This is unacceptable.

A total disgrace.

Way too stressful.

I am only 21 years old but I already feel like a mother to five grown up men. I cooked and cleaned for them, woke them up for their schedule and worse of all, I found myself nagging like an old grandmother more and more as each day passed by and it has only been a week since I had moved into the dorm. Judging by the rate that this is going, I think I really am going to become an old grandmother by the time I reached 30.

Just yesterday, SeungRi had called me ‘Umma’ when I woke him up.

Umma? UMMA?!

Do I look like someone who has a grown up child like him? Do I look that—that old?!

Well, to be fair to him, he did call me that in his groggy, sleepy state of mind but it was insulting nonetheless. I did get my revenge by ‘accidentally’ spraying his face with water that was meant for JiYong’s cactus. SeungRi later woke up screaming like a girl and was scolded by JiYong for making too much noise when it was so early in the morning.

It was 11 a.m.

When I say I was tending five grown-ups, I meant five men. Although TOP had moved out of the dorm, I still see him every day, especially during meal time. It was not even a surprise to us anymore if the doorbell rang just as we were about to eat dinner. Like I said, he would always come.

Like today, I was making sticky rice soup and when I had just finished cooking, TOP had miraculously appeared in the kitchen, grinning like a little boy and said in his deep voice, “Smells great.”

Well, he said ‘Smells great’ to everything that I had cooked. Even when I was preparing instant mee the other day because SeungRi said that he was dying for some, TOP had appeared like magic in the kitchen with his toothy grin and said “Smells great” too.

Living with Big Bang, seriously, I was an instant mother of five. Let me brief you about my five sons, one of whom—thankfully the most well-behaved of them—was my husband.

JiYong was a guy with a great passion for music. He would busy himself everyday with composing at the studio during their free time or lock himself in his room to write some more music. People in South Korea had deemed him as a genius in composing and I saw how he worked hard to create his own music. He was also a neat freak, which could be annoying at times. No one was allowed to change the order of his room and this had always been the reason why he would be quarrelling with SeungRi every day. YoungBae told me that they were the ‘Tom & Jerry’ of the house.

“Who’s the Jerry of them two?” I had asked YoungBae.

YoungBae flashed me his adorable smile. “SeungRi, obviously. JiYong was always the one chasing him,” he chuckled.

JiYong and SeungRi would always be fighting over petty stuffs. Like yesterday, JiYong was scolding him for sending a weird text message to his female collegemates. Apparently, SeungRi had told her “You can bite me if you want” which later had infuriated JiYong.

“Ah hyung, why are you doing this?” SeungRi had protested after JiYong had flicked his forehead, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Why are you sending weird text messages like this? You’re an idol, for God’s sake!” JiYong fumed, “Besides, ‘You can bite me if you want’?!! Seriously?!! What are you? Fried chicken?!”

If they were not looking so serious, I would have laughed out loud at the scene unfolding in front of me.

I guess SeungRi deserved every beating that he had gotten. He was just too naughty and hyper all the time. YoungBae said his flirting habits had always made them worry for fear that some weird scandals about him would appear on the media if he was not careful enough. Being the youngest, I think the guys just adored him so much that they had cared about him to that extent. I could say that he was actually the heart of the house; the house would be so quiet whenever he was not around.

I guess SeungRi was like the adorable, naughty little brother that you could never be mad at. Like whenever I tried to scold him, he would make his adorable puppy eyes—with that eyebags, of course—and pout his lips and I would forget that I was even angry. Like YoungBae said, SeungRi knows how to treat the ladies. He could sweet talk his way out of problems with the ladies and the ladies loved his cheesy self.

However, SeungRi was also the laziest current resident of the dorm. I say ‘current’ because YoungBae said that the title used to belong to TOP but since he had moved out, the title had been passed over to SeungRi.

Two days ago, I went into the room that he was sharing with DaeSung and saw that his side of the room looked like a robber had rummaged through it. Things were everywhere. I could not bear to see it that way so I made his bed for him and guess what I found? His dirty underwears and a very y-looking pictorial book of girls who obviously did not bother to wear any clothes were hidden under his pillow. Our SeungRi had been naughty indeed.

