don't know whether it's needed to put it here, but mild trigger warning: mentions of self-harm. no more than in the previous chapter, but the character is thinking about it quite a lot here, mostly focusing on his own feelings on that matter. no descriptions. no serious talks. but if you feel uncomfortable with any mention of that, then it's better to either continue reading after the first '***' in the text or to drop this story for your own well-being. stay safe, guys. stay happy♥

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Hyukjae didn’t know how to react. First, he checked a few times whether what he saw was definitely what he saw and not something else. He came closer, pretending he just wanted to ask Donghae about something, but, although the male hid his arm pretty soon the result wasn’t delightful.

Those definitely were scars on Donghae’s wrist. And the guy obviously wanted to hide them.

Hyukjae smiled once the guy’s eyes met his own. There was nothing to smile about, but he just wanted to give the photographer some reassurance. He wanted to give some reassurance to himself as well.

The raven head never thought of meeting someone like Donghae, and for the first time ‘odd’ wasn’t the first word that came to his mind. He never thought of meeting someone who will make him feel like the safe world he kept building shattered. What do you expect from such encounter? What do you expect when you see a person who obviously tends to… self-harm?..

Hyukjae never asked himself such questions before. He never had the need to. Despite thinking of himself as of someone kind and ready to help others, he never actually thought of what would he do once meeting a person who… struggles. The man didn’t know whether that was depression, whether that was something more or less, but he knew those scars he saw weren’t something you get accidentally. The fact that Donghae’s been hiding his wrist proved he was right.

What do you do when you get acquainted with a person like the guy in front of him? Hyukjae never wanted to put on any labels, so he tried to not name things even in his own head. Just… what do you do?

The raven head wasn’t close to him, and he didn’t know whether their encounter will turn into something more than an attempt of two lonely souls to have some fun together as they were in similar situations. He didn’t know what to expect.

He honestly didn’t know whether he was ready.

Hyukjae never met such people, but he knew it’s never easy to be a kind friend to those who struggle mentally. There were so many people he saw, they said they’re always ready to help whenever someone needed them. They befriended people who asked for nothing but understanding, but then…

You exhaust me.

You only talk about your own problems when I have something to say too.

Your mood swings are terrible.

I’m done.

How many words like that were said? How many souls they hurt deeply?

Hyukjae never felt sympathetic to those people. If you’re not sure you can handle it, don’t offer your help. Don’t say you tried your best when you didn’t and don’t blame a person for something they can’t control. Just don’t do it.

He thought it was just that simple. Help if you can. Ignore if you can’t.

But now, once he met Donghae… Although he didn’t even know all the circumstances, he already had a question on his mind.

Will he be able to become that one friend who won’t hurt the man even more if he won’t be able to maintain their friendship in future? Will he be able to reject Donghae right now if he won’t be able to become The Person for him?

It was his birthday. The photographer kept looking at him with those big innocent eyes – that wasn’t the first time Hyukjae noticed it, but the first time he was able to understand there was don’t leave me hiding somewhere in that brown depth – waiting for Hyukjae to do… something.

That’s why, he smiled. He didn’t know whether he will be able to be that one good friend because he didn’t even know whether they’ll become friends first and foremost.

But he knew he somehow wasn’t able to just abandon him. Especially on his birthday. That… wasn’t a strong bond. Far from that. What Hyukjae felt was more like weird fondness you feel when you see a stray pup or kitten and pick them to not let those little creatures die of something they didn’t deserve. Those aren’t your pets, but you can’t abandon them, you feel bad for them. You like them. Not enough to pet them, but enough to not let them leave this world without being able to find out what life has to offer.

Donghae was just like that stray pup. Or kitten. Or whoever.

“How about little photoshoot in my apartment?” the raven head asked, and the photographer tilted his head, questioning the idea. A pup indeed. “Maybe my clothes didn’t suit the mood, so you weren’t able to decide on the concept. I came here with lots of clothes, so you can pick something that will fit the best and we can try again.”

“You came here with lots of clothes? Knowing you won’t be able to wear most of those?”

