“...princess.”

The word rolled out of his mouth so smoothly like butter. It even sounded like he said it out of habit. I blink at him, furrowing my brow in confusion. 

“Hang on, princess. You’re ok. You’ll be ok.”

I remember. I remember someone calling me princess and telling me that I’ll be fine. It was Jaehyun? If Jaehyun called me princess...Did Johnny lie? Who found me? Who carried me here? What? God, what is going on?

Jaehyun pauses, dropping his hand from my face and speaking up. “I’m sorry. I mean- Ella, how are you feeling?” 

I shift my body away from him, retreating under the covers again, but still remaining upright. “I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

“Dude, she’s burning up.” Johnny chimes in, now standing on the opposite side of the bed, to my right.

Jaehyun nods at him. “Yeah...Johnny Hyung can you please go heat up some water in the kitchen. And bring a washcloth and bowl,” he gently orders.

“Why don’t you go?” Johnny asks, squinting his eyes at the younger male.

“I’m going to feed the patient,” Jaehyun replies, pulling out a plastic container from one of the plastic bags. 

“Ok then, why don’t you go do whatever you told me to do. And I’ll feed-,”.

“Trust me, getting her to eat is the harder task,” Jaehyun interrupts, pulling out the plastic utensils and uncapping the plastic container. The smell of the food wafts and fills the entire room, making me salivate. I inhale the familiar scent of oyster porridge, biting my lips to extinguish the growing hunger in my stomach. 

“Jaehyun, you go. I’ll feed her.” Johnny snaps, making his way around the bed. 

“Just for the record, I can feed myself,” I pipe in, eyeing the two uncomfortably as the tension in the room built up. Jaehyun doesn’t budge, blowing at the bowl of porridge to cool it down. 

Johnny stands by Jaehyun, his voice faintly exasperated. “Jaehyun-”

“Johnny Hyung, trust me. Just get what I asked for, please. She’s really burning up.” Jaehyun says brusquely, not even facing the other male. He dips the spoon into the bowl and stirs it around, fanning the steam with his other hand. He lifts the bowl with one hand, finally turning to look at Johnny. “What are you waiting for, Hyung? The water takes some time to boil.”

I constrain a scoff. Hm, Jaehyun’s...brave. Even though Johnny is an overall nice guy, I learned quickly not to upset him. All s fear an upset Johnny, and they all told me of certain incidents. Even Johnny admitted it, confessing that he didn’t like this part of him, but agreeing that he indeed gets scary when angry. 

Astonishingly, Johnny doesn’t argue any further, only letting out a long breath and heading out the door. Jaehyun dips his head down to tend to the bowl of porridge, but I catch the small smirk on his lips. I wait until Johnny shuts the door, leaving the two of us alone.

“You called me ‘princess’ just now,” I say. Gulping down the saliva that pooled in my mouth from the porridge’s strong aroma. 

Jaehyun shrugs. “I guess I did.”

“Why?” 

He meets my eyes and I can’t help but look away, averting my gaze to the bowl in his hands. “It’s a bad habit. I used to call someone princess too.”

“Oh,” I mumble, my eyes still focusing on the bowl. But , I can’t eat. I’ve already consumed every pre-planned meal for the day and I’m not supposed to inhale another calorie. I’m very serious about my diet plan.

At last, Jaehyun stops stirring, scooping a generous amount of porridge onto the spoon and bringing it along with the bowl to my lips. I jerk my head back and shake it, focusing my eyes anywhere else but the food.

“Don’t be stubborn, Ella. You need to eat to gain energy.” Jaehyun scolds me, pushing the bowl closer to me. I retreat farther away from him and clamp my lips shut. “Ella…,” he sighs. 

I my lips and open my mouth just to lie. “I can’t eat oyster porridge. I’m allergic to seafood.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t look convinced. “You’re lying,” he deadpanned. I’m usually a good liar, but he saw straight through my lie. Impressive. He and I are playing a game of cat and mouse now, with my head and the bowl in his hands. “Ella, just eat.”

I cross my arms. “Fine, I’ll eat if you answer my question.”

“Shoot,” he retorts, bracing himself for my query by squaring his shoulders. 

“Who found and carried me here?” I inquire, tilting my head at him. 

Jaehyun exhales. “That’s easy. I did.”

“Really? Because Johnny said-.”

“Johnny must have lied. Don’t trust anything Johnny says. He’d say anything to try and impress you,” Jaehyun says simply, taking advantage of my gaping mouth and shoving the spoonful of porridge into my mouth. I jerk back but promptly relax my body. The porridge is tangy with a strong seafood taste from the bits of oyster. My tastebuds rejoice at the taste and I practically moan when he shoves another spoonful in my mouth. I swallow, already feeling warmer inside from the heat of the porridge. Reaching out, I swiftly take the bowl from Jaehyun’s hands into my own, scooping heap fulls of food into my mouth. This is the first full meal I’ve had in a long time. Sweet potatoes and apples can go to hell. I’m aware I’m acting very unladylike at the moment but Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind. He actually looks satisfied and vaguely amused. 

