Another night, another sleepless night for Jong Kook. Instead of trying further to shut down his brain, he just sits near the window, looking at the moon that’s shining above the Han River. Jong Kook stares at how the water reflects the moonlight, showing him what a beautiful night tonight is.

Halfway done. Six more to go.

When Jong Kook was young, he had these idealistic views on marriage. He knew marriage wouldn’t be easy but didn’t know it was going to be this hard. Marriage for him was always about himself, his pleasure, his sorrows, his happiness. But marriage is everything other than yourself. He realizes it now. Marriage is also about her pleasure, her sorrows, her happiness, her pain. A successful marriage places the importance of the significant over oneself.

Thoughts like these make Jong Kook’s head hurts. If only life could be simpler.

He promises to himself that he’ll be more careful with Eun Hye. He won’t repeat the same mistakes. He’ll make it all about her and not only about him.

But what about Ji Hyo? Why can’t he make it work for her?

Because all Ji Hyo reminds him is the darkness time in his life, the arguments, the unsaid words, the unresolved feelings, the mistakes, the frustrations, the screams, and the forgiveness that just cannot be reached.

He wants to be in the light and Eun Hye is his light.

Jong Kook stomps towards his bed and he screams into his pillow. Why is everything so hard? He tousles his hair angrily.

Why the light that he needs is Eun Hye but the light that he wants is Ji Hyo? The closer the day when the deal will be over, the more frustrated Jong Kook becomes.

-

It is Tuesday, the day of their seventh kiss. Jin Joo is still sleeping, it is not yet the time for her to wake up and Jong Kook is showering. Ji Hyo runs the comb through her wet tresses. She stands by the door of the balcony. Wind is softly running through her hair. The Han River shows a beautiful shimmer from the morning sun light. She needs to wake Jin Joo up by 8 and now it’s only 7.15. She wonders if she should just let Jin Joo rest. Will she like it? Jin Joo loves her school.

It’s been almost 25 minutes since Jong Kook entered the bathroom. Is he fine in there? Should Ji Hyo go and ask if he needs any help? Why would he need her help though?

The quietness makes Ji Hyo think again. Forgive, forgive, and forgive. Such an easy word to say but so hard to do.

Has Jong Kook forgiven her? Ever since that day, they never talk about it anymore. She doesn’t want to push him, and he just never brings it up for discussion again.

She laughs to herself. Of course, he won’t forgive her. He is one stubborn man that sticks to his principles oh too well. He can tell that he still loves her and never stops loving her, and yet he wouldn’t be able to forgive her. They say women are complicated, well then men are confusing jerks.

-

Jong Kook is getting ready in the shower. He has to be at work at eight am sharp and needs an at least 40 minutes’ drive with Seoul traffic in the morning. And yet he just takes the shower as slow as he can on purpose. He just wants to relax himself and not think about anything else.

He wonders if he should just take a bubble bath instead.

Instead of rinsing off the shampoo from his hair, he turns off the water, steps out of the shower and walks towards the towel rack. Since when is this radio in here?

He turns the radio box, the one that belonged to his parents once. He has always loved listening to music in everything that he does. It’s just a strange habit that he has. Why isn’t he a singer instead?

“Annyeonghaseyo, yeoreobun*. Welcome to 106.1 FM, KBS Radio 2, where we play your favorite Korean pop music! Today, we’re going to take requests for the next 30 minutes, please visit our SNS pages and put your requests there. Kamsahamnida.”

Then advertisements play on, which one of them makes Jong Kook want to purchase. He has been wanting a robot cleaner that can be programmed to do its chores and he makes sure that after his shower, he will order one.

He goes back to continue his shower. The water is extremely hot, just the way he likes it. Jong Kook sighs, he can feel the soreness from all his activities leaving his muscles. Then the radio DJ is heard again.

“Our team has picked a song. Ja, it’s been sometimes since this song has been played. Sarangiran Melloneun Eobseo by Jeon Sang Geun! Yeoreobun, if you’re still in love with someone, you should tell them immediately. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Ja, eumak juseyo*!”

Jong Kook almost laughs at the song title. I still love you. What a goddamn coincidence.

“Sarangiran melloneun eobseo
Geureohge saranghaessdeon uriga nami doeneun ge
Doraoji anheul ne dwismoseulbeul bomyeo
Ajik neoreul saranghandago
Malhaji mothaesseo

Haru johil ne sajineul bogo isseumyeon
Dasi doragago sipeo neoreul pume ango sipeo
Genal gedaereul nohchiji anhassdamyeon
Eottaesseulkka”

“There’s no melodrama of love
We loved each other so much but became strangers
Looking at your back that won’t come back
I still couldn’t say
That I love you

When I look at your pho