“Hey, I’ve met you! Can’t we just pretend I had a feeling I’ll need them?”

Donghae smiled. That was one of those rare times when he did it not because Hyukjae smiled as well, but because something about that man made him smile.

The raven head was so nice to be with.

“And you don’t mind me coming where you live?” the photographer asked.

“Why would I?”

Donghae shrugged, “Some people dislike it when random strangers visit their apartment.”

“Well. That was me who invited you, right? And that’s not even my apartment. And you’re not a random stranger, we’re literally celebrating your birthday together, right? So cheer up.”

Hyukjae smiled, but this time the photographer wasn’t really able to return that smile.

Not a random stranger. Then who was he to Hyukjae? Who was Hyukjae to him? Donghae was one of those people who overthink a lot… He already imagined things of what they could be, but now he somehow… wasn’t able to decide what they already were. He needed some clarification, but wasn’t sure he’ll be happy once the raven head answers his questions.

So he decided to stick to the thought Hyukjae was a person Donghae liked being with. And he hoped he could be that one person for Hyukjae too.

“I’d love to,” the photographer said eventually. “Seeing the model’s wardrobe will be… something new.”

“They never showed you their wardrobe?”

“Why would they want to do that?”

“Why would you want to see?”

Donghae’s eyes widened at such question and apparently he just realized how ambiguously his words sounded and how wrong they could sound as well. His ears reddened faster than you can pour water into cup, and Hyukjae barely managed to hold his laughter. Somehow teasing Donghae was thrilling. But he also figured the guy apparently wasn’t a person who was good at taking jokes.

“Relax, just kidding.”

The photographer sighed.

“But let me hide my underwear before you enter my room.”

Donghae stomped his foot – which looked both weird and… kind of… cute considering he was sitting – and turned in the armchair, so now his back was facing Hyukjae. The latter chuckled.

He really hoped they could work out as not-so-close-friends if their conversations will be as meaningless as this one.

***

“Stop touching it, you’ll ruin your hair.”

“B-but it’s odd…”

“If looking handsome is odd, then congratulations, you’re the oddest photographer I know. Now stop touching your hair, I’ll get a tic because of you!”

Donghae didn’t know whether he had to consider Hyukjae’s words a compliment as the man admitted he basically was the most handsome photographer he knew or to panic even more because he wasn’t used to compliments. He had a thing with compliments.

Receiving any kind of praise is nice, but how often that praise is genuine? People tend to say nice words not because they feel like that, but because they need something. It’s not like Donghae was one of those cynical people who refused to trust others, on contrary, more than anything he wanted to believe those words were genuine. It’s just that he was working in the industry where being two-faced was the most normal thing, and if you couldn’t behave like that you wouldn’t fit.

Guess whether the photographer fit in there.

“How about calling your parents?”

“Huh?”

The question was so unexpected, Donghae wasn’t even sure he heard it right.

“It when you’re arguing with your family on your birthday,” Hyukjae shrugged. “You weren’t able to talk to them because of me, so I feel bad for that.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t, it’s…”

“Well, I still do. Call them, Donghae.”

The photographer didn’t find any words to say and grabbed his phone. The raven head felt like everything wasn’t going according to his plan. Not like he had any, but…

If there was something he genuinely wanted to do, then it was helping the man to spend a nice day as it was his birthday. What were his reasons? He himself didn’t know. Maybe he couldn’t stop thinking about those scars, and now it felt like the man might shatter the moment Hyukjae leaves him, or maybe that was that stupid desire to take care of a stray pup. Or kitten.

That was so complicated. Unexpectedly, Hyukjae’s feelings towards that man became complicated. A few hours ago they were just two strangers from the same country and the same industry who happened to meet at this forgotten place. And now, he started feeling… responsible. He never promised anything to that guy, yet for some weird reason he felt conflicted, as if now, knowing his secret, he had to do something about it.

That’s why he thought you always need to be sure whether you’re ready to deal with a person who struggles. Hyukjae wanted to help him. But he didn’t know whether he could do it, didn’t even know whether Donghae needed help at this point. And if he did… was Hyukjae the one who he’d love to