I hold back, knowing damn well I will devour the whole bowl in record time if I don’t slow down. Placing the bowl by my lap, I wipe my lips with my thumb. I don’t need to look up to know that Jaehyun’s eyes are on me.

I gulp. “Y’know...I’m usually fine when people stare at me. I take it as a compliment, actually. I mean, who wouldn’t want to stare at something so beautiful?” Jaehyun scoffs, a smile forming on his face. “But your stare, Jung Jaehyun...It does something to me.” I continue to eat at a reasonable pace. 

“Does it bother you?”

“Not really. But I would be lying if I say it doesn’t affect me,” I confess. 

“I’m intrigued. Affect you how?” Jaehyun asks, his tone lighter than before, his dimpled smile lighting up the room. 

“I dunno. You never talk to me. You just stare at me. But it’s not creepy and I feel almost...safe?” I let out a small laugh, thinking to myself that I must sound crazy right now. 

Jaehyun quirks an eyebrow at me. “Safe?” 

“Uh...yea. I don’t know. It's like I’m under your constant surveillance. And honestly Jaehyun, you look at me like you’re ready to take a bullet for me if someone ever tries to shoot me,” I respond. 

“Is that such a bad thing?”

I shake my head and giggle. “You’re like my very own personal watchdog.”

“If you say so, princess.” He chuckles. 

There it is again! Princess!

 I don’t say anything and sigh, glad that there’s no awkwardness between us. It feels so natural talking to him like this, with no filter on. I bite my lip, knowing that I’m about to thicken the atmosphere with another question.

“Soooo, if you found me and brought me here. Why am I here in Johnny’s room and not yours?” I ask, deciding to slowly lead up to the ultimate question.

“I share a room with a member but Johnny has his own room. His bed is bigger too, I thought it would help you sleep better. You need to rest. I think you’re ill because you’re overworked,” Jaehyun replies. 

I nod. “I remember something. I remember that before I fainted someone called out to me. That was you, right?” Jaehyun nods slowly and I continue after clearing my throat.

“Jaehyun, you called me by my real name. How do you know my real name?”

He blinks at me, realization slowly dawning on his face. “I- I did my research,” he stutters. 

He’s lying.

“Liar. What research? I make sure anything personal about me isn’t on the Internet. It’s not possible for you to just Google my real name. It’s not possible for you to know it unless…” I sigh, staring deeply into his eyes. “Unless you know me. Do you know me?

Jaehyun deflects the true meaning of my question. “Of course I know you, you’re Ella from EVO-X.”

“No-Unless you knew me,” I rephrase.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You called me by my real name! Explain yourself!” I demand, my voice rising to match my growing impatience. 

Jaehyun inhales slowly and presses his lips into a thin line. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says softly, grabbing the finished bowl of food from my lap and starts to clean up.

Leaning my head against the headboard, I watch him. “You’re lying.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I remember! I vividly remember someone calling out to me using my real name. And you said yourself you found and brought me here, so you’re the one.” I huff again. “You know me.”

“If you say so-“

“Oh my god, will you stop deflecting and just...Where are you going?” Jaehyun suddenly stands up and tilts his body towards the door. “Wait don’t leave me now, we gotta talk about this!”

“I’m leaving to check on Johnny. Your members are on their way. You ate, I did my job. There’s nothing we have to talk about,” he murmurs, heading for the door. I scoff. Done? We’re not done. There’s so much to clear up and so much confusion. I have so many questions.

“Wait-,”

Gathering my energy, I forget my weak condition and catapult myself off the bed, reaching out for him. My fingers wrap around Jaehyun’s wrist and I yank him to me. That swift movement drains me and I find myself stumbling backward, suddenly feeling frail. I fall back onto the bed, and with my hand still gripping Jaehyun’s wrist, I bring him with me. My eyes fly shut as my back crashes onto the mattress. I whimper and peek one eye open, only to see that Jaehyun’s face is centimeters away from mine. His breath tickles my face and my heart starts to race in my chest. 

Jaehyun’s balancing himself with one hand, as his other is still in my grasp. I let go, and he pushes away from me. I inhale to calm my thumping heart. 

“Sorry,” I squeak. He doesn’t say anything and accepts my apology with a nod of his head. As he turns to leave, I say his name. “Jaehyun.” 

“Yes?”

“I know you know me.”

He freezes. Sighing he turns and runs his eyes over me. Jaehyun reaches behind me and wraps a blanket around my upper body. “Think what you want, Ella,” he breathes, moving to distance himself from me again. 

