I remember the day that I called you mine. You were being hit on by some random guy you met at the party. Where was I? Getting your present ready for your birthday with my best friend Siyeon. So, when I met up with you, I just had possessiveness, jealousy and envy coursing through my veins that I didn’t notice I was marching towards you. That was until I put my hand on your waist and called out Babe to you. You heard my voice so clearly even though there was blaring music that could disable our earbuds and hundreds of people trying to talk over it. It was so magical that you could hear me that I lost a little portion on why I was mad until the sleaze interrupted the moment by grabbing my hand that was holding your waist and replacing it with his. The nerve of that guy but I got my revenge by holding your cheek to face me while I growl out Mine to him and gave you a kiss. You didn’t return the kiss which I already expected but that’s another story for maybe another time.

I remember the time when we argued about macaroons. You insisted that vanilla was the best flavor and how each bite had to be so small to savor the taste. You didn’t know but I started that argument to watch you, admire you, and memorize you as passion was imbedded in your voice and eyes. Oh, how I didn’t want you to lose that, so I just had to shake my head and pretend to be stubborn on macaron flavors. I watch your brows furrow as you didn’t understand my opinion or explanation but one laugh from me and you get embarrassed as you fell for my joke once again. You would sulk for hours if not days because it wasn’t funny to her. I would apologize later but not immediately because you knew that I didn’t like apologizing too early.

I wished that I didn’t have to remember your passing. It tore my heart out because it was the only time when I wished I had apologized to you sooner. You wouldn’t have been so eager to see me when I said I have something special to show you. You knew those words were my little quirk in apologizing to you. I was ready to admit my wrongs and be next to you again. You left work on time but was rushing to see me, but a robber was running towards you. You didn’t see him because your mind was all focused on me. You didn’t hear the robber as he yelled for you to get out of the way. You didn’t move as he had a knife that embedded itself into your body. You couldn’t feel anything at first at least... That’s what the doctor said. They were impressed that you called me to say your final I love you and goodbye. I… didn’t want to remember any of it even if you parted without any regrets.

Sua wrote her entry full of her woes on a piece of paper and had Jiu’s name on it. She wanted to send it out but, how could she? Jiu was gone and only her memory remained plus the heartache that came with it. Though that wasn’t the only thing that hurt. Sua remembered that everything she had just written down was her past life. She had her memories of them, and all came with the feelings for one Kim Jiu.

Sua sighed as she picked up the letter and threw it away knowing that it wasn't meant for anyone’s eyes but hers. She gazed at the time hoping that she wasn’t late the clock stated 9:37 p.m. She knew that she was going to be a little bit early to her destination, but it’ll work in her favor in not being noticed by the drunkards that like to start early.

She began coordinating her outfit for her night out hoping that it wasn’t too revealing nor drawing too much attention. A habit she had grown accustomed to as a jealous Jiu was not a good Jiu. She didn’t mind having the habit as she promised herself to not love another in the next life. She intends to keep her promise till her very last breath unless this life’s Jiu loves her back then everything will go be like it used to be.

Sua looked at herself in the mirror and nodded at her choice which was her rarely used tight white dress shirt and a black vest that complimented the look. She pulled her hair in a high ponytail and set off to her destination.

She looked up at the venue that she has been to way too many times but didn’t hate it at all. She walked in through the back and placed her items into her locker. She proceeded to go out to the bar ready for the incoming customers that wanted to have a good time. They all had different versions on what a good time meant. To Sua a good time was when all time didn’t matter to you as you don’t look at the time waiting and hoping that the meeting will be done. It was all in the moment like each second was their last moment together.

Sua shook her head and began her shift knowing that Jiu will walk in those doors once again. Her heart leaped knowing that fact and as it hoped to be reunited with the one it beats for to be alive again. Countless orders and changes of music later and Sua didn’t notice that her love came in. She was busily making drinks as they were being called from all over the place. Her co-worker took in the money from them until it died down. Sua looked around thanking the rush hour.

“Excuse me?” Sua heard a familiar voice and she froze; however, it was her job to attend to the customers, so the shock was short-lived.

“Hello,” Sua turned to the Jiu who called her out. “What can I get you, miss?” Sua smiled as her eyes engulfed the appearance of her former love and wasn’t disappointed at all except for one fact. There was a girl hanging off Jiu and by the looks of it the gesture showed possession. Sua’s smile twitched knowing that she can never call Jiu’s hers in this life.

