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“You’re up?” Rubbing her eyes Namjoo staggered out of the bedroom. Surprised she’d found an empty bedside that morning. Sehun was frying eggs in the kitchen. The smell of grease had woken her. Now it was the sound of popping oil that really got her attention.

“I decided I better do something instead of laying in bed wide awake,” Sehun said. “You slept well.”

“Yea,” she lightheartedly said, “I slept like a baby.” Covering her yawn, she turned around, “Let me wash up and I’ll help you.”

That morning was the most regular of mornings she spent with him. Peeking at him as she broke the yolk on her egg and happily laughing when their eyes crossed. In that hour Sehun seemed the happy man he used to be. Eclectic in her presence, around her, with her.

Like the beginning.

But he never kissed her.

“I’ll be back later,” she pecked his cheek at the doorway. “Is there anything you want on the way back?”

“No, I’m good. You have a lot of food here.” Sehun replied.

“Not that much,” she said. “Really nothing?”

“No. Don’t worry about me.”

“Ok then.” Twisting the knob, she pulled the door open. Gazed back once at Sehun standing tall on the other side of the doorway. Always so big and filling up the entire space. Namjoo gave a smile then closed the door and went to work.

Those days it felt like that was all she did, living her life. Enjoying the hours at work, designing, interacting with the outside. She made new friends with the new hires and they shared casual cups of coffee during break. She was learning and making mistakes at work, but everyone was kind and forgiving. Namjoo felt like she was growing in heights she couldn’t see at her forefront. But it was obvious she was going somewhere at last. Life was normal in her eyesight.

There was a boyfriend at home. She slept, ate, and woke up with him. How lucky you are. You must be so loved they . Namjoo giggled and agreed.

Those were the days.

On the way home she picked up an animated movie intending to keep Sehun’s spirits up. He was cooped up at home and she often felt guilty over returning home late. It would be nighttime by the time they went out on a nice date to the movies, the park, on a short trip somewhere.

Excitedly throwing a bag of popcorn into the microwave she filled up cups with soda and joined Sehun on her couch.

“You didn’t start it yet without me, right?” Namjoo jumped onto the cushion beside him. Pulling her knees up she hugged the bag of freshly popped popcorn as she leaned against his arm.

“I didn’t.” Sehun wagged the remote in front of her face. “Are you ready now?”

“Yea, yea. Play it.”

Midway through the movie the bag of popcorn was empty. She’d finished her entire glass of soda. Sehun’s was still halfway. Her heart settled when she heard him laugh for the first time. Having to see for herself the way the light pulled the corners of his glinting eyes. The distinct curve of his lips shying upwards.

Dropping her head on his shoulder, Namjoo glued her eyes to the TV. Paying detailed attention to the family on the screen. “Should we come up with names for our future kids?”

The slight budge of Sehun’s head brushed his face against her hair. “I don’t want children.”

Mentally stepping back Namjoo feared she’d stepped a line into his discomfort zone.

“I just want you.” Wrapping his arm around her he rested his hand atop her head affectionately, but Namjoo no longer knew what to say.

When they went to sleep that night Sehun quietly drifted off. Wide awake Namjoo traced her steps that day. She hadn’t been careful enough. Anything could still set Sehun off. He may have told her about his story, but she still did not know how he was doing besides living with her.

Could accepting him again really be enough?

She hoped it was. Nothing had been wishy-washy between them this far. Other than resting, Sehun really looked no different than before.

But Namjoo realized several days in that Sehun still had not touched her romantically.

Deciding she would try to encourage him, Namjoo stopped at the convenience store the following day. Bought a razor and shaving cream and spent half an hour shaving that night while Sehun cooked up dinner. Namjoo eyeballed him from across the table that evening. Thinking about the peculiar way he had made himself entirely at home in her home.

She could smell the detergent wafting off his shirt recently washed shirt. Something he must have done when she was away at work. Seeing Sehun in just a tee and sweats was beginning to be the usual. Like he didn’t have the income to dress any better.

Because he didn’t wonder why she’d taken so long in the shower, she asked, “You did the laundry today?” which probably meant he’d touched her clothes and lingerie too.

“I thought I should.” Sehun nonchalantly poked at his food. “The clothes were starting to pile up.”

“I’m surprised you know how to touch the machine.” It was a standard washer that was self-explanatory, but she deemed since he often wore expensive business suits, he’d just hand them off to the drycleaner and picked them up when they were ready.

“I learned at the orphanage, of course I know.”

Namjoo lowered her eyes to her plate. “You’re right. Sorry.”

“Namjoo.” She raised her head. “Don’t be sorry.” He held her eyes solemnly. “You don’t have to be.”

She couldn’t muster anything to say.

Namjoo continued to push forward like the day previous and the day before. That was all she could do. Returning from work the next evening, Namjoo immediately headed into the bathroom. She stripped out of her clothes and tugged the towel off the hook. As if prepared with the dinner menu Sehun had started digging around in her fridge the moment she walked in.

Wrapping the towel around her, Namjoo opened the door keeping an arm tucked underneath her s. Poking her head out she immediately recognized the vent humming. She heard the shuffling of Sehun’s foot movements from counter to stove.

