The sound of the van humming as it cruised down the road was all I could hear. Silence engulfed us as Sejun drove us down the winding road towards the funeral home. I sat next to my younger brother Subin; his hand was gripping tightly onto mine. His head lying back against the headrest, eyes closed. Beside him sat Seungsik, his eyes were turned towards the window as the rain slid down it. The weather matched our emotions almost exactly. There had been a storm brewing in our friendship for a long time now and a couple of nights ago the lightning had finally struck.

 

In front of me sat Byungchan, his head hanging low. Normally he’d be on his phone playing games but that was probably the last thing on his mind today. Hanse sat in front of Seungsik, his finger was rotating his nose piercing, a nervous habit of his he had started doing as soon as it didn’t hurt for him to do so. Beside Sejun sat Hyojin, she was for once without makeup dressed in all black and quiet. Anyone who knew her knew she always wore a face full of profound makeup and bright clothing. She was also someone who couldn’t keep shut. But not today, today we were mourning.

Seungwoo was in the car behind us, driving himself. Things between our group lately haven’t been swell. In fact, there were three people who I had been avoiding. Seungwoo was one of them, for he was my ex-boyfriend. Hyojin was one of the others. Lastly was Chan, Chan who sat between Byungchan and Hanse. His head was turned to the side of the car that Byungchan was on in order to look out the window, this allowed me to see the tears that were streaming down his face in light of the situation I suppose.

The four of us caused a big upset in our friendship, one that had all of us on our toes. This event would forever change our lives.

-

Upon arriving at the funeral home, we all step out of the van, my eyes meet Chan’s as I do. I quickly let my eyes dart away, my heart tugging in my chest. Hyojin notices the exchange of glances between us and tries to send Chan a smile but he just lowers his head causing her to turn away. Seungwoo pulls in behind us and Hyojin waves excitedly towards him but he just nods sadly in return.

The nine of us stood in a line in front of the door to the funeral home, Subin’s hand once again finds mine squeezing it tightly. In another world or maybe even another life I wish what had happened a couple of nights ago hadn’t of occurred. For if it didn’t our friendship may have lasted after tonight, but I fear once we walk in those doors when we walk back out of them the nine of us won’t be the close friends we once were.

 

In fact, I know for sure the nine of us won’t be because there’s one major thing that I have not told you yet, two of us standing here tonight are dead.

Hanse is the first to head inside, Sejun and Byungchan next, then Hyojin. That left Seungwoo, Chan, Seungsik, Subin, and I standing here contemplating on whether or not to go in. Seungwoo sighs loudly glancing towards me, I let my eyes fall down to where mine and Subin’s hands were joined. Chan turns to Subin and lightly tugs on his arm. I let Subin’s hand go as Chan and him enter the funeral home.

 

Seungsik hums glancing at me, “Are you okay?”

 

I smile a small smile towards him, “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

 

Seungwoo opens his mouth to say something but Seungsik just sends him a glare taking my hand tugging me inside the funeral home.

-

I first met Heo Chan when I was in third grade. He transferred to our school that year and the two of us quickly hit it off. We were inseparable by the time we made it to high school. By then we had already met Subin’s friends Byungchan and Sejun. Seungsik and Hyojin were my childhood friends so I had known them all along. Hanse became our friend late into sophomore year and Seungwoo followed shortly after.

 

Seungsik, as my best friend knew everything. Even down to my big fat crush on Chan. The crush started at the end of sixth grade and grew over the years to an intense one. I don’t know even to this day how it happened. It could be his cute dimpled smile, how he would sweat a lot in gym and get super embarrassed over it or maybe even how soft he was towards me. A crush, that’s just what it was, one that was one-sided at that.

 

When I met Seungwoo he was all for helping me get together with Chan. It was heart-warming and I thought for sure with his help I could surely find out if Chan liked me. I was wrong, for when Seungwoo asked Chan if he did, he had said no. I was torn up over it for a while but then one night Seungwoo kissed me.

-

My eyes met with Chan’s as he sat on the couch next to me at Hanse’s place. My heart sinks lower and lower the longer his thigh touched mine. My eyes burn through the place where our bodies met until I felt someone nudge me with their foot. I glance up and see Seungwoo smiling down towards me. He gestures over his shoulder muttering something about getting some fresh air. I wanted to get as far away as Chan as I could, so I reach up and take Seungwoo’s out-stretched hand instantly.

 

We end up on the back porch, my head rests on Seungwoo’s shoulder as he sighs, “Are you still upset?”

 

I frown leaning my head away from his shoulder to look at him. “I’ve crushed on him for years now, it’s going to take me a while to get over him.”

 

Seungwoo smiles at me sadly. “He’s not worth being all sad over.” His fingers move to tug at my cheeks trying to get me to smile.

 

I snort slapping his hands away from my face. “Have you ever had a crush before? You don’t know what it’s like.”

 

Seungwoo hums, a small sheepish smile forms on his face. “I have had a crush; in fact, I have one right now.”

 

My eyes widen shocked at what just came out of his mouth, “Oh, really? Who is she? Do I know her?”