“Can I get two shots of tequila?” Jiu asked while her girlfriend clung to her side. Sua shoved her emotions down and nodded as she pulled out two shot glasses. She began to fill the glasses with tequila and leaned over the counter to reply into Jiu’s ear.

“That’ll be $9,” She said hoping that her girlfriend doesn’t think that she was flirting with Jiu. Jiu gave her $10 bill and Sua avoided having any contact with Jiu’s hand when grasping onto the bill. She went to the cash register, placed the bill in and grabbed a loonie. She walked back to Jiu and gave her the loonie but when she did, she felt a warm hand touch her fingertips. She jumped at the warm contact and looked up at the person which was Jiu. She noticed her smile and saw say.

“Keep it,” She watched Jiu and her girlfriend finish their shots and began merging into the crowd. Sua looked at the loonie that Jiu told her to keep and regretfully placed it into the tips jar as she didn’t want to be fired from her job for being greedy. Her heart hurt as it had its small happiness only to long for Jiu again.

…

“Hey Sua,” a co-worker by the name of Dami called out. Sua looked up as she was wiping the table. “There's still someone here,” Dami gestured to the passed-out customer at one of the booths.

“What am I supposed to do?” Sua inquired as she furrowed her eyebrows not understanding what she should be doing.

“Wake her up,” Dami said as she rolled her eyes. Sua only shook her head and just continued cleaning then responded.

“Why? You afraid she might become another follower of yours?” She teased while Dami snorted before walking away. Giving Sua a response on how she felt about that. “I have to take care of it the,” Sua grumbled to no one as she continued cleaning all the garbage and cups off the floor. Once it was all cleaned, Sua found herself looking at the unconscious customer and sighed. She started walking up to the booth and her body froze as soon as she got a real good glimpse of who it was. Jiu was in the booth sleeping like no tomorrow while Sua didn’t know what to do. Should I wake her up? Should I check if she has her ID so I can send her home in a taxi? Should I be the one to send her home? Sua pondered too much as was already by Jiu’s side ready to hold her.

…

Sua had Jiu’s hanging on her side and it wasn’t even a good thing. Jiu had no balance and Sua was using all her strength to hold her up without dropping. She fumbled with her keys to her own apartment because somehow Jiu doesn’t have her ID with her, and she wasn’t willing to drop Jiu off at some random place to sleep the alcohol off. So, she opted with having Jiu crashing at her house. It’s possibly the sanest answer she had at 3 in the morning.

Sua dragged Jiu’s body to her room and laid her into bed. If this Jiu is anything like my Jiu, then she will be needing water and aspirin. A whole lot of water by the nightstand will help. Sua thought to herself as she draped her blanket on Jiu’s body. She proceeded to grab 4 glasses of water hoping that it wasn’t too much. Sua felt a headache coming up as she knew it was time for her to sleep. She massaged her temples to ease the pain and left her room to sleep on the couch. She closed her eyes and as usual the past life comes back to her.

Sua rested her head and arms on the table feeling sleepy. She didn’t want to fall asleep but the weather and the way she was laying felt comfortable. Her eyes slowly close until she felt a hand on her head.

“What are you doing?” Sua grumbled as she didn’t want to be woken up. She heard a light giggle, but the hand didn’t move from her head. “I’m sleepy,” Sua huffed as she was ready to fall asleep again even with the light distraction.

“If you fall asleep, you’ll catch a cold, Sua,” Sua only hummed as she wasn’t becoming aware of her surroundings.

“You’ll protect me,” Sua lazily responded. “You always do, Jiu,”

Sua woke up when the sun intruded into the room. She cursed how she didn’t set up some dark to absorb the blinding sunlight. She shot up from her couch not familiar with the ceiling until she remembered what she did to get there. She groaned as her hand navigated around her to find her phone. When she located the phone, she checked the time which said 7:26 a.m. She got off the couch and felt some of her limbs pop as she walked into her kitchen. She opened her fridge and pulled out a bottle of yogurt milk.

“What did I get myself into?” Sua whispered to herself as she looked at the closed door that led to her bedroom. She opened the milk and drank that small bottle to start her day. “Should I just wait until she wakes to send her home? What time will that be” Sua pondered as she walked back to her couch. She kept wondering that her desire to sleep went away and her mind was focused on the numerous situations she could have handled her situation.

Jiu’s side...

