Is there a right way to love?

Her first love was bittersweet. She did her no wrong but she did not do anything right either. They enjoyed their time together, found solace in each other. No one went out of the way for the other. It was a relationship that did not require effort. Maybe it was because young hearts were easy to please, and young minds were not bogged down by worldly pursuits, yet.

Her second love was one-sided. Maybe it would not be if she dared to confess, but this will remain as an unanswered question. As close friends in a group, they saw each other nearly every day. Unable to show her affection in other ways, she resorted to conscious, convenient acts of kindness. She was always ready to help, to make herself useful to the other girl. She stayed up late to complete a project she had no part in; she became the designated candy provider in class just so as to frequently offer her her favourite snacks without raising suspicions; she found excuses to lend, if not give her money, for her to fulfil some of her material wants. She never dared to be direct or obvious. 

In the period when they were friends, her subject of interest entered and exited a number of relationships. It broke her every time she rattled on about a “him”, but she simply played the role of a supportive friend. She knew she could probably love her better than any of them; but whenever a “he” entered the picture, she still wished that “he” would prove her wrong. She played the role assigned to her to the best of her ability, even if it was hard to hold herself back when they bundled together in the darkness every time she broke up, in the kind of nights when nothing but sniffles could be heard. Other days, she would toss and turn in her bed alone, wondering about all the “what ifs”. It took years, before she gradually realised that the answer did not matter anymore.

Her third love started off on the wrong foot. She had moved on from her second love, but was done being a goody two shoe. To distance herself, she enrolled in a university far from her hometown. In the process of protecting herself, she became more reclusive and had only made one friend – Hyejin. Her friendship with Hyejin was easy to maintain. They both left their hometowns to enter university, were only interested in graduating and not “making the most of their youth” by joining a multitude of clubs and societies, and were both sufficiently independent. They studied together occasionally, and had meals together when one of them needed a chat or two.

Yongsun was the opposite of them. She was the confident President of the debate club; the active student who got along with everyone. Her drive to succeed extended into her relationships. After noticing her in a class they shared a few times, she approached her to profess her interest. 

That marked the start of Byulyi’s third love – one she was not ready for. She accepted the relationship easily. What is there not to like about a pretty, competent girl who made her interest clear? Even if she had no more love to give, she decided that it was about time to just enjoy being loved. This time round, she did the bare minimum to keep the relationship going. To protect herself, she insisted on being the one who cared less. However, after a year, her resolve begun to waver.

Byulyi was determined to do it right this time, but little did she know, Yongsun had also decided to stop trying.