So among all the members, SeungRi had given me the biggest headache but he was also the one closest to me. He had made me feel like a family almost instantly.

DaeSung was the quietest of the five of them which was odd considering the fact that he had been appearing on comedy shows and done emceeing stints with SeungRi. At home he was just very reserved and not talking much. YoungBae said that it was probably due to the accident that he was involved in. Sometimes I feel sad for him because when I watch their shows, he would be the one cracking jokes and laughing all the time but at home, he was just this quiet, reserved man who probably was still reflecting and feeling guilty.

Just like YoungBae, DaeSung spent most of his free time either at the gym or at the church. After the accident, he found solace as a volunteer at the church which had helped him to recover from all the trauma that he had to endure. He said he would forever be grateful to the church.

However, one thing that we did have in common was that he was very into all these beauty stuffs so whenever I had run out of my night mask, I would go to him to get one. YoungBae also told me that the other members called him the ‘ATM machine’ because whenever they run out of money, they could borrow from him because he always seem to have some money hidden in his drawers which was convenient for the other members.

Unlike JiYong, DaeSung had a very awkward relationship with SeungRi. Whenever left alone together, DaeSung would stare at the wall and SeungRi would play with his phone. However, DaeSung had always denied this when I asked him about it.

“Hyungsu-nim! How can you say that? He’s my beloved dongsaeng,” he would stress out repeatedly although I had never been able to trust him on that; I had watched too many awkward moments between those two.

Although he had a manly, muscular body to die for, DaeSung was very afraid of the dark. Three days ago, we had a sudden blackout and he was screaming like a girl, asking everyone not to leave him alone. SeungRi decided to be funny by whispering “I’ve got you” in his ears in this low, scary voice and DaeSung nearly had a heart attack. Of course, when the lights had come back, JiYong gave SeungRi a beating for his ruthless action while DaeSung was seen pale and barely even breathing at one corner of the house, thanking God repeatedly for electricity.

It was no surprise when I found out that DaeSung was closest to TOP. Whenever TOP came, DaeSung’s eyes would lit up like a Christmas tree. He would transform into a complete different person in TOP’s presence. The two would crack up ridiculous jokes and laughed out loud among themselves which was kinda amusing to watch.

As for TOP, unlike the macho, cool persona that he had donned on stage, TOP in real life is actually a five year old stuck in a 25 year old body. He did not act his age at all. I found it funny that they called him hyung when he never acted like one. He would break out in random dance whenever he was happy about something and he loved to play pranks on other people; like turning off the light whenever DaeSung was showering which would later produce a girlish scream from the bathroom, drawing a fake moustache on SeungRi’s face when he was asleep with a permanent marker and putting a frog in YoungBae’s shoes.

Yesterday, I was the unfortunate victim of his prank. He had put a toy snake in my drawer and I nearly had a heart attack. When I ran out of the room screaming, he was laughing gleefully at my horrified look.

“It looks just like a real snake, doesn’t it?” he had asked once I confronted him about it.

I wanted to slap his face for that but how could I do that to such a gorgeous looking specimen; especially after seeing that cute dimples on his face whenever he laughed.

TOP loved nothing more than eating. That man ate like a hungry refugee, I tell you. Unlike DaeSung who was picky about his food, TOP ate almost everything. He had never even once complained about my cooking. To him, everything that I had prepared was delicious which was funny considering the fact that I was never that good of a cook.

So there is only one more person left to talk about.

Dong YoungBae.

My husband.

It still feels weird to be acknowledging the fact that we were married. He still had not laid a finger on me and we still have not done it, if you know what I mean. He treated me like a complete gentleman; just like a dream husband, he was perfect in every way. He was very thoughtful and considerate and caring and... oh, this feels weird, gushing about him. I mean, he’s already my husband but why do I gush like a teenage fangirl?

It’s because, just like the fangirls, I saw him like how they saw him: Perfection.

