You're my violet in the sun

You're the chosen one

ii. transform // daniel caesar (ft. charlotte day wilson)

lingzi and shuxin wake the girls up the next morning with bright smiles on their faces and a reminder from the latter that they should all try to stick to the ‘schedule’ to make the most out of everything. over breakfast, zihan tells them about how beautiful the sunrise was that morning that resulted in a bunch of wow’s and empty promises to watch it tomorrow with her. “we’re gonna be too drunk for that!” keyin reminds all of them with half a mouth full of rice.

the girls run around the shore while waiting for their boat and yu yan sits on a towel with her small notebook for sketching, keeping an eye on her buddy chengxuan who was busy making a sandcastle with xueer. yu yan kinda wants to yell at jiaqi who’s attempting to distract the two other girls by blowing the sand or splashing water onto it until keni comes into her view.

zeng keni in her denim shorts and open flowing white button up that shows her navy bikini top and those annoying abs that make yu yan worry if she was literally drooling right now. zeng keni who she shouldn’t be staring at just because she’s a hundred times more gorgeous than anybody on any Baywatch movie ever. zeng keni who makes yu yan furiously blush and also furiously draw in a poor attempt to divert her eyes but also…keep watching? yu yan knows keni knows she’s been staring (probably with a mouth open too) because she has the audacity to smirk and approach in slow motion with the wind blowing through her hair.

this is just unfair.

the taller girl plops beside her and gets even closer to look at yu yan’s notebook. “should i stand back up so you can finish? maybe run a little?”

“shut up, i’m practicing lighting techniques.”

“sure.” keni teases her again and sticks a tongue out, knowing she won this time. “why are you wearing a shirt?”

yu yan’s mind short circuits into whatwhatwhat but her smarter self knows better and just stands up to take her shirt off and turn her back to keni. it’s the other girl’s turn to stare now, eyes intensely looking at  the art on the redhead’s back, tracing a finger over the curve of yu yan’s back that sends a chill down her spine.

“i will never get tired of seeing this.” keni says it with so much…fervor and longing, catching both of them off guard and the taller girl’s eyes widen in realizing she said it out loud. “h-hey chengxuan! come here i know you’ve never seen this before!”

within two minutes all nine girls are behind yu yan and she’s almost sure zihan might have actually ran just to see her tattoo. they all express their amazement and start talking over each other to comment or ask questions about how painful it was or how long it took and yu yan just laughs and tells them about it until their boat arrives.

the ride to this smaller island nearby was quiet for the first few minutes until keyin stands up holding a water bottle in her hand for a mic. “ladies and babies good morning to you all! i’m your amazing host for this fifteen minute boat ride and we are going to start the fun right now!!”

cheering erupts from boat and yu yan reluctantly claps, getting a bad feeling from whatever sort of entertainment keyin could come up with on a boat.

“so as you all know…we have two babies on this trip.” the seniors all go ooooh and teasingly nudge the younger girls while yu yan raises an eyebrow at keyin who just winks at her. “zihan and chengxuan, as the most promising sophomore and freshman of the dance club we are going to have a special initiation today.”

“the two of you are going to…” the girls slap their times as in to drum roll as keyin pauses for suspense. “jump off this boat right now!”

everyone laughs and yu yan remembers she can’t take anything keyin says seriously and just decides to lean back and watch. “nah i’m kidding, of course we’re going to have a dance battle!”

all the girls howl in excitement and start clapping, xiaotang brings out her waterproof speakers and nods at keyin. “since you both know this song, you’re going to perform one minute of any part of R&B all night, just tell xiaotang what you want. of course our dance club captain and birthday girl number one will be the first judge along with birthday girl number two lingzi.”

“but wait…there’s more.” keyin smirks and yu yan actually feels some sort of danger alert going off somewhere in her brain, hunch telling her this isn’t going to end well.

“you can choose any of us here as a partner. it’s up to you if you’re going to make them dance or just use them as props.” keyin winks at the end of her explanation and when chengxuan’s gaze meets yu yan, the latter gets the feeling she won’t just be leaning back and watching this time.

chengxuan actually ends up choosing jiaqi who helped her with the song a few months ago and just when yu yan feels a smile creeping up her face, it’s gone in two seconds.

