Inspired by Cavetown - Fool

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I am just a fool because I keep on chasing after something that will never be mine. And you are also a fool, for thinking that I don’t know you are just pretending to keep on loving me. 

I don’t know where I’m supposed to go, because I feel at home only when I am within your embrace. However, we both know, that this love is impossible.

I woke up 2 at the midnight, staring at the ceilings but the mind is somewhere, then I heard noises outside our shared room and I know it was her you are talking to.

I woke up 6 in the morning, and there you are sleeping soundly beside me with a smile painting your beautiful face. But I know that smile is never for me, but someone else. 

I woke up again 8 in the morning, but this time you are nowhere to be found.

“Why don’t you just leave her? Break up with her?”  They said. I wish it was that easy, but 5 years of being together, it’s hard to just spell up those words. So here I am being a fool, holding my pain and close my eyes. 

We used to be young and thought that we are in love, we used to spent sleepless nights talking to each other. Or should I say, it was me spending sleepless nights listening to you ranting about your life? When we both know, that it was not love that is involved between us. 

I am such a fool to keep you by my side, to keep on chasing after something that will never be mine, and to keep on chasing after nothing great. And on the other side, you are also such a fool to keep pretending that you are loving me, that you think I wouldn’t found out the truth.

“Minji… Let’s end this.” There I said it, I said it out loud and you are not even surprised, nor angry. You just nod and agree with me without even thinking. And there I know, we are impossible. And I had wasted my youth fooling myself. 

“Yoohyeon... you know, I used to love you. But then I realize, that love is not what it is. It’s different. But I don’t want to hurt you that I fool myself to stay by your side. I wish I could tell you earlier, so we wouldn’t be a fool for so long. And I hope you found your real happiness.” 

“Minji… You used to be my happiness, and I think you will always be. And I am okay to be a fool because you stay. Though now, I prefer to search for my lost youth and joy, and so I let you go. We both fooled ourselves long enough that I think it is our time to part ways and search for our happiness. And so, goodbye.” 

“Yoohyeon, I am sorry, and I hope we will meet again one day. And when that day comes, we will be more mature. Goodbye.” 

To my future partner, 

I hope that you wouldn’t hurt me, I hope that you will hold me tight, and not let me be a fool over and over again. I hope what we have is sincere and healthy. Because I had lost too much.