A/N: I love reading your theories by the way and it makes for an interesting writing session. However, I've something planned already so stay tuned! I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Joohyun’s house was the sort of house Seulgi only saw in movies. Okay, house wasn’t the correct word. Mansion? No, not even that. It was an estate with acres of land and little trees dotting their backyard. An orchard, judging by the looks of it. Seulgi could see an electric fence guarding it, mostly to keep the little critters away, but tonight it kept , drunk high school students from ruining their hard work. It was almost harvest season after all. 

As Joohyun drove them up the driveway, she could only look up in awe at the estate. How many windows were there? Certainly not enough to count on two hands or even her toes. Seulgi learned something new everyday. Joohyun was not only rich, but filthy rich. 

Seulgi understood why Joohyun was able to throw the best parties around. 

1. Filthy rich

2. House  Mansion Estate was on the edge of town.

3. Parents are gone.

The perfect combination. 

“Are you okay?” Joohyun asked, concerned.

Seulgi broke from her amazement and quickly nodded. “Ye...Yeah! I’m...I’m… g-gre...great!” I clearly am not. 

When they parked, Joohyun said, “Sooyoung told me where you lived after I begged her. She was really disappointed you didn’t come by the way.”

Seulgi bit her lip. She let Sooyoung down. As hard as she tried to change herself, she still let Sooyoung down. She could already see the look on Sooyoung’s face. She had seen it many times before, that look of disappointment, like on Dr. Kim’s face when she came without the list or her mother’s when she asked whether or not she made any new friends today and she gave a resounding No.

“I don’t understand,” Seulgi whispered under her breath. 

“What?” Joohyun asked, perplexed.

“I don’t get you,” Seulgi confessed. Years have gone by and Seulgi knew the most minute detail about Joohyun, but these past few weeks have challenged everything she knew about her. It seemed like everyday, there was something new she learned, something that absolutely drove her crazy. (and not in a good way)

“What do you…”

Seulgi gathered the courage to say what she truly thought without any breaks and cuts. 

“O-One minute you’re cr-crying because of a love letter I wrote to Soo...Sooyoung, the next you’re kis...kissing me at the carnival. Y-You come to my house aban...aban...abandoning the party that you threw just because I didn’t come and I just…” Seulgi sighed. It wasn’t the cleanest, but she managed to say what she needed to say. 

Seulgi couldn’t dare face Joohyun after what she said. Again, she disobeyed what Sooyoung said to just go along with it, to not doubt, not think, but she did follow doing, and so here she was finally doing what she thought out to do. 

It wasn’t much but, hey, it was a start.

“I love my sister more than anything in this world, Seulgi.” 

Seulgi looked up and found Joohyun staring at her with misty eyes. Don't do that. Don’t look at me like that.

Joohyun went on, “She talks about you everyday, how you need to get out of your shell more, how you think you aren’t good enough.”

Seulgi felt , bare, that Joohyun could see the worst of her. Joohyun saw. Did she like what she saw? Or would she hate it as much as Seulgi did.

Seulgi’s stomach churned, like it hurt to even think about, to even fathom. Her hands started to sweat, and she would tell her mind to stop them, but this time she thought the reaction was warranted. 

“You should see the look in her eyes. It’s like a kid telling their parents about their favorite show, like it’s the most wonderful thing they’ve ever seen. I wanted to know what she saw in you, how you managed to take my broken sister and put her pieces back together. Ever since she got caught with Ms. Park, she’s never been the same. She’s either crying or not talking at all. She shrugs me off and I wonder what I did wrong. But the moment you came, it’s like I have my sister back again, like you breathed life back into her.”

Seulgi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Sooyoung was the strong one, she had the mental fortitude, the middle finger to anything that insulted her type of attitude, and here Joohyun was telling her she was everything but. It all sounded so surreal.

“So when you didn’t answer tonight, I felt…” Joohyun sighed, like she was getting something she had always wanted off her chest. “...scared. I was scared that if anything would happen to you, we’d go back to what we used to be, two strangers living in the same house, and not the sisters we actually are. Not to say I don’t care for your safety, but my sister was the first thing on my mind.”

If only you knew what Seungwan said about her. 

“I’m just glad you’re in our lives.”

