One week. It has been one week since Chaeyeon went to see the doctor and discovered her feelings for Sakura. In that one week, she has been having an internal struggle with herself every day. It got so bad to the point whereby she couldn’t sleep at all. The members all got so worried for her as they could see how tired she is, her eye bag were so dark and deep, how her body has been moving more heavily than usual. It was as if she lost her dancing ability, instead of being a dancing feather at dance practices, it was as if they were seeing a dying feather. The members didn’t know what is wrong with her but they trust that she would pick herself up and get back to where she was before.

Chaeyeon was extremely grateful to her members for being so understanding towards her. She knew she wasn’t doing a good job as their main dancer and she too was extremely frustrated with herself for not being able to sleep at night. Everytime she closes her eyes, she would remember what the doctor told her “you are in love with the certain person you mentioned” and she not being able to accept it, keeps telling herself that she doesn’t like girls, that she doesn’t swing that way and that it must just be a passing crush. All these internal debate with herself cause her to remain awake the entire night and it makes her moodier which ends up worrying her members so much.

However, she finally found her answer after one week of internal struggle and right now; she is at peace with herself. She could finally fall asleep, finally letting her body get the rest it deserves. She is no longer moody and instead she was much livelier and happier than before. The members also obviously saw the change in her and were relieved to see their feather is back. How she did it? After all that internal debate, she was finally able to accept the fact that she is in love with Sakura and liking girls isn’t a crime.

She recalls the incidents that made her realise her growing attraction towards Sakura and how she can no longer deny it and how realization helped her in finding an answer and inner peace within herself.

(That week)

Ever since the doctor told her that she is in love with Sakura, Chaeyeon has been feeling more in tuned with her feelings.

[Tuesday]

Chaeyeon was looking at herself in the mirror, checking her appearance and putting on makeup before leaving the house for a schedule. She uses the comb to brush through her hair, applied lipstick to her lips and smooth out any creases on her clothes. With one last look, she walked out the bathroom.

“Chaeyeon are you done?” Sakura called from the living room.

“Yeah” Chaeyeon replied as she approaches Sakura who is waiting at the living room.

Chaeyeon stop abruptly when she saw how pretty Sakura looked. Sakura wore a one piece dress with her hair down, her doe eyes staring directly at Chaeyeon, entrancing her.

Since when did Saku chan become so pretty? She looks pretty on a daily basis but today, why does she look prettier? Cos you are in love with her, her brain answered her. Shut it brain, you know you are not supposed to feel this way

While Chaeyeon is busy entertaining her thoughts, Sakura made her way to Chaeyeon, calling her name several times but to no avail.

“Chaeyeon?”

“Chaeyeon? Moshi Moshi?” Sakura tried calling while waving her hand over Chaeyeon’s face.

“JJAEYEON!”

Hearing that cute endearing way of how Sakura used to call her when she was still having a hard time pronouncing her name before, Chaeyeon managed to snap back into reality. Facing a Sakura whose eyebrows are furrowed with cheeks puffing out and hands on her hip, looking intensely at Chaeyeon.

“Sa-Saku chan”

“What are you doing?” Chaeyeon asks as she averts her eyes from Sakura’s gaze, aware of how her heart starts beating faster and cheeks starting to heat up.

Why is she looking at me like that! How can a person look so cute when she is trying to be angry. Dear lord, save me before I fall even deeper for her. Nooo, stop!! You can’t fall deeper!!

“I’ve been calling you for some time already and you didn’t respond.” Sakura pouts

 “What were you thinking so deeply of that you didn’t even hear me calling your name?”  She narrows her eyes, looking at Chaeyeon, trying to search for an answer

“Sorry for spacing out Saku chan, I…I just have a couple of thoughts in my mind”

It’s you Saku chan, you are the cause of it.

“Mind sharing?”

“No, it’s nothing serious Saku chan.” Chaeyeon smiles

Liar, it’s serious. Serious enough to keep you awake all night.

“Ok, do tell me if it gets serious. I am always here to listen”

“I will”

“Let’s go. Our members must be waiting”

[Friday]

The members are all in the practise room, practicing their new choreography for their new song.

“1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8”

“Chaeyeon, wrong beat! Should be raise hand at 2 not 1.”

“Sorry Eunbi unnie”

“One more time”

“1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8”

“Chaeyeon, you are still getting it wrong”

All members look worriedly at their main dancer who looks on the verge of collapsing. They could see how tired Chaeyeon looks. Her moves sluggish, her eyes unfocused, her body looks extremely heavy, her eye bags deeper than the sea.

“Chaeyeon ah, I think you should rest for today. You are clearly not in the state to be practising right now”

“Yeah, Eunbi unnie is right. You should rest Chaeyeon ah” Yena added.

“I agree”

A series of agreements came from the other members.

Chaeyeon being Chaeyeon is quite stubborn so she insists that she doesn’t need the rest.

“No Eunbi unnie, I think I can do it. I don’t need the rest”

“Chaeyeon, this is not the time to be stubborn. Please rest, at least for today” Eunbi pleaded with Chaeyeon.

“Chaeyeon unnie, please listen to Eunbi unnie. I want my Chaeyeon unnie to be healthy, not a lifeless body that I am seeing right now. I don’t know what’s wrong with you but all of us could see how much stress you are in right now and your body needs rest” Wonyoung said with her eyes b with tears.

She was hurting to see her Chaeyeon unnie in this state.

“Wonyoung ah, I’m sorry for making you and the members worried. I promise I will figure this out and get better”

Chaeyeon went and hug Wonyoung, brushing away the tears that fall from her eyes. She cursed at herself for making the youngest cry.

Idiot Chae. You are an idiot. The last thing you want to do is to make the members worried but look at what you have done. You made Wonyoung cry. You better figure this out fast. They need their feather back and you need your sleep back.

“I’m sorry for being stubborn. I will go back and rest now Eunbi unnie”

With that, Chaeyeon packed her stuff into her bag and went out with manager unnie, making her way back to the dorms.

Entering the dorm, Chaeyeon first slump her body onto the couch. She ponders on what to do first since her members asked her to rest. Although she knows their intention most probably means sleep, it was just impossible as Chaeyeon hasn’t slept for 5 days straight already. Hearing her stomach growl, she knew what her first task is.  She went to the kitchen and make herself a simple dinner, kimchi fried rice.

As she was frying the rice, the thought of Wonyoung crying entered her mind, making her feel guilty that she getting the members involved in her own problems. 

Just because of your denial of feelings towards Saku chan causes all these. Why is it so hard to accept that you are in love with her? It would save all the trouble you are going through right now. You know it’s not easy brain. As much as I want to, this is something that the country does not accept. How can I give in to my feelings when the country deemed it as wrong or forbidden?

 Turning off the stove, she places the fried rice on a plate and sat on the table to eat. While eating, she continued to debate with herself.

Why does the country matter when it is your feelings that matter? We talked about this brain, I am an idol whose life is being judged 24/7. Every single thing I do, every single action I take, every single word I said can be misinterpreted and get twisted by those netizens. Imagine them knowing I swing this way, it will be the end of not only my career but IZ*ONE as well. But who will know if you don’t say? People can only speculate but as long as you don’t a