“Congratulations again, Kassy and Solar. I knew this collaboration would certainly blew off the charts.” You Hee-Yeol sunbaenim said after we finished our recording for the upcoming episode of YHY Sketchbook.

We were currently at the backstage saying our heartfelt thanks to the staffs when he approached me and Kassy-nim before we’ll go off to have our celebratory dinner. 

“Thank you Sunbaenim for the trust. We will continue to work hard and hopefully, be back here again if you wouldn’t mind.” I joked which earned some good laughs from him and Kassy.

I’m almost enjoying the casual conversation, which I haven’t felt for the longest time since the day she left, when Hyemin-unnie apologetically informed us that it’s time for us to go. We bowed for one last time and left.

“Unnie, where did the kids decided to have the celebration? I haven’t had the time to checked our group chat since the promotions started.” I half lied.

Unnie glances me through the front mirror of the car while I leaned my head back in the backseat suddenly feeling all the tiredness seeping through every nerves of my body. It seems forever since the last decent sleep I had due to months of preparation for this solo comeback. After the group’s mutual and in good terms agreement for a disbandment, I decided to renew a contract under RBW still as a solo artist. While the two other kids, Wheein and Hyejin, decided to settled down together and established their own personal successes. Hyejin’s infamous, one of the best clothing line “TŵiT” and currently competing as the main top brands here in South Korea or should I say Asia, rather? And Wheein continued to pursue her passion in painting earning as one of the youngest most competent famous painter. I can’t believed she just held her own exhibit in London months ago and I still get nagged a wholesome from that very tall girl for not being able to attend for the reason of: just because. 

“Solar-unnie” Wheein whined. “Can you at least show your shadow? I know you still don’t want to see her after...what happened. But I need you. You’re still part of my success. I can never reached this far without your constant support and push.” 

I can tell that she’s pouting and on the verge of tears. I sighed, a deep one.

“Wheein-a, you know that I’m beyond proud. Just because I won’t be there doesn’t mean I’m literally not there. Okay, maybe not physically but you already know what I mean. Just let me off this once, please? I- I’m still not that ready to see her.” I gently cooed.

My heart sanked remembering that phone call from Wheein that crashed her heart days before her exhibition. As for the last girl I haven’t mentioned. The her. Moonbyul. I really don’t know what she’s up to now. The last time I checked is that she’s still dominating the charts as one of the idols who own the most copyrights. I also heard that she had established her own agency. I almost wanna smile as the image of her as CEO AU in one of our songs “Hip”  flashed for a split second in my mind. But that little happy thought were gone just as how fast as it came as I remembered the article that broke days after we disbanded with the headline, “MAMAMOO’S FORMER MEMBER, MOONBYUL JUST CONFIRMED HER RELATIONSHIP WITH THE ACTRESS, LEE DA HEE”. 

“Yongsun” 

I broke out from my trance and choked a sob when I heard Hyemin unnie’s concern voice. She knew us too well and what I’ve been thinking or dreaming maybe can be read in my face.

“We’re already here. You dozed off when I was talking about where will be celebrating.” She said.

“I-yeah, sorry about that unnie. Just tired.” I tried to respond, hoarse voice due to almost crying.

“Yong, I hope you’re taking your medicines well. You know we never want to have you go back to your anxiety therapy, do you?” 

Oh, . Haven’t taken them for a while now. “I am unnie, don’t worry.”

She nods and said, “Okay. Let’s go inside now. Everybody’s waiting.” I sensed a weird something the way she said everybody’s waiting. Part of me suddenly don’t want to go. What if... Oh crap it, Yongsun, that’ll be too good to be true. 

And I climbed off the car just right after Hyemin unnie opened the side door for me.

Halfway towards the restaurant I caught a glance of the second floor’s long glass windows with the soft warm white light emitting in contrast to the cold dark evening