To be heard. To be wanted. To matter. These were the exact things she had always wanted in her life, not clothes or a shiny new convertible, just things that she had never even experienced before, like being able to order food online or pass her driver’s license test. Everyday she would wake up to her disappointment that she had none of those things, and Joohyun just said she just had all of them at once. 

“As for the kiss…” Joohyun’s cheeks turned a bright pink. “...well let’s say I was curious. A sort of...test drive for my sister. As I said,  it was just a silly kissing booth, nothing special.”

Now it was Seulgi’s turn to turn pink. Jesus, she’s cute.

“I’m err glad we cle...cleared t-that up.” I have to talk to Sooyoung about this. Sooyoung, . “D...Do they kno...know Soo...Sooyoung is yo..your sister?” She asked in a panic, but Joohyun was neither freaking out or even the slightest interested.

“Oh, that? She always helps around with my parties so people just think she’s getting paid or something, which in a way she is. I take care of chores for a week.”

“But you’re rich?”

“Yeah, well that’s what happens when your parents want you to know the value of a clean house. We leave it just a little dirty so that they know we didn’t hire a maid.”

“Oh.” Seulgi never had that, no one to teach her what was right or what was wrong. She didn’t have corny jokes or parents teaching her how to ride a bike. She knew her mom tried her best. She did, really, but sometimes your best wasn’t enough, and hers left Seulgi alone in an empty house without a childhood.

“Let’s go? Sooyoung would be really happy to see you.” Joohyun looked brighter and the world followed in her stead. 

Seulgi nodded and stepped out of the car. She could smell the orchard air, the refreshing aroma of peaches, and she could hear the thuds and oomphs of the music inside. 

Suddenly, Seulgi felt nauseous and neurotic, as if she wasn’t herself at the moment. She completely forgot about the party for a moment, her conversation with Joohyun taking her into another world, and now reality struck her in her grapefruit sized balls and she wanted to throw up her guts.

“Joo...Joohyun I do...don’t think we sho...should go in..in together.”

Joohyun frowned. “What? Why?”

“Me and Seungwan,” Seulgi simply explained. 

Joohyun rolled her eyes and said, “If she‘s that petty to get mad about me bringing you to party, then I should just break up with her.”

“NO!” Seulgi blurted out and she didn’t know why she did it. She didn’t know why she just blew her chance. But inside, she knew she still cared for Seungwan, and even though Seungwan hurt her feelings, she didn’t want to do the same. Selfless to a fault, she thought. “I mean...It’s not worth it to break up over something as little as that.”

“Then it’s not worth getting mad about, right?”

“I suppose so,” Seulgi reluctantly conceded. 

“Besides, she’s been wanting to apologize to you. She keeps crying about it.”

“Crying?”

“You’re her best friend. Her only friend. She has me, but she needs you.”

Seulgi didn’t know what to say, so she simply nodded her head and said, “Okay.”

Joohyun took Seulgi by the arm and held her close. “Come on. Sooyoung told me this was your first party."

Sooyoung freaking tells her everything.

//

Parties were exhausting. Seulgi didn’t know how people managed to do this every Friday night, how people sidled up to somebody they didn’t know and spark up a conversation. She knew Dr. Kim would pat her on the back for trying something new, but this was a bit too much. Before she left her house, she didn’t forget to take her medication, but the party still left her breathless and in need of a break. Funny, considering she hadn’t talked to a single person while she was here. She merely received the energy through some osmosis-like phenomenon, but it made her tired all the same. 

“Glad you’re not in a corner,” Sooyoung said as she swung an arm around Seulgi’s shoulder, giving her a side hug. 

“I...I don’t like this. I’m freaking out,” Seulgi confessed before she took a swig of her drink. She didn’t know what it was, but it got her a little tipsy. She heard all sorts of stories about drunk people, how they aren’t themselves, and she thought she could use some of that right now—to be anything but herself for just one night. 

“I would too,” Sooyoung agreed as she looked at the crowd before a small smirk came. “Considering that girl has been eye-ing you for a while now.”

“What?” Seulgi perked up, concerned. “Who?”

Seulgi scanned the room, finding the blonde looking at her with in her eyes. She was dressed skimpily, showing an unhealthy amount of skin (for Seulgi), and if Joohyun wasn’t alive, she was sure she was the iest one here. 

