There was an overwhelming silence between them. Nishinoya could not even look into Sugawara's eyes. The thing Sugawara revealed to him just now sounded very doubting that he chose not to believe.

"Didn't you that eager to know, Nishinoya?" Sugawara smirked at the younger. " I guess you would say I am joking."

" But you-"

Only then Nishinoya realized. It has been a while since the last time he watched Sugawara playing with them. He was a libero, he got the chance to watch everyone's play, and he knew Sugawara rarely joined the group. He would only come in to serve once or twice then left the court.

"Takeda sensei and Ukai-san are aware of this?" Nishinoya could feel his heavy chest has worsened. Sugawara was so calm that he doubt the truth.

"They were the first to be informed," Sugawara continued walking. Nishinoya paced at his right side, "But I force them to keep it as secret between us."

Nishinoya could not match up his pace with Sugawara's. He was too shocked that he could not even stand on his two feet. He leant to a wall, soothed himself, and watched Sugawara walking away from him.

"Sugawara-san!" Nishinoya half cried, "I'm sorry."

The elder turned to him and sent a very confused look, "Why are you apologizing?"

"I thought you were lying to me."

" I hope I was."

Nishinoya quickly caught up with Sugawara. They walked side by side. Another silence hit but Nishinoya did not intend to cease it. He would just listen to Sugawara.

"It's rare for you to be this concern," Sugawara broke the silence, "I thought my disguise is perfect."

They made their way to the station. Nishinoya's house was in different way than Sugawara's, but he would not deny or even voice out.

"I was at first diagnosed since I was a first year student. I fell at my room. My parents brought me to the hospital since I've scarred my chin. The doctor was surprised that my hands were both clean and clear, hence he put me in kinds of tests. Since then, I was confirmed as a patient and now I'm undergoing treatment from time to time."

The train has arrived. Both Nishinoya and Sugawara hopped in. They sat on the seats, still side by side. Nishinoya glimpsed at Sugawara. Sugawara entangled his fingers, and kept on chattering.

"I still hope this is only a dream."

"Sugawara-san, I'm sorry for you."

A light hit landed on Nishinoya's head. Nishinoya puffed his cheeks, disliking Sugawara's way of teasing.

"Stop sympathizing me, Nishinoya. I hate it." Sugawara cracked a laugh. He threw his view off the window. The scenery changed as the train moved along the railway. People around them paid their attention only on their gadgets and stuffs.

"How about volleyball?" Nishinoya asked.

Sugawara's smile faded away. Nishinoya saw that and gulped as instant. Based on the reaction, he could sense he has uttered the worst question ever.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to-"

"I'll stay, no matter what."

The train slowed down. Some of the passangers left the coach. Sugawara and Nishinoya have not budged.

"What if the others knew?"

Sugawara patted on Nishinoya's thigh. "Can you please keep it as secret? I don't want to sadden anyone. But I wonder if they would."

" Of course they would! Even I could not hold my-"

For sure Nishinoya was astonished. He could not believe his own ears when Sugawara admitted being a patient of spinocerebellar ataxia, or in short SCA, just now. He has heard the disease. It was incurrable. It did not cause the patient to die like cancers, but it did harm the patient and s/he would eventually lose everything in his/her life. Nishinoya was fully aware of SCA because he had an uncle who suffered the same years back. And that uncle of his has passed away.

"I can't believe that I am losing you, Sugawara-san! It breaks my heart so much I could not even smile! How the hell do you cope with such fact? How do you say it as calm? How do you ignore it all these while and just go on with your life, Sugawara-san? Even I could not accept it whole hearted."

The train has stopped at another station. Sugawara and Nishinoya rose and exited to the station.

"Do you think I am okay with it, Nishinoya? Do you think I am being grateful since I was chosen to have this stupid disease? Do you think I did not hate it in my life?"

Sugawara's stuttering voice has shaken the bravery of Nishinoya. Nishinoya could not exchange glance with Sugawara.

"Geez. For 's sake. I never ask for this 'gift'. It's a disaster that I have to endure through my whole life. It's like I am being ready to die in no time, you see. I don't know when I'm going to be unable of walking, or holding spoons, or even talking! Everything is mysterious to me, without me knowing what I should do to sustain a very peaceful mind. Keep this in your mind, Nishinoya! I will die, sooner or later!"

" Sugawara-san!" Nishinoya could not listen anymore. It was too hurtful.

Sugawara was being selfish but he somehow could understand why the elder chose not to leak it to everyone. He knew how far SCA could affect one's life. It could probably because Sugawara was totally aware that his sickness could taint the team's mental. "Since I've acknowledged this, please, Sugawara-san, let me know if anything happened. No matter how hard it will be, no matter how ridiculous it may be, I will stay by your side."