January 8, 2181

Happy new year. 

January 19, 2181

the snow.

February 27, 2181

I think if I could just go to sleep forever that would be fine. It's so cozy under these blankets, it's so easy to pretend. 

March 4, 2181

Once it warms up I'm gonna go home. Why? To try and find you? I don't know.

April 8, 2181

Last night I saw a pack of dogs through the binoculars. They didn't look right. 

April 19, 2181

Went home. Found our street. Our house was like, like nothing. There was nothing. I wanted to bury you but I couldn't find your bones. All I could find was your stupid hippo. I cried it's so stupid. Everything is destroyed but that stupid ing hippo survived. Probably dumb to take it, covered in radiation or whatever. But it was all I could find of you. Wasted a whole bottle of water trying to clean the dirt out of it's fur. 

Was scared to head back to the shelter. It'd been 3 days. What if someone else found it? Broke in? Didn't wanna share? Looked around when I got back and it didnt look like it'd been disturbed. Maybe I am the only one left. 

April 23, 2181

IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. 

April 25, 2181

There's 7 of them, all men I think. They remind me of the dogs, it's clear they're human, but they're not right. Their eyes are empty and they seem all stretched out. The way they walk reminds me of the zombies in all of those old movies and TV shows. Zombies. That's ridiculous. 

April 26, 2181

Hid for a long time, watching them through the scope of my rifle. They don't really seem to do anything, just wander around. Their clothes are all torn up and some of them are missing one or both shoes...they don't seem to care. It doesn't seem like they talk or anything. Maybe they really are zombies?

April 27, 2181

If they're zombies I need to kill them right? Like when you have a really old dog and she's sick so you take her to the vet so she doesn't have to suffer anymore. Right? I wouldn't wanna be a zombie. And if they're zombies they might try to eat me..

God they're not zombies idiot. That's so stupid. Sound like a ing moron. There has to be a logical explanation, something rooted in science. Just don't know what. 

April 29, 2181

One saw me. It saw me with it's big empty eyes. It saw me and opened its mouth and started to stagger towards me. The others seemed to notice it changed direction and they all followed, even though I don't think they saw me.

I panicked. I shot them. All of them. I killed them. Oh my God I killed them, I'm a murderer. Obviously they weren't zombies but there was something wrong with them and I got scared. What if by the time they got close enough for me to tell what was wrong with them they hurt me or infected me or...I don't know. Just making excuses. Can't justify the fact I murdered 7 people. 

May 1, 2181

I buried them all. Dug a separate grave for each of them. Made some markers with rocks. Up close they looked a little rotted and bloated, they didn't smell though. Shouldn't they smell?

Are there more of them?

May 7, 2181

Swear I heard you call my name yesterday. I turned to look for you but of course you weren't there. One of those weird dogs was though, it hadn't seen me yet so I bailed.

Did you really call out to me? To warn me about the dog? To protect me? Are you here? Looking out for my dumb ? Baby please let me see you. God I ing miss you. I need you. Don't know how I ever survived before I met you. 

May 17, 2181

Ok so maybe I went a little nuts for a few days. No big deal, it happens. What does a person expect will happen when someone thinks they heard the disembodied voice of their dead girlfriend calling their name to warn them of the danger lurking several feet behind them? It's not a BIG DEAL OK. it's FINE. 

Maybe I spent a few days outside, drinking heavily and looking for you. Maybe I tripped and fell in a really embarrassing way and twisted my ankle, then hobbled my back to the dentist's office.

Am I lucky to be alive? Debatable. 

May 22, 2181

Ankle is feeling a lot better. So I went out. Not too far, I didn't wanna over do it. But I heard a bird. I know I did. It wasn't in my head. It was real. I heard a ing bird and i didn't imagine it. I couldn't find it though. Spent a couple hours with my binoculars, but I couldn't find it. 

June 3, 2181

So I think maybe those guys were zombies. That still sounds so stupid. But I saw a few more, 2 men and a woman this time. They were eating one of those dogs. It made the most horrible sounds as they ripped it apart. Practiced my aim with the scope and got 2 of them in the head on the first try. Took me a couple times to get the other guy down and then I aimed for the dog to end it's suffering. It was quick.

June 5, 2181

That's 10 people now. Nine men and a woman. . 

September 14, 2181

It's been year. A year since the last time I saw your face, held you in my arms, kissed you, heard your laugh, told you I loved you. A year since I've heard your voice. God I miss you. I thought it would get easier but every day is just as painful as the day before. 

September 15, 2181

Happy one year anniversary of the end of the world?

September 17, 2181

Sometimes I think about killing myself. There's plenty of guns and a seemingly endless supply of bullets. It would be so quick. And then I could be with you again.

September 20, 2181

I know you wouldn't want me to give up. I know you'd want me to keep going. I sleep with your hippo. It doesn't smell like you but it's all I have.

September 23, 2181

Happy birthday to me happy birthday to me happy birthday dear meeee, happy birthday to me.

I'm 32, whoop dee doo. What's there to celebrate? That one of the weird dogs haven't gotten me yet?

They're still out there, more than before. Before I got a good look at them I figured they were rabid or something. They're not, it's something else.

Maybe I won't get drunk this year.

December 2, 2181

 I got drunk on my birthday. Got even more drunk on yours. You would have been 30. I cried and sang happy birthday to the hippo. Drank so much that's all I can remember doing. ing idiot. Felt so sick I thought I was dying. Not that lucky though.

December 17, 2181

Realized it's a lot easier to drag a broom with me to cover my tracks in the snow. Wish it didn't snow, it's such a pain. The ing post apocalypse and there's still ing snow. What a bunch of .

December 23, 2181

You always loved the snow. Thought it was beautiful. Nothing as beautiful as you though.

 

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