It was Yeri...and she STILL hadn’t gotten laid. Seriously, someone take this woman already. 

“,” Seulgi blurted out, much to the surprise of Sooyoung, who laughed at Seulgi’s little outburst. 

Sooyoung was still laughing when she said, “You have a girl throwing herself at you and your reaction is ? Seulgi I don’t mean to be mean or anything, but you have to be the biggest prude I have ever known, and I know Joohyun, but even she wouldn’t pass up the chance to get laid.”

Seulgi groaned before she said, “I’m a romantic, okay? I don’t want to throw myself at anyone. I like flowers and coffee shops and quiet romantic dinners and grand gestures. This…” She spread her hands out, indicating the party itself. “...this isn’t my scene. I’d rather snuggle on my couch and watch The Witcher on Netflix.”

Sooyoung’s hug on Seulgi became even tighter. “Absolute bull my friend,” she said with an annoying smile on her face, which Seulgi wanted to strangle out of her. “You just wanted it to be Joohyun. Admit it. The reason you’re not jumping into bed with our y Yeri is because you want the big fish, the catch of the century. You want Bae Joohyun.”

Seulgi knew it would be no use lying to Sooyoung so she said, “Fine I admit it. If it’s going to be anyone, it’s going to be her.” 

“Well what are you going to do if she doesn’t want to? Become celibate?” Sooyoung laughed. 

“I’ll think about it when I get there. For now, help me get rid of the girl eye-ing me right now.”

“By my count, you guys are already on round three. Somehow she thinks you have that much stamina.”

“Which I don’t,” Seulgi confessed. 

“Which you don’t,” Sooyoung agreed as they kept watching Yeri. “I could take her off your hands if you’d like.”

“What do you mean?”

Sooyoung started stretching, limbering her limbs and her neck. She cracked her knuckles, and if it were any other time, Seulgi would’ve guessed she was going to fight somebody. 

“I haven’t gotten laid in a while.” She grinned widely at Seulgi before she said, “I’ll make her scream” and patted Seulgi on the back before walking confidently to Yeri. From afar, Seulgi could see Sooyoung work her magic on the confused girl, and before she knew it, she saw Sooyoung wrap her arm around Yeri and lead her upstairs. 

Sooyoung worked fast, scarily fast. 

And so here was the sorry tale of Kang Seulgi still alone with a glass of unknown alcohol in her hand and a fear for starting conversations. Seulgi did what she did best and watched everyone else instead. 

Outside, she saw several people playing hackysack next to a crowd sitting around a clown. Jesus, Sooyoung really was telling the truth about the clown. Next to them was the funhouse and Seulgi just knew she wasn’t going to find herself in one of those death traps again. (Long story short: jumped in one when she was four and a hole was punctured and it caved in on her.) Apart from that, smoke rose from a grill on the other side and with it, a line full of people with plates.

Seulgi salivated. She was going to eat the dumplings her mother brought home one day, but of course that wasn’t going to happen tonight.

“Hungry?” Seulgi perked up at the voice. It was Joohyun.

Seulgi nodded. “A bit, but the line is…”

“Long, I know,” Joohyun said. “I have instant ramen if you’d like?”

“That’d be great.” Seulgi looked hopeful.

“I put the boiler in my room and all the appliances along with it.  At the last party, they exploded the toaster somehow and I had to lie to my Mom that I put a knife in it. Got myself grounded for a week. I don’t know how they actually did it, but I realized I don’t want to know after all.”

Seulgi giggled at Joohyun’s story. “So, your room?” she asked.

As soon as she said it, Seulgi turned a ghostly white, as pale as one can possibly be. She couldn’t believe she said that, The things she had done today... Jesus Christ, Dr. Kim would be over the moon and jumping in joy at her progress, this painful, absolutely mind wrenching progress. Ugh, she did it again, the things she said crashing and burning, failing to 

achieve what she actually meant. What she meant was, in the wholly innocent way, that they could get the ramen and cook it. What Sooyoung would’ve taken it as was, and Seulgi heard her annoying voice in her head, “Let’s .”

Thankfully, Joohyun was as innocent as her and said, “Sure! I’ll get us some sodas. Diet or normal?”

“Normal,” Seulgi said.

“Any requests?”

