She taps her feet lightly in place as she watches you pour a ladle’s worth of ganjang into the pan. 

“Ah... it’s going to be so tasty!” 

You look at her and can’t help but smile. “Watch this,” you say, squeezing all the crab meat and roe out, cooking it. 

Her eyes widen to the size of saucers. She her lips. 

“Is it done soon?” she asks, and you laugh. 

“Ah, you’re cute,” you can’t help but say, and she blushes. “Just wait a little while more...” 

She whoops with joy when you turn off the stove, separating the noodles into two separate bowls. You secretly give her a bigger share and hand her that bowl. 

“I’ll eat it well!” she says cheerfully, nearly skipping to the living room. 

You eat well too, half immersed in the taste of the food, half distracted because you’re watching her enjoy herself. 

“This is really so good...” she mumbles every now and then. It makes you swell with pride. Maybe it’s not your recipe, but you still made it for her. She feels good and happy because of something you did. And for now... that’s enough. 

The doorbell rings and you go to check it. 

“Huh?” It’s the owner of the gym you frequent. “Hyung, what are you doing here?” 

“Jong Kook-ah, are you injured or anything?” he asks with concern when you let him in. 

“What?” You have no idea what’s happening. “No, I’m. I’m perfectly fine actually.” 

“You haven’t been to the gym in so long... are you okay? Have you been going somewhere else? Did our gym do something wrong?” 

Ji Hyo is watching this interaction curiously from the sink, where she’s washing the dishes. 

“That’s not it at all...” you sigh. “Look. I’ll come by soon, okay?”

He heaves a sigh of relief. “Okay. That’s good. It’s not good for you to skip exercise too much too.”

“I know,” you say. It’s been a while since you hit the gym. “I’ll come.” 

“I’ll get going then,” he says, smiling weakly. “I was just dropping by anyway.” 

He leaves, and you see Ji Hyo leave the sink. Should you explain yourself? Is it too weird that you haven’t been to the gym for this long? Is she annoyed that you haven’t been? 

She goes into her room. You sit on the couch and wait. Ever since she came to live with you... your life has started to revolve around her. Is that bad? Is it bad that you don’t want to leave her side? Because you fear that if you turn around for too long, she’ll vanish? 

It’s stupid, you know. But that’s what you get for living with a woman you’re in love with, who won’t love you back. 

When she emerges, you lose your voice. She’s wearing yoga pants and... is that a sports bra? 

“W-what are you wearing?” you stammer. 

She must know what she’s doing, doesn’t she? 

“I heard someone hasn’t been to the gym for a while, and I guess since I was around but didn’t realize, it’s partly my fault.” 

“Okay, but what’s the meaning of this?” You continue to interrogate. You can’t take your eyes off of her. The fact that you’re not exactly looking at her face makes you guilty, but you can’t stop. 

“What?” She attempts to cover herself up with her hands. “What are you looking at?” 

You unwittingly your lips. “I’m sorry,” you say. “What... were you trying to do again?” 

“Men are insufferable,” she pouts, and you do feel bad, you do! You’re not an animal, but she... you make eye contact with her. That’s mesmerizing too. 

“I really am sorry,” you say. “I’ll stop. But... you know how I feel about you.” 

She purses her lips and looks down. “I know. I just wanted to exercise together–“ she glares at you suddenly–“not like that though!” 

You snort, your lips spreading across your face. “Not like what?” 

“What... what you were thinking.” 

“I wasn’t thinking anything,” and it’s true, because you didn’t really have much time to think before she interrupted herself. “What were you thinking about?” 

“N-nothing!” she stammers, eyes wide. Her face is getting red. 

“Could it be... that you want something from me?” 

She covers her face. “Ah... you’re so annoying, seriously!” 

“Let me guess... you hate me?” 

She bites on her lip. “Good that you know.” 

You know, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. 

“Come on, we should work out,” she clears . “Do some sit ups.” 

“Okay,” you say. “Who first?” 

“You first.” 

You lie on the ground, and she grabs onto your legs. 

You sit up. Your eyes meet, and she looks away because you stay up a second too long. You sit down. You sit up. You smile at her. She smiles back. You sit down. You sit up. You wink at her. She hits you. 