“okay, i’ll choose yu yan.”

what?

the girl in question gapes at zihan then looks at a grinning keyin and then at zihan again. “you know the dance right jiejie? and lingzi’s judging so…”

as much as she hates to admit it, zihan’s right and being annoyingly cute right now so yu yan doesn’t really protest and just slumps further in her seat.

“okay! who wants to go first?” it’s a miracle yu yan doesn’t get whiplash at how fast she turns her head to keyin again. “what? we’re doing this now?”

“of course!” shuxin exclaims like dancing on a small moving boat is the most sensible thing in the world and keni giggles beside the redhead.

“yu yan’s scared because she can’t swim.” the other girls try to hold their laughter from keni’s joke but yu yan’s cheeks redden and she’s suddenly jumping up from her seat. “i’m not scared. we’re doing it first.”

worry flashes on zihan’s face for a moment as she stands up with yu yan. “are you sure? we can ask them to go first.”

“no, we’re winning this thing.” it might have come out louder than intended because xiaotang responds to yu yan’s determination.

“it’s not that deep sis”

“no but the water is” laughter fills the boat again with xiaotang and keyin giving each other a high five before the redhead sends a silencing glare at them. it takes them only a minute to talk about what the plan and give instructions to xiaotang who prompts a loud cheer from the boat before the pair begins.

“lets go baby!” keni swears she sees a tint of red like the girl’s hair on the younger’s face but it’s gone in a second and the music starts.

yu yan dances (or at least tries) like she’s in an actual performance and despite the few seconds of worry flashing over her face that keni always catches every now and then, the taller girl’s grip on her seat tightens because yu yan is wearing a backless one piece with just a pair of short shorts over them and keni actually wants to jump. the performance ends faster than you can say blueberry but keni takes a full minute to get out of her trance because what the actual hell.

“you okay?” she asks as if she didn’t just dance a y song looking like a whole five-course meal that sends keni’s brain into overdrive.

“uh yeah, good job”

jiaqi and chengxuan take their turn and xueer tries not to blush but the girls all anyway for being a gay mess after while shuxin yells at her to grade fairly for their juniors. keyin stands up again with her faux mic and announces the winners so loudly it could probably be heard from their hotel.

“and the winners are…” she pauses again and the girls do a drum roll but keyin opens and then closes it again twice and giggling before actually saying it. “zihan and yu yan!”

everyone claps and the performers all shake hands, yu yan ruffling chengxuan’s hair with a smile, saying that she’ll get it next time.

“judges, do you want to say anything?” keyin points her water bottle at xueer who sticks her tongue out at a pouting jiaqi, before turning to smile at the winners.

“they won because they have good chemistry.” the girls whistle and tease the two but yu yan just smiles and shakes her head, sitting back down with keni.

they arrive at the first island of the day, running and playing around with breathless giggles and yu yan wonders why they’re only doing this now. through lunch and many more small islands and boat rides, yu yan stares a few more times and keni lets her; doing the same when the other’s not looking. at some point between staring and bickering, yu yan draws. she draws with all her energy in her right hand, desperate to capture a part of zeng keni for herself. it’s frustrating how the sun envelopes the other girl in a warm, friendly coat; as if it had been put there to make her glow, to make her radiate glitter and the sun itself with her smile. yu yan thinks it’s impossible to encapsulate zeng keni’s beauty with words or with ink, but she tries anyway.

for some reason the girls are still b with energy after dinner. they gather around a quasi-fire camp set up (there were tiki torches) and shuxin appears with an actual mic this time, introducing herself as the host for the night.

“please welcome your gorgeous host, me!” there’s laughing and everyone claps to humor her, excited for what’s to come.