“Sprite.” Seulgi remembered it being Joohyun’s favorite.

“A woman after my own heart.” Joohyun smiled before she said, “I’ll meet you up there, fourth room to your right,” and waved Seulgi goodbye to get their drinks.

Seulgi stood frozen for just a moment, not believing she was actually going to Joohyun’s room, but she quickly found her bearings and squeezed through the crowd. 

Whatever it was that was making her do all sorts of crazy , she should stop doing it. She looked at the cup in her hand, and she set it down on a table the moment she realized that it might’ve been the reason why.

Never again.

//

Seulgi promised herself that she would write that list on the condition that Joohyun would kiss her, tongue and all, no holds barred. Back then, she thought she was just making a self-deprecating joke as an excuse to not write it, well, lo and behold, it happened. (Lesson #1: Be careful what you ask for.)

Seulgi did think a lot about it, spent nights sitting on her desk at home looking up at the ceiling and swiveling around on her office chair, and she still didn’t find a singular reason why she liked herself. Sure people like Sooyoung and Joohyun may have had some reasons, but Seulgi wanted to know herself, not others. Dr. Kim believed the moment she put a reason on that list, it would be the start of a new beginning, and for the first time, Seulgi believed her.

And for the first time in her life, she thought she may have found a reason. 

Seulgi stood over Joohyun’s desk, gently skimming through the countless letters that she had given her. They were kept neatly on a pile next to the pencil holder, as if it was something special to her, like it was something she needed to see everyday. Seulgi said before all her hope for a change in her life was pinned on Joohyun, and right now, it seemed Joohyun’s change depended on her.

Even though Seulgi didn’t have the paper stuck in the bottom of her English textbook, she mentally added a reason. 

Good things about myself

1. I make Joohyun happy.

Seulgi smiled giddily. Go ahead and take your win Dr. Kim.

“So we got Shin Ramen, Maruchan, some Samyang spicy hot…” Joohyun stopped in her tracks when she looked at where Seulgi was hovering. “That’s err Seungwan’s letters.”

Funny, considering not one letter Seulgi had seen from the pile had Seungwan’s handwriting in it. 

“Where is she by the way?” Seulgi felt curious. 

“Downstairs. I think she’s doing a keg stand right now.” A keg stand? The Seungwan she knew couldn’t hold any sort of alcohol much less do a keg stand. The more Seungwan and her grew apart, the more she realized she really didn’t know her. 

“You think she’ll be fine with me here?”

“What are you going to do? Kiss me?” Joohyun teased with a playful nudge and smile. “I know you're head over heels for Sooyoung. I don’t mind you being here, and if I don’t mind you being here, then Seungwan doesn’t either.”

Seulgi hummed and nodded. If Joohyun said so, then everything will be fine. 

“So…” Joohyun spread the ramen on her desk. “...take your pick. I’ll get the water boiling.”

While Joohyun went to the boiler and plugged it in, Seulgi chose her ramen. That was when she noticed that beside the desk, in a pile much like her own, were the books she had given to Joohyun. She had an urge to look under the covers, to read all the instances where she found Joohyun reading, but she had memorized them all so there really was no need.

“I’ve got to ask you, Seulgi.” Joohyun said while filling up the boiler with water. “Was Seungwan a reader? She suddenly started giving me those letters in those books and I know I should ask her but I didn’t want to offend her.”

Seulgi didn’t know what to say because she only connected the dots to Sooyoung’s plan just then. Sow doubt and reap the rewards. Sooyoung you minx.

Seulgi shrugged. “You know I haven’t talked to her in awhile. You should ask her.”

Joohyun nodded, disappointed she didn’t get the answer she wanted. 

“That’s a shame. I thought I could ask you.”

A few moments later after Joohyun had started the boiler, Joohyun jumped and sat on her bed before patting it. “Sit next to me.”

Who could deny Bae Joohyun?

The whole time Seulgi sat next to Joohyun, she wished that Joohyun wouldn’t be able to hear her raging heart beat. 135 bpm. 142 bpm. 154 bpm… Joohyun was so close and she was so beautiful and Seulgi felt as though there was no place she would rather be. There could be pigs flying outside and yet her eyes would still be on Joohyun. God, she loved her so much.

“Sooyoung talks about you so much.” Please don’t talk about Sooyoung right now.

