Inspired by Troye Sivan - Postcard

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Did you receive the postcards? I am sure you don’t because you are always forgetful like that. But can’t you for once care? 

I sent you the postcard from France, and I even wrote in a language that I am a stranger to because I know you will understand. You love this country and the language, that’s why.

I wonder how are you? Are you doing well? Are you eating well? Or am I the only one worrying about you? I miss your warmth, hugging me when we sleep because it’s so cold here nowadays and I am sleeping alone. But I am sure you don’t care because you never care. 

It’s been a week, did you go get it? Or did you lost it? I wonder if the post-office lost it instead. Yoohyeon, I know you are clumsy and forgetful sometimes, but please tell me that you did get it this time? Not losing it like the one I previously sent from China. 

“I got it, I got your postcard. It’s so beautiful, Gahyeon.” 

So at least you got it this time, I am glad that you like the postcard. And so I promise that I will send another when I travel to another city or country. I love you, Yoohyeon.

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“I love you, Yoo.” I said and I kissed you, we haven’t met for a long time and now I am finally back. But you don’t give a yet you still kissed me back. 

I hugged you to sleep that night, I know you hate it but you still let me be. Because you knew that I cannot sleep unless you hug me. 

The next morning though, I found no one beside me. I knew you will leave me alone, again. That is what you are good at, not caring. 

You pick me up, yet you put me back down like I am nothing to you. You know it will hurt me, but you never care. I, for you, was just a toy that you can put back when you got bored. And yet here I am foolishly picturing you beside me.

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You lock yourself inside the room with brick walls that you build inside your heart. You are afraid to let anyone in because you are afraid that they will hurt you again. But I won’t do that to you, because all I want is to be everything you need me to be. 

Instead, you sometimes pull me in, but you push me out right away. And just like that, I am being tossed around again and again like a useless, boring toy. Yet I am still wishing that I could be everything that you need me to be. 

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“Please tell me you got the postcard, Yoo.” 

“I am sorry, Gah. I lost it.” 

And the same circle repeat. Only this time I am sending the postcard from Japan instead of France. And I even wrote in Japanese for you. 

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I wonder why can’t I just let you go? Why did I still keep on going back to you by the end of the day? Tell me, Yoohyeon. I am tired, and I am hurting too.