Dear Baekhyun,

Am I allowed to be mad? Because I want to be so, so badly, but when it comes to you -I can’t seem to do so and that makes me madder. Why does every bad feeling dissipate when it comes to you? Who are you to mess with my feelings? Why do I always overlook everything with you?

Sigh.

I’m frustrated, Baekhyun, but more than that I’m sad. Disappointed even.

When everyone asked me if I knew you were going to become an idol, do you know how I felt? Embarrassed, that I couldn’t answer them. That I too didn’t know. And for once, angry, that I was the one being humiliated when you were the one who put me in this position, after leaving me in the dark.

But then questions at the back of my mind that I didn’t want to know the answers to, like do you even owe me an explanation? Am I getting too ahead of myself? , plagued my thoughts.

Who am I to you Baekhyun? No, who was I to you?

You made such a big show of calling me your best friend throughout the years, but for what? Do best friends keep such big secrets from each other?

Hell, did you even consider me as your actual friend? Or was I just someone to keep you company till you left?

I don’t know what to think anymore. I doubt you even care about how I feel regarding all of this.

I sound irrational now, ranting to someone who’s clearly moved on in life. I want to move on too, but why am I always the one left behind; stuck in the pas