“Focus!” She says, and you obey. You do sit ups and she counts until you’ve done enough. 

“Okay,” you say, panting slightly, “it’s your turn now.” Oh, exercising in this shirt was a mistake, it’s not one that breathes very well. “Wait, give me a moment,” you say, taking off your shirt. Perhaps skipping the gym for so long was a mistake. You haven’t done such a thing for years. Decades actually. 

“What are you doing?” Ji Hyo asks when your shirt comes off, distressed. 

You turn around. “I’m going to change my shirt. Why?”

She gulps, her eyes wandering. “Oh. Sorry. You should go ahead and change.” 

When you come back, she’s exercising on her own. She’s trying some yoga move, she’s not doing it very well or accurately, but that’s not what gets your attention. You weren’t supposed to be looking again, but seeing her from the side displaying herself like that, you can’t help yourself. 

You’re staring. Her curves... how does she do that? Was her always this... was her chest... you can barely bring yourself to think about it. You just stare. 

You hear your phone ring from the room, and you run in for an excuse to distance yourself. You don’t want to be like this, you don’t like feeling like a ert, like you’re seeking out things you don’t have the right to see or want. So you answer the phone like a fool. 

It’s the soccer show. Flying Shoot Dori. What else would it be? You have to go and film for it. Two days... two days without Ji Hyo. It hurts you just to think about it. But you have to work, and you can’t expect to just be with her so much all the time. It’s not like you haven’t left her before to go somewhere for work purposes... but two whole days? It feels like torture. 

You leave the room. She has to know, right? You can’t just leave without a word. It’s common courtesy when you live with someone else, to tell them if you’ll be away for awhile.

“Ji Hyo-yah–“ 

She’s doing some kind of leg stretch when you call her name, and the shock drops her balance to the ground. She yelps in pain and you run to her. 

“Ah... it hurts...” she shifts around. “Never mind, I think I’m okay.” 

“Are you sure?” You ask with worry. “You should be more careful.” 

“You scared me,” she says, blaming you. 

“Why are you always so scared of me?” 

She takes a careful look at you. “I don’t know. You’re comfortable but also... unnerving. Sometimes.” 

You decide not to address that. “You sure you’re really okay?” you check as you help her up. 

She nods. “I’m perfectly fine.” 

“Alright. Then I’ll tell you this: I’m going away for a film shoot for about... two days.” 

“Oh. Two... days?” 

You clear your throat. “Yes. Two days. Will you be okay?” 

She laughs but it doesn’t sound genuine. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Because if you want to come, I can arrange for–“ 

“There’s no need to,” she refuses you firmly. “I mean, I’m an adult. I can be on my own.” 

“Right,” you nod. “Sorry.” 

“Besides, why would I even come with you? Even wives don’t follow their husbands on film shoots. That would be too clingy, and I am... not your wife.” 

“That is true,” you say. It’s still not a nice reminder. “I guess, since you’re perfectly fine, I’ll go without any worries. Are you going to stay here? Or will you try going back home?” 

“I’m not going to try going home for now. Are you okay with me being here?” 

You nod. “I guess... I’ll see you in two days then. I’ll go and pack now.” 

“Se Chan-ah!” You greet your beloved dongsaeng with a happy hug when you see him. 

“Hyung!” He greets back, then looks confused when he peers behind you. “Ji Hyo Noona isn’t here?” 

You cough, half from the shock. “Why... why would she be here? She doesn’t work on this show.” 

“Oh,” Se Chan averts his gaze. “I just thought... she would be here. You know, aren’t you two...” 

“The two of us, what?” 

“Aren’t you together yet?” He asks in a quieter voice. 

You sigh. “I wish,” you look more somber now. 

“What?” Se Chan looks so concerned. “But... we all thought the two of you would be together by now.” 

“How? She’s been through so much. Why would she jump into a new relationship so quickly after ending one right after her wedding? As much as I hate it, she needs time right now.” 

“But...” Se Chan scratches his head. “Didn’t she leave that guy to be with you?” 

You purse your lips. “Not really.” 

“Didn’t you tell her you were in love with her?”

“Yes.” 

