“I wish you would remember me.”

Were those words said in a different way, in a different situation by a different person, I would have laughed it off, perceived it as nothing more than words spat out by someone who’s had a little too much to drink... but it came from her. She looked broken, she sounded broken, it hurt to see her such a state.

“You know,” she started, “I didn’t want to believe it at first, I didn’t want to believe that you forgot about me. I came to visit you the day you woke up but Tzuyu was there. She stopped me, told me that you had no idea who either of us were. I got mad at her, obviously. She’s been trying to steal you away from me ever since you two met. She told me that even if I didn’t believe her, I should at least wait for you to come back to school before talking to you, when you’re better. She didn’t threaten me or anything, she actually begged. I hesitated but agreed nonetheless and did what she said. The wait was excruciating, but I held on to hope. Hope that I would see you again, smiling at me, holding me, telling me that everything’s alright... and then it happened. On my way to class someone bumped into me, my books fell, I looked up and there you were. You apologized and quickly picked up my books for me. It felt so unreal. I wanted to hug you there and then, kiss you all over, I almost did. I had missed you so much, to say that I was happy to see you was an understatement, but whatever it was that I felt in that moment didn’t last. Because when our eyes finally met, I saw no joy in yours, no recognition... nothing. Just a girl who was in a hurry to get to where she needed to be. You handed me my books and went on your way. I was left standing in the middle of that hallway wondering if I should laugh or dive further into denial. I did neither and went back here to cry my eyes out,” she paused for a moment and put her hand on her chest. “That song really hurt, you know? Reminded me too much of myself. Every day I wake up hoping you’d remember everything, I’m still hoping. I know I can’t make you remember, but a part of me wants to because... I miss you, Chaeyoung. I miss you so ing much.” I’m not an idiot. I knew what she meant by her last wish, it’s the details that I knew nothing of, and as much as I’d like to find out, I don’t think she’s capable of telling me exactly what happened just yet. I set the instrument aside and moved closer to her. I watched her tears hit the floor. I listened to her sob loudly, uncontrollably and all I could think of at that moment was that I did this to her. I kneeled beside held her in my arms. I didn’t know if I was making things better or worse by doing but it was the only thing I could think of doing. We stayed like that until her sorrows completely drained her and she fell asleep.

I found Mina to be surprisingly light when I carried her to her bedroom. It occurred to me that I haven’t been to her bedroom before when I brought her there. It was big, a lot bigger than my room and Jeongyeon’s combined. She had queen size bed with very expensive looking sheets and pillowcases. It seemed like a couple’s bed to me. “Maybe I have been here before,” I wondered. I walked towards her bed and set her down gently as to not wake her, however she still did. I placed my hand on the side of her face and caressed her cheek with my thumb to soothe her, help her fall asleep again, but she had other plans.

“I want to ask for something else now. Is that okay?” she said.

“Of course, as long as I can do it,” I said.

“Kiss me.” I knew it was wrong and that I should’ve denied her request, but at that moment I didn’t even think twice before I decided to lay down next to her. I could tell by the look on her face that she was surprised at how easily I submitted to her. Honestly, I’m quite surprised at myself as well for making the decisions I’ve made throughout the night. I did agree take her top off earlier. I placed my hands on her waist looked at her again. Her eyes were puffy, her breath hitched with every little movement my hands made and then finally, for what seemed like an eternity, I granted her wish and leaned in. It only lasted a few seconds, five to be exact, but I could hear the beating of our hearts. Both were quick and loud, Mina got what she wanted and she looked like she was satisfied... but I wasn’t. I leaned in once more and gave her a longer, more fervent kiss, the kind your parents don’t want you to see in the movies you watched as a kid. She responded by kissing back just as fervently, grabbing the back of my head, deepening it. I knew it was wrong, I knew that I shouldn’t be doing it, that I should’ve gone home hours ago, but I also knew in the deepest parts of my being, I didn’t care. She wanted to take things further and ran her tongue over my bottom lip. I back, signaling it was alright and then we let our primal desire completely take over. Our hands messily roamed each other’s bodies. Her skin felt so soft, so smooth against my hands, I couldn’t help but moan into our kiss. She pulled back a moment later to get on top of me, it gave me some time to catch my breath. “Chaengie,” she breathed out as she started kissing down my neck, lightly on the most sensitive of spots. The scene was very familiar, only this was real and way more intense.

“Minari,” I muttered, trying to recreate the events, but the dream ended there... and so did all of Mina’s actions.

“You called me, Minari.” She looked me dead in the eyes when she said it. She phrased it more like a question but my mind was still in a haze, and truth be told, I didn’t know what answer she was expecting from me. “Chaeng, are you starting to remember?” she asked.

