While Year 2 started on a rough note, it was needless to say everything went downhill from then on. I just didn't expect how bad thing could and would get. I mean, how could anyone have expected what would've happened next - Am I right or right?

 

The time I got to spend with Ten got lesser and lesser over the weeks that crawled by because both of us got busier with school, and both of us were severely deprived of sleep because of how we tried to keep our videocalls duration for as long as we could. On several occasions, we'll fall asleep while videocalling and well, it's me that mostly does it to him because it's usually in the wee hours of the night where I am and the mornings or afternoons of where Ten is.

Nonetheless, I really love it when Ten tells me of his adventures where he would have museum and galleries visits every other day, where he would walk down a historical street in Paris and remind himself of how much he wanted to be walking hand in hand with me, or how the night lights of the Effiel Tower are to die for when they sparkle endlessly in the darken landscape of Paris. He would go on and on about how every masterpiece was flawless and also dwell into the details of the craftmanship of the artist....

 

I would always try my best to keep up with all that he is experiencing and honestly it pumps so much life into Ten that his happiness becomes so infectious. But a small part of me feels this sour taste at the back of my tongue because I wasn't there to share it with him. I know he's trying his best to include me and make me a part of his exchange life which he seemed a lot happier on, but truth is I am still here, I wasn't there to share the beautiful fleeting moments of discovery and amusement together with him. 

 

"And it was the prettiest little flower I've seen today.." Ten muses on, as he stare at the wall against the laptop he was videocalling me on like he was projecting the imagery on it.

I was already laying on my back nodding my head in response to his enthusiastic sharing over flowers.

"... Anyway, you should sleep, it's about 4am in the morning, and you have a 8am class later" Ten rested his head on his wrist as he tilt his head to the side to try to see me better.

Feeling tired that it is Monday again, I agreed without protesting to him unlike the other times.

"Goodnight Ten", I turned towards the laptop and gave him a little wave.

"G'dnight Cutie, dream of adventures with me!" He giggled and ended the call on my behalf since I've already plopped myself back on my bed and underneath the covers.

 

 

Monday was the day Jaehyun and I have the shared module with the Year 1s. That always leaves him alone listening attentively while I catch up on my lost sleep from the night before. Rather than just staying up to chat with Ten, I was also finishing up my drawings for Monday's consultation session. 

Jaehyun would wake me up every time it nears the remaining 15 minutes to the lecture because in 5 minutes, the lecture room lights would turn back on and within the next 10 minutes, the tutor would start asking questions.

He gave my hoodie a little tug, "Hey, it's almost time.." He whispered against the side of my head.

I grunted and gave him a effortless wave.

"Come on, he's gonna call you out. He's looking this way..." Jaehyun feels closer this time because I could feel his breath speaking every syllabus against the side of my hoodie.

I jolt awake this time because of the shock and I bumped my head onto his chin because he was so close, which resulted in the collision.

 

"OW!!!" I exclaimed while rubbing the side of head while Jaehyun grunted when he rubbed his chin too. 

"Yes? You two have a question over there?" He professor called out to us because it looked like we both raised our hands.

I froze while I stared at Jaehyun who seemed a little surprised too. I slowly turned my head to give an embarrassing smile, and I almost shook my head before Jaehyun grabbed my raised hand and pull it downwards and proceeded to ask a legitimate question about the lecture he was giving. 

I turned to stare at him while Jaehyun was calm and composed while he articulated his question perfectly.

The professor in front smiled warmly at him, and proceeded to answer him.

I was all lost in my shocked state firstly because of how warm Jaehyun's hand felt against mine, and also, Jaehyun was dressed in a casual outfit today with a checkered top of black and yellow and a white shirt underneath. He had his hair curled today so it wavy. It freshens up his look and of course he look great. He was attentively listening to the professor's answer before he turned to me and gave me an assuring smile. While I was still in a trance of being amused by him, he lean in and tell me, "Let's pack up and go...now?" He tilt his head to the side to eyeball my desk as the professor dismisses all of us after answering Jaehyun's question.

My cheeks burned a little from embarrassment and that didn't stop Jaehyun from laughing softly at my stupor while he followed me out of the lecture hall towards the canteen. 

