September 16, 2180

It was so loud. So bright, and I wasn't even looking at it. It was like the light was all around me. I could hear people in a car in the other lane screaming "my eyes!" and "I can't see!" As the ground rumbled beneath me I didn't really feel that lucky. You were back there, where the blinding light was coming from, the smoke and the cloud. I knew immediately you were dead. There was no getting around that. I cried all night and into the morning, wondering if I should crawl out of the fallout shelter I'd burrowed in. Yeah, just off the road hidden in the basement of the dentist's office, I found a shelter full of provisions, bottled water and first aid, clearly the work of one of those screaming apocalypse crazies. Big enough and stocked for a family. Heh, they had been right, but I guess this guy didn't make it back in time, his family too. I went in, bolted the heavy metal door behind me and I still didn't feel that lucky. i can't make it to the door without the Geiger counter going nuts, but from what I can tell, it's dead out there. I wonder how long it would take, how much exposure it would take, before I'd get to see you again. 

September 17, 2180

You would tell me to shut up. Quit it. You're not funny. Stop being stupid. You're not going out there. Sit down and eat your green beans.

September 18, 2180

I'm sorry. I'm so ing sorry. I love you and I'm sorry. God you must have been alone and so ing scared and I should have been there and I'm sorry and I love you. 

September 19, 2180

I feel ed up for saying it but I hope it was quick. Hope you didn't have to suffer. Hope you didn't have time to be scared. 

September 20, 2180

I can't be the only one left, right?

September 21, 2180

Whoever built this shelter didn't just stock it with food, water and first aid. There's guns, bullets, knives. binoculars. axes. shovels, rope, and so much other stuff. This person really thought ahead and it hit me this isn't gonna be temporary. I'm grateful they stocked some books, first aid, medicine, outdoor survival, stuff like that. I don't know . Kid books too but who cares about that. 

Its got five little rooms. A little room with a dirt floor(dunno what it was supposed to be for, but I'm calling it the bathroom)there's shelves on the wall stacked full of supplies. A bedroom with 3 beds, drawers built in underneath filled with supplies and clothes, extra blankets, a few board games. couple shelves full of books. A room full of bottled water. Like that's literally all that's in this room, water. Another room just the same, but with food. And the last room is full of the guns, the ammo, the tools, the medicine. Can't imagine how much it cost and honestly it's kind of nicer than our house.

Maybe I'll never have to leave.

September 22, 2180

Tomorrow's my birthday.

September 23, 2180

You always used to bake me a cake. But you couldn't bake for . Every single one of your cakes tasted like . But you always tried so hard for me. I never asked you to. God I didn't deserve you for a minute. 

September 24, 2180

Cellar Man forgot to stock birthday cake but did stock a nice supply of whiskey. Got drunk yesterday, jerked off and then felt like . Found another use for that little room with the dirt floor when I had to puke my guts out, and was again grateful for the shovel. Smells like in there but Cellar Man thought of everything.

October 2, 2180

Really starting to get chilly now. Cellar Man was a lot bigger than me but better a too big sweater than a too small sweater. The clothes for the rest of the family are too small. Maybe they'll be useful down the road. 

October 5, 2180

What am I even doing? What's the point?

October 23, 2180

I dreamed about you. You looked beautiful as always and kissed me. Told me everything was ok. Went down on me and then begged me to take you. Woke up and felt ashamed. You're gone and I'm thinking about s, what the is wrong with me?

October 24, 2180

You know it was never about that, right? with you was fun, natural, felt good, but that was all secondary. It was always only just you. I'd go without for the rest of my life as long as I could have you. Wouldn't even miss it as long as I got to hold you. Wish I could hold you. Smell your hair. Shoulda been there. I shoulda been there I SHOULDA BEEN THERE WHY WASNT I THERE 

October 27, 2180

Its raining. It sounds like it's coming down hard and the thunder is so loud. But it sounds nice. Reminds me of those stormy nights where you use to snuggle so close to me it was almost impossible to tell where I ended and you began.

November 1, 2180

Why didn't this stock a toothbrush? Toothpaste? At least some ing mouthwash. And under a ing dentist's office. What a . 

Number on the Geiger counter is going down a little, but still too high to be safe. Maybe next month?

November 2, 2180

Do I even wanna go outside? I know I'll have to eventually. The food, the water, it's not gonna last forever. But what would it even be like out there? What if there are other people and they're only looking out for them? Could be over for me real quick.

November 3, 2180

Then again, it's just me here and the shelter seems stocked for a family...maybe I'd be ok. I'd probably go crazy though, right? Spending the rest of my life down here. Gotta go out eventually.

November 4, 2180

Was gonna ask you to marry me you know. When we went down to visit my parents. I was gonna take you out to the lake for a picnic and propose. Wanted you to be my little wife so I could take care of you forever. Say your always mine. ing ring cost a month's salary and now it's worthless, lost in whatever's left of our house. Why did I wait? I shouldn't have waited. 

November 8, 2180

Wanna keep writing. It's stupid but I kinda feel like I'm talking to you. But everyday is the same so what's the point? There's nothing to say. Nothing except I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I loveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

November 9, 2180

I love you a thousand times over.

November 13, 2180

Would this be more bareable if I had you by my side? Or would it be worse? You'd hate this. You'd be so scared. This kind of stuff always freaked you out. Maybe it was a blessing for you.

November 14, 2180

A blessing. What the . What the is wrong with me? I'm so sorry. What the

November 27, 2180

Happy birthday baby I love you.

December 4, 2180

I went outside. Took one of the guns and a backpack, and one of the smaller shovels to try and cover my tracks. There was so much snow covering everything, you could almost pretend nothing happened. I stayed in view of the dentist's office, was too scared to go further. Couldn't tell if there was anything alive. Couldn't hear anything. Maybe tomorrow I'll go out further.

December 16, 2180

There is nothing.

December 25, 2180

Merry Christmas.

 

 

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Please leave a comment. I've never written something like this so I'd really love to hear your thoughts, and also if I should keep going with this. Thanks for reading.