 

Seungwoo laughs lightly. “She’s you, Yoohyeon.”

 

I in a breath at his statement. “M-me?”

 

“Mm.” He pauses as his eyes bore into mine. “Chan may be crazy to not see how lucky he is to have someone like you like him, but I certainly am not.”

 

The words in my throat get stuck at his confession. I never even imagined that this would happen. Seungwoo was drop dead gorgeous and could have anyone in the world but he liked me? He barely even knew me. I just couldn’t imagine it, especially not what he did next.

 

His lips pressing into mine, hands roaming until they rested around my waist. I felt my heart in my chest pounding harder as our lips pressed against one another. I couldn’t help but wonder if kissing Chan would feel like this too?

 

Seungsik ends up interrupting us, his eyes wide with shock as the two of us quickly part and back away from one another. He quickly tugs me to his side and inside to Hanse’s room to give me the third degree. The whole time he questioned me I thought to myself, while I didn’t like Seungwoo, I could certainly try to.

 

Seungwoo and I went public with our relationship three days later when everything was official. Subin was the most shocked, Seungsik not so much since what had happened three days prior. As Seungwoo proudly laced his fingers through mine Chan’s eyes narrowed on our joined hands before looking away to return talking to Sejun. My heart sunk slightly at how he didn’t seem effected by our announcement at all.

-

Four years later I lied next to Hanse in his bed, our favorite movie was playing on the screen. Byungchan and Sejun were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago but didn’t arrive so we started without them.

 

“Why couldn’t Seungwoo come again?” Hanse murmurs, his hand running through his messy blonde hair.

 

I shrug absentmindedly, “He said he had homework?”

 

“Oh, boring.” He hums moving his arm to rest behind his head as he chews on a gummy worm.

 

“Right?” I snort, my hand slipping into the bag of gummies to get my own worm to chew on.

 

The movie continues to the best part whenever Byungchan and Sejun burst through the door. The both of them were panting, like they had just run a marathon.

 

Hanse groans annoyed at how they decided to show up and the of the movie. “Shh, we’re watching tv!”

 

Byungchan glances as Sejun and gestures for him to say something to which Sejun sends him a bewildered look.

 

“Why do I have to be the one to say it?” Sejun huffs shoving Byungchan lightly.

 

Hanse growls under his breath moving to pause the movie, his hand returning to the gummy worm bag.

 

Byungchan rolls his eyes and groans. “Fine.”

 

I sit up intrigued by what they had to say that they ran all the way here. Their eyes both move to me.

 

Byungchan clears his throat. “Um, Yoohyeon, well you see…”

 

“Seungwoo is cheating on you!” Sejun cuts him off to which Byungchan slaps him on the shoulder for saying it so bluntly.

 

Hanse sits up straight, the gummy worm in his mouth dropping to his bed spread. “What the do you mean?”

 

My heart cracks in my chest, somehow even though I had no evidence other than their words I knew it was true. He had been distancing himself lately. It was only a matter of time I guess.

 

Byungchan lowers his head. “Well, he’s Sejun’s roommate you know, and I guess he wasn’t expecting Sejun home so early. And well we walked in and yeah…”

 

“He’s cheating with Hyojin!” Sejun blurts out again.

 

My eyes widen and my mouth opens to speak but Hanse beats me to it. “He did what with who?”

 

My phone starts buzzing on the bedside table, speak of the devil.

Seungwoo.

 

I take a deep breath before declining the call.

 

I did not want to deal with this right now.

-

From: Seungwoo

To: Yoohyeon

I’m so sorry, it didn’t mean anything I promise you. I was drunk! Please forgive me.

 

“Ah, so he’s claiming he was drunk.” Seungsik scoffs sitting my phone back down. Subin sat beside him his arms crossed over his chest, he was probably even more angry than me.

 

I shrug, I was already over this. I just wanted to be by myself. I didn’t want to see Seungwoo, I didn’t want to see Seungsik, I didn’t want to see Subin.

 

My eyes catch on the door to the café opening behind Seungsik and my heart swirls in my chest momentarily before dipping down low into the depths of my stomach. Chan walks into the café with his newly dyed grayish-blonde-hair and I suddenly wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

 

And Heo Chan was someone I especially didn’t want to see right now.

 

Why did they invite him? This is humiliating enough as is.

 

“Hey!” Chan smiles upon sitting down beside me but then as he reads the atmosphere his smile drops. “Is everything okay?”

 

“Seungwoo cheated on Yoohyeon with Hyojin.” Subin retorts before I can stop him.

 

Chan glances my way, one of his eyebrows raised, but I turn away, this was absolutely mortifying. I clear my throat, “I’m going to go talk to Seungwoo.”

 

Seungsik huffs. “You aren’t going to forgive him, are you?”

 

I felt a hand rest on mine to keep me from leaving, it irked me inside that I knew exactly that it was Chan’s hand. I rip my hand from his and stomp out.

 

God that’s so embarrassing.

-

“No, Seungwoo. I’m not forgiving you. I just want to know why you did it?” I push him away from me.

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