Chapter 13

 

Finally done with their museum tour, Mark and Herin leave the museum with a mix of content and curiosity.

 

Herin could not stop thinking about how desperate and worried he looked, it was as if he’d do anything to protect her.

 

Trying to brush off her train of thoughts, she brainstormed ideas for dinner.

 

“Are you hungry yet? What should we get for dinner?” she asked.

 

“I’m okay, I could eat. What do you feel like eating?” he makes direct eye contact as he responds.

 

The sky is getting darker as the sun has set.

 

“Okay maybe something lighter then? How about we take out some pizza and picnic at Champs de Mars so we could enjoy Eiffel Tower at night?”

 

“Sounds amazing” Mark respects how she always knows what to do with no hesitation, it spares him the frustration when he asks people what they want and they always respond with “I don’t know”. He proceeds to look up some restaurants they take out some pizza along the way.

 

Champs de Mars

8 PM

 

The original 45-minute walk flew by so easily and they stopped by several places to shop for dinner that they didn’t even realize they reached their destination.

 

With pizza on his left hand and wine on the right, Mark sets their dinner on the dry grass. They decided to also get wine to accompany them as they enjoy the magnificent sight of night Eiffel. Thankfully the weather had been accommodating throughout their stay in Paris, so they could enjoy both indoor and outdoor activities without any restrictions.

 

Herin also sets her shopping bags on the grass, ready to settle herself for dinner.

 

They didn’t have any picnic blanket or anything, but Herin couldn’t care less. The pair started unpacking their dinner. Mark takes out plastic wine glasses when they stopped by the nearest wine shop.

 

“Wait, you’re of age, right?” He teases.

 

“You’re asking me now?” she fires back.

 

He laughs at her responses, Herin always has great comebacks whenever anyone teases her.

 

After sanitizing her hand, Herin takes a piece of Neapolitan Pizza they got, and Mark follows.

 

He then poured wine into their plastic glasses and hands one to her.

 

“What do we toast to?” she asks.

 

“Cheers to us being here together” he proposes.

 

Herin stares at him funny, as if looking for the meaning of his words.

 

“Cheers to the most adventurous and impromptu trip”

 

They clink their glasses lightly, “cheers”

 

“Come to think of it, this is not the first time we went on a trip together” Mark reminisces.

 

“Oh you’re right, we did go on that trip with hyuck, jisung, jeno, jaemin, and the girls”

 

“I remember Hyuck set you up for being the villain, and we all voted against you eventhough you begged for your life”

 

Herin throws her head back and laughs heartily. Her memory takes her back to their younger self, all with black, unbleached hair and innocent fashion.

 

“You were adorable back then” she added, thinking about Mark’s rather spiky black hair.

 

“Me? You mean you! You were just a baby. I’m still cute now, aren’t I?” he pokes her arm.

 

“whatever floats your boat” Herin fake sighs.

 

Mark finds it adorable that she did not want to comment on his current looks, even when they first met back in London. All she said was he look good, not handsome, not cute, nothing specific.

 

Herin studies the Eiffel tower, which is now fully lit with beautiful lights. It is a thousand times more beautiful up close compared to the view they saw from their Airbnb window.

 

Without her noticing, she started humming Tangled OST “I See the Light”.

 

Mark just sits there, savoring the rare opportunity to hear her singing. He had not heard her sing in almost 4 years.

“All those days, chasing down a daydream” he hummed Zachary Levi’s part.

 

His voice hits her that she had been singing out loud and he’s singing along with her now, without even planning on it.

 

“All those years, dadadada” he fills in whatever on parts he doesn’t remember the lyrics.

 

Herin lets out a series of giggles, her gaze still fixed on the sight before them.

 

He doesn’t give up although he misses parts of the lyrics, “now she’s here, shining in the starlight. Now she’s here, suddenly I know”

 

“If she’s here, it’s crystal clear. I’m where I’m meant to go” Mark steals glances at her.

 

“And at last, I see the light” Herin harmonizes at the chorus.

 

“And it’s warm and real and bright and the world has somehow shifted” deep inside they are intrigued by how the lyrics perfectly put their deepest feelings flow in words.

