02. SO-CALLED SELFISHNESS.

One week before the wedding.

"Mr. Jeon is on the news."

The sound of Bae Joohyun's voice was what finally broke Yerim's half-lucid reverie. At 2 P.M. in the afternoon, Yerim was somewhat drifting out of focus—it was a rather mundane day at the office, attending meetings and reading through carefully prepared risk analyses. Her father's prized company, Morpheus, was soon to set to invest in a rising search engine site, which was known for listing travel packages.

"Oh." Yerim emitted a soft murmur as she closed the report in her hands. Almost reluctantly, her eyes glanced over to the flat television screen in the far right corner of the room, slightly narrowed.

The man on the screen was indeed Jeon Jungkook, her husband-to-be. His handsome face wore a thin smile as he faced the cameras, bowing slightly. Standing beside his father, the expression in his eyes was composed and distant, betraying almost nothing.

"A press conference." Joohyun observed.

"...In addition to announcing Jeon Jungkook as its heir, Golden Closet Pharmaceuticals formally reveals its plan to proceed to Phase II of a clinical trial for new drug alternative to oral anticoagulant medication..."

Yerim nodded. "He did tell me he'd be back in time for the wedding." she hummed nonchalantly in reply, picking up a black pen in her fingers. The heavy metal of the pen sat on her palm as she weighed it in her hand.

How long had it been since she had seen that fiancé of hers? With some pondering, Yerim counted two months or so. The pen fell onto the glass of her desk with a tinny patter.

"Is he coming home today?" she sighed, tilting her head towards the window. It wasn't long before she stood from her seat for her 2:15 meeting—glassy black heels clicked on the tile floor as she walked out of her office, eyes trained on the watch on her wrist.

Joohyun was quick to follow, only to hear Yerim say, "Unnie, can you contact his secretary? Tell him I won't be home until late."

It was a request that caused Joohyun to sigh. Even though the two were husband and wife, their communication in the past two months had been entirely through their respective secretaries, as if they lived in completely different spheres of each other. Once in a while, if someone were to remind Yerim that Jeon Jungkook was her fiancé, then he was only that—a word on a line on a future tax document, a simple additive to her life. Even more so, any information regarding him seemed to be of little interest to her, whose unnatural inattentiveness towards her "fiancé" had spurred quiet speculation among her employees and her social circles alike.

It was now a commonly accepted truth that Kim Yerim would be married into a marriage without love. Some pitied her, some found it in them to criticize her, while others found the situation palpable, and reasonable, even. Was this not the fate of the rich? Was this not the price one paid, marrying a man of status?

"To marry a wealthy man is one story," they said, "but to marry a genius..."

One cannot truly have everything.

In the end, Joohyun had only nodded reluctantly. Two hours later, Yerim was informed that she would not see Jeon Jungkook until the day of her wedding.

—

The present.

Indeed, as Jungkook had predicted, his oldest brother, Jeon Junghyun, enters the office at noon to treat them both to lunch.

Jeon Junghyun was a rather easygoing persona, and as far as Yerim knew, he and Jungkook were rather close. Of the two siblings, it was Junghyun who smiled most often, and also Junghyun who was more eager to entertain. If there was an empty space in the room, Jeon Junghyun filled it with his conversational ease and expressiveness. It was blatantly obvious why the eldest Jeon took a natural ease to managing the business transactions of the family company.

"Now, how hungry is my little sister-in-law?"

Even though it was only going to be four of them—Jungkook's second brother, Jeon Jungseok, was set to arrive a few minutes late—they had an entire private dining room reserved for themselves at a nearby, upscale Japanese restaurant.

Yerim glances around at the distinct, Japanese decor in the low-lit room, shifting her knees slightly on the cushioned mat below her before confessing, "Pretty hungry."

At her words, Jungkook seems to chuckle next to her. Junghyun is about to respond when Yerim's phone begins to vibrate in her bag.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back." she mutters as she takes her phone, stepping out of the private room to the narrow hall just outside.

It was her father.

"My daughter, did I wake you up?" Kim Minseok's voice invokes a warm fondness in Yerim's chest.

"No, appa. Jungkook and I both woke up early today." she answers.

"Have you eaten?"

"We're at a restaurant with Jungkook's brothers at the moment."

"Alright. Don't come to the office today—I want you to rest before your trip tomorrow."

