People used to say that God gave me a pinch of extra love when he sent me to earth. Born blessed with a loving parent. I cried my first scream during my birth along with warm hugs and beautiful voices lulling me to sleep. Father’s strong hold and mother’s kisses were my growing days which I never took for granted. Mother kept a flower garden in the backyard, it was my very own magical castle. I’d help her grow seeds into the most beautiful blooms, though my father would always say nothing is prettier than me. I’d wake up seeing my father in the field with his workers, taking his horse out and smiled at me in the balcony. He’d take me to rides though mother kept telling him not to, afraid I would fall. I never fell, my father protected me as a soldier would to his land. I was also graced with Matthew, a kind brother who loves me with his whole heart. Matthew who smiles at me and makes the day brighter. Matthew who held my small hand as he took me out to town, buying me candies mom told he shouldn’t because I was sad. And he just wouldn’t let me feel that way.

 I may not wear the best clothes the town tailor could sew. But I wear clothes that made my father smile and praise my beauty like I'm a goddess. My clothes kept me warm and comfortable under my skin, which was all I could ask for. I may not have the biggest, most luxurious house Carpenters have ever created, but it was warm and not even the loudest storm could shut our laughter at Matthew's stories. I eat warm foods everyday, pray to the gods everytime, thanking his grace and kindness. I was at peace and tranquility.

We live near a cliff, with the vast ocean just beneath. Hills and mountains on the other side. And I always had a special love for the ocean. Deep and mysterious, they have limitless secrets. Sometimes they look inviting and calm. Other times they are harsh and untouchable. But I always love the ocean breeze. Dreaming one day father will let me join his cruises to the northern sea and feel the waves.

I was happy. God knew how I praised His blessings in my prayers.

But somehow... Somehow God decided that I would be better off with a dead parent, ship wrecked in the cold, unforgiving ocean. I still grieve the way I didn’t hug my father longer. I still cry upon regret, why did I not stop them from leaving that day even though the sky did not look calm.

I am now reduced to a daughter of a dying farm. A dying horse ranch. Somehow God decided that I'll be more thankful for life. About my grief, about my tears and agony. Somehow. Somehow he thought I’d still believe in His grace after such pain.

I am very sorry. But I am a mere human. You cannot ask me to understand the plans of He who created the universe. So I succumbed into hate because it's easier. Because I need it to survive another day. Faith became a concept I could no longer grasp.

"Rose," my bed creaked. Weight shifted to where my brother sat. He sounded weaker and weaker each day. I should've been there with him but I couldn't lift my head of my pillow. It was heavy and painful.

"Please, eat something. You'll get sick."

Matthew, you should've just left me to die.

"Rose?" He called.

"I'll eat when mom returns." I said. Matthew didn't say a thing, leaving me alone with my nightmares once more. Some nights it gets so horrible I wake up in the middle of the night screaming like a mad man. Matthew would shake my body and hugged me close. Shushing me while I cried like someone is stabbing my stomach. It hurts. It's heartbreak but I felt my body dying along with my heart.

While my nights are noisy with cries and bad dreams, my days are quiet. Like the dead sea. Unmoving. Silent. The world is spinning but it's leaving us behind. Right here in the dying home, creaking old house that might crumble because it is now just a building.

Matthew works in the field the whole day. He gave up the workers as he doesn't know if we'll have enough to pay them. So he does everything himself. I'd watch him falling out of breath, working his all. My poor brother. My poor, lonely brother. I should've been there with him but I'm so sorry Matthew. I couldn't. I can't fill your emptiness when I myself is a mere shell of my past self.

At the end of the month, Matthew came home bringing books. He said,

"You love to read. Please, see if you like any of these. I--I pick so much, I hope at least one would... Would be fun for you."

He used the money he got by working so hard for me. He got me something to get better. I cried. Wailing. Why does everything hurt so badly? Why can't I at least be a family to Matthew? Matthew hugged me. Like he would every night my nightmare took me over. I could feel him shaking, hiding his own cries.

My brother. My poor, kind, Matthew.

One night I was less ready to meet my nightmares, I open my balcony door and stepped outside. It's a dark, dark sight upon me. There was never a lighthouse showing the ocean surface and before, I'd find it ominous. But perhaps I was used to the darkness that the ocean seemed less scary. It's just dark. Nothing to see upfront. Pretty much like everything else about me now.

"Dear"

I felt the voice before I heard it. The hairs behind my neck raised upon the voice's gentle but chilling . I took a sharp intake of breath when the split-second shock passed.

