hi? does anyone remember this story? sorry for the wait - i need a certain mood to be able to write when it comes to this fic. can't promise i'll be updating frequently but i'm determined to continue and finish it. bc it also feels good to be able to write it♥

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“I don’t know how you did it, dude, but oh man!” Hyukjae heard his friend’s voice from the speaker as he was trying to find a matching outfit. After trying almost all his clothes yesterday, he somehow didn’t feel content with any of them today. “Didn’t know me and Kyuhyun sending you on that trip will be such a brilliant idea!”

The raven head scowled; here it goes. He knew such reaction will follow, yet it didn’t feel pleasant in any way.

Yesterday, after parting their ways, Donghae asked the man to send him all the selfies they took together – some were taken on Hyukjae’s phone, after all. The man himself kept wondering whether to upload one and, hearing about that, the photographer gave his permission, reassuring him it was okay to post whatever he wanted about him. A dangerous permission, considering how easily someone’s image could be ruined these days. Donghae was just lucky Hyukjae wasn’t after that kind of fame.

So, he uploaded a picture, already knowing it’ll make people ask even more questions about them. What he didn’t expect was waking up to even more screams and his friends trying to reach out to him because Donghae uploaded new pictures while Hyukjae was sleeping.

And there were oh so many pictures there. Basically, the maximum an Instagram post allowed to upload. And what was funny – Donghae didn’t use any picture they took on the street.

Every photo uploaded was taken in Hyukjae’s room – bad lighting and mess could be seen on each one of them. Most of the pictures looked a little silly – the man was either smiling too wide (as a model, he always minded his smile because it could ruin a perfect shot if only you show teeth when it’s not needed or something) or not looking at the camera but at Donghae, which was one of the worst mistakes.

Yet somehow, that’s what made all those pictures look so good, so domestic. Hyukjae’s contagious smile when he was laughing at his own foolish outfit – he still wondered whether to forgive Donghae for uploading a picture of him in shorts and one sock only – made the gloomy photo shine with new colors. Him looking not into the camera but at a person behind it made every shot look more natural and less planned.

That was what made those pictures beautiful. They were natural, not forced at all. They had something behind them, a story that could make a person wonder how did that happen. Why this place, this choice of clothes, that person? So many questions.

And the very last picture was adding to it.

The very last shot, almost hidden behind the other ones, was placed there timidly, almost reluctantly. Just by looking at it, at the lack of edit – Donghae really made photos of Hyukjae only shine with other colors by spending a few hours in Photoshop, yet not to change the man’s features, just to add things the picture was missing – and at the fact it was placed at the very end of that post, the raven head could tell: Donghae wasn’t sure whether to upload that picture.

The two of them sitting on the bed. The photographer’s face being hidden behind that huge camera and the model’s shining with a smile. Eyes sparkling. Clothes around them – such a typical room of a teenager preparing for their very first party. Their dark silhouettes in front of the mirror for the window was right behind them and it made the picture dark, and Donghae barely changed that. He only made their faces slightly visible, however, it almost seemed like he didn’t want to.

Because the picture looked like something you usually leave to treasure yourself. It looked unprofessional. Personal. Intimate.

Hyukjae first thought he was the only one who thought like that, however, he then scrolled down the comments and just… yeah.

There were many praising either him as a model or Donghae as a photographer, yet so many were focused just on the fact it was yet another confirmation the two were spending time together. Some wondered whether that was for a new project. Some had… more interesting thoughts to share.

But that post started fire. Hyukjae’s manager tried to contact him and tell there actually was now a company that wanted him as his model for their brand. There was an influx of followers once again – even bigger than the first time. His friends were texting and calling him.

That’s how he happened to be on call with Heechul who was using every social media possible just for Hyukjae to answer, thankfully he didn’t have to make a direct call and bear with the roaming. And Heechul just said something a lot of people could think of – Donghae was a golden opportunity for someone like Hyukjae to return to the model industry. One proposal was just a beginning, especially if Donghae was going to post more pictures. He knew many would think so. But hearing it, especially from a friend, didn’t feel nice at all.

“I’m not talking to him just because he’s my golden ticket,” he uttered, sighing and choosing another sweatshirt for the previous one looked odd.

“I never said that. But it feels nice, right? Will he take more pictures of you?”

“Why should he?”

“Oh, come on! You just told me that guy’s looking for an inspiration and really wanted to be your photographer. You’re going to spend as much time there as him too, right? It’s only natural if he’ll take more pictures.”

“Why are you asking me if you seem to know the answer better than I do?”

“Hyukjae,” Heechul spoke seriously. “I believe you when you say that profiting out of your meeting with Lee Donghae is not your intention. But it can do you good, why are you so hesitant to use this chance?”

“Because it feels like using him.”

