Youngjae doesn’t expect to find Jaebeom standing at his doorstep at 7 in the morning. Five months ago Jaebeom abruptly cut off all contact with Youngjae, leaving him both confused and devastated. There was no explanation and no apology; no one to help him understand what was going on with Jaebeom, no one to tell him he wasn’t at fault. All Youngjae could do was to assume and accept that Jaebeom broke up with him. That’s why Youngjae is utterly shocked to see Jaebeom here.

One look at Jaebeom and Youngjae feels the little progress he has made the past few months getting over Jaebeom, fly right out the window. He should be thinking about throwing a punch at Jaebeom right now, but instead he is struggling with holding himself back from throwing his arms around Jaebeom and kissing him.

Jaebeom pushes his hoodie off his head, pulls his face mask down and takes off his sunglasses. “hi.”

The wind gets knocked out of Youngjae’s chest as he sees the state Jaebeom is in. His eyes are a little unfocused, blinking a little too rapidly like he can’t quite maintain eye contact with Youngjae. More importantly there is so much sadness in those eyes. He hasn’t exactly lost any weight, but he looks so exhausted and lifeless. It’s obvious he hasn’t slept much either if the dark circles around his eyes are any indication.

“hi.” Youngjae breathes, finally finding his voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I have nowhere else to go.” Jaebeom whispers, voice barely audible, but Youngjae catches it. of course he does. “May I come in?”

Youngjae has so many questions, but he supposes they can’t talk at the door, so he steps aside to let Jaebeom in. He is still angry and hurt of course, but he isn’t heartless enough to send Jaebeom away out in the cold. He wouldn’t do that to anyone.

About a minute later they are in Youngjae’s living area and Jaebeom has peeled off his overcoat and put his small travel bag down. As an awkward silence stretches, Youngjae becomes suddenly aware that he just got out of bed and is still in his bedtime sweat pants and t-shirt. He knows he doesn’t look bad or anything, but a part of him wishes he looked better in front of Jaebeom.

Meanwhile Jaebeom stuffs his hands in his hoodie pockets so that he doesn’t spontaneously reach out for Youngjae like he desperately wants- no- needs to. He busies himself taking in the expanse of the place and takes note of some changes. It seems youngjae did some redecorating. To put in some sophisticated décor.

From where he is standing, Jaebeom can feel the hostility radiating from Youngjae, can see the tons of questions swimming in his eyes and hurt etched upon his cute face. It’s all Jaebeom’s fault and that’s why he can’t complain about how different everything feels.

Youngjae’s apartment isn’t all that’s changed. Youngjae is different too. Jaebeom can sense it, and that makes this entire situation only worse. The truth is Jaebeom has no idea how to deal with any of this. He ed up and hurt the one person that means everything to him, the only person he feels entirely safe and at home with. Now he desperately needs a home to escape to and even if he no longer has to right to be here, he still came because lately he has felt like his heart might stop beating entirely if he doesn’t see Youngjae.

 “Your place looks cool. I like the new style.” Jaebeom means to sound and looks happy, but what comes out is totally something different. His voice is way too shaky and ragged, giving away the emotional mess he has going on inside.

“Thanks.” Youngjae replies and just continues staring at Jaebeom in a way that makes him almost squirm in discomfort. It’s as if he knows something Jaebeom doesn’t or he can see right through him. “So, how have you been?”

“Good.” Jaebeom says too quickly for anything believable, his voice betraying him yet again.

Youngjae almost gives into the urge to chuckle at how hard Jaebeom is trying to seem okay. I know you too well, you selfish idiot. You can’t pretend with me, he wants to say, but he can’t bring himself to. “Just so you know, you look like .”

Jaebeom smiles, no trace of actual humour anywhere on his facial expression. “Yeah?”

“I know what happened.” Youngjae finally admits so that they can both hopefully move on from pretending that Jaebeom isn’t suffering. The impending conversation about their relationship is the only elephant Youngjae can tolerate in the room right now. 

Like a gush of wind sweeping the door off a pressurized pipe, Jaebeom’s façade comes crumbling down and he chokes in spite of himself, quickly lowering his gaze in shame as tears well up.

A huge part of Youngjae still wants to punch Jaebeom in the face, but the other part of him that feels so sad seeing Jaebeom so broken just wants to hug Jaebeom, protect hi