“And wasn’t that the catalyst for her leaving her groom after the wedding?” 

“Yes.” 

“Doesn’t she live with you now?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then I don’t understand,” he says in exasperation. “How does all of that mean she didn’t leave him for you?” 

“She said... remembering how much she loved me made her realize it. She says that she shouldn’t have married someone she didn’t love that much. She says she won’t marry anyone else from now on unless she loves them as much as she loved me then.” 

Se Chan looks shocked. “Are you saying... she used to love you back then? What does that mean? You two dated?” 

“No.” 

“Oh. So... she had feelings for you but you didn’t like her that way?” 

You snort. “No. Of course I loved her too. What idiot would be able to resist falling in love with Song Ji Hyo if she was interested?” 

Se Chan massages the space between his eyebrows. “I’m confused again. Ah... this is all so stressful. Okay. Explain this to me again. So... you and Ji Hyo Noona both had feelings for each other back then. And neither of you knew?” 

“We knew,” you said. “We told each other.” 

“So...” he sighs. “You both liked each other. Loved, even. You both told each other. But you still didn’t date? How does that work?” 

You know why he’s reacting like this. “I was worried it would hurt Ji Hyo. I didn’t think people would be able to accept our relationship. You weren’t there back then, but people were crazy over her and Gary. Imagine if she started dating me instead. People would want to kill her, for betraying him.”

“What?” His voice thins. “Really? But... isn’t it none of their business?” 

“I didn’t want to take that chance.” You bite your lip. “It would’ve been at Ji Hyo’s expense more than mine. I was scared of what public opinion would do to her, and her career. I didn’t want her to choose between me and her job. But apparently I made the wrong choice. Ji Hyo told me, back at the dressing room before her wedding. She said me refusing to date her hurt more than what anyone would’ve said. But I don’t know if I regret it. Sometimes I do, sometimes... I don’t know how bad it would’ve been, and whether Ji Hyo could’ve handled it or not...” 

“Hyung,” Se Chan says in a serious voice. “Don’t hate me for this, but you really were such a fool back then. You analyze everything too much. Even if viewers were angry, they would have gotten over it eventually. Or maybe even quickly. Anyone would eventually be able to see how good you two are together.” 

You shrug. “I don’t know. I guess, whatever the right choice was back then, I still have to pay for it now. I was stupid enough to think I could get over her,” you laugh. “I don’t think I can imagine not being in love with her. At this point, it’s a part of me.” 

Se Chan looks at you with concern. “Hyung, that sounds serious. Are you sure Ji Hyo Noona doesn’t still want to be with you? All of us think she loves you too, you know.” 

“Can you tell her that?” you jokingly say. “Sometimes I think maybe she does love me, still. Other times...” you laugh. “She says she hates me.”

“She probably doesn’t mean that,” Se Chan says persuasively. “Maybe she does resent you for making the wrong choices back then, but she doesn’t hate you. Not really.” 

“I hope to god you’re right.”

You emerge from the hotel bathroom, washed, your teeth brushed, a face towel running through your damp hair. You’re about to turn in, since you shoot again at noon tomorrow. 

Your phone rings. You nearly burst with joy when you see it’s a call from Ji Hyo. Perhaps she’s calling to check on you? 

“Hello?” You say, sounding chipper. 

“Yah, where did you go?” she scolds. “Why aren’t you back at this hour?” 

She sounds like a girlfriend or wife who’s hounding her boyfriend or husband to come back home. You weirdly love it. 

“Did you forget?” you say. It’s almost disappointing if she forgot you were leaving for the shoot, but you do enjoy that she’d get annoyed or worried enough to call. “I said I was going for the Shoot Dori filming for two days, remember?” 

“What? Yah... then, why didn’t you tell me?” 

You hear it now, that slur in her voice. It all makes sense now. 

“Ji Hyo-yah,” you say as gently as you can. “Are you drunk? Is this you drunk-dialing me?” 

“Who... who’s drunk dialing who? You... you have been drinking.” 

“Drink a lot of water,” you advise. “If not, your head’s going to hurt so much tomorrow.” 

“You drink water,” she retorts defiantly. “So... you really aren’t going to come back?” 

“Not until tomorrow,” you tell