“I-I don’t know.” Despite my vague answer I didn’t see disappointment in her eyes, however I did see hope. I think now more than ever, she’s hoping I’d remember, but I truly didn’t know if could. “I’m sorry.” I said as I stood up ran like hell out of her apartment.

~

I knocked hard on my door knowing very well that Jeongyeon stayed up and waited for me to get back. I quickly moved past her when she opened the door and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“Hey there— What the hell are you wearing?” she asked. I was in such a hurry to that I forgot to take the tiger onesie off before I left.

“What the hell happened to me?” I never thought I’d ask that question in any way other than rhetorically but there I was. There was so much hostility in my voice, but also sincerity. I genuinely wanted to know what happened to me, I needed to know.

“What are you talking—"

“You know damn well what I mean! What the hell happened to me, Jeong?” I asked again.

“Okay, Chaeng. Just calm down, please,” she raised her hands up and slowly backed away from me.

“Don’t you ing tell me to calm down!” she visibly flinched as she heard the glass that I threw shatter against the wall. “You knew about Mina this entire time and you didn’t tell me. That’s not even the worst part, you wanted to tell me. I saw it in your ing eyes, the guilt was eating you up.” I wasn’t referring to this night in particular. Looking back, the guilt was there, it was always there. It only became much more evident when I started hanging around Mina again.

“What exactly would it have done, Chaeyoung?” she started. “Say I did tell you what happened, what then? Would you run back into her arms, tell her you’ll do everything you can to remember then force yourself into a relationship that would only end up being one-sided?”

“You don’t know that.”

“Except I do, and so do your parents and Sana and Momo and Jihyo and Tzuyu, everyone knows. Even Mina— especially Mina.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“We knew that telling you would do jack . It wouldn’t make your life any easier and it certainly wouldn’t magically bring back your memories because this isn’t a ing fairy tale, Chaeng!”

“I still deserved to know, and everything you just said is bull. I could’ve remembered if you told me and even I don’t, maybe I could’ve fallen in love with her all over again, just like I am now.”

“And that’s exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”

“Why? Why do you care so much? Why do you keep acting I’ll die if I go anywhere near her?”

“Because you nearly did! You two fought that night. You almost broke up because she was so jealous about Tzuyu. Then you drove home, probably crying on the way there, I don’t know. It’s the only explanation I can think of as to why you didn’t see that oncoming truck. Then I saw you on that hospital bed, tubes and bandages all over you. Cuts and bruises on your face and body. It was a ing nightmare. So yeah, I’m so sorry, Chaeng. I’m for not telling you about I don’t want you to relive. I’m sorry for not helping you get whatever happily ever after you pictured having with Myoui Mina. I’M SO SORRY THAT I LIED BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT MY BEST FRIEND TO ING DIE!” Our little screaming contest ended there. Silence grew and only the sound of our heaving breaths can be heard. I felt our anger subside and our once fiery hearts turned into remorseful ones. I never meant to snap at her the way I did, and neither did she. She sat down our couch and broke down in front of me and for the second time of the night, I wrapped my arms tightly around a girl I cared deeply about through her heaving sobs. I understand why she did it, why she lied. “I’m really sorry, Chaeyoung.” she said softly. Unlike the earlier ones, this apology was sincere.

“It’s okay,” I told her.

“You know, it wasn’t just her you forgot about. You forgot about Tzuyu as well. You forgot about me, though not completely, you forgot about how close we were. You also forgot about her friends. You and Sana were actually pretty close, even though you were jealous of her in the beginning,” she said.

“I was jealous of her?” she only laughed and nodded at me. I didn’t really think of myself as the jealous type. I wanted to ask her more about it, but I decided to save that question for another time and another person.

“I know it’s unfair to blame her for what happened to you. If anything, it’s your own damn fault for being a ty driver,” both of us laughed at her remark before she continued, “I was terrified when I found out you two became friends again. I wanted to do everything I could to keep you two apart, but when I called her that night to come over, I saw it. I saw the smile you had on your face whenever you looked at her. I heard you laugh the way you haven’t in a very long time. I knew then that it was still her, that it’ll always be her,” she stopped and released herself from my embrace, then she took both my hands in hers. “Whatever you wanna do now, I’ll support you. You wanna chase after her, go ahead. Just promise me you won’t push yourself over the edge trying to remember the person you once were... and for God’s sake, don’t ever drive again.” We shared a laugh again and we both went to sleep shortly after. This has certainly been the longest and most stressful night of my life. I think I’m only saying that because I have no recollection of the time I nearly died. Regardless, this night was just a ing rollercoaster of emotions. I don’t know where I’ll go from here, but I have all the time in the world to think it over.

“Tomorrow everything changes.”