“i hope you’re all ready for tonight because well, you’re performing.” shuxin giggles to herself before continuing, “we have to start with a blast so of course we’re going to do non-daily revelry first!”

it’s kind of funny there are more performers than audience for the performance but yu yan, keni, and lingzi clap and cheer as enthusiastically as they can when the seven girls dance to party song. keni dances to a blackpink song and xueer joins her halfway, making jiaqi send a wink at yu yan for no reason.

“wow xueer, you’re really out here stealing other people’s spotlight.” keni laughs at shuxin’s joke after their performance and hugs xueer before slinging an arm around a surprised yu yan who was lightly talking to zihan.

shuxin and xiaotang actually surprise everyone by singing anyone else but you and unabashedly looking at each other at the right times. “I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you” xiaotang sings like it’s their life story and maybe it is, because their voices oddly fit so well together that keni half believes it when shuxin jokingly apologizes to the next performers because that was already the peak.

jiaqi seems like she’s planning to make the night her concert because she performs the second time with lingzi, dancing a beautiful pas de deux from the nutcracker despite the small thin stage they’re on. everyone claps loudly and keyin lets out what seems like a howl, obviously excited from the pregame she’s started on with xiaotang and keni after the first performance.

yu yan gets up as shuxin introduces her and taps into the mic. “before i start, i’d just like to remind everyone to drink moderately and don’t influence chengxuan to do anything.”

“booo grandma!” there’s a cheeky grin from keni who then turns to chengxuan with a wink before the redhead starts strumming her guitar.

Just say you love me, just for today

And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same

it’s a bit of a shaky start, nervousness showing on the girl’s face who’s obviously never performed the song before.

Want to feel burning flames when you say my name

Want to feel passion flow into my bones

Like blood through my veins

yu yan closes her eyes, as if to channel the passion she sings about.

'Cause I don't wanna fall in love

If you don't wanna try

But all that I've been thinking of

Is maybe that you might

And babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say

And love's floating away

by the time she gets to the bridge the night is filled with a deafening silence, everyone knows who this is for. everyone knows who she’s singing to.

Some one told me love controls everything

But only if you know

yu yan’s voice breaks when she sings the penultimate line about staying and the other girls can’t believe she’s actually pouring her heart into this, this song that wasn’t just a song. they’re quiet even after the performance, no one daring to break the silence until yu yan bows a whole ninety degrees and keyin claps nervously. there’s a big applause that follows and suddenly shuxin is back into her host mode.

“oh my god, voCAWLZZ. she’s really the main vocalist up in here, wow!!!” at least five girls take a swig when shuxin says the magic word and yu yan sighs in relief of getting out of that weird atmosphere.

she just sang.

“our last performer for today is coming for her triple crown, let’s welcome xu jiaqi!”

“hi. uhh, this is going to be a bit different.” jiaqi takes a deep breath before starting, nervousness written on her face.

I want you to know

one thing.

the girls realize she’s reciting a poem, a love poem and yu yan thinks she’s had enough heartfelt performances for the night, taking a huge swig of the bottle in her hands.

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

xueer looks at her fondly, like she knows where this is going, like she’s heard it a dozen times before.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

yu yan feels keni’s left hand on her right, taking the initiative to intertwine it for them but looking straight ahead at jiaqi whose voice has steadied but also whose hands have started shaking.

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

she counts the number of times keni turns to her, it helps to know they’re also the number of times yu yan’s wanted to face her too, maybe even more. but she doesn’t. there’s something hanging in between the few inches of distance in between them and yu yan thinks, not now.

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

yu yan doesn’t know when xueer started crying, but she’s suddenly very interested in watching her hug jiaqi, concentrated on what’s in front of her instead of the elephant begging to be acknowledged.

“i—i thought you were just going to dance for me.” xueer says in between sniffles, “but i think you’ll never run out of things to surprise me with.”

jiaqi hugs her impossibly tighter and everyone says their awws and cheers, with shuxin loudly starting a birthday song for lingzi and jiaqi. the girls are all singing and smiling and keni’s hands are still in hers so yu yan thinks we’ll just be happy tonight.

just like she promised the taller girl, we’ll just be happy, let’s not ruin anything just for tonight.