Speaking of Jaehyun, he is really the model student. He speaks so eloquently, and he answers any questions thrown at him calmly and informatively even during big presentations. It's clearly evident that he's doing all of it because he has the passion for this. His ideas were always fresh and original, he'd always study deeply into what was discussed so he would always come back with new findings and information, none of us would have bothered to find out or discover. 

It was needless to say he stood out immediately and everyone wants to work with him. A crowd always gathers whenever he presents because not only is his work beautiful and always a tier above all others; he, himself is always a sight to see and listen to too.

He always have abstract yet interestingly interwining concepts and different ways of expression that makes his work special and top-tier. Professors alike, are always pleased with him, and often enough during consultations, he always seemed to be having friendly yet knowledgeable conversations with the professors instead of listening to their advices.

WELL I guess that's what sets him apart from us ALL. Jaehyun also has perfect manners, he's always so considerate and kind others. It didn't matter if the world wants to be paired with him for groupwork, he'd always approach the ones who were left without partners or friends to pair up with - and that is how he ended up with me for that module I had to retake. In other modules, I'm mostly with Rae In, and if we're lacking one more, Jaehyun would automatically join us together with another quiet guy he came to know - Taeil.

So it had been the four of us since. Taeil surprisingly is a ball of sunshine and energy, he's mostly calm and conceited, but he will have sudden bursts of energy and it was always fun to have him around. He's just quiet because he's mostly just unfamiliar with people. But everyone often thinks it's because he's too arrogant to talk to anyone since he's two years older too. Nonetheless, after getting to know him, he's pretty nice too. 

Life went on as I counted the days I get to see Ten again, knowing that only two month's had passed definitely didn't feel nice at all - especially when there was TEN more months. I wanted to see Ten faster and the only way I could do that, was to fly in since Ten is starting to be tied down with competition and part-taking in many seminars and sharing session since that's the whole point of his exchange - was to let him have more exposure to artists on international scale and also allow more people to get to know his talents. He's been pretty busy preparing for his competition so the time he spent with me got way lesser than before since he needed to be in school more often than staying in his hostel to do his work.

And tonight just happened to be one of those emotional nights I had where I just felt like I was worthless and utterly hopeless because Ten is out there achieving great things while I got reprimanded for my lousy and thoughtless work at the end of the semester. I had the room to myself because it was a Friday Night and Rae In and Tae yong went out on their weekly date too.

I laid in my bed after my shower and hung my head up side down off the mattress, hoping that the sinking feeling in my heart will move elsewhere. I glance at my phone now and then only to find that no one was looking for me, and Ten haven't replied my messages either. I sunk deeper into self-despair and finally tears found their way to my eyes to make them wet and then make me wept. I hated this feeling of unwantedness and loneliness. I hated how I always come back to the same spot even after trying so hard. It isn't that I was lazy and cutting corners with my assignments either. I just didn't understand what my professor wanted, neither does he tell me what to do. 

I was so frustrated because finals for the semester is just around the corner, and even though I can't wait to fly to Paris to look for Ten, I didnt wanted to appear like another failure because that was how I was when he left too. I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted him to know that I am coping well and I can take care of myself. 

I was drowning in self hate when a text arrived, making my tears stop a little.

Are you alright? You dashed off after class. :/ - Jaehyun 9:43 p.m.

Feeling genuinely surprised that he texted me, but then again, embarrassed because he definitely saw me shoving everything into my bag and running off.

Yeah... I guess? How bad can it get, I'm already the worst. :[ - Sent 9:47 p.m.

You're not... Wanna talk about it? I'm all ears! :] - Jaehyun 9:48 p.m. 

Two thoughts crossed my mind - talking calmly to Jaehyun about my work vs. crying ugly in front of him. I sighed because I am already crying. It's likely that I'll cry even more than I am right now if there's someone who tries to comfort me.

Maybe not. I don't wanna cry ugly in front of others. T-T -Sent 9:51 p.m.

Hmmm. How about a drive then? - Jaehyun 9:53 p.m.

"A drive?" I asked myself aloud. That sounds pretty nice to be honest. It'll help ease my aching heart and mind. I started getting out of bed to grab some warm clothes.

Hmm, okay. Where do I meet you? - Sent 9:54 p.m.

Come down in 10 mins. I'll see you shortly. - Jaehyun 9:58 p.m.

Okay! :] - Sent 9.59 p.m.

I smiled to myself and went to wash my tear striken face while calming myse