That's when Yerim finally remembers that tomorrow, she would be embarking on her honeymoon—it was a beautifully planned week in Switzerland, one that she'd painstakingly poured over for weeks upon deciding when both she and Jungkook could be available. A week was short, but she'd nevertheless been ecstatic, having always loved traveling and sightseeing.

That was all before she'd fallen into a silent standstill with Jungkook, and she'd naturally forgotten her week-long trip in its entirety soon after.

"Oh, appa—I forgot to pack!" she exclaims with a small gasp, smacking her forehead ungraciously. At that exact moment, she could also see the familiar face of Jungkook's second brother, Jeon Jungseok, appearing at the end of the hall. Not awaiting her father's imminent scolding, Yerim quickly bids her father good-bye, hanging up her phone before greeting Jungseok politely.

"They've been waiting for you." She offers the casually dressed young man before her a light smile.

Jungseok offers a warm wave, before gesturing towards the room. "Let's."

Contrary to Jeon Junghyun, Jeon Jungseok was Jungkook's more distant, second brother. According to what Yerim knew, Jungseok had taken an early repulsion to the pharmaceutical industry, instead pursuing his interest in robotics. He had thus never taken a personal part in the Jeon family business, and was more recently focused on his own tech start-up—which, coincidentally, featured biomedical gadgets—thereby winning investment from GCPh regardless.

Yerim had only ever met Jungseok at her and Jungkook's wedding, where the dress code had been formal. Now, seeing Jeon Jungseok in attire of his own choosing, it was clear how different he presented himself from the rest of the Jeon brothers. Instead of a tailored suit and slacks, Jungseok wore a slightly crinkled Gingham shirt, tan slacks, and gold, horn-rimmed glasses.

Yerim nods, thanking him as he opens the door for her when they enter the room together.

—

"Yerim doesn't seem very happy." Junghyun starts, as soon as Yerim had excused herself from the room. The older man had turned unnaturally solemn in the fraction of a second, almost eerily so.

Jungkook holds his brother's gaze momentarily. In the end, he turns his head to the side, jaw tensed. Jungkook knew it was true—ever since his return on the day of their wedding, he had wholly felt the disappointment and unhappiness in Yerim's words and actions, which resounded in him tenfold. Watching her like this, a form of a mute anguish had started to prick slowly at his heart, persistent and painful.

"Does she know about your plan?" The question lands like a sharp knife, Junghyun's unrelenting suspicion ringing clear in his voice. "I know what you're doing, Jungkook." he warns, shaking his head slowly.

"Who told you?" Jungkook spits back in reply, alarmed.

Junghyun doesn't so much as raise a brow at the acidity in his younger brother's answer. "One week  ago, your secretary boarded a different flight than you. I called our U.S. based lab that day, and you weren't there. Two months ago, Seo Joohee and Seo Soojin disappeared from Seoul..."

Jungkook's expression is blank as he says, "Hyung, if you knew—"

"Revenge won't get you anywhere, Jungkook." Junghyun interrupts, without hesitation.

Anger flashes in Jungkook's normally composed eyes, a hint of chaos rippling dangerously within dark irises. At this, even Junghyun feels a jolt run down his spine—it was rare for Jungkook to be angry, and even more scarce were moments where he would lose control of his anger enough to show it. "You can only say that because you don't feel guilty, you don't know what it was like—" Jungkook starts, accusation in his voice.

The door suddenly opens as Yerim and Jungseok enter, quickly silencing the two.

"What are you two arguing about? Should the pill be blue or green?" Jungseok seems to joke, sitting down next to Junghyun.

Yerim only takes her place next to Jungkook once more as Junghyun bursts into laughter, as if nothing had happened at all. As she picks up her bamboo chopsticks and begins to eat, Yerim is not one bit aware of the residual fury—barely detectable, but Yerim would have knew if she'd seen it—stirring in Jeon Jungkook's eyes.

—

It's an hour later before the four leave the restaurant, with Jungseok loudly announcing his satisfaction as the four depart, indeed having filled himself to the brim while engaging in an eating contest with Yerim.

Junghyun laughs, giving his brother a friendly slap on the back before making his leave.

"Do you want to go home?" Jungkook asks Yerim the two of them stand there, in front of the crosswalk.

Yerim raises a hand to block the sunlight from her eyes, a long shadow casting on her face as she nods. "I need to pack for tomorrow." she replies plainly, lowering her head at her watch. "1:34. Are you going back to your office today?"

