I wonder how it feels like to actually see you.

All my life, I don't really focus on the looks of people whenever I interacted with them. I see them face-to-face, but I'm not looking at them directly, if you know what I mean. I would look at them for a while and avoid their eyes. That's why I can't remember their features, their mannerisms, their guestures.

Not that I really minded though, but sometimes I blame my anxiety for feeling and thinking that they might see my shadow the moment when they see through me. The last thing I want to hear is their judgement.

But then I met you.

You're the only person I want to really look at but I can't for a reason: I am shy. My mind automatically thought that you would easily guess that I'm into you once you look in my eyes.

I can't avoid the crazy heartbeat I've experienced no matter how I tried to calm myself down. The sweat on my hands when you hold my arm as you talk about your day. The brain malfunction as I saw your smile.

But still even all that, I can't look look at you. I can't see and observe your face properly because I think I don't deserve to look at it directly, just like the maids to their queen in ancient times.

Just when will the time come that I could finally gain my confidence to stare at you and appreciate your beauty and your whole being?