 

“Now that I see you” they ended their mini-impromptu karaoke session in harmony as they faced each other with the most genuine smiles on their faces.

 

No words were needed to be said at that moment, they just understood each other by heart.

They were not laughing at each other, it was just a pure moment of happiness blooming in their hearts, as they shared a moment doing what they both love the most in this world—performing. Realizing that they could bring out this side of the other person is the most rewarding feeling they could have felt.

 

Herin was taken aback by how stable Mark sings effortlessly, yet so comforting. She knew that he always loved to sing, eventhough his singing abilities are hardly ever showcased as a member of NCT because he mostly raps.

 

Mark looks at her hesitantly, which Herin noticed from the corner of her left eye.

 

“Do you have something to say?” she finally asks lightly.

 

“nothing” he replies hurriedly.

 

She knows what he wanted to say but couldn’t. She knows him well enough to know he would never ask anything that would make her uncomfortable or offend her in any way.

“How come you never asked me why I left?” she finally has the courage to confront the unsaid.

 

“Herin, I would not do anything that would make you uncomfortable” Mark whispered.

 

“So you waited” she completes the puzzle.

 

He nodded, avoiding her eyes.

 

She inhales a deep breath just sits there for some moment. While he just waited in comfortable silence, no pressure.

 

“I—left because I could not agree with the managing director. I knew what I was getting myself into when I first started training, but I didn’t know there will be a gazillion of aspects they expect from me.”

 

“They were so controlling of our appearances and the girls were constantly being monitored. I felt like I had zero control of my life, like I had no sense of self anymore. I was terrified because I felt like the last thing that belonged to me, which was how I carry myself, was even controlled by them.”

 

Mark listens attentively.

 

“So one day, I thought I would lose myself forever if this kept going. I thought the industry itself was toxic and not for me. I quit, left the company that day, and left the industry all together. Or I thought I could, I convince myself a thousand times everyday”

 

She paused.

 

“I’m sorry”

 

Mark turns to look at her in shock.

 

“I’m sorry for leaving and not saying anything. You must’ve been so confused” she continues.

 

Mark opens his mouth, but he does not know what to say. It’s true that he was confused, he felt betrayed at first. She was his comrade, his partner in crime, someone who could understand him by heart. He kept wondering why she couldn’t say anything at all to him, and left without saying a word. He wondered if he would feel any better if only she said something before she left.

 

He finally opens his mouth again, “I was. I was mad at you, and wondered why you couldn’t have said anything. I felt betrayed”

Herin hung her head low.

 

“Most importantly, I was mad at myself. I was mad for not realizing that you were struggling on your own, with the things that weren’t easy to say, and no one to turn to.

I was your person, but I failed to notice that.”

 

Herin looks at him, teary-eyed. She shakes her head, refusing what he just said.

 

He continues, “But I realized that I trusted you. I always have, and I still do. I knew you must have had your own reason. It is not right for me to expect you to say anything or blame you for anything.”

 

“I’ll always be here for you, Herin. I was your person, and I hope you’d still allow me. So, don’t feel like you betrayed me, because you didn’t.” he finished with a reassuring smile, eyes moist.

 

Herin doesn’t know what to say or how to explain her own feelings. Mark was glad she finally felt comfortable enough to share her inner thoughts with him, four years of waiting felt like nothing. It was a mixture of relief and happiness, as if the burden that’s always been on the back of her mind has been carried with the cold night air.

 

“I don’t know what to say”

 

“You don’t have to”

 

He raises his right hand and his forefinger brushed against her cold cheek, erasing the tear drop from her left eye.

 

“Why are you crying silly, you’re making me cry” he let out funny laugh as his own tears escaped his eyes.

 

Herin looks at him and laughs along, erasing his tears away from his cheeks.

 

They both laugh at each other’s crying face because they can’t stop. Finally, they let out a big sigh of relief and throw themselves to lie on the grass, facing the starry night sky.

 

“Mark?” she calls.

 

“Yes, Herin?” he purposely answered with her name.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Thank you.” He replies back.

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