You walk into the dressing room and these are the heaviest steps you’ve ever taken in your life. You want to be anywhere else right now, but she turns around and there it is, the most brilliant smile you’ve ever known, etched on her face. 

She gasps when she sees you. 

“Oppa!” 

She nearly jumps up just to hug you. You are in agony, but you couldn’t be happier right now. Perhaps this is why you came in here. She’ll be giving her best hugs to someone else soon. 

She lets go and it knocks the wind out your lungs. Funny. It usually takes a really hard punch to do that. 

Ji Hyo is angelic in white. She has the prettiest veil in her hair, tiny flowers sewn into the fabric of her gown. Baby’s breath. You hold yours. 

She notices your stare. It makes her look down at her dress. 

“Does it look okay? Sometimes I still have second thoughts. It was either this or–“

“You look beautiful,” you interrupt immediately, because it’s true, she is breathtaking. But you wish it wasn’t this dress she was wearing. This is the dress she wears for another man she’s about to marry. Not you. It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. But you are not the groom. God, you wish you were. This would be much simpler if you were. This would hurt much less if you were. You would give up the memory of walking into this room, seeing her turn around, flashing her grin, all to be her groom.

The view from the altar is much nicer anyway. 

She looks down bashfully. You wish you could just appreciate that blush, but instead your mind floods with all the things her husband will say to her once they are married. At the altar. During the reception. On their wedding night. The honeymoon.

“Wow,” she remarks with a nervous laugh. “I haven’t heard that in a while,” she seems to be shocked by her own words. “I mean, I mean from you. Uh, because on the show...” She clears . “You know, the ‘Ji Hyo is old’ jokes that everyone has to make to be funny. It’s been a while since… a friend, told me I was beautiful. I mean, not a friend, maybe… I don’t know. It’s fine. Let’s just say it’s been a while since I remember hearing that I’m beautiful.”

“If you need to hear it more, I’ll tell you everyday.” 

She is taken aback by this, and now you are the bashful one. 

She clears . Her eyes are so big and round. “I don’t,” she says curtly. “Besides, it’s. You don’t have to.”

It’s not your job, is what she means. 

“I know,” you say, as if that fixes things. “I hope you hear it everyday, though, from now on.”

She beams. “I’m sure I will.”

“If he doesn’t say it everyday, I’ll come over and beat him up.” 

She bursts out laughing, her eyes curling prettily. Everything she does is so pretty. You are in hell. She looks at you again. You never want her to stop. “I’m sure that will scare him into doing it.” Her look changes. “You are… so strong.” 

She sighs, and you don’t understand. 

“Do you love him?” 

The words slip out so fast before you can even stop, and then they are said. You bite your lip, but the damage is done.

“Excuse me?”

“Just…” you clear your throat. “It was so sudden. I haven’t met him that many times. I’ve got to make sure everything is… right. As an Oppa, of course.”

Such lies. But she entertains you.

“I think? Well… I think I could love him more, but marriage is supposed to be like that.” She fidgets with the cup of tea on her dressing table, like she’s not entirely convinced. But you just believe that because you want it to be true. “You’re supposed to love your spouse more each and every day. I look forward to that. Sounds romantic, honestly. I used to think I had to like… fall madly in love to get married. But I don’t think everyone gets that. Besides, it’s those passion-filled, impulsive marriages that don’t last anyway. Him and I on the other hand… we have similar values. That’s important when it comes to raising children.” 

She laughs, but it’s not very funny, you think. Your heart is breaking, and because your heart is so empty without her, you fill it with wishful thoughts, thoughts that maybe this marriage isn’t love. Then again, it doesn’t matter who she loves. In a matter of hours, you will never get to be with her. Not legally, anyway. “I think I’m getting too old. I used to think my mother was old-fashioned for constantly nagging me to settle down, get married. But now I know. She just didn’t want me to be lonely, living all by myself in a big empty house. She didn’t want me to grow old alone.”

That’s going to be you.

“I never thought about it. I forgot that my parents will be gone one day, and my sister and brother are going to get married and move out. They both have serious relationships now. Seong Moon is already engaged. Finding out about that was kind of a wake up call, I think. Barely made the cut off to get married first.” She gives a dry laugh. “It’s such a relief, actually. I had a good career… and I really liked working. But I can live my life now.” 

“Will you quit being an actress?” You ask, words trembling on your tongue. 

“Maybe?” She shrugs. “I wouldn’t work as much, definitely. I mean, I’m not going to leave Running Man for as long as I can. Of course, if I get pregnant, that’s something I can’t help. I wouldn’t be so selfish as to want a place back in the show after taking nine months off. Besides, I would have to take care of my kid. Or kids. I want as many as I can make I guess,” she laughs again. “I’m only saying that because… I doubt it’s possible for me to have more than three anyway. At my age, I’d be blessed to have two.” She looks at you with a weak smile. “Two is good, right? Would you have two kids? Or would you need more to be happy?”

I need you, to be happy, you want