“I heard a lot of stories, like how you managed to wrestle a snake to the ground.” Okay Sooyoung, nice one.

Seulgi laughed. “That snake almost killed me. I didn’t wrestle it,” she confessed. “I was...I was feeding it and I did it wrong and it attacked me. Took a bunch of people to take it off me.”

“That’s terrible!” Joohyun was horrified, and Seulgi felt her heart skip with the way she worried for her. “Is that why…” Joohyun pointed at the bandana around Seulgi’s neck. 

Seulgi nodded while she played with the bandana. “Yeah, t-that’s the reason.” She suddenly hiccuped. 

“Can I…” Joohyun inched closer to Seulgi, and Seulgi involuntarily gulped in response. “...see it?”

Seulgi had never once shown the marks. She was embarrassed at how she got them. Sure, she was brave for fighting it off, but stupid for getting them in the first place. Seulgi didn’t know what to do at that moment, and she froze. 

Suddenly, Joohyun profusely apologized and backed away. “Sorry, that’s dumb really dumb of me to ask. You must be so uncomfortable right now. I—”

“Sure,” Seulgi blurted out, and once again, she cursed liquid courage on making her do something stupid once again. 

“Really?” Joohyun sounded surprised. 

Seulgi nodded and started unraveling the bandana around her neck. Joohyun sidled closer to her so she should see better and when she did, she gasped. “Can I?” 

“Yeah.”

Joohyun ran her hands along the burns and the marks, and Seulgi couldn’t help but moan slightly and shudder in response. For some reason, it felt like her neck was a large erogenous zone, and it felt awfully wrong, but it was. Joohyun didn’t seem to notice Seulgi’s discomfort and kept on feeling her. Seulgi whimpered and made a fist that kept on getting tighter and tighter to Joohyun’s ministrations. She closed her legs and let out a deep, but needed breath of air. Jesus, Joohyun. The things you do to me. 

When Joohyun took her hand away, opened in awe, and Seulgi felt herself out of breath. “You’re so brave, Seulgi. I could never imagine being attacked by a snake.” I’m not brave at all. I was stupid. 

Seulgi took her bandana and wrapped it around her neck, and once again, she felt a bit safer, more secure, as if her mistakes and her insecurities weren’t there for the whole world to see. “It’s nothing. I just don’t want it to happen again.”

! Sooyoung! Keep doing that!

There it is. Seulgi felt herself blush at the sound of Sooyoung’s ual escapade with Yeri. She didn’t know why it took so long, but if Sooyoung wanted something, she definitely would get it. 

That was when Seulgi realized Joohyun was staring at her with a pained look, as if she was sorry, as if this was her fault. Oh right, I apparently have a “crush” on Sooyoung. 

“Seulgi I…” Joohyun didn’t know what to say and Seulgi didn’t either. It was hard to think with the headboard banging against the wall separating Joohyun’s and Sooyoung’s room and the sounds of Yeri screaming her heart out. 

Joohyun leaned into Seulgi and hugged her, trying to give whatever comfort she could. Seulgi embraced her back and squeezed her tight, and inwardly thanked Sooyoung for hitting two birds with one stone tonight. 

When Joohyun pulled away, she didn’t pull too far and their faces were so close that Seulgi only needed to move an inch and their lips would meet. 

Seulgi gazed at Joohyun and she gazed right back, and Seulgi didn’t understand why Joohyun’s eyes were so unreadable, why they seemed to glint with all sorts of emotions all at the same time. Love and lust, friendship and companionship, anger and happiness. There were so many sides to Bae Joohyun and yet Seulgi loved them all the same. 

What are you thinking right now, Bae Joohyun?

Suddenly, Joohyun pulled away, coughing awkwardly as she did, probably uncomfortable at the closeness they shared. 

“I have to go,” Seulgi said with a fraction of disappointment in her voice. 

“I understand,” Joohyun replied. Seulgi rose from the bed and made her way to the door. “And don’t worry about Sooyoung. I’m sure you’ll get your girl.”

Seulgi smiled slightly at her, as if she found something amusing in what Joohyun said. “I hope I do get my girl too.”

And so ends the sorry tale of Kang Seulgi because she was sure it wasn’t going to be sorry any longer.