author's note: this first part in the past is kinda boring! it's just a set up with some info, so bear with me, please. thank you for the support so far! please don't be a silent reader! xoxo 

Jaehyun is gone from my life now. He said he needed space but I underestimated how much space he meant. The last time I had a real conversation with him was the night in the park. When he told me he needed to distance himself from me and that it was for the best. That night, we wandered around the playground and nighttime streets of Seoul together, reminiscing over our past. Jaehyun led me to our old kindergarten school, the old playground still the same. We knew we were too big to fit in the playground equipment but we tried anyway, our laughs ringing in perfect harmony. 

By the playground was the old tree, where me and Jaehyun used to play under a lot. I had totally forgotten about its existence but seeing it sent waves of the forgotten memories crashing back. By the base of the tree we had carved our initials “J + A” inside a heart. Time didn’t make it fade away, and I was shocked that it still remained after all these years. 

That was 2 weeks ago. 14 long days of space. 14 days I have been without him. But he promised he would be back, and I’m holding that against him. He promised he wouldn’t leave forever, and that he just needed space. 

Cut to the present and there I was, staring off into the distance as our teacher drawled on about something I couldn’t care less about. I turned to shift my eyes at Jaehyun’s now abandoned seat. He wasn’t at school right now. In fact he hasn’t been in school for the past three days. I stared longingly at it, wishing that he would just somehow materialize and appear. But this was the real world, and magic doesn’t exist, so I’m left feeling empty. 

The bell saved me from my agony and I shuffled out of the classroom to my locker to collect my things. Robotically, I left the school building and headed to the school parking lot, where I waited for my father to pick me up. The familiar black car eventually came into sight and I hopped into the passenger’s seat, leaning over to peck my father on the cheek as a greeting. 

“How was school, sweetheart?” My father asks.

“Good. Same o’l, same o’l.” I replied, staring at the road, about to space out. However my father prohibits me from doing so, sparking conversation.

“I got a call today. From JYP. They still really want you.”

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. “JYP wants to debut me in a girl group, dad.”

“Isn’t that a good thing, Aera?”

“I mean- it is but- It’s just I don’t want none of that pink, fluffy, cutesy summer concepts, girl groups do. It’s so...limiting and ist. Not that anything is wrong with them. But I don’t think it’s a good fit for me,” I reasoned. 

My father merely nodded. “That’s what you’ve said about all the other offers and companies.”

“I know dad. It’s just-.” I sighed again to release my pent up frustration, admitting something that has been in my mind for a while now. “I’m starting to think I’m not going to make it, dad. I think I want to give up.”

“Don’t say that, Aera,” my father said sternly, his voice lowering an octave. “You’ve worked so hard for this dream. Don’t give up now, princess.”

The sound of my pet name made my jaw tick. “Ok but dad, please don’t call me that. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“You’ll always be my little princess, Aera.” My dad retorted, turning into our street. We approached our home in silence and I saw a car parked in front of it. 

I frowned. “Are we expecting company? I’m really not in the mood today, dad.”

My dad brings the car to a stop and scoffs. “Sweetie, you haven’t been in the mood for a while now.” 

He paused. “In fact, you haven’t been yourself for the past few weeks. Your mother and I are getting worried. Are you sure we shouldn’t take you to Dr. Kim? He-”

“No, dad. I don’t need a therapist.” I groaned, hopping off the car. I eyed the white car in front of our house, inspecting the license plate. It looked familiar but I couldn’t pinpoint it and I shrugged it off, trailing behind my dad into the house. There’s a sweet smell the moment I entered my humble abode, me and my dad kicking off our shoes. I sniffed and followed the pleasant aroma to the kitchen. Mother must be baking. I entered the kitchen to see two backs, one of the woman I call my mother and the other-

“Aera!” Jaehyun’s mother pipes up, wiping her hands on her apron. 

“Oh- Mrs. Jung! Hello. This is a surprise.” I smiled. Her resemblance to Jaehyun is uncanny, her dimpled smile and pale skin no different from her son’s. Before I could ask the question, my mother answered. 

“Jaehyun and his father are in the living room. Mrs. Jung and I are making cheesecake.”

I nodded and excused myself, promising to come help after I have greeted our other guests. I could already hear collective laughs coming from the living room and I took a deep breath before entering, making sure to plaster on my best smile. Mr. Jung is the first to notice me. 

“Ah and there she is! The girl who brings Aphrodite to shame,” he joked, setting down his teacup on our glass coffee table. Jaehyun shifts beside his father, flashing me a small smile. It took all my self control to stop myself from attacking him. My father was sitting across Mr.Jung and he patted the space beside him and motioned me over. 

“You’re too kind, Mr. Jung.” I said, taking a seat and laughing off his flattering compliment. “What brings you here, sir?”

Jaehyun’s father chuckled, turning to place a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “Jaehyun here has some good news. He wanted to come tell you yourself. I also just wanted to spend some time with an old friend. How’s that sound, Mr. Kim?” 

My father nodded at him, telling Mr.Jung to join him in his study. They both stood up and left, leaving me and Jaehyun alone together.

Jaehyun waited till our fathers were completely gone. “Walk with me?” He asked, standing up with an outstretched hand. I didn’t hesitate to take it, instantly feeling complete when my fingers intertwined with his. 

We sauntered into my backyard hand in hand, the late afternoon sun still bright. We sat beside each other on my old swing set, the chains were rusted but it was still sturdy as ever. I watched the clouds as I lightly pushed myself into the sky. 

“Where were you? You were gone for three days.” I asked Jaehyun, as he propelled himself into the sky, us both swinging in sync. 

“I was at SM. Finalizing everything,” he replied. 

“SM Entertainment? What do you mean finalizing everything?”