I grab his arm to stop him from leaving yet again. Jaehyun looks at me with anticipation. “I think you knew me and I think you know everything. I don’t know if I knew you. But I think you’re hiding something from me.” He stays silent and I find myself muttering something I’ve always never had the guts to admit. “You make me want to remember.” 

I want to remember.

Jaehyun inhales sharply and breathes. “Some things are better left forgotten.” He slips out of my grip and he’s out the door. Gone.

I furrow my brow, an unknown emotion building up in my chest. 

Why does he make me feel this way?

With a sigh of defeat, I slip back under the covers and get comfortable. My heavy eyes start to droop from drowsiness. 

I yawn, reminding myself that I’m not one to dwell on the past. And that I’ve lost the battle of trying to regain my memories. But I didn’t lie to Jaehyun just now. He’s being mysterious and suspicious and he really does make me want to remember. I want to know the truth. Jaehyun started a fire in me that I’m afraid I can not put out until I’ve succeeded. 

“Mettre en lumière,” I mumble to myself sleepily. It means spotlight. Highlight. Bring to light. That’s precisely what I’m going to do. I’m going to uncover the truth about myself once and for all and bring to light the truth. 

With this new goal, there’s a brief moment where the emptiness inside me ceases, and instead, I feel...complete.

I haven’t slept well for the whole break. The fight with Jaehyun kept me up every night. Every night I wracked my brain, pondered countless alternate situations, and stayed up watching the clock reminiscing. Hell, it’s now confirmed that if he isn’t beside me, I can’t fall asleep. Jaehyun hasn’t answered any of my calls or even read my texts. One day I finally had enough and went to his house, but his parents ushered me away, apologizing. They said he really didn’t want to see me. I begged and I begged, asking just for a moment of his time. They didn’t budge, although I was hurt, a part of me was glad his parents support him like this. But damn, how much space and time does he need? Is he going to ignore me forever? Are we really done? My heart constricted at the thoughts, and I pushed them away. Of course not, he’s my best friend.

It’s Sunday night and I’m sitting in front of my vanity mirror. School starts tomorrow and I look like absolute trash. I studied myself, praying to the gods that my prominent dark circles would disappear, my face slims down, and my skin returns to its glowing youthfulness. I gave myself one last thorough look and stood up, limping over to my bed and plopping down on it. My muscles started to ache as I began to relax my body, melting into my bed. I couldn’t complain since this was an obvious consequence of my rigorous training. The entire spring break, I’ve been pushing myself at the studio. Much to my teachers and trainers' disapproval, I was there every day and refused to take any breaks. But I had no other choice because if I didn’t focus on something else, I would have lost my mind over Jaehyun. I had to distract myself. 

There is a knock on my door. I called out,  giving my permission to enter, and whipping my head to see who enters. My older sister sauntered in, still dressed in her office clothes, and slick bunned up hair. She made a face when she caught a glimpse of my appearance.

“How’s my sweet little sister?” A-yeong cooed, patting my head and tucking strands of my hair behind my ear. 

I shook my head at her and she pulled me into her arms, cradling me like she always does. I inhaled her scent, dissatisfied that it wasn’t cherry and mint. His scent. And as I nudged my head into her shoulder nook, I felt my eyes start to sting. I miss him. 

For the first time since the fight with Jaehyun, I cried. My chest shook violently and warm tears streamed down my face. A-yeong didn’t say anything, patting my back and letting me sob my eyes out. I eventually got tired and my eyes started to hurt, so I focused on my breathing to stop the tears. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” A-yeong asks me. I nod at her and pushed myself up, propping myself in front of her as I started to explain to her what happened. She listened to me intently, making faces along the way, but she never interrupted.

“I’m just so frustrated! How was I supposed to react? I was drunk out of my mind and so was he! I’m angry at the fact that he didn’t even want to try to figure this out together. He just said he needed space and left. We haven’t talked since,” I concluded. 

“I can’t believe he actually did it!” A-yeong scoffed, her voice filled with disbelief. “I mean Aera, it was quite obvious he was in love with you. You can’t blame him for feeling hurt by your rejection.” 

“Seriously? How did everyone but me know he felt this way?”

My sister smiled sadly. “Aera, for someone so talented, you’re so daft. Sooooooo oblivious.”

“I really didn’t know!”

A-yeong sighed. “If you say so.” She slid her hand into her pocket, brandishing her phone. She hummed to herself, tapping on her phone. I was lost in the sound of her nails against the glass before I asked. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling him. He made you cry, the deserves a scolding.”

“Wha-.” Before I know it, A-yeong is holding her phone between us, and her phone beeps. Jaehyun’s voice echos in my room.

“Hello? Noona? Why ar