Warning(s): cursing, drinking
Length: 6.3k words

You knew that nothing was going to be the same when Baekhyun didn’t call or text you the morning after. There was no husky hey, baby and a crooning apology even when the clocks hit the late afternoon. Why you expected him to apologize was beyond you, but you somehow thought that maybe he’d be a decent person for once. Maybe. Just maybe.

But he was Baekhyun, and he was also the awful boy that shrugged and laughed and called you a and spit in your mouth. (You could only wish that last part was an exaggeration, but it was all too true.)

None of it mattered now, however—not when you sat in front of your bewildered best friend as she stared at you in concern. After Baekhyun’s demented revelation from the night before, you had no idea how to go about this situation or what to feel about it. What were you supposed to say? Supposed to do?

“What’s wrong?” she had asked five minutes ago, but you didn’t know how to respond so you just sat there and twiddled your thumbs.

Baekhyun slept with your best friend.

What the were you supposed to do? Were you supposed to ask her what the hell was wrong with her? Were you supposed to cry? Were you not supposed to get angry since he wasn’t even technically your boyfriend? There wasn’t a clear thing to do, but there was never a plan for something as unforeseen as this. When the boy you so desperately pined for s your best friend, there was no due course of action; there was only hurt—miles and miles of clenching, agonizing hurt.

“Baekhyun’s an ,” you finally croaked after a few more minutes of silence. “But so are you.”

Hani pointed to herself, seemingly scandalized. “Me? What did I do?”

“You…” The words stabbed you in the throat before you could even say them. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”

The silence was so ugly that you would have honestly rather flung yourself out the window, but it was all too unfortunate that your room was on the first floor. A scraped knee was the most you could hurt yourself, and it wouldn’t change the stinging throb in your head. Hani’s face, her look of realization and regret, made it even worse because now you knew it was true. She was definitely guilty of sleeping with Baekhyun, and the way she raised her hands in defense confirmed it.

“I swear to God that I can explain,” Hani stammered. “I-I-I swear, Chun, I-I-I can explain.”

“Then tell me what the happened already,” you snapped.

“It-It was more than a year ago,” Hani blurted out. “It was before I even knew you, and I was drunk as hell, okay?” You kept yourself quiet as Hani rushed in to explain herself. “My girlfriend dumped me, and I-I-I got ing hammered because I honestly didn’t care about myself anymore. So I went to a stupid frat party and did some more stupid .” Hani shook her head with what you saw as despair; you knew because you had been there too. “I was broken, and he was just there,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

The part of you that hurt wanted to call bull, but you were sane enough to hear more of the story before reaching a conclusion.

“If that’s true,” you whispered shakily, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cuz it’s embarrassing as hell,” Hani said in a hushed voice. Your bedroom door was closed, but she still seemed to be afraid that someone unwanted could overhear. “You know how frat boys are. They act like taking a girl’s ity is a competition. They do the same thing with gay girls, you know.” Hani frowned, biting her lips as she shook her head again. “I woke up in some guy’s bed with the worst hangover, and I had to beg him not to tell anyone, and you know what he said to me?”

You didn’t want to know, but you asked anyways. “No, what’d he say?”

“Sorry, baby.”

Tears immediately welled up in your eyes. On some other occasion, those words would have been normal, but this was Baekhyun, and Baekhyun never meant them. To him “sorry, baby,” was just another phrase like it was another poem; it meant absolutely nothing. The fact that you weren’t the only one that he had said that to was salt to the wound.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” you snapped at Hani. “If you were drunk, then that’s assault!”

“It wasn’t like that, though,” Hani assured you in a soft mumble. “I wanted it, and he was drunk as too, so what does that make me?” She shook her head and took a deep sigh. “And it’s not like it matters anymore. I was another conquest to him, and people forget over time.”

“Well, he didn’t forget,” you grumbled. “What the ?” You wanted to punch something or scream until your lungs literally gave out, but you felt too much all at once. “I don’t ing get it!” you exclaimed. “I thought he slept with you while he was sleeping with me!”