Jiu woke up in a comfortable bed and darkness with a major headache. was parched, and her tongue needed water. She stretched her arm and felt some glasses making her sit up and drink them. She frowned knowing that she couldn’t remember ever getting into bed. Her heart jumped because her room wasn’t ever like this much like it was the opposite. The bed she was in was soft and had a smell of mint with small stenches of alcohol. She looked around the room but couldn’t see anything until she fell off the bed. She feared what was happening as she heard footsteps coming from outside.

“What happened?” She heard a low voice. The light outside shined in her eyes making it blind. “Are you okay?” She felt hands on her and immediately swatted them away.

“Don’t touch me!” Jiu didn’t know what was going on and she couldn’t calm herself down.

“Okay,” She heard the person. “Okay, whatever you want.” Jiu looked at the person who took some steps back and just exited the door leaving her all alone. Jiu waited to have her heart calm down before exiting the room. The person had her back towards her in the kitchen and she heard deep breaths in and a long breath out. “I didn’t do anything,” Jiu heard the stranger but her back was still facing her. “If you want to leave then leave. I’m not stopping you.” She let out another breath but still didn’t look at Jiu.

“W-why am I here?” Jiu mustered out as her heart was racing and ramming in her chest. She didn’t know why she was asking but something told her that she shouldn’t jump to conclusions with this woman.

“You passed out at the venue and you didn’t have your ID. I didn’t want to leave you all alone there, so I took you home. Nothing happened between us so… you can just leave this place and don’t look back.” The woman answered as she waved her off still not turning around to face Jiu.

“So… basically you kidnapped me,” Jiu said slowly as she wanted to get her facts straight.

“No!” The woman turned around and Jiu saw tears forming in her eyes. “That is the last thing I ever want to do to you,” Jiu watched as the woman heaved another breath as a tear fell. The woman raked her hand through her hair and refused to look Jiu in the eyes. Watching her hair flow turning brown to red in the light before it went back to brown fascinated her, but she couldn’t be having those thoughts. “You should just get your stuff and leave. It’s for the best we don’t ever talk about this,” The woman wiped her tears before giving Jiu her back again. Jiu only nodded and left the apartment not understanding what had just happened.

Jiu returned to her apartment and found her girlfriend passed out on her bed. She smiled at how snuggled up she was with the pillow clutched into her arms. Jiu climbed into her bed and placed a hand on her girlfriend’s waist though she minds reeked back to the teary-eyed stranger whose bed she found waking up in. She frowned how everything played out between them and she also noticed how her body only had a headache and her calves were sore from dancing too much. She didn’t have to put on any clothes, nor did anything feel wrong with herself minus all the side effects of drinking too much. Jiu only shoved that thought to the back of her mind as she just wanted to cuddle with her girlfriend.

Sua’s side...

Sua exhaled a breath as she thanked the heavens for having a slow-paced day. She didn’t have the mindset to be making rush orders especially after having an emotional breakdown of what had transpired between her and Jiu. She hated how she was basically accused of kidnapping Jiu which she couldn’t defend herself as it may have been right. She also told herself to stay clear of Jiu as she already attained happiness. Sua knew that if she were to involve herself further into Jiu’s life it’ll be misfortune all over again.

“Hello,” Sua froze on the spot as she heard the familiar voice calling out. She hoped that it wasn’t addressed to her since it usually happens at the venue. No one wants to talk to the bartender unless they want drinks. “You know it’s rude to ignore customers,” Dammit. Sua cursed and looked at Jiu hoping that they wouldn’t see each other again. She cracked her usual fake smile towards her and responded.

“Hi, what can I get you?” Jiu only looked at her with a serious expression that Sua knew she wanted answers.

“An explanation,” She replied to her question and Sua tried to play it off.

“Sorry, miss, but we don’t have a serving called explanation. You want anything else?” Sua tried to keep her cool but her heart just leaped into excitement.

“You know what I want,” A line that Sua knew too well as her mind took her back to the memories of being with her. A line that Jiu would whisper into her ear if they were in a crowded place. How her voice dripped with suggestion as the warm air would tickle the earlobe and it made them warm. How when Jiu would pull away and give her those dark eyes filled with desire that came with a charming smile. Such simple innocent words could break her resolve in staying away from her.

“And I gave you one,” Sua responded as she bit her lip trying to ground herself back to reality. Sua walked to the counter that had Jiu facing her. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. It was my fault to take you to my place without permission. It will never happen again,” Sua stressed her last sentence to reaffirm herself rather than Jiu. Jiu opened to say something but someone else demanded Sua’s attention.