Creeping out of the bathroom Namjoo leaned against the wall in front of the open kitchen. She waited for Sehun’s attention, but he didn’t notice her. In the end Namjoo called out, “Sehun.”

Turning he looked at her. Notice the towel, she hoped, and that she was half and hinting. He did nothing but raise he brow like she was stupid.

“What?” he asked.

“Do you want to shower with me?” Namjoo tried.

Shaking his head, he brushed her off. “You shower first. You’re probably tired.”

“Oh…ok…” defeated, Namjoo slid back into the bathroom.

That night she woke up when Sehun moved. Pretending to be asleep as he left the bedroom and didn’t return for a half hour.

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The last thing he did for Namjoo was go through her apartment. Sweeping. Vacuuming. Pulling out candy wrappings she’d left between the cushions in the couch. Picking up loose change that had somehow rolled beneath her bed and lay in dust and hair. Sehun scrubbed her bathroom. Wiped her mirrors. He took out the garbage and replaced soon to be expiring foods with fresh ones. He did her laundry.

He’d gotten her routine down. To rushing out the door late in the mornings because she wanted to stay longer with him. Hurrying home after work because there was he she needed to come back to. And he noticed the days were getting longer for her at work. Namjoo becoming a careerwoman and successful.

Drifting into her home and onto her lap had been one of the most surreal experiences he’d ever tasted. Without second thoughts Namjoo had opened her arms up for him again.

And he would always love her because Namjoo was pure hearted like that.

When she walked up to him at the stove that morning, he noticed her searching his face with her questionable eyes. “What?”

“I heard you wake up last night.” Namjoo started.

“Did I wake you?” Sehun asked.

“What did you do?” Namjoo countered.

Sehun’s eyes burned into the pot of boiling soup. “Nothing. I was just thinking.”

“Sehun.” Worry laced her tone. She touched his arm.

“I’m returning to work today.” Sehun faced her. “And I’ll be going home.”

“What do you mean?” Namjoo asked. “I thought you were staying here.”

“I should get back into routine.” Sehun said. “It would be healthier that way.” Namjoo’s eyes remained locked on him.

It was obvious she was concerned for him. For relying on her and making her home into his safe haven Sehun was sorry. He didn’t want to be her baggage.

Gently pressing his hand against her face, he promised, “I’ll be ok.”

“I think I’ll miss you.” Namjoo said.

“I’ll miss you, too.” He really, really would.

After a slow meal they walked out together. Namjoo dropped him off at his house where they finally departed, but not before she leaned over to give him a kiss.

“You’ll call me if you need anything?” Namjoo asked.

“I will.” He promised. “Drive safe.”

And like that, he returned back into his shoes. Back to the big empty house. All the space that could house a party of people, all his. Sehun quietly climbed the stairs to the second floor. Shuffled through his closet where his clothes had turned musty but were still crisp and neat. Deciding on a shirt and pants he ironed the pair before slipping back into uniform. Then he was on his way to work.

Back to life.

The morning transitioned smoothly with a few curious stares. Sehun took phone calls, answered emails, and called a meeting to catch up with lost business. He received a healthy and heavy load of paperwork. His office had become dusty the time he’d been gone. He’d need to hire a cleaner and change out the remaining clothes on the sixth-floor suite.

At lunchtime, to his surprise, Namjoo stopped by with lunch. Spreading takeout across the table in his office. Filling the entire office up with the scent of fried delicacies and tossed noodles.

“You didn’t need to come.” Sehun stared down at the servings.

“You’re probably busy, but you still need to eat, and I thought we could have lunch together.” Namjoo gripped her hands in front of her. A sound on his computer signaled an incoming message. Namjoo turned toward his desk.

“Sit down first.” He offered. Returning to his desk he pulled up the message then shifted toward the ringing phone. He couldn’t spare Namjoo a glance before picking up. The call lasted quite a while that by the time he hung up the food had gone cold.

“Busy, huh?” Namjoo tried to remain cheery.

“Sorry about that.” He apologized. “There are things I have to catch up on.”

Holding up a plastic fork, Namjoo said, “Lets eat first. Just a few bites then I have to go.” Sitting with her he took the utensil from her. “How about we go on a date this weekend?”

“I’ll have to look at my schedule.” He said.

“Just an hour,” Namjoo bargained. Adding a smile to her plead. “It won’t be long.”

“Ok.” He gave in.

Dropping some meat into his pile, she rearranged the boxes of food. “These are the tastiest. Eat these first.”

Sehun smiled. Namjoo was trying. The effort flowed off her like high energy waves. He felt every bit of it every day.

That because of his weakness she was pinned into a gray area. He never meant to make her guilty. He never wanted her to feel responsible for how he turned out. Every one of his decisions he was accountable for.

Did Namjoo know she did not owe him anything?

He would always be sorry for weighing this part of her life down. That he had taken a chunk of her good times from her.

Sehun let Namjoo take him out that weekend. To the park they went. Away from the eerie trail he’d first received the phone call from actor dad.

“Come on,” Namjoo dragged him by the hand. “Don’t space out on me, ok?”