“Huh?” Hani exclaimed right back. “What are you talking about? What’d he tell you?”

“I kissed Seulgi, his best friend,” you explained. “And he told me that he didn’t think about me when he ed mine.”

Hani’s eyes widened. “He said that? The ?”

“Yeah, and I’m so ing done with his .” You rubbed circles in your temples to ease both your headache and heartache. “I can’t believe he’d say that—or let me believe that you’d go behind my back. That’s…ed up.”

“Wait, so you believe me?”

“Of course, I believe you,” you reassured Hani with a mumble. “Who am I supposed to believe? My best friend who’s been there for me for the past year, or some who’s already hurt me several times?” You swallowed the lumps in your throat and tried not to cry but god was it hard. He didn’t care. It was obvious, but it was hitting you all at once. He didn’t give two s about you. “Baekhyun said that to hurt me,” you concluded. “He didn’t just want to get back at me for kissing Seulgi. He wanted me to ing cry.”

The room went quiet for a long while until Hani placed a comforting hand on your arm.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she whispered. You looked up and noticed how she couldn’t even look at you directly. “I really regretted it, and I thought I could just forget that it happened.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reassured her. “And I’m stupid for even getting myself involved with him. He’s not good for anyone.”

“So what are you gonna do now?”

“To be honest…” you sighed, “I don’t know. He didn’t try to call or text me, so I think whatever we had is over.”

“Why’d you even kiss his best friend?” Hani inquired. “And why’d he get so mad that you did if you weren’t even official or anything?”

“I was high when I kissed her,” you mumbled, still ashamed of your actions from the past night. You remembered everything very distinctly until Baekhyun slipped you that acid stamp in a kiss. After that, everything became a mess of colors and dizzying sounds. Kissing Seulgi was only something you remembered because of how Baekhyun freaked out. Otherwise, you couldn’t remember much. “And I don’t know,” you continued. “He was really drunk. He probably saw me kissing Seulgi as a reason to ing torture me.”

“I’m sorry—”

“No,” you hushed Hani, “ that. I don’t need any more sympathy.”

Hani paused and looked at you intently before taking her hand off your arm. “So what are you gonna do?” she asked again.

“I don’t know,” you repeated, “but I have to go apologize to Seulgi for being a .” You stood up, but before you could walk to the door, you turned to Hani and offered a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry too—for what happened last year.”

“Don’t mention it,” Hani murmured with a curled lip. “Sleeping with him just reminded me of how much I hate men and their .”

You burst out laughing, and Hani complimented your cackles with her own. A best friend was always worth more than boys.

- - - - -

You didn’t want to be rude and show up unannounced, and although Seulgi texted you and said that it was okay to come over, you didn’t get that feeling when you pulled up to her and Baekhyun’s apartment. His red Mercedes was nowhere to be found, but there was still tension in the air, and you were afraid of what would happen if he were suddenly to come back.

“Where is he?” you asked Seulgi as she welcomed you inside.

“I don’t know,” she replied, “but I don’t care. He’s been a all day.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled, hanging your head low, “I feel like it’s my fault. Last night, I-I don’t know what I was thinking—”

“Stop,” Seulgi interrupted. She wasn’t wearing her dark eye makeup, and the whites of her eyes were red, making her words even more impactful. Here was a tired girl, a sick girl, a girl with a heart depleted of emotion; you saw her when you looked at yourself in the mirror. “He gave you acid, for ’s sake. What kind of guy slips you acid and then gets mad at you for doing something stupid afterwards?” Seulgi made a face. “Don’t apologize. This is all on him.”

“I agree on that,” you murmured, taking a seat on their couch. The floor was littered with a few empty bottles of beer and other alcoholic beverages. You had only seen that in Baekhyun’s room, so the fact that the living room replicated that scene was worrisome. “What happened?” you asked Seulgi cautiously. “What’d he do?”

“Well…” Seulgi sat next to you and pulled her hood over her head. “After I dropped you off, I went back here because him, right?” You nodded. “I went to bed, and when I woke up, he was here—on the couch—and he had a lot to drink.” She pointed to the empty bottles on the floor. “Those are all from him and,” she paused, “this other girl.”