Jaehyun stopped swinging and I did too, us both digging our feet into the ground. “Aera, I- I’m leaving school. To train. I got scouted last week when I was at school late for clean up duty.”

I have to hold back a scoff. “You’re kidding. Tell me you’re kidding.” Jaehyun’s expression stayed the same and I exploded. “You’re not kidding? Oh, Jaehyun that’s amazing!” 

He blinked at me and I stood to pull him into a hug. Wrapping my arms around him and squeezing tightly. Jaehyun grunted from the force but hugged me back, an exasperated laugh escaping from his lips. 

“Oh, Jaehyun but you can’t sing! Or dance!” I exclaimed dumbly, finally releasing him from my death grip. “I take that back. Didn’t I always tell you that you have a beautiful singing voice? And you’re very handsome. That’s probably why they scouted you.”

Jaehyun nodded and stuffed his hands in his pocket. “I can learn. It’s just that I’m- I’m scared, Aera. This has never been the plan, but somehow it feels so right? Like it’s destiny.”

“You’ll make a great idol. I’m so happy for you.” I told him, tilting my head to admire the way the sun hit his features. 

“It’s going to be so hard,” he sighed. “My parents are so excited as well. I don’t want to choose this path only to fail.”

“You won’t. I’ll help you,” I reminded him. Jaehyun paused. 

“You can’t…” he confessed. 

“What are you talking about, Jae?”

He turned to face me, and I watched his face fall. “I’m supposed to cut ties with everyone. Start fresh. You know the drill Aera, this is the sacrifice I have to make if I want to make it in the industry. I’m so sorry-”

“I understand,” I interrupted, suppressing the growing sadness in my chest. “How dumb of me to forget. Yea- of course. I know that’s what you have to do.”

“Aera, I-”

“No, really. I understand. What are best friends for, right? I support you. In whatever.”

“If you want me to stay- If you don’t want me to do this-.”Jaehyun started, inching towards me. I hadn’t noticed that I backed away from him. 

“No, it’s an amazing opportunity. You have to do it,” I encouraged him, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill. 

“Hopefully you’ll debut soon too and then we can go back to being friends,” Jaehyun said hopefully, taking my hand in his and rubbing circles in my palm. 

I held back my tongue. As happy as I was for him, I didn’t have it in myself to tell him that I was tired. That I wasn’t sure if I wanted this dream anymore. That I wanted to give up. I was starting to think that maybe I didn’t want a life in the spotlight anymore. And that maybe all I wanted was him. 

Being without him made me realize how much I needed him. And how much I have taken him for granted. Right then and there I should have told him I loved him. I should have told him that I knew better now, and that I was in love with him. 

But I didn’t and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Because after that day, it was already too late. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2 months later

It’s the last day of school. Finally, finally, finally. I’m done with my junior year of high school. The bell rang for lunch and I stepped into the crowded halls with an empty heart. Without Jaehyun’s presence, emptiness was all I felt. Along with guilt and regret. But what could I do now? He was long gone. I was so lost in my head that I accidentally bumped into someone’s shoulder. There was a small whimper followed by a scoff. I titled my head up to see one of my juniors, her eyes spitting daggers at me. She was one of Somi’s friends and Somi stood silently beside her. I murmured a sorry, about to go on my way when she spat. 

“Kim Aera, how does it feel now that you’ve lost everything?” I stopped in my tracks and whipped my head around. Who does she think she is? There’s a small smirk on her lips and a couple of her friends giggled. Somi just stared at the ground.

“Excuse you?”

“I mean, I’m just curious. First, Jaehyun left you and then you quit being a trainee. You failed.” She said as a matter of factly. 

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “First of all, it’s Senior Aera to you. Haven’t your parents ever taught you anything about manners?”

I inched closer to her menacingly. “And don’t ever. Ever. Talk about Jaehyun. Do not ever mention him, utter his name, and hell, don’t even think about him.” I lifted a hand to brush her dark hair off her shoulder, continuing in a low voice. 

“I quit being a trainee for a reason. That reason is none of your business. Oh and sweetie, I don’t know who you think you are to speak to me like that. But then again, maybe you just don’t have the mental capacity to comprehend basic human decency. So I suggest you... off,” I concluded. She remained speechless and I walked off cooly, my head spinning. 

I felt an arm grab my wrist and I was pulled to the side. “Was that really necessary?” Eunwoo asked, looking down the hall to the group of girls. I rolled my eyes at his comment. 

“Of course it was. Let’s go eat lunch now.” Other than Jaehyun, it was sad to admit, but I had no friends. With him now gone I had no one to turn to at school. All the girls were too envious of me to accept me and all the guys wanted to get into my pants. But at least I had Eunwoo. A part of me blamed him for my falling out with Jaehyun, but he also apologized profusely for it. He was my only friend now. 

Eunwoo nodded and started to lead me to the cafeteria, but I paused, a hand going to search my pockets. 

“I’ll meet you there, I think I forgot my phone in the classroom,” I told him, quickly scampering down the hall to my last class. Pushing into the empty classroom, I searched my old seat and secured my phone. Sighing with relief, I was just about to leave when I heard a sniffle. Then a whimper. Then another sniffle. 

I followed the tiny sobs to the corner of the room, just behind the teacher’s desk. My eyes found a crying Somi, her pale skin now red around the eyes as tears streamed down her face. She jumped when she saw me, immediately straightening herself and wiping her tears. As much as I didn’t like her, I wasn’t a horrible person. I did the decent thing to do.

“Are you ok?” I asked warily, the girl huffing and still managed to glare at me with tear stained eyes. 

“I’m fine. Get out.” Somi snapped, trying to hide her face in her long hair. 

I moved to sit in front of her defiantly, holding my ground. “Look, I know we hate each other, but you’re obviously not fine. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’m not lea