"I'll send you home." Jungkook says after a nod, one hand stuffed in his pocket as he slings his suit jacket over his shoulder.

"Your office and the house are in opposite directions from here. I'll take the bus." Yerim says, not wanting to be an inconvenience.

Jungkook frowns at her answer, parting his lips to object when Jungseok pipes up next to them, "I'll take you home, Yerim. I'm not on a schedule."

Yerim looks toward Jungkook with a placid anticipation in her eyes, and thus Jungkook finally murmurs a word of agreement.

"I'll see you at home." he tells Yerim before they part ways. His hand trails down her forearm before he leaves, crossing the street without her.

"You too." Yerim whispers under her breath. She turns to Jungseok, following him to his parked car on the side of the street.

"Are you and Jungkook in an argument?" Jungseok asks, starting the engine.

Yerim tilts her head, at loss for words. She had almost forgotten that to their families, they were married in love—yet as of recent, they were nothing like a couple. More so, they resembled acquaintances, distant and cordial. "Sort of." she deluges, although vaguely.

"I almost thought you were strangers, from the way you two acted at the restaurant." Jungseok is surprisingly honest. "First day married and already past the honeymoon phase, huh?" he humors, tapping the wheel. "You know, Junghyun told me that it was a miracle Jungkook made it back for the wedding—apparently there was some sort of delay that had happened, and Jungkook pulled two all-nighters in a row to get things back on schedule."

A strange feeling rises in Yerim's chest—a mix of surprise, warmth, and guilt tumultuously blended together. "Oh?" her voice is soft as she inquires.

"So if you're mad at him because he wasn't home until the day of the wedding, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be—but I thought you should know...that it was important to him to be there, too."

To this, Yerim doesn't answer, only offering a small smile. A comfortable silence soon settles between them, a drama OST filtering quietly out from the radio.

Before they arrive at her house, Yerim asks Jungseok to stop at the curbside of a convenience store.

"Picking up a drink." she grins as she fishes her wallet out of her bag, asking Jungseok to wait a moment in the car. It's the first genuine smile on her face since that morning—demure, yet carefree, reaching all the way up to her eyes. "I won't be long. Five minutes max." she tells him through the rolled-down window, before scampering off into the store.

Before she returns, Jungseok fishes out a black USB drive from his pocket, slipping it into her bag.

—

Yerim is sitting on the floor of her bedroom, suitcase gaping half-full in front of her when Jungkook comes home. An open bottle of soju sits on the nightstand beside her, almost empty, save for a few drops circling at the bottom of the glass.

She hears the door close, then footsteps up the stairs, before she finally sees him at her door.

"Hey." she glances up at him with a quiet flicker in her eyes. Her head tilts back to see him standing there, peering at her from the doorway. Suddenly, it's as if they have both been here before—her, sitting cross-legged on the bedroom floor, him, watching her from the door, with a vague softness in his eyes.

"Still packing?" he asks, after a slight moment of silence. The awkwardness is almost tangible on her tongue as she coughs lightly in reply.

"I don't want to forget anything." she finally answers, shifting her gaze away from him towards the sweater in her hands. A small sigh escapes her as she folds the sweater carefully, the woolly fabric tugging at her fingers. With a small yawn, she tosses the sweater in her suitcase, raising her hands toward her eyes and rubbing them in exhaustion.

When she opens her eyes again, Jungkook is still staring at her, a rare gentleness surfacing in those dark eyes of his—barely visible, but nevertheless there. He walks towards her, crouching down slowly, towering figure suddenly level with hers. In an instant, the distance between them is much, much shorter—their shadows, cast beside them by the glow of the adjacent bathroom light, meld together, indistinguishable from one another.

"Close your eyes." he chides softly, tender words filled with an almost inarguable insistence.

As if it was only natural to obey him, she closes her eyes again without a second thought, blinking away the blurriness of her vision. His hand reaches out, barely brushing her ear as he picks out a fluff of lint from her hair.

The touch is gone before she can even feel it—she thinks it's the alcohol in her body that causes her nervous system to fire twice as slow.

"Tired?" he whispers, his voice low as he rescinds his arm, still crouched in front of her.

"A little bit." she whispers slowly back, opening her eyes to see the concern in his expression. Wanting to comfort him, she smiles lightly, pale lips turning ever so slightly upward as she peers at the crease in between his brows, her fingers itching to smooth the worry written on his face.

