Relationships are complicated regardless of their nature. Whether it’s romantic or platonic is irrelevant. Having to be there for each other, learning to deal with each other’s expectations, knowing when to lie and when not to, these are only some of things we need to take into account when managing our relationships. In my case however, it can be utter hell in certain situations.

When Tzuyu caught me hanging out with Mina in the cafe we frequent, things got awkward quick. She approached us and insisted on joining us for the remainder of her break. Not only that but she also got a bit… greedy with me. She saw that my hand rested on the table and thought it would be a good idea to slide hers underneath and intertwine our fingers, making sure that Mina saw. Under different circumstances I would’ve found this sweet, heartwarming even, but she was clearly just marking her territory. Mina looked away, probably finding all of the affection a little uncomfortable. I tried to save the moment by resuming the story I was telling her earlier about my trip to Disneyland. I told her how much fun I had, especially in the Pirates of the Caribbean and Lion King exhibits. She laughed and told me that I probably enjoyed it because I looked a lot like Simba, like a cute little cub. I felt my cheeks heat up at her comment and I tried to hide my blush by laughing, Mina chuckled a bit as well. In the middle of all that, Tzuyu kept to her phone and ignored the two of us, but her grip noticeably tightened when Mina and I started laughing. I also noticed her glaring at her, so I responded by stepping on her foot. There wasn’t much force in it to inflict pain, but it was enough to get her to focus her attention on me as I signaled her to stop.

We ate in silence when our orders came. Mina and I ordered pastas while Tzuyu only ordered coffee since she had to leave sooner than we do. I didn’t realize that my girlfriend ordering only coffee meant she wouldn’t let go of my hand. I was really glad I ordered pasta. I don’t think I would’ve been able to eat one-handed if it were any other meal. Tzuyu checked the time and told us that she had to leave. She finally let go of hand but then she also asked for a kiss. I rolled my eyes at her request and smiled as I leaned in to give her a peck on the lips. That clearly didn’t suffice because the second I pulled away, I was immediately pulled back in for a longer, deeper kiss. One that was eager, too eager, I couldn’t keep up with her even though I tried. She really caught me off guard when she started using her tongue, I always thought she hated this type of public display. It went on a bit longer than I expected it to and my mind was in a haze by the time she pulled away. “Later, baby.” she whispered and then playfully bit my ear. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t turn me. It has been a while since we had . I suddenly couldn’t wait for her classes to end. The sight of a blushing Mina snapped me out of my dirty thoughts. She had her eyes on her phone but I could clearly see that her cheeks blushed a deep shade of red, embarrassed of what she just witnessed. I muttered a quick apology and we went back to eating and talking about mundane stuff.

~

I seriously hoped to get some that night, instead I got another lecture from my girlfriend who’s somehow ever more furious than before. I guess I kind of forgot that we didn’t actually settle the whole Mina thing. I assumed we were fine and she accepted our friendship, I was wrong. It seemed like all we ever did is fight, which was sad seeing as we would be celebrating our ninth month as a couple in a few days. It was sad to think that this is what our relationship had led to, fighting over a girl. I figured she’d be happy that I made a new friend seeing as I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, then again if Mina hadn’t stalked me for nearly a year, we probably wouldn’t be in this situation. I told Tzuyu that I needed a break from her, that I needed space, that it was all getting too much for me to handle. It was a statement that she thought was basically a breakup and responded by kicking me out of her place. I sighed as I faced the door that she slammed on my face. I looked up in the night sky like I always do whenever I feel like . I do it to remind how big the world is, how small I really am and how much smaller my problems are. Small comfort, but enough to distract me from the tears that fell down my face.

~

I spent most of my time with Jeongyeon as of late. I haven’t seen either of the two in a while and my days have been rather quiet, or at least as quiet as it could be when you have Jeongyeon for a roommate. She wasn’t always around though. Sometimes she’d go out with Nayeon and I’d be left alone. I usually just play video games or watch movies whenever that happened but tonight was different. Tonight, I wanted to go out too, so you can only imagine how horrified Jeonyeon and Nayeon looked when I asked if I could go out drinking with them. They were initially hesitant, especially Jeongyeon, but I assured her that she didn’t have to worry about me, that I would drink responsibly and she ultimately agreed.

It was hell when we got there. I had no idea clubs could be so hot, like really hot. Jesus, I’ve been sweating like a pig since we came and it smelled like ! I’m guessing this was what Jeongyeon was worried about, that I’d hate the place and not the drinking. I only drank a couple of beers before I informed the couple that I’d be leaving. It’s was still early, way too early to be leaving a club. I thought about taking a cab back to the dorm but then I realized that I could just walk it, so I did and hoped to clear my head as well. On my there, I happened to stumble upon a familiar building. I haven’t been there in a while so I thought I’d stop by. I went up and knocked on her door, hoping that she’d be home. Luckily for me, she was.

