Do you ever just wake up and your immediate thought was “I gotta bother my best friend”? That’s pretty normal.

At least, that’s Moon Byulyi’s guess. For her, bothering her one and only best friend is a normal scene. The moment Byulyi gathered her thoughts, her hand immediately went to grab her phone placed on her bedside table. It was a Saturday morning; a day she will spend in front of a desk and some of her notes and try to make sense of them. But for Byulyi, starting her day by annoying Kim Yongsun is a must.

“Ya, Moon Byulyi, I’m trying to sleep for once. Don’t you get tired of talking?”

Or, do you ever wake up, immediately thinking of bothering your best friend, and then blushing at the way your best friend’s voice sound at the morning?

Byulyi cleared , pushing her thoughts away to the back of her mind.

“Let’s go out?”

Do you ever just think about how pretty your best friend is without even trying? Like a random thought. How effortlessly beautiful she is? Well, that is normal too. Byulyi thinks so. Byulyi thinks it must be. Like this morning when Yongsun came down from her apartment and she’s just wearing a pink oversized hoodie and leggings and her hair was only in a messy bun and she’s not wearing any makeup but she’s “Oh my god, beautiful.”

Do you ever just randomly wonder what would’ve happened if you asked your best friend on a date?

“What did you say?” Yongsun snapped Byulyi out of her idea, and Byulyi averted her gaze away from Yongsun’s immaculate face. She shrugged. Okay, what a weird thought.

She held out her hand, “Shall we go, princess?”

A smile.

Do you ever think just how precious your friend’s smile is? How sweet it is, how genuine, how it warms your insides?

Thinking of it, Byulyi will do anything and everything just for Yongsun to never lose that smile. Yongsun grabbed Byulyi’s hand, but only to snake her hand around her friend’s waist.

“Is this a date? Where do you plan to take me?”

Okay, friendly dates are there, but what about a real date?

Do you ever just think of what could happen if you inched forward and, let’s say, kiss your best friend? Is that normal?

Byulyi has no idea anymore. She struggles to fight her thoughts, just like any other day. And just like what she does every time, Byulyi does not, in any possible way, think of them too much. She’s a third-year student, a young adult, with a lot of other things to worry about other than wanting a different love from your best friend.

It’s a useless worry, she keeps repeating to herself, a useless thought. It’s nothing to worry about, if you don’t think about it.

Continue lying.

“Nowhere, actually. I want McDonald’s, game?”

Have you ever? Like, for real, liked your best friend? Because Byulyi is starting to think she really likes her best friend, way beyond what is supposed to be.

Sometimes Byulyi imagines the two of them walking hand in hand, not saying that they’ve never done that, but the way Seulgi holds Seungwan’s hand, with gentle, and love, and a contented smile, and like everything you have ever wished for is finally just right beside you.

There they are, walking to the nearest McDonald’s this autumn morning, Byulyi’s arm clung around Yongsun’s wrist, and they’re talking about everything and anything. But no, it’s just not how Byulyi imagines it in her mind.

“What do you have in mind?” Yongsun leaned on her a little, and she shifted. Have you ever liked someone?

“Some lecture I’ll have to face later, nothing important,” Byulyi stopped on her tracks, deciding against asking Yongsun “Do you want coffee?”

“Sure.”

Do you ever just think of the little things about your friend, like how the sound of her laugh melts your heart?

There are hundreds of questions per second running on Moon Byulyi’s mind every time she’s with Yongsun, but alas, she just keeps on pushing everything away. She has every moment with Yongsun engraved in her mind, but Byulyi is just about to realize that yet.

Or maybe that’s just adoration for your friend.

Yep, pure adoration, it is. Byulyi does not want Yongsun more than just a friend.

It doesn’t explain the wanting to kiss her part, however, or even the way Byulyi’s insides do somersaults even just by thinking of her friend.

She’s in love with Kim Yongsun.

“GOD DAMN IT, SON SEUNGWAN.”

They were all having a simple get together, with drinks as usual, that same day Byulyi’s thoughts got the best of her and she almost asked Yongsun a question she would’ve regretted. Byulyi called for a drink, and through a game of Never Have I Ever, voiced out her question of ‘Have you ever liked your friend?’. Not a good idea.

“Oh, why, thank you, Byul unnie,” Byulyi closed her eyes at the reply she got from her friend and let her head fall in between of her knees. She just can’t take what she just heard from Seungwan, and add Hyejin’s snickers beside her. She can’t believe Seungwan just exposed her in front of her whole friend group and shouted on her face that she is, in fact, in love with her best friend – of course, Yongsun wasn’t there.

“You didn’t help me, just so you know,” She managed to say after a few seconds of feeling awkward under her friends’ gazes.