It was clear that regardless, he cared for her. A part of her begged her to relent, not only because she once—still—loved him, but also because he was her husband now—her family, who she would always be tied to. Why must she be so stubborn, so hellbent on preserving her pride? To everyone else who knew him, Jeon Jungkook was many things—a genius, as they all would say, or an esteemed rival—but to her, he was only Jungkook, someone who she could only recall with fondness, even when he could never give her what she wanted.

Someone who her heart nevertheless ached for.

"Jungkook, I...I want to thank you." she calls out shakily, then. "When Jungseok oppa sent me home, he told me about what happened before the wedding. Originally...you wouldn't have made it in time for the wedding  at all. If you hadn't worked tirelessly day and night, for those two months..."

Her smile grows a little wider, even though the sadness in her eyes has yet to disappear. "So thank you, thank you for making it back for me." she murmurs, lowering her head. Slightly wet eyelashes brush her cheek as she sighs again, "Even when it didn't matter."

She knew the wedding ceremony couldn't have meant much to Jungkook. With the type of relationship they'd agreed to, a wedding wasn't even necessary—just a certificate from the bureau would do. Yerim had always assumed he'd conceded to a wedding for the sake of their parents, and nothing else—she felt guilty, that he had worked himself to near exhaustion to make it home for a ceremony that was of little merit to him.

"Yerim." When his fingers tilt her chin up, she sees her own reflection mirrored in his eyes. In those depthless pools of black, Kim Yerim sees the endlessness of two galaxies, herself consumed within. He leans close, a dangerous air in his movements, like a match struck to stone.

"Who said..." A short, two-syllable reply escapes his chest, rough and raw on the edges. "That it didn't matter?"

She blinks at the sudden proximity of his face, her heart palpitating in her rib-cage. Her eyes flutter closed when their noses brush, the background fading in a blur. The sharpness of her inhale hurts her lungs as their lips touch—at first, tentatively, then with a breathless force. Willingly, her lips part, then her teeth—his tongue grazes over hers, his arm pulling her close by the waist as she moves to her knees, her fingers curling fistfuls of his shirt.

Suddenly, the resentment harbored inside of her is wiped clean.

"You're my everything." He presses his forehead to hers, eyes still closed as he murmurs, "I missed you." he tells her quietly, "I...missed you."

He says nothing more. But to Yerim, there wasn't anything more that needed to be said. She doesn't speak as she leans in again, kissing him softly this time, gentle tugging, quiet breaths in between.

"Will you forgive me?" he asks, staring down at her quietly. She giggles as she slides her arms under his, gently resting her chin on his shoulder. Maybe she was drunk, she didn't know.  Maybe it was all just a reverie.

"I've already forgiven you." she hums, a low sound at his ear. Finally, it seems as if she had let down her pride, along with the childish silence she'd forced herself into. "If I'm honest, that day...I was just hurt that you didn't believe in me." she laughs, "But I was being selfish, I think. I was only thinking about myself when I was angry at you. Later, when I thought about it, I realized that it wasn't that you didn't trust me. It was that you didn't trust yourself, am I right?"

She pulls back slightly to tap him on the nose. "So, forgive me too, for my selfishness. Even though it felt empty at first, I'm thankful for those two months of space. There used to be a part of me that believed you made me whole." she murmurs in his embrace, "But Jungkook, I let go of the part of myself that wanted you to love me back so badly."

It's then that Jungkook feels a prick of pain in his heart, only to hear her say: "Now, I only have the part of me that loves you, not because you make me whole...but because you make me better. Because while I am enough without you, you make me better."

"But," she mumbles, "even if you plan to break my heart, at least tell me how you honestly feel. I don't want to put on a show anymore, and I know it hurts you, too."

In that moment, Jungkook is thankful that Yerim cannot see the tears in his eyes. They stream down his face, a foreign feeling, something of a helplessness that he refused to show before.

The request knocks at his closed heart, wedging it open, pulling out the words one by one.

"I love you." he tells her.

She seems to wipe at her own tears over his shoulder, half in disbelief, half in the overflowing of warmth that fills her heart. "Say it again." she demands, shamelessly so.

"I love you, Kim Yerim."

In true Yerim fashion, she cackles quietly: "Good, because I love you too."

Because while I am enough without you, you make me better.