“Isn’t he profiting from your pictures as well? His Instagram profile used to be silent for a while and he’s been losing followers, I checked it. But look at it now – the two of you became a hot topic because no one expected such collab. Moreover, he’s well-known in the industry, so a few celebrities shared his post, and now he’s gaining the attention back. I’m sure you two are sincere with your friendship, yet helping each other doesn’t ruin it.”

“Friendship,” Hyukjae repeated. “I wouldn’t call it like that.”

“Now you are the one who makes this situation worse.”

The raven head sighed once again and fell on his bed with a soft moan – his back didn’t expect to land on the solid hanger that was left there carelessly – and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure himself what he meant by saying that.

“I just… don’t really know whether we can be called friends,” the model let out eventually.

“Are we kids? You should know how to differentiate a friend by this age.”

“It’s exactly that we’re not kids anymore that I can’t really tell.” He paused for a second, thinking whether he could let something out or not. Deciding on being genuine, Hyukjae added, “Let’s say… I got to know his secret by accident. He didn’t tell me and didn’t even mean to. I just saw something and… figured everything. It’s nothing that can harm his career, if you wonder. But something that… harms him. And it makes me understand that Donghae might need a friend who’s ready to be with him at his lows, to support him and all. And I… I don’t know whether I can be this friend. You know that I big time when it comes to this.”

“The fact that your annoying ex turned your relationship into something toxic doesn’t mean that you .”

Pause again. Hyukjae his lips out of nervousness.

“Well, he kind of… isn’t my ex…”

Now it was silence on Heechul’s end.

“He what?!” the man yelled eventually. “You told me you were going to dump him finally the last time we spoke! Damn, dude, the purpose of this trip is for you to have a rest from that toxicity and get better, not for you to run away from that guy while thinking it can be solved by itself!”

“I know,” the raven head sighed. “But when I brought the topic up, he said we might just need a break. Told me he’ll give me enough space and time to think. Said we might be fine if we’ll have some rest from each other. We were together for quite a while and we aren’t that young to change partners carelessly anymore, so…”

“You started as two lovebirds, yet he turned into a mental abuser with years. There’s no way that excuse of you being too old to change partners carelessly can work here. It’s not careless. It’s you caring about yourself. You can’t always fix what’s broken.”

Another heavy sigh, “Heechul, please. I know it.”

Heechul sighed as well, “How is that going with him giving you space?”

“Doesn’t really work well. He keeps calling and texting me, although I warned him I won’t reply unless it’s something urgent because I really need some time. But well… he only started texting and calling more often once I started hanging out with Donghae.”

“Oh, feels threatened. Expect him to accuse you on cheating because you haven’t broken up properly.”

He didn’t know why, but the raven head chuckled at that sentence. Maybe because it sounded a little too ridiculous.

“There’s nothing to accuse me on,” he said. “I doubt Donghae’s gay even.”

“How about asking him then?”

“And what for? What if he’s into guys even? Not sure I’m ready to start a new relationship, hell, I’m not even sure I can be friends with him.”

“Hyukjae, whom are you meeting right now?”

“Excuse me?”

That day was full of heavy sighs and pauses.

“You told me you’re going for a meeting,” Heechul told in a while. “Whom are you meeting?”

It took Hyukjae a few seconds to realize why his friend was asking that. The man even felt a little ashamed when he let out, “Donghae.”

“Then it’s time for you to decide what you want, Hyukjae. Do you really want to continue a ed relationship without letting yourself to see someone nice beside you? Not necessarily Donghae, yet even if it’s him. You’re saying you’re not ready for another relationship, but I can tell you are. You can’t be alone, you need someone. Hell, you literally went for this trip to be alone and managed to find a dude to hang out with in a few days just because you can’t be alone!” The raven head couldn’t help but smiled at that. “It’s not you not being ready for a new relationship. It’s you being afraid it’ll turn out to be just as bad as your previous one. But you won’t know unless you try.”

“It’s funny. Because it sounds like you trying to matchmake me with Donghae.”

“Oh, does it?” Heechul seemed genuinely surprised. “Because that’s not my intention. I just want you to decide what you want from this life. If you think of it as of having Donghae as your lover… Well, maybe that’s your inner intention. I simply want you to decide on what you want from him as well.”

Hyukjae looked around to observe the room once again. His clothes were still around, creating even more mess as he only threw everything on the floor after Donghae left yesterday. Not only he had no will to clean up everything, but also… didn’t want to. Hyukjae could hardly be called a sentimental person, yet that mess reminded him about good time he had with the photographer the other day. Without worrying about his life. Without thinking much. Forgetting about that revelation even. They simply had some good time together. Something Hyukjae really needed.

But will it be enough though? They were isolated from everything and everyone here, yet will it last once they get back to their country and start living their busy lives? Will they have a place for each oth