Jiu sat next to Sua’s bed side as she was put under watch by the hospital. Turns out that they put Sua under watch as she wasn’t taking care of her body. Jiu learned Sua’s name, but nothing happened. She thought if she knew her name something magical would help her understand why Sua would risk everything just to keep her safe.

“Nothing about this makes sense,” Jiu grumbled as she didn’t want to go back to her apartment. Yoohyeon broke up with her for being too invested with the bartender, however, Jiu couldn’t help it. There was this pull towards Sua that needed answers. Her heart longed to just be close to her somehow, but then again, she did love to help those who seemed lost. Maybe she just wanted to help the girl not seem so lost anymore.

“Of course, it wouldn’t. You chose a stranger over your girlfriend.” Sua’s voice interrupted Jiu’s thoughts. Jiu gave her a shy smile as she scratched the back of her head.

“It’s not my fault though,” Jiu sulked as she received a raised eyebrow from Sua. She let out a laugh to try and ease Sua’s fury.

“Sure, it isn’t,” Sua sarcastically replied while rolling her eyes. “I told you I wasn’t good for you, yet you keep coming back. Now you are left heartbroken and stuck with me apparently.” Sua pointed out as she just wanted Jiu to see that she was no good for her without telling her the truth.

“I’m not heartbroken,” Jiu didn’t hesitate to say only to be confused by her statement. Silence quickly filled the room as Sua made no attempts to respond. “I mean… it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would be,” Jiu flusteredly added as she tried to justify her words. “Like you know when you thought you’d love someone so much that it hurts to be without them only to feel nothing when it actually happens.” Jiu explained hoping that Sua would pick up but when she looked at her, she froze in her spot. There was Sua looking at her with sad eyes and a smile that accompanied it. All the words that she was blabbing out died as she felt like she just stepped onto a landmine.

“That’s one way to put it,” Sua finally responded knowing that she herself hadn’t been in that situation. Everyday was filled with pain no matter how happy the memory was to her. It just made the guilt worse as well as solidify her decision to cut herself out of Jiu’s life in this new life.

“I’m sorry,” Jiu apologized as she felt like she had done something wrong towards Sua.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Sua simply waved it off as Jiu didn’t know what she was going through except maybe heartbreak.

“But I do… have something to apologize for,” Jiu quietly said as it reached Sua’s ears making her confused at her words. “I know what you are going through… I… read the letters,” Jiu confessed as she looked down to play with her fingers while nervousness crept up her body.

“You… read them?” Sua repeated as shock enveloped her body and she was frozen. She couldn’t think or move knowing that Jiu knew what she had been harboring for more than 3 years. Jiu couldn’t form the words in so all she could do was nod her head. Sua clenched her teeth as she sighed knowing that her secret is almost up. There were so many letters that she couldn’t remember what she wrote and what she left out. She had so much to write about, but she knew for sure that most of it was her pain of not seeing her plus the guilt she carried. “Ask away” Sua stated as she knew that Jiu was always a curious one. Jiu looked up in shock to see that Sua was serious about her response.

“How do you know me?” Jiu asked as she found it surreal how Sua knew her so much, but she was sure that they never met. “You said that I died, and you never apologized. I’m still here though. I’m sure that this isn’t the afterlife.” Jiu pondered as she was excited to finally get her questions answered as well as be relieved that Sua wasn’t angry at invading her privacy. She was ready to defend on why she read them and all. “Do you mean that you still love me? That it’s going to be forever and always? Do you really believe that your life is toxic for me? Do you think that being hurt yourself is going to make me happy?” Jiu started listing off her questions as she just wanted answers.

