“So, you’re leaving?”

Word travels fast, as it always does, but given that she’s said it to a few colleagues already, the question isn’t really surprising. Or maybe Bora simply told him. Not that it makes a difference, it’s no secret.

“I am,” Siyeon just says, returning the smile the man gives her, with an enthusiasm she can’t hide now that she’s finally come to terms with her decision. Feeling that you were making the right choice was both liberating and empowering.

“The company will miss you greatly. It’s such a shame that people can’t keep their stupid mouths shut about things they don’t know anything about… They don’t realize how much our artists improve with you.” He regrets, without an ounce of falseness, looking around. “Do you have time for coffee? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

Even though they’re technically colleagues, Siyeon wouldn’t exactly say she’s close with Bora’s manager. Over the years she’s spent at the company however, they obviously ended up meeting several times, the singer always being their main subject of discussion. Nothing ever remotely personal. She knows him as invested and professional and Bora holds him in high esteem, always praising his life ethics that translate into his work.

It must be important enough that they go to a coffee shop outside and not the one on the ground floor of the company building. When they enter the place, he makes sure there’s no one familiar, confirming her assumptions that their conversation must remain private.

“As you probably know, Bora’s contract will expire next year,” he starts in a quiet voice, leaning on his elbows so that she can still hear him clearly. Siyeon nods in agreement as she recalls her girlfriend mentioning it. “And I don’t know if she’s told you more than to me, but she’s unclear about her intentions.”

“Not really. She just said she’ll keep it in mind, and wait for the company comes forward with the negotiations. She’s still kind of lost after everything…” she says calmly, taking her mug between both her hands and enjoying the warmth that instantly spreads through her skin. “It’s a bit of a touchy subject. Why are you asking?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. It was just an idea at first, but it’s getting more concrete now. Can you hear me out?”

He starts by telling her about himself, more specifically, his career in the entertainment industry. How he got there rather randomly, the excess he’s seen either from companies, staff but also from fans, how he’s also lived through the hardships of groups he’s managed, as far as being targeted by sasaengs himself. Yet, despite all that, he still enjoys what he does, sharing the burden in the shadows and ensuring things work out smoothly to let the magic begin.

Siyeon isn’t sure she’s completely following where he’s coming from, so she just listens, occasionally nodding in acknowledgement. The account isn’t any less interesting, showing that artists, depending on the company they were under, aren’t on equal footing in terms of management and that, played a lot in the way they can deal with the pressure they receive. However, that’s not something she’s foreign to either.

“But I’ll be honest with you, seeing all this made me feel both appalled and more ambitious as time went by, that what I was doing was not enough. And with what happened with Bora, I still felt so helpless."

Her ears perk up at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. His words are measured, but she can hear the frustration passing through. His hand unconsciously balls to a fist for a short instant. It’s the confirmation that everything she’s heard about him, beyond her own impression, is true. He genuinely cares for his job and the people he works with.

“Anyway.” Laying both his palms flat on the table allows him to regain complete control, his voice more serene already. “I’ve already talked too much, you must be wondering why I’m telling you all this,” he chuckles.

“I admit I’ve been wondering.”

“I want to create my own agency. There’s only so much I can do here, but as I said, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I’ve finally found investors actually, and currently trying to convince some staff to start with, so I’ll be leaving as well in the future. I don’t know about your plans after leaving the company, but would you be interested in joining mine? When it’s established, of course.”

Needless to say, she’s surprised, her jaw slightly dropping at the unexpected announcement and offer. Her mind goes to the possible implications, trying to connect the dots from their previous conversation.

“You’re waiting for her contract to end,” she says as if it’s the most logical thing in the world. That’s actually considerate, but there must be something else. “Does Bora know about this?”

“Not yet. I may have joked about it, but nothing serious; I wanted to talk to you first. You can think about the vocal trainer position later, no need to answer me right away...” He tilts his head to the side, looking down at his drink as Siyeon waits for him to continue. “Bora talks a lot about you, you know?”

Like a mechanism of defense, she wants to jolt back, which is certainly the most stupid thing to do when you want to be subtle at something, but instead, her body reacts on its own and tenses. “That’s-”

“It’s alright. I’ve known for a long time. I’m happy you managed to find your way to each other.” Of course, he would know. He’s probably the person Bora spends most of her time with when she has schedules, and Siyeon has to admit that with no trace of jealousy whatsoever, so of course, he would know. It’s silly to have even thought otherwise. She crosses her arms in attempt to hide her embarrassment and doesn’t even notice her leg has started going up and down mechanically.

“She’s told me once that you compose,” he says very delicately, carefully like he doesn’t want to startle her again, “but that you’ve never tried to have the company listen to your work.”