Sua continued working as Jiu sat in one of the booths watching her. She could feel her gaze and she tried with all her will not to look back. By closing, Sua was cleaning and Jiu was still in the booth. Sua could only sigh at Jiu’s always ongoing persistence and started walking up to her.

“You know it’s past closing time,” Sua stated to Jiu as she needed to clean the booth Jiu was sitting in.

“I know but I need a ride home,” Jiu had a neutral expression while Sua sighed once again.

“I’ll go call a cab,” Sua went to walk off to the phone at the bar.

“I don’t need a cab,” Jiu interjected making Sua stop in her tracks.

“I don’t have a ride either. I walk to work plus if you don’t want a cab call your girlfriend,” Jiu stiffened at Sua’s statement.

“How do you know I have a girlfriend?” She inquired as Sua knew that this would make her dig her grave deeper but she at the moment didn’t care. If this information will get Jiu out of her life and live happily so be it.

“I’m a bartender. I always have to observe the situation that happens at the venue while making drinks. You had a girl all over you and gave death glares to others who might want you. The possessiveness is obvious so she either has to be a friend or girlfriend. The thought immediately became girlfriend when you started kissing then dragged her into the bathroom.” Sua shrugged as her heart hurt knowing that she can never call Jiu hers in this lifetime.

“How would you know that she is my girlfriend?” Jiu asked Sua again.

“Not the first time you’ve taken her to the bathroom and your girlfriend told me a couple weeks back to stay away from you. So, that sums everything up.” Sua nodded as she turned around hoping that it was enough for Jiu to leave her alone.

“Is that why you didn’t take me home?” Jiu was walking towards Sua. Sua knew that because the music was off, and Jiu wasn’t a quiet walker.

“No. I took you home because I didn’t know where you live. You didn’t have an ID on you, and you were passed out in the booths with no one to claim you. We don’t allow strays in the venue, so it was either my place or the streets.” Sua answered as she walked up to the front door. “It’s time for you to go,” She gestured to the outside indicating to Jiu that her time was up. Jiu stood in her place looking lost and confused. When Sua saw this all, she wanted to do was close the front door and make her feel not so lost, but she didn’t have that right. “Look, I need to lock up the place so it’ll be easier if you could go home.” Sua tried to not get emotionally involved in her tone of voice but her heart was screaming at her to be there for Jiu.

“Something doesn’t feel right,” Jiu looked into Sua’s eyes and it made her resolve crumble. Sua sighed once more and closed the front door. She locked it and started walking to the back but when Jiu wasn’t following her, she felt a headache forming.

“I’ll wait for you to get a cab and you’ll be on your way.” Sua didn’t want anything to happen to Jiu so she would always play it safe.

Sua successfully got the venue closed up and was waiting outside in the cold with Jiu. She was trembling but put up a front just for her.

“You know, I never got your name,” Jiu suddenly asked as time felt slow.

“That’s because I never gave you one,” Sua replied not keen on giving her name. If I were to give you my name that means what we have will be real and then I won’t be able to tell the difference between the past and the present. If I gave you my name Jiu, then I’ll fall more in love when you say my name. How it rolls off so naturally from your lips as if it belongs to you. I miss how you say it, but this life has no need for me in it. “Here’s your ride,” Sua said as a taxi was coming up. When it stopped, Sua opened the door for Jiu to go in. She pulled up some money and paid the driver. “If there is too much give the rest to her okay?” The driver nodded and Sua tapped the vehicle for it to move.

She watched the taxi disappear and started walking back to her place. She wondered if she should quit her job to stay as far away from Jiu as she can. She agreed with her thought and was ready to write up a resignation letter.

“There you are,” Sua halted in her steps when she heard Jiu’s voice again. “You know for someone so short you walk really fast.” Jiu pulled up to her as she caught her breath.

“Why did you come back?” Sua questioned as she felt her heart jumped in victory knowing that Jiu came back but not in the way she wanted. It will still take the win though.

“Just wanted to make sure you get home safe.” Jiu shrugged as she looped an arm around Sua’s lower back. “Call it repaying kindness with kindness.” She smiled at Sua who couldn’t refuse her. “Lead the way, Miss...” Jiu trailed on as Sua knew she wanted to know her name.

“Not going to give you my name,” Sua chuckled as she tried to escape Jiu’s grasp.

“Awe, why not? I’ll tell you mine in return,” Jiu offered but Sua only shook her head no.

“Cause it’s safer this way.” Sua replied knowing deep down she didn’t want to repeat any mistakes. "For both of us."