“Whoa calm down. I only got the first few, so I’ll answer them.” Sua pushed her hair back as it changed colors in the light again making Jiu mesmerized at how she can look so pretty even though they were in the hospital. “Hmm where should I start?” Sua pondered as Jiu watched her think and stare off into space like a child who was in their own world. “Ah,” Sua monotonously said, getting Jiu’s attention to listen instead of watch. “You are probably going to have to brace yourself for this. I might need some time to properly shift through my thoughts. I never planned for this conversation so it’s going to be a lot of information. Some might be relevant, and others will just never stick no matter what I might tell you.” Sua explained as she couldn’t put it to proper words. Jiu nodded as she tried to prepare herself for her explanation.

“You’ll make it easier on me no matter what, Sua? I believe in you,” Jiu smiled at her making Sua blush.

“Still a flirt as always, Miss Kim,” Sua tried to compose herself as she always loses her cool when it comes to Jiu no matter which life, they were in.

“I’m not Miss Kim, Sua, you know my name,” Jiu playfully reminded as she wanted Sua to call her name like she has been ever since she learned her name. “Unless you are scared of falling for me,” Jiu teased, which got a glare at Sua.

“Another time, Miss Kim, another time. So, I have a good idea where to begin.” Sua changed the topic as she really didn’t want to have the discussion about her name. “In my mind I have 2 set of memories. One is from right now and another somewhere else. Those that are not from here feel like a dream, but they are so vivid that I can’t seem to shake the emotion that comes with them. In those memories I recall loving someone so much that I couldn’t part with her because if I did, I feel like I could die. No matter what I had done to her, she would always come back to me with that pure smile and loving eyes reserved for me.” Sua started as she could remember all the times, she teased Jiu so much that they wouldn’t talk for days until Jiu usually caves in from missing her too much. Sua would sometimes apologize but only for things that she knew that she had done wrong.

“What does loving the person have to do with me?” Jiu asked as she didn’t understand what Sua was telling her.

“She’s you.” Sua stated as it was obvious to anyone. “Her name was also Kim Jiu. She looked exactly like you and your personalities match.” Jiu felt uncomfortable but it shouldn’t have shocked her since in the letters it did say that Sua didn’t want to replace her love. “But all good things must come to an end.” Sua continued without waiting for Jiu to respond. “We had a dumb fight about macaroons. I told her that vanilla wasn’t the best flavor just so I can watch her passionately talk about something. That fight was our last one as she didn’t like how I kept teasing her on her love for snacks. She didn’t talk to me after that and I knew I was in the wrong. So, days later I swallowed my pride and finally called her to apologize.” Sua stopped as she wasn’t looking at Jiu anymore. Jiu became more confused as to why Sua didn’t continue her explanation.

Sua opened to continue but tears came instead. Jiu became alarmed at her reaction that she stood up in her chair and grabbed Sua’s hands. She didn’t know what she should do to make Sua feel better but what could she do. She didn’t know her well enough to comfort her. Jiu felt Sua grip her hand tightly.

“I never apologized to her. That phone call was me setting a meeting to apologize. It’s better to say it in person than on the phone. There will be no meaning if I can’t look her in the eyes and say I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be genuine if I had done it over the phone. I called her after her work hours, and I was waiting at our usual place which was a cafe. It wasn’t even a minute that I ended the call until she was calling me back.” Sua finally confessed but her voice was shaky as if she was reliving the moment. “She sounded so breathless in the beginning I thought she was running towards the cafe. She called out my name a few times until she told me that she loved me. She told me that she felt so cold as if she was in freezing water. Her breaths by then were so shallow it was like she was breathing through a straw. I ran out of the cafe hoping that I could at least be the first one to find her body and maybe just maybe find her alive. That it would just be a prank but when I got there, they were loading her into the ambulance. The police told me that she was already dead upon arrival. That it was a robbery gone wrong she was just a mere casualty and as far as I know this isn’t the afterlife since I shouldn’t have met you.” Sua stopped once more but made no attempts in trying to continue. She looked down at Jiu’s hands and traced her finger along her veins.

Jiu stood frozen in her spot as she let Sua continue her actions with her hand. She didn’t have the memory of that happening and nothing just hit her in realization. She thought that Sua would lie when answering her questions, but something told her to believe her.