The heavy soles of his shoes thudded against cement as they wound around the trees. “It’s hot.”

“It’s because you’re wearing that.” Namjoo rolled her eyes at his suit and pants. “The boat race is going to start soon.”

Sehun scoffed, but he stayed the afternoon with her. He let Namjoo do as she liked. Chasing down an ice cream vendor for cold snacks. Giggling when she wanted to trade her half-eaten ice pop with his uneaten one.

He would miss the light in her eyes. The way the sun shone on her. Streaking beautiful rays across her shiny brown hair making her big round eyes gleam, like she always had the entire world in her sight.

He would miss Namjoo’s clammy hands. Her palms meeting his as her fingers twined through his. The touch of her that lit the fire to life in him.

He would miss the laughter that always rang throughout his world. Reminding him why he slept in comfort through the night.

He would always be sorry for trying to touch the happiness that bubbled around her.

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Perfect. Namjoo smoothed out her blouse and tilted her head to doublecheck herself in the mirror. Satisfied she pulled out lipstick from her purse and touched up her lips before exiting the restroom smacking .

A way down her left a line was forming at the coffee vendor. Namjoo grinned. Reminiscing times when Sehun had a cup waiting for her. Not bothering to look up at the sixth floor as she crossed the lobby to the elevators in case Sehun was peering into the lobby for her. Ignoring the stares, she hummed watching number 6 show up in letterbox. Another floor and she’d be back to her office where flowers would be waiting for her.

But it wasn’t the seventh floor she was heading to. Namjoo was dropping in on Sehun. To surprise him. Approaching the dome doors Namjoo cleared then pulled the door open. Sehun was on the phone, but his eyes sprang up the second she appeared. Quickly darting his eyes back to the computer screen his voice became a low murmur. Hesitantly entering Namjoo clasped her fingers at her back.

She lingered by the doorway for several minutes. Eyeing the office. Smelling the chemical scent left behind after deep cleaning. There was a shine to the table she hadn’t noticed before last week.

The phone clicked after Sehun hung up. The wheels of his chair rolled backward as he stood. “Hey.”

“Sorry,” Namjoo apologized. “I should have knocked.”

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Sehun was still by his desk.

“I wanted to surprise you.” Namjoo chirped. “I thought we could go out for lunch, but you look busy.”

“Actually, I’m glad you came.” She watched him pull something out from a side drawer, but from her angle she couldn’t make out what it was. Namjoo stayed by the doors anticipating his surprise.

“What is it?” Namjoo lifted her head to look up at him expectantly when he finally neared. Her eyes swept the item hidden at his back.

“Here.” Sehun held it out to her. “You should have it.”

Question marks popped above her head when she saw the picture in his hand. A slip of glossy paper. A 4x6 photo of her in a dress she recognized. Memories of the first business conference Sehun had invited her to scattered through her head.

“I went to sleep looking at you. I woke up to you being the first person I saw.” Sehun said, his voice a tad low and quiet like a buzz. “It was my comfort in my lonely times. I think you should have it now.”

Slowly reaching for it Namjoo stared at the candid shot of her she never knew he had. Something unfamiliar and also very familiar tremored deep inside her.

“Don’t come here anymore.” Sehun said.

Namjoo immediately looked up at him. A gentleness pierced his eyes firmly.

“I didn’t do it for your attention. I’m sorry if you felt that way. I have a lot of problems I can’t lay out in words, so for being difficult and hard to understand, I’m sorry, too.” Sehun apologized. “When I first met you, I didn’t know how to approach you, but I never wanted to lose the opportunity, so I was selfish. You can wipe out the memories if you like.”

“You don’t have to say sorry.” Namjoo was surprised her voice still came out solid.

A weary smile lined Sehun’s face. “But I am.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Namjoo apologized holding his eyes. “I thought you were broken and maybe I could fix you, but Sehun, you’re not broken. You’re just sad.”

Keeping the smile, he shook his head. “I know.”

“Did I give you a hard time?” Namjoo asked.

“You gave me a place to stay,” Sehun reminded.

“Ok.” Namjoo nodded. “So, like that, huh? We’re not going to fight this time?”

He seemed so held together like he had made his mind from the very beginning. “Bye, Namjoo.”

She knew when he stopped kissing her.

She knew when he rejected her advances.

Maybe she knew when he stopped talking to her in the hospital.

Perhaps when she sensed her house had been cleaned, as if Sehun didn’t want to leave even a trace of him behind.

Closing the door to his office, Namjoo calmly proceeded to the elevator. In the lobby Jang Moyeon caught her. Pulling her over for a five-minute conversation where Namjoo strained to keep a poker face.

Finally locking herself into her car, Namjoo gripped the photo she’d been carrying. The corner unruly wrinkled from struggling to control her flood of emotions. But now that she was alone, she could no longer control the sobs rolling through her.

***wow! You have no idea how hard it was to tap into those broken emotions now that apink finally made their comeback and all I want to do is scream because I'm so excited.

***anyway, he let her go because it became too overwhelming. Can't have a relationship if you're not all 100% there ;; but Namjoo tried, she did ;; they were mature about it this time