it's a double update. the chapter was so long that i had to split it, so please, start your reading with this one (though you'll probably need to reread the whole story)~

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When Donghae woke up the next morning, Hyukjae was gone.

The man understood it the moment he opened his eyes, although he didn’t even get up from the bed and didn’t check the rooms. He just knew. There was no presence of anyone in that house anymore, and Donghae was just very well-aware how it feels – to be home alone.

Completely alone.

However, this time there was something that was left in order to make him feel less lonely this time. Looking at the pillow right in front of him, the ginger head noticed a small note lying on it and grabbed it immediately.

The paper was folded and had a few words on it.

To Donghae

From Hyukjae

He gulped. Being an overthinker whose mind tends to lean towards negativity, mentally he prepared himself for seeing something like ‘I can’t do this, we need to say goodbye to each other’, so the photographer didn’t dare to unfold that paper immediately and see what’s actually written in it. He kept lying still with the paper in his palm, looking both at it and his scars, with the window that showed nothing but grey cloudy sky as a background. That was an extremely gloomy picture. He was an extremely gloomy picture.

Letting Hyukjae in was by far the hardest thing he’s done recently. With all the fear of being rejected for being such a misery, Donghae was pretty brave to let the model know that about himself. He didn’t think much about what he was going to do if the raven head won’t be able to accept him this way. Despite the model reassuring him he made up his mind about Donghae already, there still was that fear he changed it.

But there was just one way to find out whether that was true.

Sighing, Donghae decided to unfold the paper. Slowly. Uncertainly. His eyes widened a little once he saw there was a pretty long message in it, and his heart skipped a beat as something that people call hope appeared in his chest.

Usually… you don’t write a long piece when you want to tell someone you two are never going to see each other again, right? At least none of those who left him before did that. Plus… that was Hyukjae. No matter how much Donghae loathed himself and had no faith in the fact he could be likeable, he… had some faith in Hyukjae. In the fact that man was probably the nicest human being on Earth.

Donghae had yet to no faith when it came to him. But he trusted Hyukjae. That was the realization that hit him. Somehow, although it’s been just a week since they got to know each other, he already trusted him. A lot. He shouldn’t be afraid the man will change his mind. He could trust him.

And suddenly, he didn’t find himself with a heavy heart once he started reading the lines on that paper, written in neat and pretty handwriting. Hyukjae’s handwriting was so nice, as if you were reading a book. Donghae and his messy, barely distinguishable letters couldn’t relate.

“Morning, Donghae!

Sorry for taking your paper and pen – I swear I saw them on the table and didn’t touch other belongings, just like I wasn’t looking through them. But I just… well, I thought it won’t be nice to leave if I won’t explain you how I feel. And why I did that at the first place.

I hope you trust me enough to not think that I ran away or wanted to get rid of you by leaving the house before you woke up. Because I didn’t. You aren’t the only one here who had a restless night full of thinking and… thinking (I didn’t come up with a beautiful synonym lol I slept too little, so forgive me). I kept thinking about our conversation and how you said you need time. And I thought… that you waking up and seeing me in your apartment might be too heavy and awkward (and it’ll be even more awkward if you’ll wake up and notice me writing this letter, but I hope that won’t happen).

That’s why I decided to leave before you wake up. To give your mind some rest and let you feel… idk, freedom? Freedom to think about everything as long as you need, freedom to be the one who’ll initiate our next meeting, if one’s bound to happen.

I’m not going to lie – there’s a lot to think about. For both you and me. But I want you to know that there are 2 things I’m absolutely sure about.

But we also need some time to sort everything out in our minds. That’s why I left this house, but not your life.

So, yeah. Once you’re up for a conversation, let me know. I’m ready anytime.

P.S. Do not forget to eat!

P.P.S. Pretty much sure you’ve read the last line and stayed in bed, but no, really, get up and eat something!”

Donghae smiled at the paper and closed his eyes, bringing the sheet closer to his chest and taking a deep breath in. He… he expected to wake up with many heavy feelings to deal with, and maybe that’s how he woke up, but that letter made him feel… a bit easier.

The burden didn’t disappear anywhere; it was there still. But this letter… it gave Donghae some reassurance. As much as someone leaving silently while the other party was still asleep was not the nicest action, the photographer understood the reasons. And was thankful. Because this morning was going to be extremely awkward if they had to meet.

But Hyukjae… not only he thought that through, he also made sure he’ll spare Donghae from overthinking and will explain everything properly. He even told him to eat.

Nice, nice Hyukjae.

If there was one thing Donghae regretted not sharing yesterday – although he still thought he shared way too much – then it was not telling Hyukjae how exactly he felt about him. The ginger head kind of hinted on it, yet didn’t say the words out loud as he was afraid it’d make things even heavier, was afraid it’d make the man think he owes Donghae something when he didn’t. But now… he only wished Hyukjae knew how special he was for him. And how much that simple letter meant.

The ginger head got up. He’d probably stay in bed for a few more hours the other day, but… Hyukjae asked him to eat and, although there was no way for the man to check whether he did it or not, Donghae didn’t feel like lying to him even under such circumstances. It was… there was something special in others worrying about your wellbeing. In them asking you to take care of yourself. The photographer didn’t remember the last time someone apart from his parents did that to him… so he really wanted to enjoy that feeling while he could.

Getting up, Donghae didn’t feel as bad as he could. Usually, after having his worst days, he woke up drained and felt like staying in bed for the rest of the day. Most of the time, he didn’t even try to fight that urge to not do anything. But today…

He didn’t know why, yet today was different. Was it… was it because of what he told Hyukjae? Was it because… the man was so accepting?

Donghae stretched a little after long time of lying in bed and moved towards the kitchen on impulse. He came closer to the fridge that was decorated with the magnets the house owner put on it and saw… another note there.

Yet another folded piece of paper was pinned to the fridge door by one of the magnets and a short “Did you really hope to find something edible here?” was on it.

Blinking a few times in confusion, Donghae took that note and unfolded it only to see yet another message in it.

“You know, when will I get another chance to leave a few more handwritten letters? That’s why I’m going to use an opportunity!

I appreciate the fact you listened to me and decided to eat, but seriously? Sandwiches again? No, that’s not going to work. You need strength and everything, so eat something better. Don’t know whether you’re up to cooking or not – choose either the café (if you don’t mind walking) or buy everything that’s needed in the shop.

Just don’t forget an umbrella! They said it’s going to rain heavily today, too.”

Looking at that note, Donghae suddenly found himself smiling.

“I don’t have an umbrella though,” the photographer said, although he knew very well that no one’s going to hear him.

He sighed and opened the fridge just to make sure that yeah, he only could make a few more sandwiches from what was left there and… that wasn’t a good breakfast. Not after such a poor eating day before. It just hit the man that he didn’t eat anything apart from those few sandwiches he made when Hyukjae came yesterday. And…

Donghae knew he’d probably end up barely eating again the other day. But Hyukjae left those notes for him… and suddenly, he felt like he actually needed to go out and eat instead of spending the day at home and dwelling