“Chaeyoung?” She looked surprised to me but also happy.

“Hey, Mina...” I was happy to see her too. I never intended to ignore her. she wasn’t the one I needed space from. I just needed to be alone for a while. “Got anything to drink?”

~

Mina had an ungodly amount of alcohol in her place and most of it was hard liquor. This place would be heaven if I were an alcoholic. We settled for a bottle of wine because after the night I just had, I wanted something more on the fancy side. We decided to catch up on everything. I told her what happened with me and Tzuyu and how I’ve been practically a potato ever since. She told me about the awkward dinner date that she had with her friends the night before. Momo and Jihyo brought their boyfriends, Sana brought her girlfriend Dahyun, and Mina got set up with some guy. “I take it he wasn’t your type?” I asked.

“No. He was fine, more than fine. I just... I kinda have my eyes on someone at the moment,” she replied. I felt a bit weird hearing that from her. For some reason I found it great that guy wasn’t going to hang around and I also got a bit jealous when she said she had her eyes on someone.

“Oooh. Do tell.” I was insanely curious who this person was.

“Some other day, cub.” She said as poured us some more wine.

“Cub?” I asked

“What? It’s cute. You’re cute.” I knew where she got the idea of giving me that nickname. I just didn’t expect her to use it... or call me cute. I felt my cheeks heat up again. She always seems to make me blush so effortlessly. Jesus, Mina, what are you doing to me?

“Okay, penguin.” I said, acting as if I were totally unaffected by her words.

“Penguin?” she asked, confused but also seemed a bit amused. The alcohol must be getting to her.

“Because you walk like one and even dress like one. Seriously, what the hell is this outfit you’re wearing?” She was dressed rather formally. It was the bowtie that made me think of a penguin. As for her walk, sometimes she really does look like she’s waddling. Her legs are usually so far apart whenever she walked. It wasn’t anything bad though. I actually thought it was really cute. She’s really cute, and it wasn’t just the alcohol talking.

“Well, if you must know, I helped out a friend by being his magic assistant,” she said and made me laugh in disbelief.

“What?!” I shouted. It was the only reaction that I could make out.

“What? It’s true!” she exclaimed.

“Why did he ask you? Are you even qualified for that?” I’m well aware that the job is a difficult one and the tasks can be downright daunting at times.

“Of course, I’m qualified.” she confidently stated.

“How?”

“Well, I’m pretty...” she said as she leaned in close, her lips nearly on my ear, “and not to mention, insanely flexible.” she whispered rather sensually. She leaned back and gave me a smirk followed by a wink. , is she flirting with me? Where the hell did that come from? I quickly downed the rest of my drink not knowing how to react to what she just said and all she did was laugh at how red my face got. We found ourselves staring at each other when the laughter died down. Though she leaned back earlier, her face was still pretty close to mine. I took my time examining her features. I never noticed moles on her face until now, the most prominent ones being the one her nose, the ones that were near her lips, and the one just above her chin. I read a book once that said everything’s uglier up close. Well, not Mina. Our eyes met and I felt myself grow weak under her gaze. It wasn’t that I found her intimidating or anything, but because she always looked at me so sweetly, so lovingly.

“Please don’t look at me like that.” I said as I looked away.

“Like what?” she asked

“Like you’re in love with me.” I answered

“Would it be such a bad thing if I were?” It was weird seeing her like that, all bold and . I always end up speechless.

“I... don’t know.” Was the only answer I could come up with. “I think I should go. It’s getting pretty late.”

“Oh. Okay.” she looked disappointed by my sudden announcement, but I knew I had to leave before I ended up doing something I might regret later on.

“Thanks by the way... for a lovely evening.” I said after I stood up. She simply smiled and waved goodbye. I did the same and made my way out of her apartment.

~

I wandered around aimlessly for about half an hour. I felt the need to clear my head after everything that happened. The night I had was just a whirlwind of emotions and it’s all because of her. She managed to make me feel happy, confused, jealous— and God, did she with that remark about being flexible. She was straight up flirting with me and it worked, ‘cause that was ing hot. Then there was the last thing she said.

Would it be such a bad thing if I were?

“Yes, Mina. It’s a really bad thing because you’re making it harder for me to push aside whatever feelings I have for you!” I shouted in the streets, earning worried looks from passing civilians. If that was her ed up way of confessing her feelings for me then... ugh! I couldn’t get her out of my head, so I went to the one person that could.

~

I knocked hard on her door. I knew she was still awake since she always slept around midnight. She answered the door and I didn’t give her a chance to react and crashed my lips onto hers. I don’t think I’ve ever kissed her like this before, with such hunger, such need. She responded with the same amount of enthusiasm and took it a step further by carrying me to her room without ever breaking our lip lock. The night was wonderful and we were definitely breathless by the end, but I was wrong. Turns out she couldn’t get Mina out of my head, because all I could think about was her and what it would be like to have her under me, my name.

What the is wrong with me?