I must have saved a country in my past life that I was able to marry this perfect being. One thing, he was a very filial son. He never failed to ring up both his parents and my parents to ask about their well-being every day. Whenever SeungRi annoyed me, he was quick to come to my rescue. Like the other day, SeungRi had teased me about the y night gown that my mother had given me.

“Hyungsu-nim, when are you going to wear the night gown?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I fought hard the urge to stab his eyes with chopsticks.

I blushed to a deep shade of crimson and pretended not to hear him which had only made him repeat the question louder.

“SeungRi, leave her alone,” YoungBae had appeared out of nowhere, just like a superhero, and slapped the back of SeungRi’s head.

“Ah, hyung! How could you do this to me? I’m your dongsaeng!” SeungRi protested loudly, rubbing his head at the spot where he was beaten.

“Well, she’s my wife,” YoungBae replied with a smile and winked at me. If only he knows how his wink had turned my knees to jelly.

“I was only joking,” SeungRi pouted sulkily and went away grumbling, “When they’re married, they will forget their own dongsaeng.” When he saw JiYong, he exclaimed dramatically, “JiYong hyung, you will forget me too once you’ve gotten married, won’t you?”

Of course JiYong had answered him with a flick on the forehead.

It was pretty amusing to watch how SeungRi had sulked, refusing to talk either to me or YoungBae after that so we had to coax him with a picture of my best friend, Lizzy whom SeungRi had an instant infatuation with after seeing her page in Facebook. He had persuaded me so many times to introduce her to him which of course was something that I would never ever do.

I don’t think Lizzy would ever like flirtatious naughty guys like SeungRi.

However, Lizzy had come to like YoungBae almost instantly. We went on Skype two days after my wedding and YoungBae happened to walk out of our bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his lower body. Lizzy caught a glimpse of that body and she was sold. Boy, was she sold. When YoungBae realized that I was on Skype, he immediately went back into the bathroom with his clothes and came out later fully clothed.

“Dang, girl!! That’s your husband?” Lizzy had said as soon as YoungBae had disappeared from the room, “He’s HOT!” She fanned herself as though to cool herself down from YoungBae’s hotness.

“He’s also short,” I pointed out.

Lizzy rolled her eyes. “With a body like that, who cares if he is?!” she said, “He’s fine, girl!”

“Lizzy, he’s my husband, for God’s sake!” It was weird for me to hear her talking about him like that. She might have said things like that about some boys she had met in the past but it was no big deal back then because they were not my husband. Hearing her complimenting him like that was weird to say the least.

“How’s married life treating you so far?” she asked, looking interested in the matter. When I first had told her about my arranged marriage with YoungBae, she had protested defiantly, saying that in current time, parents should be sued for arranging their children’s marriage.

“It’s fine, I guess,” I said, “He’s treating me really good.”

Lizzy looked bored, like I was not answering her question. She gave me a teasing smile. “Girl, you know when I asked you that, I meant something else,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and it kinda reminded me of SeungRi, “How’s, you know, the union of you two?” She giggled as soon as she had finished saying that.

My eyes nearly popped out and I felt my cheeks getting warm. Lizzy had always found pleasure in teasing me about that department since I was not really experienced, unlike her. When I told her that I was still a , she nearly flipped out.

“EunJung! He’s a young, hot blooded guy and you’re telling me that you sleep on the same bed with him doing nothing?!” she yelled, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

Well what was I supposed to do? Jump on him?

“We sleep,” I pointed out.

Thus, a long lecture had begun from Lizzy of trying to persuade me to be more diligent in my role as a wife to a young, hot superstar. That night after that Skype with Lizzy, my heart was pounding in my chest due to her words.

The thing is, between me and YoungBae, our relationship was still at the beginning stage. I mean, the only kiss we had was during our wedding and you know how wedding kisses never felt real. We had never gone out alone and the only time we spent alone was before we sleep and the conversation was never long since we would be too sleepy to talk much.

In a way, Lizzy was right. Our relationship should never be stuck like that. It was like we had skipped a few steps and end up at where we were. Maybe we needed some intervention, some chance for us to get to know each other better to get rid of the awkwardness. We n