. You really didn’t mean much to him, did you?

“I don’t think anything happened. I think she drove him here and passed out, but,” Seulgi took a breath, “I got mad because we made a deal about not sleeping with people or having anyone over for the night, and then he got mad because apparently I was accusing him of nothing.” Seulgi rolled eyes, and it was evident to you that she was still annoyed. “We got into another stupid fight, and he drove off, so I dumped the beer I found in his room and that’s that.”

“He didn’t hurt you or anything?”

“He didn’t throw anything or hit me, but he said some .” Seulgi shook her head. “Nothing I haven’t heard before, so I’m good.” She nudged a shoulder towards you. “How ‘bout you? Did you talk to your friend?”

“Yeah, she slept with him last year because she broke up with her girlfriend.”  

“And she didn’t tell you?”

“They were both drunk, and she was embarrassed.”

Seulgi scoffed. “I can see that. I mean, I’m embarrassed to be his friend right now.” She went silent for a few moments, and when she looked into your eyes, you could tell that she was on the verge of crying. “I looked through my old SD card,” Seulgi whispered in a cracking voice, “and it was so weird seeing us from two years ago. I mean,” she swallowed, “he was genuinely a good person back then, but now? Now I’m not so sure.”

You wanted to apologize on behalf of Baekhyun, but you knew you weren’t in place to do that, and even if you were, what good would it do? All that you could manage in that moment was to keep your mouth void of pathetic apologies.

“I don’t get it,” you mumbled. “After everything, after how he’s treated me, why’d he get so mad that I kissed you?”

“I think he actually likes you,” Seulgi answered without hesitation. Her words took you by surprise, and to much of your shame, your heart went giddy at the thought of Baekhyun having feelings for you. Though you quickly brought yourself back to your senses. “But like in a Baekhyun way,” Seulgi added. “In a way that doesn’t make sense.” She shrugged and slouched deeper into the couch. “I don’t know for sure, though. He hasn’t been the same ever since he started drinking so much.”

“About that…” you murmured. “How did it get so bad?”

“I told you,” Seulgi said. “He got into the wrong crowd, the wrong scene, and now he’s mindless except for what his tells him to do.”

“Doesn’t he have parents or something?”

“They cut him off last year.” The way Seulgi said it was so casually that you were shocked at how she could say something like that with such calmness. However, it was Baekhyun, and his behaviors were so atrocious that his own parents disowning their son didn’t seem impossible. “Honestly, he’d be living on the streets if it weren’t for people back home that still somehow believe in him.”

“Huh?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Seulgi asked, brows raised. “That’s how he got his green card.” You continued to look bewildered, so Seulgi sat up to explain the situation to you. “Back in Korea, he was always the smart kid, and he taught himself English in the library. He picked up a lot of attention from American English teachers since whoa, this kid can recite Shakespeare from the top of his head.” Seulgi rolled her eyes, but her lips were playing a smile. The memories of a young Baekhyun in Korea were surely good to her. “So when he was done with his military service, he got jobs from some of them as an assistant English tutor, and eventually they helped fund him going to a university here.”

Your jaw dropped upon hearing the new information. “So basically he got here for free?” Your thoughts wandered to all the international students that you knew and how much their tuition fees were in comparison to everyone else’s. “Holy .”

“His parents paid for his food and textbooks, but yeah, that sounds about right.” Seulgi shook her head. “I hate him for that. He had the best life, and he’s throwing it all away for a few drinks.” She paused and turned to directly face you. “You know,” Seulgi started, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. I wouldn’t even be half as good with English if it weren’t for him either.”

“He taught you English?” you exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Seulgi confirmed, “so if I sound like an , then you know where it comes from.”

“Holy ,” you exclaimed again. At that, you realized why Seulgi was still around. Baekhyun was not only her childhood friend and best friend, she also owed a lot of her successes from him. “No wonder you put up with him.”

Seulgi laughed dryly. “Yeah. He puts it over my head every time we argue, so…”