mind. I lost myself. Two, It’s not just Joohyun staring. It’s her and a thousand other ers judging me!”

“I like it when you’re not in your right mind. You actually go and do something.”

“Park Sooyoung, one day you’ll be the death of me. Not if I kill you first that is.”

Sooyoung laughed as she pat Seulgi on the back. “Just search for Joohyun. You’ll calm down when you see her.”

“Joohyun makes me anything but calm. She makes me lose myself.”

“And what’s the problem with that? You just said one of the reasons you asked out Joohyun was because you weren’t yourself. Joohyun makes you do things you’re not used to doing. That’s love for you.”

“Love my . I don’t see you with a girlfriend.”

Sooyoung scoffed. “My Yeri begs to differ.”

Seulgi took her eyes off the crowd and shot Sooyoung a look. “Really, Yeri? We’re talking ‘bout the same girl here? Eye-er Yeri? Your mortal enemy, the spawn of Satan, the—” 

“I get it! Jesus, she’s not so bad once you get to know her. You know, you only get to know a person when you date. She’s...sweet under all that...savageness.”

“Are you trying to say something here?”

“I’m saying that you don’t know Joohyun as well as you think.”

“Thanks, but I’ve already figured that out already,” Seulgi said as she paid her attention back to the ever growing crowd.

“I just wish Joohyun is as beautiful as you hope she is.”

“I know she is and more.”

Sooyoung grinned. “You’re so confident when you talk about Joohyun. Hopefully, your speech will be too. What’d you write about?”

Seulgi looked down at the half-finished speech in her hand. “Mental health. That’s...that’s what the essay was about, ain’t it?”

“Yeah it was,” Sooyoung affirmed before she said, “Look, I have to go talk to the AV club about something. Good luck on your speech, alright? Lose yourself.”

Seulgi waved Sooyoung goodbye, and she watched as she disappeared between all the wires and props backstage. The theatre kids had auditioned for the Newsies the other day and the whole backstage was just a mess of newspapers and props. She had some respect for those kids; they could really work a crowd. For her, she had to learn on the spot how to do exactly that, and she wasn’t given any tips. 

When the auditorium was filled and the murmuring turned into full out chaos, Ms. Hyoyeon greeted her for just a moment, the last moment that was, before she went on stage and introduced herself.  

“We have a few talented individuals here with us today and we will show you illustrations on the screen to augment their essays.”

Seulgi searched within the crowd and found Seungwan. She had this goofy look on her face, sort of empty and dull, and Seulgi could tell that Seungwan was absolutely not paying attention to anything Ms. Hyoyeon said.

She found Yeri near the front with a slight grin on her face. Her face looked dreamy, as if she was thinking about something funny. If it was what Seulgi thought it was, she couldn’t say she expected anything less. 

She couldn’t find Joohyun, and the packed auditorium had this empty lone seat near the back, but before she could wonder any further, Hyoyeon said…

“And to give our opening speech is Kang Seulgi.”

Seulgi squeezed the paper in her hand, making creases, and her lips in nervousness. As Hyoyeon made her way backstage, she gave Seulgi a pat on the shoulder and wished her good luck. 

With heavy steps forward, Seulgi made her way to the podium, her head turned in a way so that she could see the audience in her peripherals. But when she arrived at the podium and set her half-finished speech on the podium, she finally saw the crowd in all its glory, the students just like how she imagined them, eyes judging her every move, taking notes on her performance. Come tomorrow, her name would be on every student’s lips. She was sure of it.

Seulgi cleared and looked down at her paper, and because of the distraction that was Bae Joohyun saying yes, she didn’t finish it. 

This was a nightmare. She had this same one in her dreams, public embarrassment and humiliation. For a moment, the world was her oyster, but that oyster made her stomach churn with something nuclear and she definitely could use a bathroom break.

“My err...My name...My name is Kang Seulgi and I’m here to talk about...about mental health.”

Sweat started to form in her hands.

“And...and there was s-something tha...that I read in these ess...essays that real...really made me think.”

She wiped her hand on her pants, and she wouldn’t dare look at the crowd staring at her.

“And...and...and...and…”

With her stuttering, murmurs started to grow. She turned to gauge the crowd, finding phones pointed at her, filming the embarrassment on stage. Tears started forming in her eyes. She knew this feeling. She felt . She felt bare. Like hawks, the students pounced on her insecurities, took her apart limb from limb.

No mercy.

“I’ve…” Seulgi lost her words and she looked up, finding Seungwan stare at her with worried eyes. Yeri, the same. When Seulgi looked near the back, she could see Joohyun with that same look. 

Suddenly, the massive screen behind her lit up and on it was a picture of a lone grapefruit. 

She shot a look backstage and could see Sooyoung smirk at her while she gave the AV club their VCR back. 

That was it. 

Seulgi crumpled up the paper in her hand and threw it to the side. With a loud, clear voice, she spoke into the microphone.

“My name is Kang Seulgi and I know what you’re thinking. I’m a stuttering freak. Yeah, I know. That’s who I was for years and well, that’s who I still am, and that’s fine. It’s completely fine. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and think that I’m a ing useless sack of , and you know what? That . It really does.”

Seulgi was on a roll and she was going to keep going.

“But I still manage to get up in the morning. Step one. That was my step one, and I knew that if I could get over that hurdle, things will get better. I lied to myself that it will, and I don’t know what happened, but the heavens opened up and it did. It got better.”

She could see that twinkle in Joohyun’s eyes. The things Joohyun did to her. God, Seulgi wasn’t herself right now. 

“And let me tell you about this girl. She’s...she’s amazing. The way she smiles and the way that she enjoys the little things. She has this cute little giggle whenever she finds something amusing in her books and the way her eyes twinkle when she finds something she loves.”

Seulgi could see Joohyun blush from this far. Sooyoung was right—Joohyun loved gestures like these.

“Well it turns out I’m not such a useless sack of cause I have a date with this girl after school!”

The murmurs started to grow and she could already hear the rumors flying around like birds. Whenever there was Joohyun involved, the rules don’t follow the game and everything just fell apart.

“Point is: if you feel like you’ve hit your lowest, there’s only one way to go and that’s up. And that concludes my speech about mental health, students and faculty. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

Murmurs slowly turned into applause and that applause roared in the auditorium. She could see Seungwan and Yeri smile at her, and with Joohyun, there was this look in her eyes. Seulgi knew that look. It was the look that she had whenever she didn’t know what to do, that unease, the pressure.

Seulgi had that look on her face so much before. 

“One more thing,” Seulgi said on the microphone and the applause died down soon after. “That girl I’m talking about: I’ve loved her for years now and she means the world to me.” 

Seulgi took a step back from the podium and bowed slightly before making her way backstage. She found Sooyoung with a smug look on her face with her arms crossed.

“You planned this all along, didn’t you? The grapefruit?”

“I made a deal with the AV club. I didn’t want to give up that VCR for free.”

Seulgi punched Sooyoung playfully on the arm. 

“Thanks for the push,” Seulgi said with a smile.

“Well…” Sooyoung took Seulgi by the shoulders and turned her around. She leaned forward and said in Seulgi’s ear, “...Joohyun is waiting for you. You’ve got this, tiger.”

And with one final push, Seulgi set forth on her date.