“Well, you shouldn’t be asking us whether we’ve been in love with our friend, no?” Wheein pointed out, downing her drink. Byulyi just sighed, her mind clouded with the realization that she really likes her friend.

“Well, it ain’t that bad, is it?” Seulgi said like it’s not really a problem. “Byul unnie is sweet, you know. Sometimes? I genuinely think she’s a good person.”

“What do you mean sometimes?” Byulyi panned at Seulgi, sitting across from her.

“Seulgi unnie, liking your friend is literally the worst,” Hyejin chimed in, earning an exasperated sigh from Byulyi and a few ‘what the ’ gazes from the others. “In my case, okay, calm down guys.”

Byulyi never thought about her feelings before, and now that she’s starting to realize them, everything just feels like a joke. How can she not know she likes her friend?

“It’s okay, Byul unnie. Liking your friend is not always tragic; Hyejin’s just unlucky with hers,” Seungwan commented, which didn’t help Byulyi’s insides settle. Something inside of her screams it’s going to be a trouble. But what does a 22-year-old who never had a lover know? This is something new to her, or not, given that she has just acknowledged her feelings now.

“I’m not with you, Seungwan unnie. But fine, I’m keeping my mouth shut for now. Just know that I’m always here for you, Byul unnie,” Hyejin tapped her shoulder to show support. Byulyi nodded, she just doesn’t know what to feel now. It’s somehow, weird?

It’s weird talking about her feelings; that is never something Byulyi chose to do before.

“Let’s talk about it. When did you realize?” Wheein bobbed her brows repeatedly. “Or maybe when did it start?”

Exactly when did it start?

When they entered college? Byulyi remembers it, how worried she was, thinking Yongsun and she would be separated and they’re going to have to be apart from each other. She wanted to study music since then, even when she took a science track in high school. But Yongsun wanted to be a doctor, a pediatrician, or something. Yongsun said she’d take up biochemistry, and the only way they’d be together was to enter the biggest university in Seoul that has departments for both fields. Byulyi thought she had no hope, she’d fail the CSAT, but she really wanted to be with together with Yongsun. And then they passed. Byulyi remembered how Yongsun was crying because “I got accepted at my dream school!” But Byulyi was just happy because they were going through college together.

Byulyi downed a shot.

Was it high school? She remembers Yongsun had a boyfriend in second year; someone named Jongmin or something. She had been mad at her best friend when she learned, stating Yongsun should’ve told her sooner. It took them a few days to reconcile, maybe a week? He wasn’t the best, in Byulyi’s opinion. He was tall, but that’s all he has, height. He was this jock in high school that went to date the cute intelligent girl next class who always tops the batch. They broke up three months after they started to officially date, there was a third party. Yongsun claimed that “It was just a puppy love, anyways, gotta study for our chemistry test tomorrow!” Byulyi never mentioned to anyone, but she was relieved they broke up.

Byulyi sighed.

“I don’t know, am I supposed to know that?”

Maybe middle school? Not exactly middle school, but before middle school started. Byulyi transferred to this neighborhood where Yongsun’s family also lived in. It was hectic, since the school year hasn’t ended yet and it was December when they moved in. Her mother got mad at Byulyi for lying in the middle of the living room when there were a lot of boxes around, so she let her daughters go out to explore. When Byulyi went to the park with her younger sister, she saw Yongsun in a thick navy jacket with her hair tied up into two space buns with ribbons, playing very lively with an older girl in the slide. She was very loud, you see, and Byulyi doesn’t know what went up to her mind but she smiled to the other girl when their eyes met

Has she liked her best friend from the start?

“Wow, you’ve liked unnie for so long you can’t even remember,” Byulyi stared at Wheein, who seemed so innocent while voicing out her opinion. “What?”

If you’re thinking: ‘Wow, maybe Byulyi and Yongsun can make it work together,’ you aren’t alone.

“Maybe ask her out? You never know,” Seulgi said, almost like a whisper. “I’m close to believing she likes you too, honestly.”

“Just how long have you started thinking I like her?”

“Everybody knows, unnie. Friends don’t do the things you do.”

Byulyi still didn’t know, but the words uttered by Seulgi would repeat in her mind all the time, especially when her best friend is near.

“Cheer up, unnie. You look good together.”

But she really doesn’t know what to feel with Seungwan’s words. What she knows is that if she hides it, Yongsun will never know. All she has to do is to hide.

note: a test publish (what am i saying really) because i can't get this out of my head and it's so angsty you know? anyways if this doesn't go well then i'll still be updating it most probably because quarantine but keep in mind i'm still figuring things out (half of this is already planned dw) i need feedbacks tho