“It’s mostly a hobby,” she explains modestly, hoping for it to be a satisfying reply, because it’s rarely more than that. Like people draw, write or play an instrument in their spare time, it’s a way of relaxing while expressing herself. In other extreme cases, like it occurred recently, it’s cathartic and she can only fear what would have become of her outbursts of emotions if she didn’t deal with them that way.

“She’s convinced otherwise, and I put blind trust in her judgement. Have you ever thought about... composing for someone else? I’m really sorry, she does talk about you a lot and from other things she’s shared, I feel that might suit you better.”

Bora is a talkative person indeed and Siyeon is starting to feel shy from how much the man seems to know about her, when they have barely interacted in person. However, as he’s also told more about his life earlier, probably with that purpose in mind, she now realizes, the exchange is thankfully fairer.

“I don’t compose with money in mind…”

For the same reasons stated previously, it’s a pastime that is never meant to reach a professional level. Probing further for a deeper rationale, a part of her finds that what she comes up with is too personal to be given to someone else, to the point the thought has never really crossed her mind. Except...

In front of her, Manager Kim uses the blank in their conversation to take sips from his coffee. She is quickly interrupted in her introspection by the blunt sound of the cup hitting the table.

“I’m not saying you should, but by somebody, I don’t mean anybody, just to be clear. I will offer Bora to join as well, just as I will tell her that she can set up a company of her own or go to another, just as long as she leaves this toxic environment. We can look into it together. Would you also be interested in that?”

“...if you’ll have them, I’m giving you my songs.”

Siyeon finishes her heartfelt speech and Bora’s eyes widen, still trying to register everything she’s just heard. 

The proposal isn’t what she expected and despite her girlfriend liking this kind of shamelessly romantic gestures, she got easily fooled. Nonetheless, she concedes, it’s still too early for them to be considering the question and can only blame the comical misunderstanding on herself. After fantasizing on possible futures for so long, she wants to enjoy the present first.

Although, for someone who constantly says they’re bad at Korean, Siyeon sure is gifted with her words. Siyeon, who has always refused to put her music out for the world to listen to, is offering to write for her? It’s making her feel so many things, it can’t be good for her heart. Like a whirlwind, it gets all mixed up when it reaches her brain, leaving only silence to speak out.

“I don’t know what to say…” she manages after a while, still in a daze and blinking repeatedly after coming to her senses, not wanting to make Siyeon panic at her lack of apparent reaction.

While falling short on words, an irrepressible urge to feel close to the other woman rises in her. She lets go of her hand in hers, drapes her arms behind her neck then leans for a hug. “Thank you,” she mumbles, her face hidden in Siyeon’s neck, more as a general appreciation of everything the other woman has done for her than this precise occurrence. The contact is still not enough, so she gets up, pulling Siyeon with her in the process. Only when she brings their bodies together does it feel completely right.

“It’s alright... Just think about it...”

Siyeon’s voice is soft when she returns her embrace and drops her head. She can’t see her face, but her body starts trembling, followed by muffled whimpers.

“Are you crying?”

“I don’t know!” the taller chokes on a sob, yet laughs at the same time, like she can’t believe it herself. “It’s just too much.”

Bora straightens her posture a bit to leave soothing kisses on her girlfriend’s temple before caressing her hair, wanting to convey that she’s here for her as well. When she needed her the most, Siyeon didn’t leave, and she never broke down. Now it’s her turn to be strong. She truly doesn't know what she'd do without her, or where she'd be.

“It's okay, it’s been hard for you too. You’ve done great.”

If she were to name it, she would probably call this ‘How to deal with your rumors that are actually true but even if it causes harm to no one you’re not exactly in a place where you can have people believe it, are you? 101, an introductory course by professor Kim Bora’. The flashy title is a bit long and defies her very own definition of efficiency, but at least it’s easy to look it up on the internet without it being mistaken for a similar title. Here is an excerpt of the work in progress.

Ignore.

She agrees this first step is probably the most difficult one, but that only means the rest will be all the more easier in comparison, so you should definitely not be giving up already. It takes a lot of time and strength, yet is an absolutely necessary starting point.

Privately, mend your broken soul, something that Bora managed to do thanks to the support of her closed ones and especially from one particular vocal trainer she is, remember, totally not affiliated to. She can’t exactly give advice on this, except that that it requires acceptance. Not the kind that means she complies with it, but the acceptance of a revolute past, acceptance that she’s been hurt profoundly, so that she can put it all at the back of her mind in a tightly-sealed box and live without thinking about it constantly.

“How have you been SuA? We haven’t heard of you in a long time!” The host finally asks her, after introducing all the guests.

“I’ve been doing great. It feels like an eternity for me as well!” she exclaims. “I’ve been working very hard on a comeback, that’s why I haven’t been able to appear as much as I’d like,” she continues, apologetic, “but that concern is now gone, thank you for having me on today’s show.”

Publicly, deny or don’t address and in some