I take a moment to breathe. There were a lot of questions in my head, but I’m not sure I wanted to ask them out loud, to be honest. You take your cue from my silence.

 

“How about you? Are you dating?”

 

I mull it over a bit. “Not right now. I’m not really looking.”

 

“Isn’t it lonely?”

 

“I think if you’re busy enough you won’t miss what’s not around.”

 

“Have you ever even fallen in love with anyone, though?”

 

I look at you longingly.

 

“Of course.”

 

I don’t think you noticed. You nod distractedly. “I know you were with Tzuyu for a time, right?”

 

“She’s nice. But we had to part ways.”

 

“May I ask what happened?”

 

“I don’t think I was into Tzuyu as much as I should have.” I teased, using your words. You laughed at me, and I spend a few seconds just entertaining the thought that this could have been us. This could have still been our constant if I didn’t it up. I tried dismissing the idea.

 

You look at your phone and your eyebrows twitch into a knot.

 

“Jisoo just messaged me saying Chae kind of got there early. It’s only 1:40 pm but do you want to go and meet her now?”

 

“Aren’t they going there together?”

 

“No, Chu had to run an errand so she said she’ll be a bit late.”

 

I shrug. “Yeah, I’m okay to go if you are.”

 

You start to pick up both of our cups but I grab them from you. “Let me.”

 

“Okay, I’ll start booking a ride.”

 

We start walking towards the door and I try to look for a garbage bin. You open the door for me and I follow through, then point at a bin just beside the door. I chuck the two cups in.

          

“Okay, car’s arriving in about 3 minutes. We can stay here.” You squint your eyes at me and I take the time to take you in again. I have a massive feeling that’s what I’m going to end up constantly doing for the rest of this trip. “Did you get taller? I feel like you weren’t this tall then.”

 

“Or maybe you got shorter.”

 

You slap my arm playfully as you laugh. Your hand slides through my arm and stays there, casually holding on.

 

“I missed you, Lisa. It’s been too long.”

 

“I know. You barely visited Seoul.”

 

“And you were always busy.”

 

“What can I say, I’m in demand.” I wink at you and grin. “I’m making time now.”

 

“You think this is enough? I have barely gotten out all your stories from you.”

 

“It’s a start.”

 

You smile but look away distractedly. Your eyes start to narrow.

 

“Here’s our ride.” You say as a black sedan pulls up. You open the door and slide in and I follow suit.

 

I watch you go through your phone while the car starts to move. I look at your other hand that’s idly positioned on the seat and I again feel an overwhelming need to intertwine my fingers with yours, but I stop myself. The ache keeps building the more I look at you.

 

I think my sighs caught your attention. You smile, then rest on the car’s seat, your head cocked to face me. We take a few minutes to just softly look at each other.

 

“Where did you go?” You softly ask. I look at you like I know exactly what you mean, but I still think I’m lost in the matters concerning you.

 

I shrug. “You always know where to find me.”

 

“No,” Your tone was with a little pain, but maybe I just imagined it. “You left.”

 

“I was left behind. I was just there.”

 

Our words were now laced thick with various meanings. Messages we meant to say. Messages we should have said before. But I didn’t feel resentment from you, just disappointment. I’m not sure from where Jennie. I’m not sure what you wanted me to do then.

 

You bravely did what I have been wishing to do for a hundred times today and reached out and intertwined your fingers with mine. My heart bruised itself further, feeling relief and longing at the same time. You softly brushed your thumb at the back of my hand and kept doing so while looking at me quietly, and we remained that way for the rest of the ride.

 

It was not even 10 minutes when the car pulled up in front of a restaurant that’s facing the beach. You gradually let go of my hand as you open the door beside you, and my hand stays there, already regretting the loss of your hand’s warmth. I pull myself up resentfully, wishing why we aren’t having any of New York’s traffic just when we needed it.

 

You’re waiting for me outside, the phone pressed to your ear. I slowly walk up to you and you smile, your free arm intertwining with mine. You make the conscious decision of grabbing on to my arm and I wonder what happened to the more intimate intertwining we had earlier. I hear you say “Uh-huh” and “Okay, coming up,” before you exit the call.

 

“Chae’s upstairs. I haven’t been to this specific restaurant, but Chu claims this is one of the best seafood restaurants here. This whole stretch is actually a park. The beach here isn’t really meant for swimming, but it’s still nice to look at, I guess.”

 

 

I nod but I wasn’t really listening. My mind still goes to the time you were looking at me quietly. We walk up towards the stairs and look around.

 

The place is relatively simple but big, reminiscent of the seaside restaurants we used to go to in Busan. The airconditioned space upstairs looks more like it’s meant to host events and less of grilling as it has cushioned chairs and ornate table covers compared to the downstairs area that has plastic tables and seats, perhaps catering to the beach picnic crowd. My eyes wander when I hear a distinct chirpy voice scream “Lisaaaaaa” and my smile widens upon finding the face it belongs to.

 

She runs from the table and slams her body at me, gripping me tight while squealing “Lisa Lisa Lisa Lisa” and I laugh. I realise that you have already stepped aside to give space to the excited blonde. She slaps my shoulder after releasing me from the warm hug.

 

“, where have you hidden yourself?” She laughs and I admit I have missed her candour.

 

“I missed you, too, Chipmunk. How have you been?”

 

“How have you been yourself. I’m not the one who just came from a trip to New York.” She then looks at you excitedly. “I took the liberty to