What was that? I looked around the darkness, finding nothing I could make out. I needed to get inside, was what I told myself. But oh how late I was.

"Dear... Come here."

The whisper said. I gasped. I felt the urge to cry, to weep and call for Matthew. But I was too late. If you heard them, you are already in their hands.

"Come to me."

I wanted to scream all the way my legs led me downstairs and to my front door. But nothing came out. I opened the door and my white sleeping dress was defenseless against the loud rush of ocean wind at night, I was freezing in no time. I brought a lantern for a source of light, but it was hard to avoid the sharp rocks against my bare feet. Further away from the house, I lose more and more hope.

Is this the devil? I asked myself. The beings that defied God, living eternity to lead us astray? I’ve heard many tales as of how they manipulate humans. I started praying. All the words I know, all the protection I could manage. Because I could not scream and run. But nothing happened. The prayers in my head were only words. It protects me from nothing and I almost laughed at myself.

It is futile after all.

As I reached the hillside where there is a descending pathway to reach the waters, I could only hear my loud heartbeat and feel my trembling hands. The small pier dad's employee made long before I was born must be in bad condition. It would be very dangerous. But then a sinking feeling came and I felt like I had to go there... He's calling for me.

He... Who?

I don't know. But I have to.

"Closer, dear."

I have to. In a weird sense, I felt my life moving again. My life moved by this strange, foreign force that's probably leading me to danger but I cared less and less by the second. My life is moving. Something is happening again. The rushing wind... Slowly they started to sound like a sinister laugh. Laughing at me.

My life was moving backward. It felt wrong but I don't know if there's anything I could've did differently. The laughter scared me... It gushes along with the wind.

I reached the pier that looked like it would break at any second. But I didn't waver. The whisper was getting louder and clearer.

"Pretty... Come to me and you'll get your happiness again."

The pier’s woods creaked loud and weakly cracked. The waves were roaring louder by the second and I was trembling from the cold wind but I kept walking.

"Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here."

And it broke. The pier broke when I almost reached the end. All I could remember was the fast cold biting on my skin and bones. And the crumbled pier woods around me. My lantern dead and useless, when I looked up I could only see the moonlight. Strange. I couldn't see the moon at all before, it was hidden in the clouds. I reached out. Swam with all the power in me. But the surface just doesn't look any closer. I was stuck. I panicked, my heart thumping louder against my ribs.

This is it, I thought.

I'll leave like this.

Is this better? Is this the remedy to everything that's wrong? Is this the devil taking away my miserable life? Or is it God punishing me for losing my faith in His grace?

"Oh, dear."

I looked down. I looked around me but there was only darkness. The ocean depth is darker than how I imagined them to be. My lungs are getting hotter by the second, it's starting to hurt.

"There you are. The pretty..."

I looked down once more and there he was.

White hair. Floating around him like a veil. White eyes. Glowing. I've never been so scared looking at a pair of eyes before. If I was standing on a ground I’d be falling to my knees. His gaze stabbed me in my chest, I could almost feel it physically. I was so scared. My young self who got scared by the demon paintings on the church would've died if she saw this. This sinister creature.

"Pretty..."

He swam upwards and that's when I realized the fin on his wrist up to his elbow. A body of a fish down from his hips. Scales white as snow. Just like his hair. Moving against the water gently and smooth, almost like a beautiful dance. Enchanting.

He came closer and even though I was scared out of my mind, I couldn't move an inch. It's like water was holding me hostage.

He reached my eye level and I really wished whatever death this creature will bestow upon me it would be quick. The sight of him... His presence... It was surreal. It felt like my bad dreams but a thousand times worse. Oh, how I wished I had enough bravery to meet my nightmares tonight. None of this would've happened. This creature... Showing his form upon me used to be my wish, perhaps. Back when I thought myth and mystical creatures are one and the same. Thinking it would be something adventurous and magical. Special. But no. I realized many things should be left unseen. Untouched. Because merely looking at him was starting to pull on the seams of my sanity.

His hand reached out to me, to my face. I could see long, pointy nails and I wonder if he’ll scratch on my skin. I felt my lungs stop hurting at the first touch like my body abandoned the need for air. Cold and slippery. I looked down at his lips, red as roses. They’re moving in small words. Chantings? Prayers? I could only hear breaths of words I couldn't understand, it was like a mantra. And then he smiled. Beautiful. He's a maddeningly beautiful sight. But still, I could slowly feel my mind losing its grip. It's too much. This creature will drive my sanity away.

"You can go."

Was the final whisper before I lose my sight.